Relationship Advice Thread

[The Beast]

Here's a question for everyone in the thread - how did your first love break up with you?

 

In my senior year, whilst on college visits, she decided it would be a great idea to break up with me, saying "I need space, I want to see my friends more, [i'm a hormonal woman]..." So my 19-year-old mind was devastated and convinced her that her and I should stay together. I successfully convinced her that we should stay together and that it would be good for us to stay together in college since we were going to school in the same area. (Dumbest idea ever and me today would want nothing more than to just beat the living s*** out me then.) I couldn't really pick out an area of study or the college for me because I was hung up on the relationship, my accounting class and being an editor for the sports section of the high school newspaper.

 

If I went to COD state for a year, then I could have worked on the newspaper there at a cheaper cost, worked on math and went to NIU for a degree in journalism-PR and minored in business. Whatever, you don't need to have a degree in communications/journalism/English to work in PR. How hard is it to write a press release?

 

The second time, my ex and I had been going back and forth between Champaign and Charles(waste)to(w)n to see each other. I came back from break in which she hinted at meeting some other schmuck at the U of I and she decided it would be a great idea to be a p**** and hide behind her computer screen to break up with me after all of that time. What is even more retarded is that she did so right before her birthday and Christmas. So I was out $150 after buying her a massage in Urbana and some other s*** for Christmas.

[Kyyle23]

The first time me and my first love broke up, she broke up with me on the phone. And was dating my very good friend, within about 10 minutes give or take.

 

 

The second(and final) time we broke up, I broke up with her. In bed.

[flippedoutpunk]

Here's a question for everyone in the thread - how did your first love break up with you?

 

My first "love" was my ex ex gf. She was with me about 2 years and one of those years was spent with me being deployed to iraq.. she handled it very well, i mean as well as someone possibly could. when we finally established personal internet for ourselves out there, i caught her posting some, lets just say, not very modest pictures of herself all over her myspace and talking to other dudes in a rather crazy fashion (im not the overprotective type so im not going overboard trust me), so I question her on whats going on and it seemed like she was surprised that id actually have internet access. and she either tried changing the subject, or accusing me of things (whlie i was in iraq with a bunch of dudes), and asked me for my facebook/myspace passwords so she could check my inbox, so i obliged. She had nothing.. so we kept fighting n breaking up then getting back together, rinse and repeat, until i came back to the states for good. She was also looking after my 2k dollar Yorkie while i was deployed as well. and the last straw came when she came out and told me that the dog died cause she let him out and didnt check on him and next thing u know he gets run over in the street in front of the house.. but thing is she told me a MONTH after it actually had happened.. so that relationship pretty much went out in a blaze of spectacular fury to say the very least...

[FlaSoxxJim]

It doesn't sound weird at all. I think over time the grudges fall to the wayside and the important moments you shared are what you remember most. You were in a long relationship with this person for a reason...regardless of how bad it ended, there were more highs than lows. Nice story Jim. So who contacted who first a few years ago?

 

She contacted me, and I was touched by the effort and by her willingness to mend fences after a long time and get on with the business of being friends.

 

I agree it's not supposed to be weird, and for all the reasons you suggest. But, I think external society forces former couples into holding onto grudges even when the positives far outweigh the negatives in ended relationships. She broke up with you (or vice versa), so that's supposed to trump any and all of the positives about a person who you once valued enough to commit a large chunk of your life to. Stupid mindset, but I think it's the majority viewpoint.

[SoxAce]

I'll just make mine short/brief.. My senior year in high school... We were in love... had plans to go to college together, possibly move in together and what not.. she got drunk at a party.. cheated on me (with her ex at that), I found out, cheated back (drunk also) told her the next day, she b****ed me out, didn't say nothing till a month later busting her out for cheating on me first, now 5 years later... great/funny story to still tell to friends, or good advice to give to the younger kids.

Oh forgot to add that 2 years after the break up, we hooked up at my good friend's b-day party, then afterward (liquor in us) starting yelling at each other..

