Relationship Advice Thread

[greg775]

Oh, and she has yet to send me a text since the "I feel you so hard" text earlier in the day. I think she either A) Has already gotten the hint I am pissed off , B) Is so embarrassed by what happened last night C) My buddy told her I was pissed off (they worked together tonight) or D) Just hasn't gotten around to it for the first time since we started constantly texting each other over a month ago.

 

Regardless, I still keep thinking about everything. Had a softball game tonight, saw a massive barn fire in my neighborhood, went to a friends bonfire and then watched some Louie CK to take my mind off things, but almost every spare moment I had and my mind was wandering, I was thinking about her and what is going to happen. This blooooowwwwsss.

 

This is what I don't get. You like her. You find her attractive and want to be with her and sleep with her if you were dating her. Yet you don't want to take the step to make the moves on her to see if she wants to date you.

At any rate, put an end to it in some way. Either ask her if she wants to see you in a romantic way and dump her bf or just tell her you want more than she does and it's better you don't hang out any more but can chat at work.

[southsider2k5]

Haha. Pale Hose before Ho's.

 

Nicely done.

[The Sir]

I can see both sides of this, but when I was college aged, summers were for fun. She's jumping around the pool half naked, he thinks she's hot, are you saying nobody ever hooks up anymore? s*** there's a movie called Friends With Benefits coming out. She's flirting like hell with him and he can't try to have sex or we are immoral? I thought I gave good advice.

If you don't want sex in a situation like that, then simply have "the talk" with her like you suggest. Tell her you want a relationship; if she doesn't quit wasting my time. That will end it as well.

 

You're not talking about fun here. And you're not talking about hooking up. You're talking about getting a girl drunk so you can have sex with her, and a girl who has a boyfriend to boot. The first part is borderline rape, and the second part is outright sleaziness. I'm not gonna act like some sort of mega-puritan like I've never had sex or even sex with a random girl, but there is nothing honorable about boozing up an underage girl and boning her. I think Joe is better than that, but I could be wrong.

[The Sir]

She's not a slut, hooker, skeezer, whore, or floozy, and I 100% believe she has been sexually abused/raped whatever by her father. I'm sorry, but I know her a lot more than you do, so don't be surprised that I would take exception to people calling her such names and accusing her of lying about things like that. She is no angel, and could very quite possibly just be playin' me, but it's not fair to say those other things.

 

Joe, you still haven't told us how you would feel if you were this girl's boyfriend. We can disagree all we want about whether she's a whore (it's a little sad that your only qualifications for whoredom are how many people she's slept with and what sort of clothes she wears), but do you really feel like she's being an honest girlfriend? If your answer is no, then you should listen to your morals. And if you wouldn't like someone else doing it to you, don't you do it to someone else.

[nitetrain8601]

You're not talking about fun here. And you're not talking about hooking up. You're talking about getting a girl drunk so you can have sex with her, and a girl who has a boyfriend to boot. The first part is borderline rape, and the second part is outright sleaziness. I'm not gonna act like some sort of mega-puritan like I've never had sex or even sex with a random girl, but there is nothing honorable about boozing up an underage girl and boning her. I think Joe is better than that, but I could be wrong.

 

Oh wow, no it's not. Talk about jumping the shark. You make it sound like he's trying to roofie her up and make her drink. Greg is saying, just hit it and quit it. And to hurry the process up, get some liquor. This happens every day. Secondly, the whole purpose is to get her to either sleep with him or leave him alone which is what Joe needs.

 

Joe, you still haven't told us how you would feel if you were this girl's boyfriend. We can disagree all we want about whether she's a whore (it's a little sad that your only qualifications for whoredom are how many people she's slept with and what sort of clothes she wears), but do you really feel like she's being an honest girlfriend? If your answer is no, then you should listen to your morals. And if you wouldn't like someone else doing it to you, don't you do it to someone else.

