Relationship Advice Thread

[BigSqwert]

This is a great place for first dates. Forget the movies.

No doubt. How do you think I got my name?

[Kyyle23]

No doubt. How do you think I got my name?

 

I thought it was your fondness for ketchup on your steak

[3E8]

Women don't like sad sacks, but they do like confidence. This is where the thought that chicks love an asshole comes into play, because generally assholes come off as confident (and sometimes overconfident) and women will eat it up.

 

Yes. Daniel Tosh has a pretty funny joke about this, watch from 3:40-4:40

 

[SnB]

My 19 year old mind was screwed from the start. I chose the wrong school for me and should have taken a year to man up by going to the community college and figuring out where exactly I wanted to go as well as learn some responsibility and people skills. Seriously, I was (yes was, I admit it) a f***ing reh-tard. Instead, I was high off my ass for a girl and chose a college that didn't suit me. Some days I wonder what would have happened if I accepted the break up during my senior year and just started working on my life from there.

 

Even so, when was was at the initial institution, I became the slave of the media and never had time for myself or to discover who I was. So my views never changed until I was able to experience life and drop my "dream job" of covering stories I didn't give a crap about. Forgive the rant but that's exactly how I felt about the media, my grades slipped and I hated my life. I also needed to realize that there were more committed people out there to give their lives to a career they really wanted and that I wasn't the hottest thing on the face of the planet.

 

But anyway.

it's a more common story than you think. Most people go through something like that.

[The Beast]

it's a more common story than you think. Most people go through something like that.

Anyone care to chime in? What's a common part of my story? Just curious.

[SnB]

Anyone care to chime in? What's a common part of my story? Just curious.

everyone goes through a "what the f*** was i thinking" year in college. Where once you make that realization, you have a ton more fun. No one worth a damn is the same person comign out of college as they were going into college.

 

I know I went through the same thing you're going through at the end of my sophomore year.

 

Doug,

Stop over analyzing everything, drink more, go out as often as you can, and good things will happen.

[Kyyle23]

I have a question for everyone participating in this thread

 

Everyone(I think) has a first love/puppy love crush/relationship, and it usually ends in total disaster due to the inability to deal with new emotions and feelings. How many of you had a first love that ended amicably, how many of you had a first love end in insane craziness that left you with some rather embarrassing memories, and how many of you are actually still with(married) your first love?

 

Since I posed the question I will start. My first true love was with a girl I got with in my freshman year in college, she was a senior at my high school and ended up going to SIU with me. We dated for 3 years off and on, and when I decided that we werent meant for each other, I broke up with her for good. She got the last laugh, she dated the guy who lived in the apartment behind me, and basically drove me up the wall with insane jealousy(i know, i know, I broke up with her). It took about 6 months and a crazy 1 night stand to get her out of my mind and get my head right.

[The Beast]

I have a question for everyone participating in this thread

 

Everyone(I think) has a first love/puppy love crush/relationship, and it usually ends in total disaster due to the inability to deal with new emotions and feelings. How many of you had a first love that ended amicably, how many of you had a first love end in insane craziness that left you with some rather embarrassing memories, and how many of you are actually still with(married) your first love?

 

Since I posed the question I will start. My first true love was with a girl I got with in my freshman year in college, she was a senior at my high school and ended up going to SIU with me. We dated for 3 years off and on, and when I decided that we werent meant for each other, I broke up with her for good. She got the last laugh, she dated the guy who lived in the apartment behind me, and basically drove me up the wall with insane jealousy(i know, i know, I broke up with her). It took about 6 months and a crazy 1 night stand to get her out of my mind and get my head right.

Obviously my first love was a girl I met at the end of my sophomore year of high school in broadcasting class. Stayed with her all the way through high school and then went to college by her. When I visited colleges I was given the opportunity to get out of the relationship (as her hormones wanted to break up with me) and I chose to think with my penis instead of logic. (Note: Tell your son not to follow high school girlfriend. f***s things up majorly.) Ah well, should have gone to NIU or UIC and forgot about my media "dreams" long ago. Oh well, I'd rather make an impact in someone's life than sit around, talk or write about sports I don't care about the whole day. Anyway, I got her out of my head but it took me about a year to do so.