[scenario]

Here's a question for everyone in the thread - how did your first love break up with you?

 

I dated a girl for almost 2 years in high school. Then I went away to college. She wrote me a letter about 2 months later to tell me she was pregnant... and that it wasn't mine.

 

Sort of a sh***y way to end a relationship, but effective.

Edited February 20, 2010 by scenario

[G&T]

I dated a girl for almost 2 years in high school. Then I went away to college. She wrote me a letter about 2 months later to tell me she was pregnant... and that it wasn't mine.

 

Sort of a sh***y way to end a relationship, but effective.

 

At least she was honest.

[The Beast]

Pick up attempt 1 - "Hi, I'm Ross. Tell me, what is the worst pickup line you've heard tonight...mine? Excellent. No seriously, what is it?" Lead to an uninteresting conversation about how this girl hates her landlord.

 

Dance attempt 1 - Went up and danced with three girls, awaiting the other two of my friends. Didn't go so well.

 

The verdict: I hate hip-hop culture. (I never want to be called homie or "brutha" again. And I hate the phrase "Oh s***, son.") And that it's probably better to just meet women in class or in clubs. I hate bars with a fiery passion.

 

EDIT: Though, tonight was a confidence booster. I took more initiative than my other two friends that were there. It was nice to remember that I have some game and that I dance ridiculously. That is, I do random s*** as opposed to just grinding against some girl's ass for 1+ hours.

Edited February 21, 2010 by The Beast

[RockRaines]

Here's a question for everyone in the thread - how did your first love break up with you?

 

So many different ways and times its hard to collect them all. There was a time when she told me she was with a woman and liked it. That was one out of left field.

[Reddy]

Pick up attempt 1 - "Hi, I'm Ross. Tell me, what is the worst pickup line you've heard tonight...mine? Excellent. No seriously, what is it?" Lead to an uninteresting conversation about how this girl hates her landlord.

 

Dance attempt 1 - Went up and danced with three girls, awaiting the other two of my friends. Didn't go so well.

 

The verdict: I hate hip-hop culture. (I never want to be called homie or "brutha" again. And I hate the phrase "Oh s***, son.") And that it's probably better to just meet women in class or in clubs. I hate bars with a fiery passion.

 

EDIT: Though, tonight was a confidence booster. I took more initiative than my other two friends that were there. It was nice to remember that I have some game and that I dance ridiculously. That is, I do random s*** as opposed to just grinding against some girl's ass for 1+ hours.

 

 

i'm picturing Night at the Roxbury. So much.

[Reddy]

Here's a question for everyone in the thread - how did your first love break up with you?

 

week before my 21st birthday. yup. that night went swimmingly, I can tell you that.

[knightni]

i'm picturing Night at the Roxbury. So much.

ME TOO!

[The Beast]

And so I wonder what nights of watching movies and just chilling out with a woman feels like. Seriously, that was more fun than trying and failing.

[Texsox]

And so I wonder what nights of watching movies and just chilling out with a woman feels like. Seriously, that was more fun than trying and failing.

 

Just like chillin' with a guy . . .

[SleepyWhiteSox]

Just like chillin' with a guy . . .

 

ayo?

[MHizzle85]

And so I wonder what nights of watching movies and just chilling out with a woman feels like. Seriously, that was more fun than trying and failing.

Depends on if the girl is a friend or more than a friend I suppose.

[iamshack]

Question:

 

My girlfriend's car doesn't start today in the parking lot of the grocery store. Previously I had sent her a text saying "How did it go today at the salon? (she is a hair dresser) I want to rent Couple's Retreat. I have some shrimp in the freezer I could bring over, and I have your sunglasses case I need to bring over to you. (I bought it for her) Do you want me to rent the movie and we'll make a night of it?"

 

Like an hour later she texts me back saying "Sorry. My truck isn't starting. I don't have time for a movie."

 

I was like wtf is this? Like I knew she was stranded in the parking lot and still sent her this text to make her day worse or something. But I figured, hey, she's stranded with her kids and frustrated, I won't be a jerk.

