Relationship Advice Thread

[Chisoxfn]

I'm sorry, its just creepy. My general rule is if you are both in college, throw age out of the window...if they are in college and you are out, the gaap should be pretty short (as in they are in college but getting close to getting out or have a pretty good path on there shoulder).

 

Said another way, if you showed up at my house knowingly to pick up my daughter, I'd probably take a bat out and tell you to stay away and if you ever showed up again, the bat would be beside your head and yes, I realize the consequences of that. And this is from a person who has never thrown a legit punch/got in a fight in their life.

 

Edit: I should point out, my daughter would also get a scolding (and I'd probably be in a panic of what did I do wrong).

[SoxFan562004]

I know that this is a foreign concept with some people, but it's not illegal to date a 17 year old, just have sex with one.

Varies state to state, IL 17 is perfectly legal unless you're in a position of authority.

[Brian]

This whole conversation has become very uncomfortable.

[Chicago White Sox]

This thread is reminding me of a classic Always Sunny episode:

 

[iamshack]

Oh jesus, you guys are being dramatic.

 

As long as it isn't illegal, do whatever you want. Life is too short to worry about what other people think. Just recognize what comes with the territory with your partner.

[Chicago White Sox]

Oh jesus, you guys are being dramatic.

 

As long as it isn't illegal, do whatever you want. Life is too short to worry about what other people think. Just recognize what comes with the territory with your partner.

Honest question shack, but if you had an 18 year old daughter in high school, would you want her dating a 25 year old?

 

I guess I don't see how some arbitrary age requirement that it makes it legal also makes it morally acceptable. IMO, kids in high school are not adults. For an adult man to date or sleep with one is weird to me. I'm not going to call Joe some sort of monster or anything like it, but it definitely feels morally wrong to me and I wouldn't partake in such actions. And that's great to say "life is too short to worry what other people think", but people's perceptions can have long-term consequences. Unless this chick is his potential soul mate, being known as the 25 year old picking up high school chicks may have a negative impact in his social circle and for what gain? He wanted some feedback from the site and for the most part I think the responses have been pretty fair.

 

And question for you Joe, but how did you meet this girl?

Edited February 20, 2016 by Chicago White Sox

[iamshack]

Honest question shack, but if you had an 18 year old daughter in high school, would you want her dating a 25 year old?

 

I guess I don't see how some arbitrary age requirement that it makes it legal also makes it morally acceptable. IMO, kids in high school are not adults. For an adult man to date or sleep with one is weird to me. I'm not going to call Joe some sort of monster or anything like it, but it definitely feels morally wrong to me and I wouldn't partake in such actions. And that's great to say "life is too short to worry what other people think", but people's perceptions can have long-term consequences. Unless this chick is his potential soul mate, being known as the 25 year old picking up high school chicks may have a negative impact in his social circle and for what gain? He wanted some feedback from the site and for the most part I think the responses have been pretty fair.

 

And question for you Joe, but how did you meet this girl?

The legality of it doesn't make any difference to me in terms of whether it is moral or not. I would just advise that at a minimum, people try to avoid participating in illegal acts.

 

But if you want to get into the morality of the issue, you're own argument is playing against you. You're saying using an arbitrary age is incorrect, but then saying kids in high school are not adults. You are essentially making the same argument, just substituting what grade level someone is in for what age they are.

 

I agree with Joe on this. And I don't agree with Joe on much. People are different, depending on their background, upbringing, intelligence, life experience, etc. Yes, in general, it takes most people to get through adolescence before they are mature enough to engage in meaningful relationships, which, apparently, is what a 25 year old desires. However, females are generally more mature at similar ages than males. Secondly, everyone is a little bit different. There are plenty of 18-19 year olds who are more mature and responsible than 22 year olds or even 25 year olds.

 

As for what I might be comfortable with as a parent, I can't say with any reasonable degree of certainty, because a) I don't have an 18 year old; and b) I don't have a daughter. However, I would hope that I respect my child enough to not make the same arbitrary decisions on their behalf that you are condemning here.

 

If you really nailed me down on it though, yes, I think I would be suspicious of any 25 year old that was interested in an 18 year old unless the 18 year old was super hot. Otherwise, a 25 year old should be trying to bang 23 year olds.

[greg775]

Honest question shack, but if you had an 18 year old daughter in high school, would you want her dating a 25 year old?

