Relationship Advice Thread

[southsider2k5]

until he eats the last of the peanut butter and puts the empty jar back in the cabinet

 

I hope that isn't a euphemism for something....

[nitetrain8601]

The goal is to make yourself a better person for yourself, not to win her back over. Blake I'm gonna be honest, to me it looks like you are setting yourself up for a serious heartbreak. Its like you are pushing it off and think it wont happen if A and B and C are followed through. "The one who got away" is the one who left you, and keeps insisting on this quasi-single appearance and attitude. You are better than that. If she wants to go, let her go. Dont feel bad because you messed around with some skank, thats what happens when you first break up with someone.

 

FTW!

[Kyyle23]

Well, Beast? How did it go?

[Rowand44]

Heh, this thread is quite entertaining.

 

There are some messed up people on this site.

[iamshack]

Well, Beast? How did it go?

Maybe he's still trying to figure out if she's a duck or a rabbit...

[knightni]

Come on, you know that boy got in, you can't go wrong with Olive Garden.

[southsider2k5]

Ross, the best advice that can be given at this stage is to let it go. Instead of having expectations, relax and enjoy the time and people. If something comes of that, great. If not, you still have plenty of time. Don't label a situation or try to make it fit into an agenda. It is college. Go out and have some fun.

[Brian]

Whale. Oh well, at least I saw a hot comedian last night. Iliza Shlesinger. I'd hit it.

 

Had to google her. Yowzas. Some nice pics show up of her.

 

[The Beast]

Had to google her. Yowzas. Some nice pics show up of her.

 

I've got good taste. She's going to replace Buehrle as my new computer wallpaper as soon as I get home.

[Kyyle23]

It didn't go. Women are stupid and do not know what the hell they want. I text her to see what time she wanted to go since she had to be on RA duty that night (though she and I still could watch HIMYM together) and she said that "she likes a guy but is scared that he doesn't like him...that she wouldn't be able to give me what I want."

 

In the end, screw it. I might as well just wait to date someone when I'm out of college. Maybe they grow up then and not act like it is high school all over again. And you wonder why people get divorced like they do because they don't know what they want and do stupid s*** when they are young, which continues on and on before they settle down with some schmuck who has money. If that is the way s*** works then what I have to say is the following:

 

 

See you could of stopped there and left out the song and pity party. I completely second what SS2K5 just said. You are just trying to fit this into a set opinion in your mind and it just doesnt happen that way.

[The Critic]

I've got good taste. She's going to replace Buehrle as my new computer wallpaper as soon as I get home.

If we're talking about good-looking comedians, think locally.

Mo Welch:

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e59/welchbelch/mo.jpg

[knightni]

All I can say is: get out there, have fun with the guys, be seen. Some woman will find you and you won't even be expecting it.

 

 

[southsider2k5]

What is the opinion of how to date? If something is meant to happen, it will? When? I'm almost out of college and though I feel less socially retarded, I still have a lot of catching up to do with my peers. Do people really meet others to date on the job or online?

 

Or...what were you getting at?

 

That is kinda my point. Don't try to date. It sounds counterproductive, but it isn't going to happen if you force it to happen. All this is doing is making you bitter.

[SnB]

What is the opinion of how to date? If something is meant to happen, it will? When? I'm almost out of college and though I feel less socially retarded, I still have a lot of catching up to do with my peers. Do people really meet others to date on the job or online?

 

Or...what were you getting at?

almost all of my friends that I still see from college can be traced back to the kids I worked with at the dorm cafeteria my fresh/soph year. It was a group of 5-6 that branched out to where everyone's individual social circle became a part of the group.

 

One of those "branches" is how I met my wife. Become friends with women and your options will open up A TON (ie: they have way more women friends than the guys you hang out with do).

[G&T]

What is the opinion of how to date? If something is meant to happen, it will? When? I'm almost out of college and though I feel less socially retarded, I still have a lot of catching up to do with my peers. Do people really meet others to date on the job or online?

 

Or...what were you getting at?

 

You will meet the right person when you are comfortable and confident with yourself. I know that sounds like vague Oprah s***, but it's not a joke. I couldn't get a date in college with a girl I wanted to be with to save my life. Eventually I stopped caring about what girls thought or what friends thought and did what I wanted and felt was right. The biggest changes were in my appearance, and confidence in my intelligence, and figuring out a direction for my life. That doesn't mean I dressed like everyone else, it meant that I dressed how I felt comfortable. For example, I joined a fraternity which my friends in high school and my family made fun of me for. But I didn't care what they thought anymore. I wanted it. And I became president of the chapter, which gave me confidence. My grades went up when I decided to go into law and focus on it. I was happier.