 

So I text back and write "Ok. May I do anything to help?"

 

She writes back "No thank you. Lissa is on her way to pick us up now."

 

Again, I am like wtf? She's like rubbing it in that I am not there to pick them up when I wasn't even aware this had happened.

 

At this point, I am thinking, s***, I guess it was my fault that her truck broke down. But no, I will call her, make sure she is alright, etc.

 

So I call, and ask if she is alright, and she says yes. So I say "What is with the attitude? I didn't know your truck was broken down. Is there anything I can do to help? I wouldn't have asked you if you wanted to watch a movie if I knew you were currently stranded in the parking lot."

 

She was all frustrated, crabby, and crying, and basically said she didn't want to talk to me then and would call me back when she had settled down.

 

So my question is, how does one handle this? I don't feel like I did anything wrong, but I feel that because I am always so nice and helpful to her that she tries to dump s*** on me when she is upset. I don't feel like it is a good idea to allow her to think she can do that.

 

What should my next move be? Should I just let it go? Or should I ignore her calls and texts for a bit, just to show my displeasure?

 

This relationship is a few months old, and we were friends before that for about 5 months. I am just trying to set the ground rules here at a reasonable level, so I don't have to deal with a ton of bs and nonsense down the road...

[knightni]

Perhaps she is projecting her experiences with previous men onto you, expecting that you'll act the same as they did. That's why she called her gf (who was with her through other men) when she was in trouble.

 

She could have trust issues.

[iamshack]

Perhaps she is projecting her experiences with previous men onto you, expecting that you'll act the same as they did. That's why she called her gf (who was with her through other men) when she was in trouble.

 

She could have trust issues.

I think she called her girlfriend simply because I live on the opposite side of town while her girlfriend lives very close to where she was at the time.

 

Should have probably stated that.

[knightni]

It shouldn't matter. It sounds like she could have the "single lady doin' it for herself" mentality going.

 

If you were married to her, she would have probably called you first.

[iamshack]

It shouldn't matter. It sounds like she could have the "single lady doin' it for herself" mentality going.

 

If you were married to her, she would have probably called you first.

Ok, perhaps.

 

I guess I didn't ask for people to psychoanalyze my girlfriend though.

 

I would prefer advice on what I should do now.

[knightni]

Ok, perhaps.

 

I guess I didn't ask for people to psychoanalyze my girlfriend though.

 

I would prefer advice on what I should do now.

Wait until she cools down, go visit with something nice and/or relaxing that she likes (chocolate maybe) and bring up the subject of how you would like her to feel free to call you first in case of emergency. Tell her that you care about her and her kids and their well-being and that you were surprised when she hadn't called you when she got in trouble.

 

 

[southsider2k5]

Ok, perhaps.

 

I guess I didn't ask for people to psychoanalyze my girlfriend though.

 

I would prefer advice on what I should do now.

 

Well to be fair, her issues are pretty important to how you should react to a specific situation. It can change the answers given, that is for sure.

[iamshack]

Wait until she cools down, go visit with something nice and/or relaxing that she likes (chocolate maybe) and bring up the subject of how you would like her to feel free to call you first in case of emergency. Tell her that you care about her and her kids and their well-being and that you were surprised when she hadn't called you when she got in trouble.

Jer,

I really appreciate the advice here, but I am not concerned at all that she called her friend instead of me.

 

What I am concerned about is that she took her frustration out on me when I did absolutely nothing to deserve it (I can hear the jokes already). Am I supposed to just allow her to do that?

 

 

[knightni]

Jer,

I really appreciate the advice here, but I am not concerned at all that she called her friend instead of me.

 

What I am concerned about is that she took her frustration out on me when I did absolutely nothing to deserve it (I can hear the jokes already). Am I supposed to just allow her to do that?

Women are emotional. You just rolled the dice at the wrong time when you called. The kids, the truck, and the day's stress was getting to her and you happened to be the one she chose to vent it on.

 

 

Buy her something nice, and let the issue go. If the attitude later becomes a trend, then talk about it.