Relationship Advice Thread

[iamshack]

This thread is ridiculous. I am laughing at all the "be a dick to her" advice.

 

Here's a thought: do you really want to be with someone who prefers you to be an asshole to them?

Maybe it's an age thing - most girls out of college are not interested in bulls***. Just be honest and nice and it'll happen.

Well, see that is why you have to separate what is what. The whole "asshole" game works if you want just to get laid, or if you want to date a stripper. Otherwise, yeah, you may want to be a bit mysterious and unique at first, but if you think healthy relationships are about mistreating your girlfriend/spouse, then you are not going to be in one.

 

 

 

 

[Chisoxfn]

So what is everyone doing for their ladies for Valentine's Day?

 

I have to work Sunday night (I know, darn), so I am sending a bouquet of different colored roses (why the hell do flowers cost $125??) and also giving her a pair of sunglasses she has wanted. I am sure I will be forced to pay for an expensive dinner at some point too, but at least not this weekend.

 

What about you guys?

 

Any of the single guys planning on making a move on a lovely lady you know?

I used proflowers and got my lady the 19.99 bloom special thingy. Nothing fancy, but flowers are flowers in my book. She'll actually get them early cause I don't want to pay the service fee to have them delivered on Sunday.

 

Otherwise we are just going to spend the day together (going to a travel convention to get further info for our honeymoon) and I bought some candles and will do a candle lit dinner and a movie at home.

[Chisoxfn]

The approach seems to work, I just haven't developed my personality yet. What I mean by that is I haven't really fleshed out yet who I want to be. I used to be a deep introvert who was opposed to social events and was satisfied with limited contacts, nights of video games and doing nothing but World of Warcraft and other bulls*** of the like. Now I am going out, trying to polish up on some social skills I missed out on my first year of college and am generally just wanting to have a good time and meet new people. That sounds like a good approach to take. I just need to remember to stay clear of the friend zone and get to know something concrete about her.

 

Two questions --

 

I'm going to be 22 and I think the appropriate age range is 20-24. I don't go for 17-19 year olds. Is my age range a good target?

What's more important on getting, the email or the phone number?

 

 

Funny you mention that - the guys I have hung with generally don't have girlfriends and the one who has a girlfriend is friends with a bunch of b****es. Not to mention they are all the artsy type who latch onto their little clique of friends.

 

 

The concept of being cocky and funny is foreign to me. I'm the guy who gets too caught up in the friend zone.

 

As far as Valentine's Day goes, if I was back home I would definitely treat my current female of interest out and indulge in a long evening of sex.

Seriously Ross, throw all these ridiculous theories out the window and go out and have fun. You are doing way too much thinking and not even doing (ie, experiencing things). Don't worry about who you are going to be and all that, too much shrink talk or something, go out and have f***ing fun and everything else will work its way out (but be responsible obviously).

[iamshack]

Oh my good lord I am stuck on the phone with the girl shopping for bikinis. Not sure if this is something that is worth my time or not.

 

At this point I have been looking at swimsuit models for so long it is simply not fair that I have to go to bed alone.

[Flash Tizzle]

The approach seems to work, I just haven't developed my personality yet. What I mean by that is I haven't really fleshed out yet who I want to be. I used to be a deep introvert who was opposed to social events and was satisfied with limited contacts, nights of video games and doing nothing but World of Warcraft and other bulls*** of the like. Now I am going out, trying to polish up on some social skills I missed out on my first year of college and am generally just wanting to have a good time and meet new people. That sounds like a good approach to take. I just need to remember to stay clear of the friend zone and get to know something concrete about her.

 

Two questions --

 

I'm going to be 22 and I think the appropriate age range is 20-24. I don't go for 17-19 year olds. Is my age range a good target?

What's more important on getting, the email or the phone number?

 

 

Funny you mention that - the guys I have hung with generally don't have girlfriends and the one who has a girlfriend is friends with a bunch of b****es. Not to mention they are all the artsy type who latch onto their little clique of friends.

 

 

The concept of being cocky and funny is foreign to me. I'm the guy who gets too caught up in the friend zone.

