Relationship Advice Thread

[BlackSox13]

No she didn't realize it. I just ignored her after that. It's been 5 years and she wants to get married within the next 2 and I just don't think I'm ready for that. On top of that, she wants to have kids before were 30 (we both just turned 24).

 

I'm just not ready for all that right now and it's been 5 years, I do love and care about her, but it seems like we just want different things in our lives at this moment. It sucks.

Damn, you're in a tough spot. Probably a silly question but have you both Sat down and tried to find some middle ground or is it pretty much about what she wants?

[LDF]

No she didn't realize it. I just ignored her after that. It's been 5 years and she wants to get married within the next 2 and I just don't think I'm ready for that. On top of that, she wants to have kids before were 30 (we both just turned 24).

 

I'm just not ready for all that right now and it's been 5 years, I do love and care about her, but it seems like we just want different things in our lives at this moment. It sucks.

 

i am not going to give advice on relationship but i have screwed up everyone i ever had. so i will tell you my story and i will shorten it up and make it clean.

 

i had a horrible teen age yr and yrs until 23 yrs of age. why, let say b/c of my social activities with my friends, being stab, shot, arrested... i never thought i will live past 23....

 

then i saw God the Lord almighty... btw, i still go to chapel 3x a week still.

 

but i had a long road back to being legal and repairing my life. then great stuff started to happen, i found out i had some skills and succeeded, made really good money, went to work in DC, became good at what i did. but my career was my everything.

 

relationship, i had then but my career came first and foremost .... now, well my life is in the twilight yrs, and i came to realize, i lost great, super great ladies all for my career. what a waste.

 

point is, this is your burden, but sometime you will never know what you have until you loose it. really think hard and make sure you are making the choice you want to, not b/c of what your friends says or what you think the macho part in you will say. remember every male has that macho person in them wanting to come out.

 

hence the beauty of the internet, they don't meet that other person.

Edited February 19, 2016 by LDF

[StrangeSox]

Ok that's just super f***ed. Was she trolling you?

it's possible that the dude is legimately terrible at making a sandwich

[GGajewski18]

That is very tough. I feel for you because obviously you don't want what she wants and ultimately unless you give in, this is going to end with a breakup. And I would think she believes that she's found her husband when in reality she may have to start all over with somebody else again. Does she have a good job? Do you have a good job yet?

 

She has a good job. I'm still currently in school, graduating in May. I'm researching what I want to do with my life lol.

 

We actually made it work while going to 2 different schools too. We met at Aurora University, then I transferred after 2 years and were still kicking. Just now that we got older, she's expecting a ring and all that. Doesn't help that all our friends and their mothers are getting engaged/married.

 

Damn, you're in a tough spot. Probably a silly question but have you both Sat down and tried to find some middle ground or is it pretty much about what she wants?

 

Yeah we have. I always say I'll try to live with her after graduation, but she won't accept that as an answer. She says I have money, you don't have to pay. Then I always say yeah, but you'll boss me around and say this is your place and la la la ect. Much like the sandwich thing lol.

 

it's possible that the dude is legimately terrible at making a sandwich

 

I make a great sandwich.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

I'll keep this brief and not go in to much detail, but.....how many years younger than a guy is "too young" would you surmise? Or is it probably more likely based on a sliding scale. Long story short, I am talking to a girl younger than me and while I feel weird about it, no one I work with seems to care. It's my family/friends that I worry about. I'm almost afraid to introduce her to them for fear they will question her age.

 

For anyone who doesn't know my age, she's 18. How old would I be if I was too old for her?

 

I'll hang up and listen.

Edited February 19, 2016 by Chilihead90

[greg775]

I'll keep this brief and not go in to much detail, but.....how many years younger than a guy is "too young" would you surmise? Or is it probably more likely based on a sliding scale. Long story short, I am talking to a girl younger than me and while I feel weird about it, no one I work with seems to care. It's my family/friends that I worry about. I'm almost afraid to introduce her to them for fear they will question her age.

 

For anyone who doesn't know my age, she's 18. How old would I be if I was too old for her?

 

I'll hang up and listen.

I'm not big on ageism in relationships. But age is so fricking important to the people who "judge" the appropriateness of relationships.

I'd say if you are 30 or older most people would think you are taking advantage of an 18 year old. Maybe 29 going on 30 as well. If she is in high school at 18, if you are out of college most everybody would also judge you as doing something improper. I'd say if you are 30 or older, in this day and age, you'd be considered inappropriate by 95 percent of people out there.