 

everyone goes through a "what the f*** was i thinking" year in college. Where once you make that realization, you have a ton more fun. No one worth a damn is the same person comign out of college as they were going into college.

 

I know I went through the same thing you're going through at the end of my sophomore year.

 

Doug,

Stop over analyzing everything, drink more, go out as often as you can, and good things will happen.

Strip club on Friday, party on Saturday.

Edited February 17, 2010 by The Beast

[RockRaines]

I have a question for everyone participating in this thread

 

Everyone(I think) has a first love/puppy love crush/relationship, and it usually ends in total disaster due to the inability to deal with new emotions and feelings. How many of you had a first love that ended amicably, how many of you had a first love end in insane craziness that left you with some rather embarrassing memories, and how many of you are actually still with(married) your first love?

 

Since I posed the question I will start. My first true love was with a girl I got with in my freshman year in college, she was a senior at my high school and ended up going to SIU with me. We dated for 3 years off and on, and when I decided that we werent meant for each other, I broke up with her for good. She got the last laugh, she dated the guy who lived in the apartment behind me, and basically drove me up the wall with insane jealousy(i know, i know, I broke up with her). It took about 6 months and a crazy 1 night stand to get her out of my mind and get my head right.

My first love started in HS and ended right after college. It was the most f***ed up tumultuous terrible relationship anyone has ever seen. Breakups, cheating, fighting, suicide attempts (not me) it was f***ed up....but insanely exciting. We were mostly in lust to be honest, but it was one of the more electric feelings I've ever had. Didnt end well, and we dont talk to this day.

[iamshack]

My first love I met right after graduating HS. I went to a private school, she had gone to a public school, and we crossed paths through some mutual friends the summer after graduating HS basically.

 

She played and toyed with me for a few years off and on while she went to the U of I and I stayed back here in the suburbs. She ended up back in Chicago and worked at the Board of Trade and had her fun with those boys for several years.

 

Thing came full circle as I ran into her again about 4 years ago and started messing around with her during the White Sox World Series run. She was in the end of a long term relationship and was happy to find some excitement. We dated sort of casually for the next 18 months, in which I made her basically make up for toying with me back in college, before deciding that I just didn't think I could ever really make her happy in the long term.

 

About a year ago I get a text from her telling me she got engaged. I met up with her one night last summer when I came back into town and she grilled me about why I had broken up with her, told me she had been ready to marry me, and told me she wasn't sure whether to marry her fiance or not.

 

I think they got married about 2 weeks ago.

 

 

[Kyyle23]

My first love I met right after graduating HS. I went to a private school, she had gone to a public school, and we crossed paths through some mutual friends the summer after graduating HS basically.

 

She played and toyed with me for a few years off and on while she went to the U of I and I stayed back here in the suburbs. She ended up back in Chicago and worked at the Board of Trade and had her fun with those boys for several years.

 

Thing came full circle as I ran into her again about 4 years ago and started messing around with her during the White Sox World Series run. She was in the end of a long term relationship and was happy to find some excitement. We dated sort of casually for the next 18 months, in which I made her basically make up for toying with me back in college, before deciding that I just didn't think I could ever really make her happy in the long term.

 

About a year ago I get a text from her telling me she got engaged. I met up with her one night last summer when I came back into town and she grilled me about why I had broken up with her, told me she had been ready to marry me, and told me she wasn't sure whether to marry her fiance or not.

I think they got married about 2 weeks ago.

 

 

Did you know she was ready to marry you? How did you feel about her coming clean about all of that? Guilty? Smug? Did you feel like you got her back?

[iamshack]

Did you know she was ready to marry you? How did you feel about her coming clean about all of that? Guilty? Smug? Did you feel like you got her back?

 

At the time, no, I had no idea. Although looking back on it, I should have known. She made such an effort. And I did not.