 

I guess I don't see how some arbitrary age requirement that it makes it legal also makes it morally acceptable. IMO, kids in high school are not adults. For an adult man to date or sleep with one is weird to me. I'm not going to call Joe some sort of monster or anything like it, but it definitely feels morally wrong to me and I wouldn't partake in such actions. And that's great to say "life is too short to worry what other people think", but people's perceptions can have long-term consequences. Unless this chick is his potential soul mate, being known as the 25 year old picking up high school chicks may have a negative impact in his social circle and for what gain? He wanted some feedback from the site and for the most part I think the responses have been pretty fair.

 

And question for you Joe, but how did you meet this girl?

I don't think we're sure she is in high school. She could be 18 and a freshman in college. If she's in high school and living at home I think we'd all agree society would look down upon this one. Like chisox said, bringing a bat to the door might be in order. It's a big difference if she's in college.

[Kyyle23]

I don't think we're sure she is in high school. She could be 18 and a freshman in college. If she's in high school and living at home I think we'd all agree society would look down upon this one. Like chisox said, bringing a bat to the door might be in order. It's a big difference if she's in college.

 

No, chili said she is in high school

[greg775]

No, chili said she is in high school

Wow. I don't think a 25 year old can be going out with a high school senior. That would mean prom date is a 25 year old. That's too old for a high schooler IMO.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Wow. I don't think a 25 year old can be going out with a high school senior. That would mean prom date is a 25 year old. That's too old for a high schooler IMO.

 

I asked her about prom, not because I wanted to go obviously, just because I was curious. She said she doesn't do any of that HS stuff and can't handle being around people who goes to school with.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

And question for you Joe, but how did you meet this girl?

 

How any young single person meets someone else.... Tinder.

[greg775]

I asked her about prom, not because I wanted to go obviously, just because I was curious. She said she doesn't do any of that HS stuff and can't handle being around people who goes to school with.

Chili none of my opinions on the matter have anything to do with you. I think you are cool. Are you worried about what her dad is gonna do/say if he finds out u are dating her?

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Chili none of my opinions on the matter have anything to do with you. I think you are cool. Are you worried about what her dad is gonna do/say if he finds out u are dating her?

 

Funny you should mention that.... she doesn't have a good relationship with her parents, and already said to me that she will probably never tell her parents that I exist. Now, I have no idea if that's because she doesn't get along with them, they are always protective over her, she is embarrassed of them, or because I am 7 years older than her. Haven't gotten to that answer yet, but it's obviously one I want to and probably need to know.

 

PS: I'm not dating her either. We've been chatting for about 3 weeks. We have hung out twice now, and plan to again tomorrow and a couple more times next week. Although I can tell she likes me a lot, we aren't dating, and things like the question above are going to be a real deciding factor on that very topic.

[Chicago White Sox]

The legality of it doesn't make any difference to me in terms of whether it is moral or not. I would just advise that at a minimum, people try to avoid participating in illegal acts.

 

But if you want to get into the morality of the issue, you're own argument is playing against you. You're saying using an arbitrary age is incorrect, but then saying kids in high school are not adults. You are essentially making the same argument, just substituting what grade level someone is in for what age they are.

 

I agree with Joe on this. And I don't agree with Joe on much. People are different, depending on their background, upbringing, intelligence, life experience, etc. Yes, in general, it takes most people to get through adolescence before they are mature enough to engage in meaningful relationships, which, apparently, is what a 25 year old desires. However, females are generally more mature at similar ages than males. Secondly, everyone is a little bit different. There are plenty of 18-19 year olds who are more mature and responsible than 22 year olds or even 25 year olds.

 

As for what I might be comfortable with as a parent, I can't say with any reasonable degree of certainty, because a) I don't have an 18 year old; and b) I don't have a daughter. However, I would hope that I respect my child enough to not make the same arbitrary decisions on their behalf that you are condemning here.

 

If you really nailed me down on it though, yes, I think I would be suspicious of any 25 year old that was interested in an 18 year old unless the 18 year old was super hot. Otherwise, a 25 year old should be trying to bang 23 year olds.

I'm not using grade level for anything. I'm using one of the biggest milestones in becoming an adult which is leaving the nest and living on your own. And sure, there are exceptions to every rule and perhaps some 18 year olds are mature enough to have adult relationships. But the same would apply to some 17 years, some 16 years old, etc. Where do you draw the line? Based on your moral standards, it's sounds like the only thing preventing a 16 year from being fair game is the legal issue.