 

As far as Valentine's Day goes, if I was back home I would definitely treat my current female of interest out and indulge in a long evening of sex.

Sure, it works for picking up women who aren't familiar with your personality; but you cannot fake who you are for an extended period of time. As others have said, it's not worth manufacturing a personality to women based upon tricks and scenarios intended to build attraction. Even my post earlier concerning no-contact (which many frown upon) was intended more towards people who have known each other for awhile, not two who have just met.

 

I'll be nice and answer your questions, even though I immediately think back to the "What do teenagers like sexually?" days of WSC245 with your post.

 

1. The age range you listed is fine.

 

2. Don't ask a girl for her email. Either ask for her phone number of ask if she has Facebook. You have to be fine with rejection, too. The worst she can say is "no," and more than likely she'll give it even if she has non intentions of dating you. You're much better off asking after talking to the girl the whole night. At least remember her name (if you forget it, you're done), and a few other random things about her. Girls are constantly hit up by guys trying to dive into the juiciness, so if you set yourself apart you have a better shot. I shouldn't have to say that, but since you obviously have limited experience in social settings, it seems warranted.

 

What I always told myself before a school presentation, and it can apply here as well, is -- will what you do be remembered 10 years from now? Unless you do something that ridiculously bad or good, it won't be remembered. Thinking this way will help your confidence, which will appeal to any woman you talk to.

Edited February 11, 2010 by Flash Tizzle

[nitetrain8601]

Being cocky and funny works. If you take it too far, you'll end up going out with a stripper, a girl with psychological problems, a puppy, or you're just trying to get laid.

 

It's good to be mysterious, good to be cocky, but don't take it as far as David Deangelo.

[RockRaines]

I think I am moving in with my girlfriend...this can totally blow up in my face but I guess we have to just take chances in life sometimes.

 

Its a good test for compatibility and I recommend it to anyone who wants to get married. My Ex moved in with me and it feel immediately apart, thats how you know it wont work. You cant hide anything from someone you live with.

[RockRaines]

I'm 0-2 in gifts. I got her a kindle for her birthday that she hasn't touched since she opened it and got her a Droid for Christmas that she can't figure out how to use. Any ideas from you guys would be great...

 

Actually, 0-3...she still hasn't used the $100 gift card for the massage joint in Algonquin.

 

Tiffany's dude. Doesnt have to be something expensive, its the box that matters.

[JPN366]

My philosophy on this topic is that you shouldn't be friends with a woman, at all. Woman are just as afraid of commitment as we are. They just won't admit it. Especially college age women. When I was single (so long ago), I had no desire to just be friends with any woman. Like I've said before, the odds are in our favor. If you are at least a decent guy, you are like a left handed pitcher with good control and can get guys out. Woman outnumber us dramatically. I'm not pointing fingers at anybody, I'm just being general here...we all need to be men. It seems that men born over the last 35 years don't know how to be men. A woman wants a man, if you're not a man, she will control every aspect of whatever relationship you may be in with her. There's no need to fear rejection, go for what you want. If she is not interested or on the same page, move on. Always be on the same page with a woman, or you will not be happy. But, by all means, do not let a woman control you. She's the one who should fear losing a decent guy. I'm not saying any woman is replaceable, but if she isn't "the one," then she is. I personally couldn't just be friends with someone I was attracted to. It's not cool. Now, if you are in a "friends with benefits" situation, enjoy the ride. As long as that is what you want. I've been happily married to a woman for 5 1/2 years, we treat each other as equals and partners and we wanted the same thing out of life.

[FlaSoxxJim]

Tiffany's dude. Doesnt have to be something expensive, its the box that matters.

 

Yeah, but he's sure spent a lot of money already trying to get in that box!