 

I was not happy that she was telling me all these things afterwards. It's really sobering to have someone tell (while they are now engaged or already married) that they wanted to marry you previously when the two of you were together. I have always loved this girl, and always will - we have an instant attraction to one another - but the chemistry was always a bit shaky. Secondly, I never liked her family, and I get along with everyone's family, so that was a huge reason for why I never thought I would make her happy. The night she told me all this stuff she claimed that her parents were like overjoyed that she had run into me again and had started dating me, but I have a hard time believing that was the truth.

 

That night I told her I loved her, that I always would, that perhaps I had made a big mistake in letting her go, but that I think in the end, it would be the best thing for both of us.

 

I guess the jury is still out on that one.

[Kyyle23]

damn shack. Thats a heavy heart situation

[iamshack]

damn shack. Thats a heavy heart situation

Ahh, no regrets...as I said, I will always love her, but I don't think we would have made a great married couple. We knew each other for too long for it not to have happened on its own...

[The Beast]

One of the issues that I had with my old relationship is that it was always about her (not just sexually). Mostly what made me angry was that I always had to be around her family. Always. It was never balanced, she never came over to my place to hang with my family. I enjoyed her parents and at times, her siblings, but ultimately I felt that my ex never felt comfortable around my family. Which is rather surprising because my family is easy to get along with. And when she and I were with her friends, it didn't dawn on me till later that we just didn't gel together. I loved her, but when she was around other people should really be a b****. I think it's safe to say I'm going to take off the love blinders next time and see the woman I'm dating in a more critical manner next time.

Edited February 17, 2010 by The Beast

[Kyyle23]

My story has a more interesting ending. I was informed (as it turns out, incorrectly) that my ex-girlfriend fooled around on me while we were dating with the guy she started seeing after we broke up. This was back in Junior year of college. I ended up beating up some kid that really did nothing wrong. It was fun and it sure made me feel better, though.

 

So you beat up the guy because you thought he was the one your ex girl was cheating on you with, then found out that was wrong and he just happened to be dating her afterwards?

 

How long afterwards did you find out that you beat up a guy for no reason?

[lostfan]

My first love (or what I assumed to be love back then) was just kind of meh... we thought we knew what we were doing but it became clear later on that we had no clue what it was really all about. I joined the military and then we tried a long-term relationship because we thought that's what we were supposed to do, that wasn't working. She was really immature about it when she realized she wanted to break up and decided the way she'd tell me is to just stop answering my calls, stop responding to my e-mails, and block me from IM so it looked like she was never online. Nice. So eventually she finally broke down and told me and I was like "well no s***, it wasn't hard to figure out, but what a piss poor way to handle it" and I had already started on other women. So when I went on leave a few weeks later we saw each other and still had the same physical attraction to each other and thought we'd try getting back together. That didn't go any better than the first time, so this time I broke up with her, she took it pretty well. We've been on pretty good terms ever since then, when I deployed to Iraq and came home for R&R we had some no-strings-attached sex, and every now and again until I met my eventual wife.

 

We stopped talking for a couple of years after I got married but we're still cool. She lives in Dallas now and I talk to her on Facebook every week or so.

[Kyyle23]

About two years later. Turns out she didn't cheat on me at all. Her former best friend is the one who told me that nothing happened while we were dating. They were best friends at the time of the break up and hated each other when she told me that nothing happened, so I believe her.

 

So who fed you the lie that made you go all Angry Ex-Boyfriend?

[knightni]

A guy I knew back then (whose girlfriend was actually cheating on him, strangely enough) saw her at a party sitting on some guy's lap and apparently exaggerated the story a bit. The guy whose lap she was sitting on was actually gay.

So, you could have gotten arrested for a hate crime...

[FlaSoxxJim]

I have a question for everyone participating in this thread

 

Everyone(I think) has a first love/puppy love crush/relationship, and it usually ends in total disaster due to the inability to deal with new emotions and feelings. How many of you had a first love that ended amicably, how many of you had a first love end in insane craziness that left you with some rather embarrassing memories, and how many of you are actually still with(married) your first love?

 

Since I posed the question I will start. My first true love was with a girl I got with in my freshman year in college, she was a senior at my high school and ended up going to SIU with me. We dated for 3 years off and on, and when I decided that we werent meant for each other, I broke up with her for good. She got the last laugh, she dated the guy who lived in the apartment behind me, and basically drove me up the wall with insane jealousy(i know, i know, I broke up with her). It took about 6 months and a crazy 1 night stand to get her out of my mind and get my head right.

