Relationship Advice Thread

[JPN366]

I think it may also have to do with your geographic location....the attitude you are sharing is much more commonplace in the South, where more traditional gender roles persist.

 

In more urban areas, where more young women have entered the workplace, you'll find it's much easier (and more necessary) to make friends and acquaintances with women of your age.

 

Mark, I don't live in the middle of nowhere. Women are allowed to have jobs here. The Birmingham metro area is quite large and emcopasses most of the county it's in. A good portion of the state's population lives in or around Birmingham. I live 20 miles outside of Birmingham and there is urban area all the way around it and in between. The Birmingham metro area is not much smaller than Atlanta. There is very little rural area anywhere near this area. Hell, Birmingham was listed as the 6th most dangerous city in America in 2007 and 8th in 2008. Those aren't small towns on that list and neither is Birmingham. In fact, that is why I moved 20 miles outside of the city.

Edited February 11, 2010 by JPN366

[knightni]

Hell, Birmingham was listed as the 6th most dangerous city in America in 2007 and 8th in 2008.

 

 

Well, I'm sold.

 

[JPN366]

Well, I'm sold.

 

Not bragging, just wanted to make sure that people don't insinuate that I live in rural backwoods area in the future.

[knightni]

Not bragging, just wanted to make sure that people don't insinuate that I live in rural backwoods area in the future.

I'd rather live in the "backwoods" than in the #7 deadliest city in America.

[iamshack]

Mark, I don't live in the middle of nowhere. Women are allowed to have jobs here. The Birmingham metro area is quite large and emcopasses most of the county it's in. A good portion of the state's population lives in or around Birmingham. I live 20 miles outside of Birmingham and there is urban area all the way around it and in between. The Birmingham metro area is not much smaller than Atlanta. There is very little rural area anywhere near this area. Hell, Birmingham was listed as the 6th most dangerous city in America in 2007 and 8th in 2008. Those aren't small towns on that list and neither is Birmingham. In fact, that is why I moved 20 miles outside of the city.

Whoa, no, not at all. That is not what I was insinuating at all. I've been to the South, including larger cities like Memphis, and by no means was I equating the South to rural backwoods hillbilly. But you simply cannot deny that traditional gender roles persist much more in the South than in the North. IN GENERAL, roles are more defined and segregated by gender than in the North. I understand that women are allowed to have jobs in Birmingham, in fact, your area has been determined to be one of the best cities to live in for the last several years because of economic growth, housing prices, etc. However, compare an attorney's office in Birmingham to one in Manhattan. Compare a marketing firm in Birmingham to Chicago. I can guarantee you that you would see immediate differences in the quantity and character of the women in the two workplaces.

 

The South is still very gentile, more relaxed, more hospitable than the North, and there are gender roles which reinforce those characteristics.

[nitetrain8601]

I agree in that you shouldn't be friends with woman from personal experiences. Just acquaintances(sp?). It helps you keep that mysterious factor, but also keeps you available.

[JPN366]

However, compare an attorney's office in Birmingham to one in Manhattan. Compare a marketing firm in Birmingham to Chicago. I can guarantee you that you would see immediate differences in the quantity and character of the women in the two workplaces.

 

The South is still very gentile, more relaxed, more hospitable than the North, and there are gender roles which reinforce those characteristics.

 

You've watched too many movies.

Edited February 12, 2010 by JPN366

[Controlled Chaos]

You have no idea the opportunities you are passing up by not being friends with attractive women...they travel in packs!

I have many attractive women that are very good friends of mine. Once you get over the fact that you slept together and it's not going to happen again, it's fine (or that you will never sleep together at all).

 

There are far too many women out there to avoid being friends with one because she is attractive. Jesus, jerk off before you go out with her if you need to.

Dude, I'm married...have been for over 5 years. I'm not here looking for advice. Anyway, I never said anything about avoiding attractive women. I said I agreed with him in avoiding being friends with a girl you're attracted to. I took that as you like this chick and she doesn't like you so ya settle to be just friends. I would avoid that there's no benefit.