 

Sure enough, I had the confidence to ask out a girl I was friends with but had a crush on. We are getting married this year.

 

That doesn't mean you have to do what I did by any means. But you have to do what feel comfortable with.

If you just want to date, then date and deal with the ups and downs. But something tells me you'd be better served figuring out your direction in life and focusing on yourself.

[maggsmaggs]

It's really too bad that I had the long-distance relationship because it truly screwed up my first two years of college, where I could have spent that time figuring out where I REALLY wanted to go to school, what I REALLY wanted to study, and who I REALLY wanted to become. I really missed out on a lot, which included my high school senior prom, something that I gave up for her since she wasn't able to go. After spending all of those resources at an institution that I was not fond of, continuing to study what I thought would make me happy and trying to maintain the image that I professionally projected for all of that time, ultimately I felt like a failure. By worrying about everything and never being able to feel at ease, I never met like-minded individuals and just kind of prayed that eventually I would find what I was looking for, which was a variety of people that would genuinely like me for me. I have found that closer to home and at different universities, but I never found that at my original school and now I'm trying to make up for all of the missed opportunities. Some are nice here, others are not so nice. But hey, that's one of my favorite quotes that I'm going to use if I'm ever a high school guidance counselor: "You know what I was taught about the assholes in the world? f*** them. You have to deal with them."

 

The plans that I had were vague and were naive dreams. I am no longer hungry enough to become Corey McPherrin, Dan McNeil or [insert a popular sports writer from the Tribune]. I would LOVE to do some marketing or promotions for 670 the Score or AM-1000, but that's all in my vague plan to graduate from college with a degree in Marketing and go to the Illinois Center for Broadcasting in Lombard to get training and try and get noticed. I'm not really talent, I'm more of a PR guy. The problem with the industry that I was interested in is that I am not willing to spend my 20's or 30's in small towns. It's just not going to happen - I want to be back in the city of Chicago as soon as possible. I realize that it sounds like a Hollywood production, but the city is where I feel happiest. I'd love to wake up in the morning, go run along the lakefront, go to work, make a difference, and who knows, maybe have a woman in my life.

 

Many of you are echoing what the ex said, "Don't plan for anything. Live in the moment." Funny, when I didn't plan and just naively went into things the way I saw fit, I selected the wrong university, I changed schools, changed majors and the uncertainty grew to a point where any time I felt I was making a mistake I felt like failure was closer upon me. TO ME (Not to all of YOU) failure is not finishing college (or something that you've started), having to go work in an undesirable place, not being happy, and not completing your life goals. My goals? Finish the BA, get a job, find out what the f*** I WANT TO DO FOR A LIVING (sports management, PR/Marketing, web design, firefighting, high school guidance counseling, being a cop), keep expanding friend base, find purpose in life, date, date, date until I find someone, and eventually live the american dream with a wife and kids. That's not planned, that's just what I want. I repeat, THAT IS WHAT I WANT.

 

Am I confident? Not really. Ever since college started I haven't felt the way I did in high school, I feel different, scared, behind all of my peers and like I'm not good enough for the world. In regards to your example, I couldn't do all of the things that I wanted to do as a sports journalist. You literally have to kiss so much ass and work for nothing to get to the top, which wouldn't leave me with much time to make a difference (Habitat for Humanity, Student Government) or do things I wanted to do (run the marathon). I ask everyone I know, what are you going into, how do you know that's what you want? I think, well my idea is vague, but let's try working with the White Sox, even if I'm from a no-name school that isn't UIllinois or Northwestern or of the larger public universities of IL. I'm going to take Boyer's words to me to heart, "I don't care where you went to school, what the major was in, if you have a MBA, I just care if you can sell." So we'll see what happens in that respect. Right now, I would really like to finish my degree, work and be independent of my family by getting a car, apartment and living on my own or with roommates. It'd be great to be independent and not depend on anyone while ROCKING THE GAME OF LIFE.

 

Lastly, I think I would be more confident if I had a little bit more to say to people. Though I'm probably overanalyzing a conversation, I generally have a hard time trying to figure out what I want to know about a person, especially when engaging in a conversation at the bar with a group of people. I'm not comfortable with that scene at all. I'm comfortable with a more quiet engagement. I can continue to do the clubs, meet people and do the whole underground scene, though I think it is going to take some more trial and error before I find where I belong. That's probably just what life is, a game of trial and error. And when you don't come up with an error, maybe that is when you are happiest and successful.