 

Back then, I'd feel horrible if I were the bf. But after growing up a little(I'm 25), I wouldn't necessarily get too upset because it wasn't meant to be. If it wasn't Joe Joe that breaks her, it would be his friend or someone else. Fact: She is going to cheat because she has serious issues. The faster that BF realizes that, the better in the long term.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Joe, you still haven't told us how you would feel if you were this girl's boyfriend. We can disagree all we want about whether she's a whore (it's a little sad that your only qualifications for whoredom are how many people she's slept with and what sort of clothes she wears), but do you really feel like she's being an honest girlfriend? If your answer is no, then you should listen to your morals. And if you wouldn't like someone else doing it to you, don't you do it to someone else.

 

I would be pissed at her if I was her boyfriend. But the fact that she has a boyfriend is the exact reason I am not being aggressive with her or trying to hook up with her. I'm letting/making her make all the moves because then she has no one to blame but herself for cheating on her boyfriend. Like I've said before, I never text her first, I never invite her over to do anything 1 on 1, I never grab her or touch her or anything inappropriate. Hell, I don't even say very many dirty things to this girl, like I do w/ many other girls at work (jokingly of course).

 

And those aren't my only two qualifications for someone being a slut, but I was just using those are examples. There is nothing about her that I would ever see anyone saying she is a whore/slut/hooker or whatever.

[nitetrain8601]

She's not a slut, hooker, skeezer, whore, or floozy, and I 100% believe she has been sexually abused/raped whatever by her father. I'm sorry, but I know her a lot more than you do, so don't be surprised that I would take exception to people calling her such names and accusing her of lying about things like that. She is no angel, and could very quite possibly just be playin' me, but it's not fair to say those other things.

 

Okedoke. You're entitled to have your opinion. Did she ever file a police report? Did she ever go ahead and tell any authoritative figure? Did she ever do anything about it? I'm going to guess the answer is no. And I bet it's going to be some typical response "Well, he's my dad" or "Who was I going to tell?" or even better "What could I have done about it?" Unless she was locked away somewhere(which does happen in this cruel world), she has no excuse. Yes, it may be her dad, but it's also her body. And if she felt she couldn't tell anybody, why would she tell you out of all people? What makes you so special? Even more special than her current bf who she trashes with you, but in secret, tells him how much she loves him. What could she have done about it? A ton. She may have very well been abused, but based on this girl's makeup, she wasn't. But if you ever question her about it, she won't want to answer about it. And she believes in her own lie so much she'll stick to it. That's not just from my experiences with these type of girl, but from my brothers' and friends' experiences. I had other girls telling me this at the time as well. You may not want to hear about it, but reality bites.

 

 

Oh, and she has yet to send me a text since the "I feel you so hard" text earlier in the day. I think she either A) Has already gotten the hint I am pissed off , B) Is so embarrassed by what happened last night C) My buddy told her I was pissed off (they worked together tonight) or D) Just hasn't gotten around to it for the first time since we started constantly texting each other over a month ago.

 

Regardless, I still keep thinking about everything. Had a softball game tonight, saw a massive barn fire in my neighborhood, went to a friends bonfire and then watched some Louie CK to take my mind off things, but almost every spare moment I had and my mind was wandering, I was thinking about her and what is going to happen. This blooooowwwwsss.

 

It was probably a combination of A, B, and C. D is probably moreso what you wished happen. I won't say you're infatuated with her, you actually love her. You use the words infatuate around friends and a messageboard, but you love the fact that she needs you for help and you could provide it. You love the fact that you can comfort her in everyway. You love the fact that you work with her and are giddy whenever you two work together, though you don't show it much. Many times, you think the stuff she likes is everything you like, even if it's not true. If you don't run, one way or another soon though, you're going to crash into a brick wall. You think she's depressed, but when that happens, you'll just believe you can't believe you put that much effort into someone who doesn't love you back or even sees you that way.

 

You are her emotional rag. It's either time to get something out of it and leave. Or just leave. Those are the only two plays here, or you'll get really hurt.

 

This is what I don't get. You like her. You find her attractive and want to be with her and sleep with her if you were dating her. Yet you don't want to take the step to make the moves on her to see if she wants to date you.