 

My first great love was a neighborhood girl a year behind me in high school, but best friends with one of my friend's (bassist in my high school band) sisters, so the summer before my junior year in high school we spent a lot of time as part of the larger group of delinquents hanging out in the neighborhood. During that time I quietly fell totally head over heels for her, and unbeknown to me so did another best friend of mine (the drummer. . . what an ABC afterschool special we were!). Long story slightly less long. . . I won the day and the girl during the course of the next few months, we dated for a few months and then she broke up with me and on the rebound I got swooped up by a girl of incredibly lax morals which was just what I needed at the time. Love of my Life sees that other girls are interested in me and rethinks her decision to kick me to the curve, and besotted as I still am I go right back to her without a second thought.

 

It's all going extremely well at this time, except two years has gone by and I have to head off to college. We manage the long distance thing for a year, but when it's time for her to go to school she goes to Western and I'm at UofI. She decides she wants to explore her new independence (and does so behind my back), and we break up while we're home together over Christmas break.

 

So. . . this in no way ended amicably, though of course I got the "want to stay friends" line. Thing is, she was absolutely one of the most beautiful souls/spirits of anyone I ever met, and even as I moved on to other loves/losses/loves, I always felt I was a better person for he time I spent with this girl. And, eventually it turns out she felt the same way. We reconnected a few years ago via email, and although we have families and lives that are literally and figuratively a thousand miles apart we're very close again.

 

So basically it's totally weird. We had as bad a breakup as you can have, but have ended up in the long run being close to each other and important to each other, although in a completely different way than when we started out together.

[The Critic]

My first great love was a neighborhood girl a year behind me in high school, but best friends with one of my friend's (bassist in my high school band) sisters, so the summer before my junior year in high school we spent a lot of time as part of the larger group of delinquents hanging out in the neighborhood. During that time I quietly fell totally head over heels for her, and unbeknown to me so did another best friend of mine (the drummer. . . what an ABC afterschool special we were!). Long story slightly less long. . . I won the day and the girl during the course of the next few months, we dated for a few months and then she broke up with me and on the rebound I got swooped up by a girl of incredibly lax morals which was just what I needed at the time. Love of my Life sees that other girls are interested in me and rethinks her decision to kick me to the curve, and besotted as I still am I go right back to her without a second thought.

 

It's all going extremely well at this time, except two years has gone by and I have to head off to college. We manage the long distance thing for a year, but when it's time for her to go to school she goes to Western and I'm at UofI. She decides she wants to explore her new independence (and does so behind my back), and we break up while we're home together over Christmas break.

 

So. . . this in no way ended amicably, though of course I got the "want to stay friends" line. Thing is, she was absolutely one of the most beautiful souls/spirits of anyone I ever met, and even as I moved on to other loves/losses/loves, I always felt I was a better person for he time I spent with this girl. And, eventually it turns out she felt the same way. We reconnected a few years ago via email, and although we have families and lives that are literally and figuratively a thousand miles apart we're very close again.

 

So basically it's totally weird. We had as bad a breakup as you can have, but have ended up in the long run being close to each other and important to each other, although in a completely different way than when we started out together.

 

.....so when ya gettin' together to nail her??

[FlaSoxxJim]

.....so when ya gettin' together to nail her??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 19, 2010 by KyYlE23
close your quotes old man!

[Controlled Chaos]

My first great love was a neighborhood girl a year behind me in high school, but best friends with one of my friend's (bassist in my high school band) sisters, so the summer before my junior year in high school we spent a lot of time as part of the larger group of delinquents hanging out in the neighborhood. During that time I quietly fell totally head over heels for her, and unbeknown to me so did another best friend of mine (the drummer. . . what an ABC afterschool special we were!). Long story slightly less long. . . I won the day and the girl during the course of the next few months, we dated for a few months and then she broke up with me and on the rebound I got swooped up by a girl of incredibly lax morals which was just what I needed at the time. Love of my Life sees that other girls are interested in me and rethinks her decision to kick me to the curve, and besotted as I still am I go right back to her without a second thought.