 

Have fun with this post. Seriesly.

This will kind of be off the topic of relationships, but good general advice overall. But first of all, it's ridiculous to want to know what you want to do for the rest of your life at 18 when picking school/majors, so don't fret over that. As for a job, you really have to do what you love and not worry about money. If you do something you like, you will work harder at it and be promoted and make a living. For example, with me I have always been worried way too much about money. Up until a month ago, I was dead set on going to U. of I for law school and making $100,000-plus as a 25-year-old. Then I realized (while working at a sports agency at a law firm right now) that no amount of money is worth not doing what you want to do. Law was going to kill my life. I was not going to be able to do the monotonous work of a lawyer and work the crazy hours. So now I am trying to get into sports marketing. You're at a time right now where maybe you should just hold off on worrying about women and just find what you want to do for a career and get a start there. Then you will be in the right mindset to find a girl.

[The Beast]

This will kind of be off the topic of relationships, but good general advice overall. But first of all, it's ridiculous to want to know what you want to do for the rest of your life at 18 when picking school/majors, so don't fret over that. As for a job, you really have to do what you love and not worry about money. If you do something you like, you will work harder at it and be promoted and make a living. For example, with me I have always been worried way too much about money. Up until a month ago, I was dead set on going to U. of I for law school and making $100,000-plus as a 25-year-old. Then I realized (while working at a sports agency at a law firm right now) that no amount of money is worth not doing what you want to do. Law was going to kill my life. I was not going to be able to do the monotonous work of a lawyer and work the crazy hours. So now I am trying to get into sports marketing. You're at a time right now where maybe you should just hold off on worrying about women and just find what you want to do for a career and get a start there. Then you will be in the right mindset to find a girl.

Gentlemen -

 

I wanted to start out by saying that I regret some of the posts that I have made in this thread. Not only are they unprofessional and not developed thoughts but they also are distasteful. You may wonder why I'm saying this, but ultimately, I just had someone come talk to me in regards to what I've said. And I've taken that individual's insight to heart.

 

That being said, most of the steps I have taken up to this point in changing majors, switching schools and stuff have been the right choice. While I will admit to not enjoying the life of being a sports journalist or broadcaster, that doesn't mean that the business side of sports doesn't interest me. I am fascinated by things related to sports management and marketing, which includes some aspects of working with an organization or for working behind the scenes in radio doing whatever they tell me to do at 670 the score or at their competitor in AM-1000. I think I might have a plan as to how to get the ball rolling on this but it will take some effort on my part.

 

Most of all, I do believe working on yourself, expanding your fan base (friendships and network) could be the most valuable thing for me right now. I appreciate all of your insight and will continue to read this thread as well as this board.

 

Now, may I suggest parts of this thread belong in another thread entitled, 'Young sports professionals?'

Edited March 7, 2010 by The Beast

[iamshack]

What exactly are you suggesting, Ross?

 

Would you rather the commentary you regret making be deleted?

[G&T]

It's really too bad that I had the long-distance relationship because it truly screwed up my first two years of college, where I could have spent that time figuring out where I REALLY wanted to go to school, what I REALLY wanted to study, and who I REALLY wanted to become. I really missed out on a lot,

 

First step, leave the past behind. Don't regret that stuff. Just move forward like it never happened. Over analyzing my life would get me depressed.

 

Many of you are echoing what the ex said, "Don't plan for anything. Live in the moment." Funny, when I didn't plan and just naively went into things the way I saw fit, I selected the wrong university, I changed schools, changed majors and the uncertainty grew to a point where any time I felt I was making a mistake I felt like failure was closer upon me. TO ME (Not to all of YOU) failure is not finishing college (or something that you've started), having to go work in an undesirable place, not being happy, and not completing your life goals. My goals? Finish the BA, get a job, find out what the f*** I WANT TO DO FOR A LIVING (sports management, PR/Marketing, web design, firefighting, high school guidance counseling, being a cop), keep expanding friend base, find purpose in life, date, date, date until I find someone, and eventually live the american dream with a wife and kids. That's not planned, that's just what I want. I repeat, THAT IS WHAT I WANT.

 

Me and you are similar, except I didn't have your knowledge about how to be successful. I just took stabs in the dark, which I regret. Of course, had I tried to plan, I probably would have been a basket case.