At any rate, put an end to it in some way. Either ask her if she wants to see you in a romantic way and dump her bf or just tell her you want more than she does and it's better you don't hang out any more but can chat at work.

 

He's waiting for her to say she wants him so a)he won't feel guilty about the other guy and b)he'll feel that she genuinely loves him back. In reality, he'll just be an emotional doormat for the lady.

[WHarris1]

[BigSqwert]

Okedoke. You're entitled to have your opinion. Did she ever file a police report? Did she ever go ahead and tell any authoritative figure? Did she ever do anything about it? I'm going to guess the answer is no. And I bet it's going to be some typical response "Well, he's my dad" or "Who was I going to tell?" or even better "What could I have done about it?" Unless she was locked away somewhere(which does happen in this cruel world), she has no excuse.

 

This is all a bunch of crap. Unless you are a female that has been through something like that then don't make it sound like it's so easy to turn in your father. There are a million things going through someone's head in that scenario. "Will my father go to prison?" ""Will my family be torn apart?" "Will anyone believe me?" and so on. Don't make it sound like it's the same as turning in a shoplifter that you spotted.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

This is all a bunch of crap. Unless you are a female that has been through something like that then don't make it sound like it's so easy to turn in your father. There are a million things going through someone's head in that scenario. "Will my father go to prison?" ""Will my family be torn apart?" "Will anyone believe me?" and so on. Don't make it sound like it's the same as turning in a shoplifter that you spotted.

 

Yeah, I completely believe her. Her mom left her when she was young, and was forced to live with her dad. What would happen if the only person that takes care of her went to jail? Orphanage? She is a very truthful person in my experience. Like I said before, she tells her boyfriend everything and was breaking down at my house because of how guilty she felt about the pool situation, and how she was going to explain it to him. I told her doesn't have to go in to details, but she said she never lies to him and will have to tell him or she will never sleep. I haven't talked to her very much at all since Wednesday night, but I'd imagine she has already told him about what happened.

 

And no, I never asked her about what happened in depth. Not only do I not want her to have to relive those memories in front of me, and probably result in her breaking down, but I don't want to know details of s*** like that either. And she DOES tell me a lot of things. She has told me things that, according to her, only me and her boyfriend know about. She just feels completely trusting in me I guess. I had no reason to think this is making up horror stories for fun.

[kjshoe04]

Pretty much knew it. And good job on your part as well.

 

And happy to help anyway I could for ya Kj.

Thanks man, we hung out again last night and had a good time. I'm supposed to take her on an official date this weekend. She told me her brother sat her down and gave her a heads up that I was going to ask her out. ha.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Thanks man, we hung out again last night and had a good time. I'm supposed to take her on an official date this weekend. She told me her brother sat her down and gave her a heads up that I was going to ask her out. ha.

 

That's pretty cool that he was good with it. Like I said, I think he would rather someone he knows and trusts date his sister than a random guy who could have questionable morals. Plus, more incentive for you to not break her heart or cheat on her because then you lose 2 people in your life. Sounds like a good move.

[kjshoe04]

That's pretty cool that he was good with it. Like I said, I think he would rather someone he knows and trusts date his sister than a random guy who could have questionable morals. Plus, more incentive for you to not break her heart or cheat on her because then you lose 2 people in your life. Sounds like a good move.

Yeah, she told me how the last time one of his friends dated her that she broke up with him and he gave her the cold shoulder for almost a year so as long as I'm the one getting hurt, I shouldn't have to lose my friend. Plus, it's generally always me getting hurt with women so I got that going for me.

[nitetrain8601]

Yeah, she told me how the last time one of his friends dated her that she broke up with him and he gave her the cold shoulder for almost a year so as long as I'm the one getting hurt, I shouldn't have to lose my friend. Plus, it's generally always me getting hurt with women so I got that going for me.

 

Chipper up pal. You got something potentially going. Just ride the wave and let it leave you where it may.