 

It's all going extremely well at this time, except two years has gone by and I have to head off to college. We manage the long distance thing for a year, but when it's time for her to go to school she goes to Western and I'm at UofI. She decides she wants to explore her new independence (and does so behind my back), and we break up while we're home together over Christmas break.

 

So. . . this in no way ended amicably, though of course I got the "want to stay friends" line. Thing is, she was absolutely one of the most beautiful souls/spirits of anyone I ever met, and even as I moved on to other loves/losses/loves, I always felt I was a better person for he time I spent with this girl. And, eventually it turns out she felt the same way. We reconnected a few years ago via email, and although we have families and lives that are literally and figuratively a thousand miles apart we're very close again.

 

So basically it's totally weird. We had as bad a breakup as you can have, but have ended up in the long run being close to each other and important to each other, although in a completely different way than when we started out together.

 

It doesn't sound weird at all. I think over time the grudges fall to the wayside and the important moments you shared are what you remember most. You were in a long relationship with this person for a reason...regardless of how bad it ended, there were more highs than lows. Nice story Jim. So who contacted who first a few years ago?

 

 

 

[CanOfCorn]

It doesn't sound weird at all. I think over time the grudges fall to the wayside and the important moments you shared are what you remember most. You were in a long relationship with this person for a reason...regardless of how bad it ended, there were more highs than lows. Nice story Jim. So who contacted who first a few years ago?

 

It is a nice story....

 

But, I have to disagree with you CC. As a divorcee...and the way it happened, even though I may forgive...I'll never forget. And while I certainly don't want anything bad to happen to her, and I do try to remember some of the good times, I will always remember the way it ended and how thoughtless and cold she was.

 

Alright, I guess I'll tell you. Long story short:

 

There was always a guy she spoke differently about. From our first dates on, I never really trusted this guy, even though I didn't know him. Anyway, we dated for nearly 3 years and got married. I come to find out about a month before our wedding, she was talking to her friends about contacting this guy. Turns out...she did. First through email, then by phone, then by seeing him...and when she came back to town, told me she was out. And after a month and a half of back and forth of "I'm staying." "I'm going." She finally moved out. When? Well...

 

She called me and said, "Could you be out of the house this Sunday, because that's the day I'm coming to get my stuff." I said, "Um, sure, but why this Sunday? I mean, do you know what this SUnday is?"

She said, "No." Me: "It's our 1 year anniversary." Her: "Oh. Well that was the only day I could get a truck."

 

Ouch.

 

So...yeah, not gonna be letting anything fall to the wayside.

[Controlled Chaos]

It is a nice story....

 

But, I have to disagree with you CC. As a divorcee...and the way it happened, even though I may forgive...I'll never forget. And while I certainly don't want anything bad to happen to her, and I do try to remember some of the good times, I will always remember the way it ended and how thoughtless and cold she was.

 

Alright, I guess I'll tell you. Long story short:

 

There was always a guy she spoke differently about. From our first dates on, I never really trusted this guy, even though I didn't know him. Anyway, we dated for nearly 3 years and got married. I come to find out about a month before our wedding, she was talking to her friends about contacting this guy. Turns out...she did. First through email, then by phone, then by seeing him...and when she came back to town, told me she was out. And after a month and a half of back and forth of "I'm staying." "I'm going." She finally moved out. When? Well...

 

She called me and said, "Could you be out of the house this Sunday, because that's the day I'm coming to get my stuff." I said, "Um, sure, but why this Sunday? I mean, do you know what this SUnday is?"

She said, "No." Me: "It's our 1 year anniversary." Her: "Oh. Well that was the only day I could get a truck."

 

Ouch.

 

So...yeah, not gonna be letting anything fall to the wayside.

I agree with you 100% COC. When I said relationships, I didn't mean to include marriage. I should have mentioned that. Marriage is a whole different ballgame. That's a special commitment you make to each other. Things don't tend to fall to the wayside when you're talking about lives being altered. Getting divorced carries way more weight, especially the way it happened to you. I'm truly sorry you had to go through that man...that sucks.