[Chicago White Sox]

I'll keep this brief and not go in to much detail, but.....how many years younger than a guy is "too young" would you surmise? Or is it probably more likely based on a sliding scale. Long story short, I am talking to a girl younger than me and while I feel weird about it, no one I work with seems to care. It's my family/friends that I worry about. I'm almost afraid to introduce her to them for fear they will question her age.

 

For anyone who doesn't know my age, she's 18. How old would I be if I was too old for her?

 

I'll hang up and listen.

If she's 18 and in high-school then it's really weird no matter how old your are. If she's in college or at least not living with her parents, I think it would be socially acceptable into your mid 20's. No matter what, some people will judge you for seeing or being with a girl who is barely an adult.

[Kyyle23]

I'll keep this brief and not go in to much detail, but.....how many years younger than a guy is "too young" would you surmise? Or is it probably more likely based on a sliding scale. Long story short, I am talking to a girl younger than me and while I feel weird about it, no one I work with seems to care. It's my family/friends that I worry about. I'm almost afraid to introduce her to them for fear they will question her age.

 

For anyone who doesn't know my age, she's 18. How old would I be if I was too old for her?

 

I'll hang up and listen.

 

When I was 23 I dated a 19 year old, and it felt odd. She was still talking about high school stuff and I was just past that, we didn't date for very long. Different strokes for different folks, but you might get that vibe

[GGajewski18]

If she's 18 and in high-school then it's really weird no matter how old your are. If she's in college or at least not living with her parents, I think it would be socially acceptable into your mid 20's. No matter what, some people will judge you for seeing or being with a girl who is barely an adult.

 

I agree with this. If she's in HS, people will definitely judge. If she's in college, experiencing things on her own, you're good.

[RockRaines]

A girl that young isnt for "dating" shes for banging, maybe. People arent really to be seriously dating at that age, but are really great at fighting and breaking up and then making up.

[pettie4sox]

No lol

 

Best nip that s*** in the bud. Overly critical people need to be told they are doing something that's not kosher as soon as possible.

 

You do need to sit her down and tell her your thoughts. If she is not willing to accept it, might be best to move on.

[pettie4sox]

I'll keep this brief and not go in to much detail, but.....how many years younger than a guy is "too young" would you surmise? Or is it probably more likely based on a sliding scale. Long story short, I am talking to a girl younger than me and while I feel weird about it, no one I work with seems to care. It's my family/friends that I worry about. I'm almost afraid to introduce her to them for fear they will question her age.

 

For anyone who doesn't know my age, she's 18. How old would I be if I was too old for her?

 

I'll hang up and listen.

 

My 0.02 cents, just don't do it. I'm inclined to agree with Rock, just have some fun and move on.

[ChiSox_Sonix]

I'll keep this brief and not go in to much detail, but.....how many years younger than a guy is "too young" would you surmise? Or is it probably more likely based on a sliding scale. Long story short, I am talking to a girl younger than me and while I feel weird about it, no one I work with seems to care. It's my family/friends that I worry about. I'm almost afraid to introduce her to them for fear they will question her age.

 

For anyone who doesn't know my age, she's 18. How old would I be if I was too old for her?

 

I'll hang up and listen.

 

Ok, so I've kind of been there. Long story short. Met a girl on my 26th birthday. She worked at the bar. I assumed she was at least 21. She gave me her number that night and I began talking with her later that week. Spoke for about a week before finally able to get together. Went out a few times and realized I may have been wrong about her age. She was 18 almost 19. We got along great, she was fun, interested in things I was, somehow followed the White Sox (seriously, upstate NY girl, it was unreal), it was great. Hung out for a couple months. However, it became clear a few weeks in that it was odd. At least to me. It was fun, no doubt about that, but we were in different places. She wanted to go out on days like, you know, Wednesday, I had to get up at 6 for real life in the next morning. Stuff like that. It just wasn't gonna work. She also didn't seem to be interested in anything serious, which makes sense since she was 19. We remained friends afterwards. It really may have worked had we met 8 years later, but at that point in life, it's really hard to get anything out of something like that other than a temporary good time. So I'm not saying don't go forward, just know what you're doing and don't expect much other than some probably temporary fun.

[RockRaines]

At the end of the day, there are tons of women out there, dont try to fit a square peg in a round hole.