[Controlled Chaos]

My philosophy on this topic is that you shouldn't be friends with a woman, at all. Woman are just as afraid of commitment as we are. They just won't admit it. Especially college age women. When I was single (so long ago), I had no desire to just be friends with any woman. Like I've said before, the odds are in our favor. If you are at least a decent guy, you are like a left handed pitcher with good control and can get guys out. Woman outnumber us dramatically. I'm not pointing fingers at anybody, I'm just being general here...we all need to be men. It seems that men born over the last 35 years don't know how to be men. A woman wants a man, if you're not a man, she will control every aspect of whatever relationship you may be in with her. There's no need to fear rejection, go for what you want. If she is not interested or on the same page, move on. Always be on the same page with a woman, or you will not be happy. But, by all means, do not let a woman control you. She's the one who should fear losing a decent guy. I'm not saying any woman is replaceable, but if she isn't "the one," then she is. I personally couldn't just be friends with someone I was attracted to. It's not cool. Now, if you are in a "friends with benefits" situation, enjoy the ride. As long as that is what you want. I've been happily married to a woman for 5 1/2 years, we treat each other as equals and partners and we wanted the same thing out of life.

well said.

[Kyyle23]

My philosophy on this topic is that you shouldn't be friends with a woman, at all. Woman are just as afraid of commitment as we are. They just won't admit it. Especially college age women. When I was single (so long ago), I had no desire to just be friends with any woman. Like I've said before, the odds are in our favor. If you are at least a decent guy, you are like a left handed pitcher with good control and can get guys out. Woman outnumber us dramatically. I'm not pointing fingers at anybody, I'm just being general here...we all need to be men. It seems that men born over the last 35 years don't know how to be men. A woman wants a man, if you're not a man, she will control every aspect of whatever relationship you may be in with her. There's no need to fear rejection, go for what you want. If she is not interested or on the same page, move on. Always be on the same page with a woman, or you will not be happy. But, by all means, do not let a woman control you. She's the one who should fear losing a decent guy. I'm not saying any woman is replaceable, but if she isn't "the one," then she is. I personally couldn't just be friends with someone I was attracted to. It's not cool. Now, if you are in a "friends with benefits" situation, enjoy the ride. As long as that is what you want. I've been happily married to a woman for 5 1/2 years, we treat each other as equals and partners and we wanted the same thing out of life.

 

to each his own. I was very good friends with my wife before we became romantically involved.

[SoxAce]

My philosophy on this topic is that you shouldn't be friends with a woman, at all. Woman are just as afraid of commitment as we are. They just won't admit it. Especially college age women. When I was single (so long ago), I had no desire to just be friends with any woman. Like I've said before, the odds are in our favor. If you are at least a decent guy, you are like a left handed pitcher with good control and can get guys out. Woman outnumber us dramatically. I'm not pointing fingers at anybody, I'm just being general here...we all need to be men. It seems that men born over the last 35 years don't know how to be men. A woman wants a man, if you're not a man, she will control every aspect of whatever relationship you may be in with her. There's no need to fear rejection, go for what you want. If she is not interested or on the same page, move on. Always be on the same page with a woman, or you will not be happy. But, by all means, do not let a woman control you. She's the one who should fear losing a decent guy. I'm not saying any woman is replaceable, but if she isn't "the one," then she is. I personally couldn't just be friends with someone I was attracted to. It's not cool. Now, if you are in a "friends with benefits" situation, enjoy the ride. As long as that is what you want. I've been happily married to a woman for 5 1/2 years, we treat each other as equals and partners and we wanted the same thing out of life.

 

Probably the only thing I don't agree with from your post. The rest is spot on however.

[Chisoxfn]

to each his own. I was very good friends with my wife before we became romantically involved.

And me with my fiance. I'm glad too because at the time we were friends, I wasn't really interested in being in a serious relationship.

[Controlled Chaos]

to each his own. I was very good friends with my wife before we became romantically involved.

I kinda ignored the first line and took him to kinda mean the line towards the end more than the first..."I personally couldn't just be friends with someone I was attracted to." He can correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[JPN366]

Like I said, it was my personal philosophy. I just think you should go for what you want, and not waste too much time. We're not young forever. I'm more concerned with guys letting women walk all over them when there's no reason to let that happen.

[G&T]

Tiffany's dude. Doesnt have to be something expensive, its the box that matters.

