Catch All Anything Thread

[Stocking]

shared in the nba thread but worthy twice.

 

[Texsox]

The Carnival cruise ship Splendor was recently stranded off

the coast of Ensenada, Mexico, with nearly 4500 people

on board after it lost power following an engine-room fire.

With no electricity, the cruisers were forced to eat

Spam and Pop Tarts air-dropped by the Navy.

 

In other news, last week saw the 35th anniversary of the

wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, a massive ore freighter

that met its match against a sudden storm on Lake Superior,

and was later immortalized by folk singer Gordon Lightfoot.

 

And now, today's special presentation,

to be sung to the tune of Lightfoot's

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald."

 

The original is here, in case you need memory-jogging:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvKGz4s3kuU

 

 

 

The Cruise of the Carnival Splendor

 

 

The legend lives on from Tijuana on down,

of the cruise ship, the Carnival Splendor.

The passengers and crew, and a hooker or two,

had big plans for a 7-day bender.

 

The ship was a jewel, with tennis courts and pool,

and appointments that couldn't be finer.

Little did they know, in just a day or so,

they'd be living like Chilean miners.

 

An engine-room hand liked the Marlboro brand,

and tossed one away with a snicker.

The passengers' fate sailed into dire straits,

when the oily floor started to flicker.

 

The engine, indeed, caught on fire at sea,

and nary a crewman could mend her.

And thus did begin, the start of the end

of the cruise of the Carnival Splendor.

 

It was all doom and gloom, in the engine room

as the fire raged on for an hour.

And when it was done, the engineer was glum,

Saying, "Cap'n, she cannae get power!"

 

A charted course of fun, sailing 'round in the sun,

but the sea likes to follow hew own plan.

And now the crew feared, with no power to steer,

they were adrift, just like Lindsay Lohan.

 

The rich on a cruise count on hot tubs and booze,

and service from stewards and porters.

Superior they feel, until fate takes the wheel

and the hired help stops taking orders.

 

The wine in the glass surely tasted like ass,

as some folks heaved their guts o'er the railing.

And everyone knew, as the captain did, too,

Don't eat seafood -- the coolers were failing!

 

With power now dead, 'frigeration went bad,

food spoiled -- now everything's fubar.

When supper time came, the cook tried renaming

his entrees, appending them "_________ Tartare."

 

Cruise Director McCoy was the lone source of joy

as she planned fun and games without power,

But as Isaac poured drinks, he said, "This really stinks.

My coladas have all turned to sours!"

 

During the 9 p.m. show the generator did blow,

The crew blamed it on pirates and smugglers.

And all that remains are the tuxes and plates

of a troupe of Bolivian jugglers.

 

The captain wired in he had poo coming in,

and the good ship's brave crew were a-thinkin'.

For the toilets stopped working, and sewerage was lurking,

and the Splendor would soon be a-stinkin'.

 

"The plumbing's shut off," Captain said with a cough

as the ship halted near Ensenada.

The bathrooms below smelled like someone had croaked

after eating a bad enchilada.

 

With a load of raw dung, 26,000 foul tons,

and not one toilet on board fit for flushin',

Fear o'rtook the crew, and each last man knew,

that before long, the Splendor'd be gushin'.

 

Vacation plans wrecked, not quite what you expect

when a fun cruise to Mexico beckons.

The kids gone berserk and the crapper don't work

-- Montezuma's Revenge, back for seconds.

 

The beer was all gone, and the liquor was, too,

and the wine had been drunk with abandon;

The passengers said, "Hey, the Captain looks red,

could it be there's more booze in his cabin?"

 

The buffet, it seemed, no longer gleamed,

with its usual glutinous glory.

When the mimosas ran dry, Cap'n said with a sigh,

"That's the end of the good Splendor's story."

 

The rations were meager and the ship's crew was eager

to dig up some extra nutrition.

But a line had been crossed when a salad was tossed,

and the purser said, "Here comes my Slim Jim!"

 

The engines on board could not be restored

by even the crew's top mechanic.

But through battery power, they held movie hour:

the last 60 minutes of "Titanic."