[nitetrain8601]

This is all a bunch of crap. Unless you are a female that has been through something like that then don't make it sound like it's so easy to turn in your father. There are a million things going through someone's head in that scenario. "Will my father go to prison?" ""Will my family be torn apart?" "Will anyone believe me?" and so on. Don't make it sound like it's the same as turning in a shoplifter that you spotted.

 

All I'm going to say is that as many girls who have actually suffered through such a horrendous experience, there are a ton of girls out there who lie about the situation and eventually start believing in that lie. I'm not going to harp on it anymore.

 

Yeah, I completely believe her. Her mom left her when she was young, and was forced to live with her dad. What would happen if the only person that takes care of her went to jail? Orphanage? She is a very truthful person in my experience. Like I said before, she tells her boyfriend everything and was breaking down at my house because of how guilty she felt about the pool situation, and how she was going to explain it to him. I told her doesn't have to go in to details, but she said she never lies to him and will have to tell him or she will never sleep. I haven't talked to her very much at all since Wednesday night, but I'd imagine she has already told him about what happened.

 

And no, I never asked her about what happened in depth. Not only do I not want her to have to relive those memories in front of me, and probably result in her breaking down, but I don't want to know details of s*** like that either. And she DOES tell me a lot of things. She has told me things that, according to her, only me and her boyfriend know about. She just feels completely trusting in me I guess. I had no reason to think this is making up horror stories for fun.

 

That right there just sounds like she's pinning you against him, even if you don't want to be. I'm sure he doesn't either. She does all this stuff with you, then tells her boyfriend to make him jealous and give her more attention, even if negative which she wants, then goes to you, talks about how horrible the bf is, and you give her good attention. She gets the best of both worlds. And I guarantee, she does this with other guys before you and after you.

 

[kjshoe04]

Chipper up pal. You got something potentially going. Just ride the wave and let it leave you where it may.

ha, just a joke my friend.

[greg775]

You're not talking about fun here. And you're not talking about hooking up. You're talking about getting a girl drunk so you can have sex with her, and a girl who has a boyfriend to boot. The first part is borderline rape, and the second part is outright sleaziness. I'm not gonna act like some sort of mega-puritan like I've never had sex or even sex with a random girl, but there is nothing honorable about boozing up an underage girl and boning her. I think Joe is better than that, but I could be wrong.

 

 

Oh wow, no it's not. Talk about jumping the shark. You make it sound like he's trying to roofie her up and make her drink. Greg is saying, just hit it and quit it. And to hurry the process up, get some liquor. This happens every day. Secondly, the whole purpose is to get her to either sleep with him or leave him alone which is what Joe needs.

 

1.) Actually I didn't read the ages. If she is under 21 my bad on the drinking. But they were drinking the other night, so WTF?

2.) Nitetrain gets it. I agree with his last sentence fully. I'm not trying to drug her; party up and see if she wants you or not.

 

 

 

Back then, I'd feel horrible if I were the bf. But after growing up a little(I'm 25), I wouldn't necessarily get too upset because it wasn't meant to be. If it wasn't Joe Joe that breaks her, it would be his friend or someone else. Fact: She is going to cheat because she has serious issues. The faster that BF realizes that, the better in the long term.

 

[The Sir]

Oh wow, no it's not. Talk about jumping the shark. You make it sound like he's trying to roofie her up and make her drink. Greg is saying, just hit it and quit it. And to hurry the process up, get some liquor. This happens every day. Secondly, the whole purpose is to get her to either sleep with him or leave him alone which is what Joe needs.

 

Back then, I'd feel horrible if I were the bf. But after growing up a little(I'm 25), I wouldn't necessarily get too upset because it wasn't meant to be. If it wasn't Joe Joe that breaks her, it would be his friend or someone else. Fact: She is going to cheat because she has serious issues. The faster that BF realizes that, the better in the long term.

 

Murder happens everyday too, man. Doesn't make it right.

 

And it doesn't matter if it wasn't meant to be or that if Joe doesn't hit it, someone else will. Those are lame excuses. Joe should hold himself to a higher standard than that.