 

Just remember that the thing in the box has to actually be from Tiffany's. My aunt works for Tiffany's and says they frequently have women seek to return an item they believe to be from Tiffany's because it's in the box, but they, instead, find out that their boyfriend/husband is a liar.

[iamshack]

I kinda ignored the first line and took him to kinda mean the line towards the end more than the first..."I personally couldn't just be friends with someone I was attracted to." He can correct me if I'm wrong.

You have no idea the opportunities you are passing up by not being friends with attractive women...they travel in packs!

I have many attractive women that are very good friends of mine. Once you get over the fact that you slept together and it's not going to happen again, it's fine (or that you will never sleep together at all).

 

There are far too many women out there to avoid being friends with one because she is attractive. Jesus, jerk off before you go out with her if you need to.

[JPN366]

It just seems most of the time, women size you up fairly quickly, so you better make your intentions clear. I've just seen too many guys fritter away time on a woman who wants nothing but friendship from them. If you make yourself too available to them as a friend, you won't be seen as a potential mate. Being a woman's puppy dog usually keeps you in the friend zone. Of course, every relationship is different. As I said, I was being general. Maybe it's me, but it seems pointless to just be friends with a woman. It seems to go against our natural desires. You make friends with other guys because of common interests or common ground. You're initial reaction to a woman is physical attraction 10 times out of 10. I don't see how you go past that just to be friends. Now, if you start out undefined in your interaction, that's one thing. But, you are initially drawn to her because of attraction. For me, platonic relationships didn't interest me. I just think it's in a guy's best interest long term to avoid platonic relationships with woman. Especially if there is any inkling of attraction. I was just always a go getter with women.

[Kyyle23]

It just seems most of the time, women size you up fairly quickly, so you better make your intentions clear. I've just seen too many guys fritter away time on a woman who wants nothing but friendship from them. If you make yourself too available to them as a friend, you won't be seen as a potential mate. Being a woman's puppy dog usually keeps you in the friend zone. Of course, every relationship is different. As I said, I was being general. Maybe it's me, but it seems pointless to just be friends with a woman. It seems to go against our natural desires. You make friends with other guys because of common interests or common ground. You're initial reaction to a woman is physical attraction 10 times out of 10. I don't see how you go past that just to be friends. Now, if you start out undefined in your interaction, that's one thing. But, you are initially drawn to her because of attraction. For me, platonic relationships didn't interest me. I just think it's in a guy's best interest long term to avoid platonic relationships with woman. Especially if there is any inkling of attraction. I was just always a go getter with women.

 

eh, thats what being in college is about. I dont think its a waste of time at all if you have a puppy love crush and learn the hard way.

[JPN366]

eh, thats what being in college is about. I dont think its a waste of time at all if you have a puppy love crush and learn the hard way.

 

I learned the hard way, so I know how it is. Just trying to pass along some advice to save some people misery.

[iamshack]

I learned the hard way, so I know how it is. Just trying to pass along some advice to save some people misery.

I think it may also have to do with your geographic location....the attitude you are sharing is much more commonplace in the South, where more traditional gender roles persist.

 

In more urban areas, where more young women have entered the workplace, you'll find it's much easier (and more necessary) to make friends and acquaintances with women of your age.

[Kyyle23]

I learned the hard way, so I know how it is. Just trying to pass along some advice to save some people misery.

 

I also learned the hard way, I had my heart broken pretty hardcore and then went after someone who played me like a fiddle and made it 10 times worse. That doesnt mean I would tell someone to avoid being friends with girls in college because it is a waste of time. I met my wife and was pretty good friends with her for over 2 years before we actually got together

[Steve9347]

I met my wife and was pretty good friends with her for over 2 years before we actually got together

 

[JPN366]

I also learned the hard way, I had my heart broken pretty hardcore and then went after someone who played me like a fiddle and made it 10 times worse. That doesnt mean I would tell someone to avoid being friends with girls in college because it is a waste of time. I met my wife and was pretty good friends with her for over 2 years before we actually got together

 

That's fine, I just think you potentially expose yourself to being stuck as a friend if you settle for friendship with someone you are actually attracted to.