 

With kiddies out playing, their parents were laying

in the darkness that enveloped the cabins.

So come next August near, their new babes I do fear,

will all bear names like "Doc" or "Stubing."

 

When morning rolled 'round, the chef came on down,

saying, "Sorry, there's nothing for cooking."

Then the Navy swooped in with a thunderous din,

dropping Pop-Tarts and Spam. Are you kidding?!?

 

A fat guy named Fred choked to death on some bread

that was dropped to the ship by the Navy.

While a couple of dorks wielding ladles and forks

killed a guy for a bowlful of gravy.

 

Without slots or bingo, the geezers, by Jingo,

did barely arise from their slumber.

The problem emerging was the crew's dead-weight purging

had tossed them o'erboard like lumber.

 

The casino was dead, so they all went to bed

and the women began to get surly.

They had nothing to do but stay inside and screw,

but the males in their cabins came early.

 

A gambler supposed the casino'd be closed,

in a voice filled with tearful vibrato.

The chef broke his hip in the dark when he slipped

in a puddle of melted gelato.

 

24-hour news kept updates on the crew,

and the one girl who cried for her mama.

Then, shaking with fear, Glenn Beck shed a few tears,

"This is your fault, President Obama!"

 

They'd get through the week on Pop-Tarts and Spam treats,

while awaiting reunions with families.

Not one life was lost, but how great the cost

to the CEO back in Miami.

 

The excuse from Carnival, was loaded with bull,

and the passengers proved to be skeptical,

"There's a price to be had, and it's gonna be bad;

Captain, please bid adieu to your testicles."

 

With the sun shining bright, they could bask in God's light,

as the tugboats towed Splendor to Cali.

But don't go below deck, and if you do, watch your step,

'cause there's poo on the floor in the galley.

 

Now all that remains are the faces and the names

of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

The galley is crammed with cases of Spam,

and the Pop Tarts that float in the water.

 

Carnival would need luck as it tried with some pluck

to assuage an irate on-board cruise mob,

But the smudge on its name wasn't nearly the same

as from those ads starring Kathie Lee Nut-Job.

 

For the loss of their fun, they got full refunds

and a promise of future free tickets.

But they'd had enough and they said in a huff

exactly where Carnival could stick it.

 

In Mexico, they joke at the gringos who smoke,

too much pot, then hit on senoritas.

But in hushed tones they speak of the suffering that week,

cold spam tacos and hot margaritas.

 

The legend lives on from Tijuana on down,

of the cruise ship, the Carnival Splendor.

The Pacific, it's wrote, when it doesn't like a boat,

sends it back, marked "Return to Sender."

 

 

 

[ Copyright 2010 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

 

Join today! http://www.topfive.com/html/clubsubs.html

[lostfan]

I just noticed Chase was charging me an "inactivity fee" for the checking account that I don't use anymore. I never noticed they changed the rules over the years so I moved all of it to my savings account and I'm about to close it, but really, that is so dumb, and it's a cheap and desperate way to earn money. It doesn't cost anything for them to hold my money, really, they make money just by me letting them have my money (it's effectively a loan). That's okay though because I have a couple of other places that I can keep that money where they aren't so desperate.

[shipps]

I just noticed Chase was charging me an "inactivity fee" for the checking account that I don't use anymore. I never noticed they changed the rules over the years so I moved all of it to my savings account and I'm about to close it, but really, that is so dumb, and it's a cheap and desperate way to earn money. It doesn't cost anything for them to hold my money, really, they make money just by me letting them have my money (it's effectively a loan). That's okay though because I have a couple of other places that I can keep that money where they aren't so desperate.

 

I dislike Chase.

 

I have my savings there but my wife and I checking account is with Bank of America. Now those guys I love. There ATM's are more advanced IMO and way more freindly staff. Plus we opened a "keep the change" savings account there. Every time we use our debit, if there is any change left over til the next dollar it goes directly into the savings account and they match it for the first three months. And then they match 5% after that. But its money we dont miss and it accumulates really quickly.