[The Sir]

And those aren't my only two qualifications for someone being a slut, but I was just using those are examples. There is nothing about her that I would ever see anyone saying she is a whore/slut/hooker or whatever.

 

Getting drunk with random dudes, swimming naked in their pool and grabbing their cocks isn't a whorish/slutty/hookerish thing to do? Wow.

[kjshoe04]

Getting drunk with random dudes, swimming naked in their pool and grabbing their cocks isn't a whorish/slutty/hookerish thing to do? Wow.

He's blinded by his infatuation for her. We've all been there, luckily he will get away from it when he goes back to school and probably see the situation from our eyes.

Edited July 9, 2011 by kjshoe04

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Getting drunk with random dudes, swimming naked in their pool and grabbing their cocks isn't a whorish/slutty/hookerish thing to do? Wow.

 

She doesn't even drink anymore, but was persuaded by my buddy because it was a "special occasion", I wouldn't consider my buddy and I "random" dudes, she wasn't really "naked" per say as she had panties on and a shirt around her neck, and yeah, and she did grab his dick to try and get him to let go of her.

 

I've taken money out of my mom's coin purse before, so does that make me a thief now?

[knightni]

She doesn't even drink anymore, but was persuaded by my buddy because it was a "special occasion", I wouldn't consider my buddy and I "random" dudes, she wasn't really "naked" per say as she had panties on and a shirt around her neck, and yeah, and she did grab his dick to try and get him to let go of her.

 

I've taken money out of my mom's coin purse before, so does that make me a thief now?

 

Yes. A petty one, but a thief nonetheless.

[The Sir]

She doesn't even drink anymore, but was persuaded by my buddy because it was a "special occasion", I wouldn't consider my buddy and I "random" dudes, she wasn't really "naked" per say as she had panties on and a shirt around her neck, and yeah, and she did grab his dick to try and get him to let go of her.

 

I've taken money out of my mom's coin purse before, so does that make me a thief now?

 

You are trying so hard to make excuses for this girl. So fine, this girl was swimming in the pool with two dudes who weren't her boyfriend, she was wearing panties and a shirt that allowed free viewing of her tits, and she was grabbing another dude's cock. Some improvement. That's like replacing Jaime Navarro with Jim Parque. Still sucks.

 

And yes, if you took money out of your mom's purse, you're a thief. Not much of one, but you still took it. You can't bend morals, dude. Stealing is stealing, cheating is cheating, and being a whore is being a whore.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

You are trying so hard to make excuses for this girl. So fine, this girl was swimming in the pool with two dudes who weren't her boyfriend, she was wearing panties and a shirt that allowed free viewing of her tits, and she was grabbing another dude's cock. Some improvement. That's like replacing Jaime Navarro with Jim Parque. Still sucks.

 

And yes, if you took money out of your mom's purse, you're a thief. Not much of one, but you still took it. You can't bend morals, dude. Stealing is stealing, cheating is cheating, and being a whore is being a whore.

 

Well then agree to extremely disagree, because I'm not going to sit here and try to argue who knows this girl more, me or some people on a message board. Just because I am infatuated with this girl does not mean I don't see her with flaws. She is f***ed up in a lot of ways, but I would never characterize her as a whore/slut/hooker etc. I'm not budging on that, and in the scheme of things here, it's not even the issue at hand.

[nitetrain8601]

Well then agree to extremely disagree, because I'm not going to sit here and try to argue who knows this girl more, me or some people on a message board. Just because I am infatuated with this girl does not mean I don't see her with flaws. She is f***ed up in a lot of ways, but I would never characterize her as a whore/slut/hooker etc. I'm not budging on that, and in the scheme of things here, it's not even the issue at hand.

 

you don't see it yet, but you're head over heels for this floozy. anyone who's that easy to get naked has slut tendencies. sorry to break it to you. you may think you know this girl but you don't know all that much.

 

and I'd say the behavior has a lot to do with the conversation.