 

 

 

 

 

[iamshack]

Dude, I'm married...have been for over 5 years. I'm not here looking for advice. Anyway, I never said anything about avoiding attractive women. I said I agreed with him in avoiding being friends with a girl you're attracted to. I took that as you like this chick and she doesn't like you so ya settle to be just friends. I would avoid that there's no benefit.

I wasn't talking to you. I quoted your post, because you were contributing to this ridiculous notion. And oh, I know, you're not looking for advice here, you're here to try and be the man to a bunch of 22 year olds by telling them how to treat women like s***.

[SoxAce]

I wasn't talking to you. I quoted your post, because you were contributing to this ridiculous notion. And oh, I know, you're not looking for advice here, you're here to try and be the man to a bunch of 22 year olds by telling them how to treat women like s***.

 

Not speaking for Chaos, but to each his own as far as advice. Hell I'm going to be 24 this year and I got 28-29 year old friends asking me for advice on women. (gfs, or not since I've had alot of experience) Unless its marriage (god help me), I probably will never need any advice on women.

[FlaSoxxJim]

Not speaking for Chaos, but to each his own as far as advice. Hell I'm going to be 24 this year and I got 28-29 year old friends asking me for advice on women. (gfs, or not since I've had alot of experience) Unless its marriage (god help me), I probably will never need any advice on women.

 

Have you learned to avoid the ones with Adam's apples?

 

 

[SoxAce]

Have you learned to avoid the ones with Adam's apples?

 

 

 

:lolhitting

 

Boy I gotta tell you Jim.. I might have to PM you a funny/crazy story that nearly happen to me about 3 years ago on that subject.

[FlaSoxxJim]

:lolhitting

 

Boy I gotta tell you Jim.. I might have to PM you a funny/crazy story that nearly happen to me about 3 years ago on that subject.

 

That sounds more like a story we'd all love to hear. . .

[Controlled Chaos]

I wasn't talking to you. I quoted your post, because you were contributing to this ridiculous notion. And oh, I know, you're not looking for advice here, you're here to try and be the man to a bunch of 22 year olds by telling them how to treat women like s***.

Coming from the guy with more posts in here then anyone. Not sure why you have such a hard on for me, maybe it's that pursue until you ultimately convince someone thing, but anyways, since you obviously do...maybe you can point out where I ever said treat women like s***. Go find my post and paste it here.

[iamshack]

Coming from the guy with more posts in here then anyone. Not sure why you have such a hard on for me, maybe it's that pursue until you ultimately convince someone thing, but anyways, since you obviously do...maybe you can point out where I ever said treat women like s***. Go find my post and paste it here.

Well, my favorite was your comment to the one poster that "maybe she will let you paint her nails next week" or whatever.

 

We didn't start this thread so you could be a rude assface to someone looking for advice.

 

And yes, I am posting in here in the hopes of actually helping people with their questions, not belittling them like some cocky relationship savant.

[Controlled Chaos]

Well, my favorite was your comment to the one poster that "maybe she will let you paint her nails next week" or whatever.

 

We didn't start this thread so you could be a rude assface to someone looking for advice.

 

And yes, I am posting in here in the hopes of actually helping people with their questions, not belittling them like some cocky relationship savant.

I was being direct, and like I said, I would and have said the same thing to my best friend. I'm gonna tell it like it is and my comment wasn't to an advice question it was to "Haven't spoken for about a week and she finally started talking to me again. Which is a start in the right direction." I'm sorry I didn't lay his head on a pillow and brush his hair back saying...baby it's gonna be ok. It was a shock comment meant to open his eyes. It needs to be done when lust fogs things up. I explained it in the next post...to HIM, if he didn't want to listen he wouldn't. Who the hell are you anyway...I wasn't even talking to you. If you didn't like my approach you should have ignored it.

 

You've talked s*** about me fantasizing about my sig or whatever, then said...I said, to treat women like s***. (BTW Thanks for finding that post. I guess you feel you can just make s*** up, put words in my mouth and not have to apologize.) I have in fact said the exact opposite with regards to the treatment of women. Now you're calling me an assface and saying I'm belittling people like some cocky relationship savant. You've made some pretty direct and personal comments to me and you're a mod???

 

I was trying to help and have pretty much just been giving advice, sans 1 smart ass comment which was said with a purpose. You make it seem as if all I've been doing is ripping on people. Relationship savant....please...I have like 6 posts in here you hypocrite.