I have NEVER lived in any moment. I've never been happy when things didn't go my way. Then I went through a stretch where I felt like I couldn't do anything right. Nothing was working. If I tried to "live in the moment" I would regret what I did. Did I put off something important to do something stupid/fun? But part of what I told you above was about making decisions that I can stand by. And yes, this was a conscious decisions to stop making dumb pointless decisions. I wasn't going to put off studying to drink because my friends wanted me to. I put my priorities in order. The beauty is that eventually I trusted myself to make the right decision. I am still extremely confident that I make the right decision almost all of the time, no matter how big or small the decision is.

 

Am I confident? Not really. Ever since college started I haven't felt the way I did in high school, I feel different, scared, behind all of my peers and like I'm not good enough for the world.

 

I was the same way. Of course I was like that in high school too. But this is why you have trouble with women. You are looking for someone with confidence, who has her priorities straight, etc. But the girl you want is looking for the same thing. Instead you aren't confident, you don't have your priorities straight, and guess what? The girl you meet waffles on whether she wants you because she doesn't have confidence. You attract people similar to yourself.

 

Lastly, I think I would be more confident if I had a little bit more to say to people. Though I'm probably overanalyzing a conversation, I generally have a hard time trying to figure out what I want to know about a person, especially when engaging in a conversation at the bar with a group of people. I'm not comfortable with that scene at all. I'm comfortable with a more quiet engagement. I can continue to do the clubs, meet people and do the whole underground scene, though I think it is going to take some more trial and error before I find where I belong. That's probably just what life is, a game of trial and error. And when you don't come up with an error, maybe that is when you are happiest and successful.

 

Meh. I hate people. I don't like meeting new people, I don't like talking to them, etc. I knew I would end up dating a friend because I can't talk to randoms. Guess what, my fiance is the same way. We had mutual friends, we knew each other for years, but I didn't make a move. When we were both ready, it just happened.

 

So, yeah, I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. And you can and will find someone even if you aren't the out going person you think you should be. Also, if people make you jealous by telling you they always get laid, just remember: herpes. I don't have game, but I also don't have warts.

 

Oh, and you shouldn't feel like you have fess up to whether your plans worked out. If I were you, I'd stop posting here. It's tough to be confident when people are always analyzing you.

Edited March 7, 2010 by G&T

[The Beast]

What exactly are you suggesting, Ross?

 

Would you rather the commentary you regret making be deleted?

I would like some of this commentary to be deleted - what if an employer came on and saw this? That wouldn't look very good for me, now would it?

[knightni]

I would like some of this commentary to be deleted - what if an employer came on and saw this? That wouldn't look very good for me, now would it?

How would an employer equate "The Beast" with you?

[Kyyle23]

Moreover, what did you say anywhere in this thread that a possible employer could care about? You went after a few chicks and came up short? Employers dont care about that.

[LittleHurt05]

All I can say is: get out there, have fun with the guys, be seen. Some woman will find you and you won't even be expecting it.

 

True that. After college, just had fun with my friends, going out a lot, not worrying about chicks and had some great times. Then I met a girl one night, next thing I know my one year anniversary is coming up next year.

[quickman]

Gentlemen -

 

I wanted to start out by saying that I regret some of the posts that I have made in this thread. Not only are they unprofessional and not developed thoughts but they also are distasteful. You may wonder why I'm saying this, but ultimately, I just had someone come talk to me in regards to what I've said. And I've taken that individual's insight to heart.

 

That being said, most of the steps I have taken up to this point in changing majors, switching schools and stuff have been the right choice. While I will admit to not enjoying the life of being a sports journalist or broadcaster, that doesn't mean that the business side of sports doesn't interest me. I am fascinated by things related to sports management and marketing, which includes some aspects of working with an organization or for working behind the scenes in radio doing whatever they tell me to do at 670 the score or at their competitor in AM-1000. I think I might have a plan as to how to get the ball rolling on this but it will take some effort on my part.

 

Most of all, I do believe working on yourself, expanding your fan base (friendships and network) could be the most valuable thing for me right now. I appreciate all of your insight and will continue to read this thread as well as this board.

 

Now, may I suggest parts of this thread belong in another thread entitled, 'Young sports professionals?'

 

 

Ross, May I suggest, you do not vent your entire life on a Fan board. Southsider 2k had some good advice, also this is not the place to do this. Pick a couple of people who you think are your friends and PM them or call them on the phone. Just my two cents. In the end you will not be happy with the results on an open forum board.

Edited March 9, 2010 by quickman

[iamshack]

What? No one has any more relationship problems now?