[dasox24]

The Carnival cruise ship Splendor was recently stranded off

the coast of Ensenada, Mexico, with nearly 4500 people

on board after it lost power following an engine-room fire.

With no electricity, the cruisers were forced to eat

Spam and Pop Tarts air-dropped by the Navy.

 

And now, today's special presentation,

to be sung to the tune of Lightfoot's

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald."

 

[ Copyright 2010 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

At first I thought you had written that, Tex, and was about to be really impressed.... regardless, job well done by the guy who did write it. Pretty funny.

[Texsox]

At first I thought you had written that, Tex, and was about to be really impressed.... regardless, job well done by the guy who did write it. Pretty funny.

 

It was a team effort, again without me. That listserv sometimes hit some homeruns with their stuff.

[Texsox]

I dislike Chase.

 

A couple banks down here are starting to add a min deposit on their checking accounts or they charge a fee. My gf was really pissed last month, she has $$,$$$ in a s***ty savings account they pay almost nothing on yet they still charged her a fee on her checking which she keeps almost nothing in. She also has a CD with them. It will all go bye bye as soon as she gets a chance.

[StrangeSox]

I just noticed Chase was charging me an "inactivity fee" for the checking account that I don't use anymore. I never noticed they changed the rules over the years so I moved all of it to my savings account and I'm about to close it, but really, that is so dumb, and it's a cheap and desperate way to earn money. It doesn't cost anything for them to hold my money, really, they make money just by me letting them have my money (it's effectively a loan). That's okay though because I have a couple of other places that I can keep that money where they aren't so desperate.

 

Chase is one of the worst banks wrt fees and bank charge bulls***.

[Balta1701]

I dislike Chase.

 

I have my savings there but my wife and I checking account is with Bank of America. Now those guys I love. There ATM's are more advanced IMO and way more freindly staff. Plus we opened a "keep the change" savings account there. Every time we use our debit, if there is any change left over til the next dollar it goes directly into the savings account and they match it for the first three months. And then they match 5% after that. But its money we dont miss and it accumulates really quickly.

I F***ing hate BofA's ATM's.

[bigruss]

Anything>>>>>>>>>>>>TCF

[Balta1701]

Anything>>>>>>>>>>>>TCF

As soon as I have a more permanent position, I'm switching everything to either a community/local bank or to a local credit union. BofA has a nice online banking system, but that's about the only positive thing I can say for them. Their customer service has been a mess every time I've needed to deal with it. Those ATM's love eating my checks/cash without counting them. Their interest rates are through the floor, and they'll tack on a fee/fine for everything they can.

[Soxy]

So, I stupidly volunteered to puppy sit for a colleague while she went home for Turkey day. It has been a nightmare. She failed to mention until I literally was walking out the door with the dog that it wasn't housebroken. I have spent the whole weekend cleaning up dog pee and poo (except that has been a race because the stupid thing tries to eat it asap which grosses me out). I would drop it off at the boarders--but it hasn't had its bordatella shots so they wouldn't take it.

 

Additionally it has been terrorizing my poor dogs. The big dumb one has been hiding on my bed the whole time and looking all sadly at me. And, I didn't realize until it had happened multiple times, but the puppy kept peeing on that dogs' bed. So, it looks like I will be buying her a new bed (it was almost time anyway) and shampooing my carpets over my Christmas vacation.

 

Ugh. So much for my lovely nice long weekend.

 

[BigSqwert]

Charge your friend for the carpet shampooing. That's a bunch of b.s.

[NorthSideSox72]

So, I stupidly volunteered to puppy sit for a colleague while she went home for Turkey day. It has been a nightmare. She failed to mention until I literally was walking out the door with the dog that it wasn't housebroken. I have spent the whole weekend cleaning up dog pee and poo (except that has been a race because the stupid thing tries to eat it asap which grosses me out). I would drop it off at the boarders--but it hasn't had its bordatella shots so they wouldn't take it.

 

Additionally it has been terrorizing my poor dogs. The big dumb one has been hiding on my bed the whole time and looking all sadly at me. And, I didn't realize until it had happened multiple times, but the puppy kept peeing on that dogs' bed. So, it looks like I will be buying her a new bed (it was almost time anyway) and shampooing my carpets over my Christmas vacation.

