Relationship Advice Thread

[iamshack]

Women are emotional. You just rolled the dice at the wrong time when you called. The kids, the truck, and the day's stress was getting to her and you happened to be the one she chose to vent it on.

 

 

Buy her something nice, and let the issue go. If the attitude later becomes a trend, then talk about it.

No way man, she was sending me snarky text messages! She knew I knew nothing of what had happened to her, and she CHOSE to respond to my text message OFFERING to bring a movie, food, and a gift to her home by saying she didn't have time because her truck broke down...

 

I already did buy her something nice! That is what I was offering to do in the first place!

[iamshack]

I had a girlfriend who often dumped her frustrations with others on me. Same as you, I am very easy-going and friendly, so she felt like she could do it. I didn't care very much (I've actually had the problem with girlfriends not liking how I don't get mad when they apparently want me to show some passion or something), but she eventually pulled that s*** when I was in a bad mood and I snapped on her. That worked in my favor in the short term, as she obviously tried to walk on eggshells around me after that and was, let's say, "nicer". If I were to do it again, I'd have let her know early on that she can't take her frustrations out on me because one of her girlfriends pissed her off. So, if your girlfriend has been doing this a lot, I'd advise you to tell her as soon as possible, otherwise I'd see if it happens a couple more times and then tell her.

Yeah, this has come up one previous time and I think the situation has improved. It has now happened again, so I have to decide whether or not to be a jerk about it or let it slide since it was a "high-leverage" situation.

 

I can say that I treat this woman like a queen so I think sometimes maybe she tries to push me just to see if I have a backbone (kind of what like you were saying). So sometimes I feel they respect you more if you do show some backbone and stick up for yourself.

[Pants Rowland]

Question:

 

My girlfriend's car doesn't start today in the parking lot of the grocery store. Previously I had sent her a text saying "How did it go today at the salon? (she is a hair dresser) I want to rent Couple's Retreat. I have some shrimp in the freezer I could bring over, and I have your sunglasses case I need to bring over to you. (I bought it for her) Do you want me to rent the movie and we'll make a night of it?"

 

Like an hour later she texts me back saying "Sorry. My truck isn't starting. I don't have time for a movie."

 

I was like wtf is this? Like I knew she was stranded in the parking lot and still sent her this text to make her day worse or something. But I figured, hey, she's stranded with her kids and frustrated, I won't be a jerk.

 

So I text back and write "Ok. May I do anything to help?"

 

She writes back "No thank you. Lissa is on her way to pick us up now."

 

Again, I am like wtf? She's like rubbing it in that I am not there to pick them up when I wasn't even aware this had happened.

 

At this point, I am thinking, s***, I guess it was my fault that her truck broke down. But no, I will call her, make sure she is alright, etc.

 

So I call, and ask if she is alright, and she says yes. So I say "What is with the attitude? I didn't know your truck was broken down. Is there anything I can do to help? I wouldn't have asked you if you wanted to watch a movie if I knew you were currently stranded in the parking lot."

 

She was all frustrated, crabby, and crying, and basically said she didn't want to talk to me then and would call me back when she had settled down.

 

So my question is, how does one handle this? I don't feel like I did anything wrong, but I feel that because I am always so nice and helpful to her that she tries to dump s*** on me when she is upset. I don't feel like it is a good idea to allow her to think she can do that.

 

What should my next move be? Should I just let it go? Or should I ignore her calls and texts for a bit, just to show my displeasure?

 

This relationship is a few months old, and we were friends before that for about 5 months. I am just trying to set the ground rules here at a reasonable level, so I don't have to deal with a ton of bs and nonsense down the road...

 

As a married man that occasionally knows when to avoid further argument, I think the answer to the question of what should you do is to let it go. Call up some friends and go out to a bar to watch a game or something to that effect. She was having a rough day and did not need to deal with anything else. She acted a little off, but you also pushed when you might have been better off leaving her alone for a bit.

 

In a day or so, give her a holler and don't even bring up what happened other than in passing, like "hey, btw, is your truck back in business?" Either she will get all s***ty with you about it again (then you know she is nuts) or she doesn't (she is just nuts like most women); even better, she feels bad that she treated you so poorly, comes to your place and you go at it like rabbits (still probably nuts, but who cares?).

[knightni]

I doubt that she has a clue that 1. she insulted him and 2. it bothers him.

 

 

[iamshack]

I doubt that she has a clue that 1. she insulted him and 2. it bothers him.

I think she knows both but doesn't really think about it at the time. Which is why I need to make examples of it, so that next time she goes to do something like that, she will remember "hmm, last time this turned into an argument," and think better of it.

 

Anyways, she called me tonight and did seem somewhat remorseful, of course, that could be because her car is jacked up and she wants my help.

 

Who knows.

 

Women.

 

[Quin]

I think she knows both but doesn't really think about it at the time. Which is why I need to make examples of it, so that next time she goes to do something like that, she will remember "hmm, last time this turned into an argument," and think better of it.

 

Anyways, she called me tonight and did seem somewhat remorseful, of course, that could be because her car is jacked up and she wants my help.

 

Who knows.

Women.

 

Funny.

 

That's a saying my friends and I have been saying for the past week.

[SoxAce]

Who knows.

 

Women.

 

There's your answer. Like I said a few pages ago, if any guy out there can truly understand a woman, he would write a book by now, and be a billionaire. As the general rule Woman=Confusing creatures. Men=Idiots. That is what both sexes can always agree on.