 

I don't really care what Joe does in this scenario. He's a big boy capable of making his own decisions. But the sound advice is NOT to get serious with a high school student and start introducing her to his friends & family. The vast majority of people will judge him over it and for what? A good time for a few weeks/months? The odds of this turning into a serious relationship are incredibly small. The stain on his reputation (rightly or wrongly) will last much longer.

 

Let me ask you this shack, but would you date a high school chick and introduce her to your friends, family, coworkers, etc. at this stage in your life? If not, why are you giving Joe the green light?

[iamshack]

CWS makes some interesting points and I tend to agree with most if not all of them.

 

It's weird because even though girls are physically mature at 18, they are far from mature at that age. When serving high school 18 year olds at a restaurant it is almost comical. They all giggle and order the same thing and whisper about each other while the others order and laugh again. I'm in my early 20's and the divide is huge.

 

As others have said, I think moving away from home and being out on your own makes you grow up exponentially quicker than you had in years past. Plus, college changes a lot of people's thinking and ideologies. Or if they're not the college type, working the grind like an adult and working with adults does that same thing.

Brian, you are far more mature than most twenty-two year olds. I would wager a lot on that, and I have never met you.

[iamshack]

I'm not using grade level for anything. I'm using one of the biggest milestones in becoming an adult which is leaving the nest and living on your own. And sure, there are exceptions to every rule and perhaps some 18 year olds are mature enough to have adult relationships. But the same would apply to some 17 years, some 16 years old, etc. Where do you draw the line? Based on your moral standards, it's sounds like the only thing preventing a 16 year from being fair game is the legal issue.

 

I don't really care what Joe does in this scenario. He's a big boy capable of making his own decisions. But the sound advice is NOT to get serious with a high school student and start introducing her to his friends & family. The vast majority of people will judge him over it and for what? A good time for a few weeks/months? The odds of this turning into a serious relationship are incredibly small. The stain on his reputation (rightly or wrongly) will last much longer.

 

Let me ask you this shack, but would you date a high school chick and introduce her to your friends, family, coworkers, etc. at this stage in your life? If not, why are you giving Joe the green light?

Milstones, age, leaving the nest, etc...these are all generalizations that don't apply to everyone.

 

As for my moral standards, they are guided by not making judgments based on whether someone is a high school senior or a college freshman. My moral standards are guided by the fact that I've seen all kinds of different people find love/comfort/happiness with each other, irregardless of age/gender/race, etc. Being a 38 year old that "played the field" for a large portion of my adult life, especially for 6 years in Vegas, I've dated a lot of different women from a lot of different walks of life. Doctors, lawyers, strippers, pool waitresses, librarians, bartenders, teachers, scientists, hairdressers, divorcees, mifs, african american women, asian women, women 15 years older than me, women 10 years younger than me, etc. One would be amazed at some of those that I really hit it off with...it's not always who you, or me, or "others" might expect that I would have.

 

Now I get it - generally for a serious relationship to be possible it must occur between two consenting adults, and generally an adult is defined as someone right around the age of the girl Joe is talking to. And I don't disagree, people are going to judge him because most young adults date others that are of very similar ages due to the structure of the schools they attend. But, at some point around college, because young adults are perceived to reach a certain level of maturity, many of these strict rules fall away, and with them, much of the judgment you are so concerned about. All I will say is, some people reach that level of maturity well before college, and some people don't reach it until well after college (and some never at all .

 

You ask if I would date a high school senior today? Not likely. But I generally don't get along with young women...I have always preferred women in their thirties/early forties, even when I was in my twenties and early thirties still. However though, an interesting point...when I was in my early twenties, I worked as a manager in a retail clothing store and was around a LOT of 18-21 year old girls. It was interesting how different it was viewed if one was a senior in high school versus a freshman in college. Then, I went back to college as a 24-25 years old, and was again around a LOT of 18-21 year old girls. I don't think anyone made any judgments of me, at 24-25, associating with 18-21 year old girls, simply because of the mere fact that we were both in college, on a college campus. However, there was virtually no difference between many of the girls I was around that were hs seniors or college freshman or sophomores.

 

All I am saying is that we shouldn't allow what our friends or coworkers think to determine who we decide makes us happy. Again, I think obeying the law is a good baseline. However, I know a lot of married couples and I know a lot of divorced people, and there is no formula for what creates happiness. If Joe and this girl find that they make one another happy, what her brother thinks or what Joe's coworker think should not be significant considerations. And while it may be a bit tough at the particular ages they are at because of what others might think, in two years, no one would think anything of them being together.