[BlackSox13]

She has a good job. I'm still currently in school, graduating in May. I'm researching what I want to do with my life lol.

 

We actually made it work while going to 2 different schools too. We met at Aurora University, then I transferred after 2 years and were still kicking. Just now that we got older, she's expecting a ring and all that. Doesn't help that all our friends and their mothers are getting engaged/married.

 

 

 

Yeah we have. I always say I'll try to live with her after graduation, but she won't accept that as an answer. She says I have money, you don't have to pay. Then I always say yeah, but you'll boss me around and say this is your place and la la la ect. Much like the sandwich thing lol.

 

 

 

I make a great sandwich.

I don't doubt she loves you but if she lectures you on how to spread Mayo, she sounds overbearing ( no disrespect intended). Next question is, what is her mother like? Does her mother boss her father around? There is something to be said about if you want to know what a woman will be like later in life, look at her mother is now. Not always true but in my personal experiences, it has proven to be pretty accurate and even scared the s*** out of me with a few women I dated years ago.

 

The money part is what's alarming to me. Too many times, money is used in a relationship like baiting a rabbit with a carrot or offering a dog a cookie if it's good and jumps through the hoops. I hope that's not the case for you and your girlfriend.

[BlackSox13]

A girl that young isnt for "dating" shes for banging, maybe. People arent really to be seriously dating at that age, but are really great at fighting and breaking up and then making up.

So much truth in this post. Just ride the wave for however long it lasts while knowing that eventually it will end.

[GGajewski18]

I don't doubt she loves you but if she lectures you on how to spread Mayo, she sounds overbearing ( no disrespect intended). Next question is, what is her mother like? Does her mother boss her father around? There is something to be said about if you want to know what a woman will be like later in life, look at her mother is now. Not always true but in my personal experiences, it has proven to be pretty accurate and even scared the s*** out of me with a few women I dated years ago.

 

The money part is what's alarming to me. Too many times, money is used in a relationship like baiting a rabbit with a carrot or offering a dog a cookie if it's good and jumps through the hoops. I hope that's not the case for you and your girlfriend.

 

Her mother is a great woman. Very nice to me and everyone in the family. No issues there.

[BlackSox13]

At the end of the day, there are tons of women out there, dont try to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Yep, there's no shortage of women in the world. Finding someone that will accept you for who you are and not what they think you should be is what's important.

[BlackSox13]

Her mother is a great woman. Very nice to me and everyone in the family. No issues there.

Well, that's an encouraging sign.

[knightni]

How long were you dating?

 

I'm kind of in the same boat that everything I do is critiqued. I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 years and she wants to move in after I graduate in May, but I really don't want to because I don't have a job lined up yet and no money for rent on a place.

 

Just last week she said I was spreading mayonnaise on my sandwich wrong. I dropped the knife and walked out of the kitchen.

 

 

Yeah, I started laughing and then she wanted to show me how to do it. I was just like, "are you serious right now?" Just insane.

 

 

No she didn't realize it. I just ignored her after that. It's been 5 years and she wants to get married within the next 2 and I just don't think I'm ready for that. On top of that, she wants to have kids before were 30 (we both just turned 24).

 

I'm just not ready for all that right now and it's been 5 years, I do love and care about her, but it seems like we just want different things in our lives at this moment. It sucks.

 

 

She has a good job. I'm still currently in school, graduating in May. I'm researching what I want to do with my life lol.

 

We actually made it work while going to 2 different schools too. We met at Aurora University, then I transferred after 2 years and were still kicking. Just now that we got older, she's expecting a ring and all that. Doesn't help that all our friends and their mothers are getting engaged/married.

 

 

 

Yeah we have. I always say I'll try to live with her after graduation, but she won't accept that as an answer. She says I have money, you don't have to pay. Then I always say yeah, but you'll boss me around and say this is your place and la la la ect. Much like the sandwich thing lol.

 

 

 

I make a great sandwich.

 

 

I agree with this. If she's in HS, people will definitely judge. If she's in college, experiencing things on her own, you're good.

 

I don't doubt she loves you but if she lectures you on how to spread Mayo, she sounds overbearing ( no disrespect intended). Next question is, what is her mother like? Does her mother boss her father around? There is something to be said about if you want to know what a woman will be like later in life, look at her mother is now. Not always true but in my personal experiences, it has proven to be pretty accurate and even scared the s*** out of me with a few women I dated years ago.