[shipps]

This is getting out of hand layoff each other now because it will go on and on until someone gets suspended.

[Kyyle23]

OK, enough. Back to the discussion

[BigSqwert]

Y'all crazy up in here.

[JPN366]

OK, enough. Back to the discussion

 

Hope I didn't spark the heatedness, just offering my two cents.

[Kyyle23]

Hope I didn't spark the heatedness, just offering my two cents.

 

 

No worries

[The Beast]

So I'm going home for valentine's day this weekend because everyone else is leaving campus. There's a girl back home that I've been rather flirty with lately and we still don't know each other that well. What's appropriate, dinner, drinks and hanging out somewhere afterwards? I know very little about her but I wanted to get to know her better. Should I take her out? Where's a good place? I was thinking of downtown Naperville.

[MHizzle85]

So I'm going home for valentine's day this weekend because everyone else is leaving campus. There's a girl back home that I've been rather flirty with lately and we still don't know each other that well. What's appropriate, dinner, drinks and hanging out somewhere afterwards? I know very little about her but I wanted to get to know her better. Should I take her out? Where's a good place? I was thinking of downtown Naperville.

IMO, I'd keep it casual. If you're doing something in Naperville, I wouldn't go for anywhere too fancy.

[iamshack]

I was being direct, and like I said, I would and have said the same thing to my best friend. I'm gonna tell it like it is and my comment wasn't to an advice question it was to "Haven't spoken for about a week and she finally started talking to me again. Which is a start in the right direction." I'm sorry I didn't lay his head on a pillow and brush his hair back saying...baby it's gonna be ok. It was a shock comment meant to open his eyes. It needs to be done when lust fogs things up. I explained it in the next post...to HIM, if he didn't want to listen he wouldn't. Who the hell are you anyway...I wasn't even talking to you. If you didn't like my approach you should have ignored it.

 

You've talked s*** about me fantasizing about my sig or whatever, then said...I said, to treat women like s***. (BTW Thanks for finding that post. I guess you feel you can just make s*** up, put words in my mouth and not have to apologize.) I have in fact said the exact opposite with regards to the treatment of women. Now you're calling me an assface and saying I'm belittling people like some cocky relationship savant. You've made some pretty direct and personal comments to me and you're a mod???

 

I was trying to help and have pretty much just been giving advice, sans 1 smart ass comment which was said with a purpose. You make it seem as if all I've been doing is ripping on people. Relationship savant....please...I have like 6 posts in here you hypocrite.

 

Well, we clearly do not agree.

 

One thing to keep in mind, CC. The guy you responded to is not your best friend. You don't know him and he doesn't know you. You, or I, have absolutely no idea how he will take such a comment, how we might react to it, etc. So in the future, all I ask is you keep things like that to yourself, or make your intentions a bit more clear.

[lostfan]

It just seems most of the time, women size you up fairly quickly, so you better make your intentions clear. I've just seen too many guys fritter away time on a woman who wants nothing but friendship from them. If you make yourself too available to them as a friend, you won't be seen as a potential mate. Being a woman's puppy dog usually keeps you in the friend zone. Of course, every relationship is different. As I said, I was being general. Maybe it's me, but it seems pointless to just be friends with a woman. It seems to go against our natural desires. You make friends with other guys because of common interests or common ground. You're initial reaction to a woman is physical attraction 10 times out of 10. I don't see how you go past that just to be friends. Now, if you start out undefined in your interaction, that's one thing. But, you are initially drawn to her because of attraction. For me, platonic relationships didn't interest me. I just think it's in a guy's best interest long term to avoid platonic relationships with woman. Especially if there is any inkling of attraction. I was just always a go getter with women.

I've wasted my time doing this before. It's a lot harder to know that's what's going on when it's actually happening.

 

Of course, like 5 years later and after she got married she tells me she did want to get together but that she thought she knew what she was doing back then and didn't. Oh well. Things like that are just going to happen I guess.

 

I have a s***-ton of female friends though. I am like that guy in "I Love You, Man." I can't really explain why.

Edited February 12, 2010 by lostfan