Edited February 20, 2016 by iamshack

[greg775]

But the sound advice is NOT to get serious with a high school student and start introducing her to his friends & family. The vast majority of people will judge him over it and for what? A good time for a few weeks/months? The odds of this turning into a serious relationship are incredibly small. The stain on his reputation (rightly or wrongly) will last much longer.

Very good point. No matter how you slice the fact some 18 year olds are very mature, etc., this person is still in high school and like White Sox said, Chili will be judged by pretty much everybody he introduces her to. People are hung up on age in this country BIG TIME.

I agree with some former football player who was saying once you hit 30, your age should be listed as 3. At 40 it should be listed as 4 and 50 it should be 5. There's not a lot of difference between 30 and 39 and 40 and 49, etc.

[iamshack]

Very good point. No matter how you slice the fact some 18 year olds are very mature, etc., this person is still in high school and like White Sox said, Chili will be judged by pretty much everybody he introduces her to. People are hung up on age in this country BIG TIME.

I agree with some former football player who was saying once you hit 30, your age should be listed as 3. At 40 it should be listed as 4 and 50 it should be 5. There's not a lot of difference between 30 and 39 and 40 and 49, etc.

In the energy trading world we call that a "handle." Where do you need to be on 50 MWs? I've been a three-handle for most of the morning." It means somewhere in the thirties.

Edited February 21, 2016 by iamshack

[greg775]

All I am saying is that we shouldn't allow what our friends or coworkers think to determine who we decide makes us happy. Again, I think obeying the law is a good baseline. And while it may be a bit tough at the particular ages they are at because of what others might think, in two years, no one would think anything of them being together.

It matters what her mom and dad think. She is barely legal, as they say, and still in high school for gosh sakes. Dating a 26 year old is a big deal. SHe still lives at home. This isn't like a 42-year-old going out with a 26 year old who has been out of school 3 years.

[iamshack]

It matters what her mom and dad think. She is barely legal, as they say, and still in high school for gosh sakes. Dating a 26 year old is a big deal. SHe still lives at home. This isn't like a 42-year-old going out with a 26 year old who has been out of school 3 years.

Well, that is certainly something that comes with the territory. One would hope that her parents will keep an open mind in regards to who Chili actually is, rather than simply focusing on his age.

[Chisoxfn]

Well, that is certainly something that comes with the territory. One would hope that her parents will keep an open mind in regards to who Chili actually is, rather than simply focusing on his age.

Yeah...no...hell no. I am an open minded person but I'm making the claim right now, under zero circumstances would I have an open mind. None. My only reaction would be that this guy is some looser that has had to stoop to this level to try and pick up a girl. Some might disagree with me and I hope to hell I never am put in this situation by my daughter but that is the reality and I'm just telling it like I see it and that is what I'd tell my daughter and I'd obviously probably at this point already be in trouble with my daughter (because she got to this point).

 

Note: Chili, I'm not calling you out, you asked what people's opinions were and I'm just being straight with no filter.

[iamshack]

Yeah...no...hell no. I am an open minded person but I'm making the claim right now, under zero circumstances would I have an open mind. None. My only reaction would be that this guy is some looser that has had to stoop to this level to try and pick up a girl. Some might disagree with me and I hope to hell I never am put in this situation by my daughter but that is the reality and I'm just telling it like I see it and that is what I'd tell my daughter and I'd obviously probably at this point already be in trouble with my daughter (because she got to this point).

 

Note: Chili, I'm not calling you out, you asked what people's opinions were and I'm just being straight with no filter.

Jason, I think in general, you're suspicions are probably accurate...but, you wouldn't give the person an opportunity to prove you wrong?

[Soxbadger]

Jason, I think in general, you're suspicions are probably accurate...but, you wouldn't give the person an opportunity to prove you wrong?

 

I wouldnt right then. She's not even done with HS let alone college. I feel like if someone was in college and wanted to date my daughter in HS they would have to have been grandfathered in (IE they were both in HS when they started dating). That being said, there is no way I am going to consider it when shes in HS and hes 25. Maybe when shes done with college I would revisit the issue.

Edited February 23, 2016 by Soxbadger

[cabiness42]

*furiously taking notes for when my daughter turns 17 in 10½ years*