 

The money part is what's alarming to me. Too many times, money is used in a relationship like baiting a rabbit with a carrot or offering a dog a cookie if it's good and jumps through the hoops. I hope that's not the case for you and your girlfriend.

You need someone willing to be flexible and allow you to have your own way of doing things at times. You may pass off her domineering "quirks" and say "okay" to her all of the time, but bitterness will slowly build up inside of you and you'll act out/blow up someday.

 

Relationships need to be two way streets.

 

I was in a relationship for a few months with a woman, and found that her rigidness and nitpicking made me feel better to be away from her than with her. Sure, we had romantic feelings toward each other, but we were clearly not compatible.

 

Everyone should be allowed latitude and independence.

[Soxbadger]

I'll keep this brief and not go in to much detail, but.....how many years younger than a guy is "too young" would you surmise? Or is it probably more likely based on a sliding scale. Long story short, I am talking to a girl younger than me and while I feel weird about it, no one I work with seems to care. It's my family/friends that I worry about. I'm almost afraid to introduce her to them for fear they will question her age.

 

For anyone who doesn't know my age, she's 18. How old would I be if I was too old for her?

 

I'll hang up and listen.

 

There is a mathematical formula for acceptable age.

 

Age/2 + 7

 

Ie If youre 24 the youngest you can date is 19.

 

Im partially joking but that formula is actually a real thing.

 

That being said, when I was 21 I dated someone who was 19. I liked to go to bars and stuff so it was horrible cause she had to use a fake id, etc. After that experience I decided Id never date anyone under 21 again. Right now my gf is 8 years younger than me, sometimes its strange because there are things from my childhood etc that she has no reference to. But we have a lot of similarities and it generally works. It also just barely is okay on the formula (haha).

 

But really its your choice, dont worry about what other people think, just consider what you want and how your lifestyle works.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Good stuff guys. So like I said, she's 18 and I'm......25. What's interesting is that I was also talking to a 19 year old girl, one who is about to turn 20, and she acted WAY younger than this 18 year old. The nearly-20-year-old actually SAYS L-O-L, and say "bae" and "gucci" and "fleek" and those terms that kind of make me cringe because I remember how young she is. The 18 year old, doesn't say any of those things. She IS in fact in HS still, but has 2 jobs in addition to school. I don't know if that somehow has matured her, but if you had a conversation with this girl, you'd think she is probably 23-24. So that part I enjoy a lot.

 

So I guess I'll just keep playing it by ear.

Edited February 19, 2016 by Chilihead90

[knightni]

Good stuff guys. So like I said, she's 18 and I'm......25. What's interesting is that I was also talking to a 19 year old girl, one who is about to turn 20, and she acted WAY younger than this 18 year old. The nearly-20-year-old actually SAYS L-O-L, and say "bae" and "gucci" and "fleek" and those terms that kind of make me cringe because I remember how young she is. The 18 year old, doesn't say any of those things. She IS in fact in HS still, but has 2 jobs in addition to school. I don't know if that somehow has matured her, but if you had a conversation with this girl, you'd think she is probably 23-24. So that part I enjoy a lot.

 

So I guess I'll just keep playing it by ear.

I'm going to be 43, my wife is 27.

 

It's maturity and common interest more than anything.

[knightni]

Except less than a year ago, he'd be walking a fine line that could eventually get him in jail.

 

Everyone is unique, I understand that, but the gap between high school and AFTER college is so large, I wouldn't feel right.

I know that this is a foreign concept with some people, but it's not illegal to date a 17 year old, just have sex with one.

[Quin]

Good stuff guys. So like I said, she's 18 and I'm......25. What's interesting is that I was also talking to a 19 year old girl, one who is about to turn 20, and she acted WAY younger than this 18 year old. The nearly-20-year-old actually SAYS L-O-L, and say "bae" and "gucci" and "fleek" and those terms that kind of make me cringe because I remember how young she is. The 18 year old, doesn't say any of those things. She IS in fact in HS still, but has 2 jobs in addition to school. I don't know if that somehow has matured her, but if you had a conversation with this girl, you'd think she is probably 23-24. So that part I enjoy a lot.

 

So I guess I'll just keep playing it by ear.

 

I was a senior in HS and dated a freshman. It felt weird man.

 

And gucci is definitely some stuff that was around when I was in HS.

 

My advice - don't do anything right now. Be friends. Revisit after she's out of HS.