 

Ugh. So much for my lovely nice long weekend.

That's where I'd collect the poop in some tupperware, bring it to the dog's house when your "colleague returns, dump it on the carpet, and fail to mention it until you are walking out the door again.

 

Seriously, that is beyond s***ty.

 

[Soxy]

I think part of the problem is that she is a first time dog owner and got a massively expensive pug puppy (which, frankly, pisses me off as the owner of two rescues). She did basically no research into the breed (and if she had she would find that they are impossible to train, difficult to housebreak and a walking health problem). And, judging from the dogs behavior, she does no training with it.

 

Ugh. I feel so dumb for saying I would do this. But I think, generally, when you ask someone a favor like this it is implicit that the dog is housebroken and knows basic manners. I am not saying my dogs are perfect--but they are housebroken and understand house rules.

 

I just feel so bad for my poor monster dogs. The big dumb lab mix is absolutely traumatized.

 

I am just hoping that the reason the dog is eating its business ISN'T because it has worms. Because if it gives my girls worms I am going to have someone's head.

[iamshack]

I think part of the problem is that she is a first time dog owner and got a massively expensive pug puppy (which, frankly, pisses me off as the owner of two rescues). She did basically no research into the breed (and if she had she would find that they are impossible to train, difficult to housebreak and a walking health problem). And, judging from the dogs behavior, she does no training with it.

 

Ugh. I feel so dumb for saying I would do this. But I think, generally, when you ask someone a favor like this it is implicit that the dog is housebroken and knows basic manners. I am not saying my dogs are perfect--but they are housebroken and understand house rules.

 

I just feel so bad for my poor monster dogs. The big dumb lab mix is absolutely traumatized.

 

I am just hoping that the reason the dog is eating its business ISN'T because it has worms. Because if it gives my girls worms I am going to have someone's head.

Well do you see worms in the poop?

[Soxy]

Well do you see worms in the poop?

 

No, but I haven't looked too closely either. My main thought is just that this damn dog has been the worst of everything--so why not expand the run to worms.

[iamshack]

No, but I haven't looked too closely either. My main thought is just that this damn dog has been the worst of everything--so why not expand the run to worms.

Well you'd probably have seen them if you've been picking up poop all weekend...so hopefully there are not.

[Brian]

So, I stupidly volunteered to puppy sit for a colleague while she went home for Turkey day. It has been a nightmare. She failed to mention until I literally was walking out the door with the dog that it wasn't housebroken. I have spent the whole weekend cleaning up dog pee and poo (except that has been a race because the stupid thing tries to eat it asap which grosses me out). I would drop it off at the boarders--but it hasn't had its bordatella shots so they wouldn't take it.

 

Additionally it has been terrorizing my poor dogs. The big dumb one has been hiding on my bed the whole time and looking all sadly at me. And, I didn't realize until it had happened multiple times, but the puppy kept peeing on that dogs' bed. So, it looks like I will be buying her a new bed (it was almost time anyway) and shampooing my carpets over my Christmas vacation.

 

Ugh. So much for my lovely nice long weekend.

 

When I first got my puppy in July he did this. After awhile, he got tired of me pushing him away and doesn't do it anymore. But when I talk him for walks, he goes after other dog crap that other owners don't pick up. Wish he would grow out of that.

[iamshack]

Why does my dog try to eat his poop?

[Chisoxfn]

That is incredibly messed up. What kind of dog is it Soxy? Bulldog?

[Rowand44]

So my Saturday night consisted of going out to eat at the Olive Garden, going to see a movie and buying myself a 6 pack of good beer to go home and drink. I think this officially makes me old.

[knightni]

That is incredibly messed up. What kind of dog is it Soxy? Bulldog?

It's a pug.

[Texsox]

Why does my dog try to eat his poop?

 

Stopping a dog from eating feces is usually easy, first make it taste bad.

[iamshack]

Stopping a dog from eating feces is usually easy, first make it taste bad.

Right, because it's not bad enough already?