[Kyyle23]

I always say all women are crazy. You just need to know what level of crazy you can put up with. My wife even agrees.

 

Shack, even though I am late to the conversation I think you handled it correctly. You pushed a little initially when texting and calling, but you let her come to you and talk to you about it. You just happened to pick a wrong day for dinner and a movie.

[RockRaines]

I always say all women are crazy. You just need to know what level of crazy you can put up with. My wife even agrees.

 

Shack, even though I am late to the conversation I think you handled it correctly. You pushed a little initially when texting and calling, but you let her come to you and talk to you about it. You just happened to pick a wrong day for dinner and a movie.

Women are very influenced by the array of hormones that change levels constantly through their system over the course of a month. They are all usually some degree of crazy. But so are men. We like to get into fights to see who is toughest and watch sports with ridiculous intensity.

[Kyyle23]

Women are very influenced by the array of hormones that change levels constantly through their system over the course of a month. They are all usually some degree of crazy. But so are men. We like to get into fights to see who is toughest and watch sports with ridiculous intensity.

 

Men do dumb stuff. Women do crazy stuff. JMO

 

[RockRaines]

Men do dumb stuff. Women do crazy stuff. JMO

 

Spot on

[Rex Kickass]

You're with someone for years and it ends. Not with screaming and shouting necessarily but it ends, just the same.

 

Question: can you be friends with your ex?

[Kyyle23]

You're with someone for years and it ends. Not with screaming and shouting necessarily but it ends, just the same.

 

Question: can you be friends with your ex?

 

people are wired differently on that one. Some people yes, some people unequivocally no.

 

I needed time to forget before I could even attempt to be a friend

[BigSqwert]

Worked for Jerry and Elaine.

[The Beast]

I couldn't be friends with my ex. She downgraded and chased the short fat guy with the pony tail at the "superior school" and decided that I wasn't worth it. I initially wanted to but I think that anyone in the initial panic post breakup stage wants to. At least I got out the unattractive image of her naked, there's clearly more attractive girls out there. OK - that might be a little too brutal.

Edited February 23, 2010 by The Beast

[SoxFanForever]

Ok folks, I have a little situation here and would appreciate some feedback (love reading this thread btw).

 

So about 3 weekends ago my friend Kristen invited me out to join her and some of her friends at a bar to watch sports (can't remember if it was a Hawks game or UFC). I asked her if I would know anyone there since I didn't want to go out with a group of folks I barely knew. She mentioned her friend Sara and said that she is a sweetheart and I have met her before. I felt like this was a set up but I decided to go anyways.

 

So, throughout the night Sara and I end up talking, having a good time, etc. She got fairly drunk but gave me pretty strong hints (I can be blind to signals sometimes) that she wanted me to ask her out. So at the end of the evening as I am walking her and her friends to the cab I ask for her number and she happily gives it.

 

Later on the weekend I gave her a call to get together some time the next week. She says she would like that and we make plans. We have dinner the following Thursday, she seems to enjoy herself and I do as well. As I am dropping her off I ask her if she would like to get together again. She says she does and we decide to talk later on to make plans.

 

The next week I call her and get no answer. Leave a voicemail and wait for a call back. I eventually hear back about a day and a half later. She invites me to join her friends and her out that coming Friday. I agree to join them. That Friday I join them and it is a group of people I don't know and her. I do my best to have fun, talk to her friends, have a good time. She spends a majority of the time talking to one of her girlfriends.

 

Confused by this, I text her friend Kristen who introduced us. I ask her what this girls feelings are on me and whats up with her. She shows interest sometimes, other times she doesn't return a call or text. Kristen tells me the girl has pretty much dated seriously with people since 8th grade (she is 25 now) and just got out of a bad long term relationship. She thinks she is trying to figure out what she wants, enjoying herself etc.

 

I end up seeing this girl again the next night with a group of mutual friends. She seems to show some interest, wanting to talk to me, asking me to join her to come outside to get her jacket, talk to her while she smokes, etc. I end up calling her last night to just see how the rest of her weekend was. Again, no answer, no reply to my voicemail, no text. Just nothing.

 

My question is, is this girl uninterested? Playing games? Hard to get? Lost interest? What do you folks think I should do with this one? I'm attracted to her and have fun when I do hear from her and spend time with her. It just seems like she is keeping me at arms length.

[Rex Kickass]

Ok folks, I have a little situation here and would appreciate some feedback (love reading this thread btw).

 

So about 3 weekends ago my friend Kristen invited me out to join her and some of her friends at a bar to watch sports (can't remember if it was a Hawks game or UFC). I asked her if I would know anyone there since I didn't want to go out with a group of folks I barely knew. She mentioned her friend Sara and said that she is a sweetheart and I have met her before. I felt like this was a set up but I decided to go anyways.

 

So, throughout the night Sara and I end up talking, having a good time, etc. She got fairly drunk but gave me pretty strong hints (I can be blind to signals sometimes) that she wanted me to ask her out. So at the end of the evening as I am walking her and her friends to the cab I ask for her number and she happily gives it.

 

Later on the weekend I gave her a call to get together some time the next week. She says she would like that and we make plans. We have dinner the following Thursday, she seems to enjoy herself and I do as well. As I am dropping her off I ask her if she would like to get together again. She says she does and we decide to talk later on to make plans.

 

The next week I call her and get no answer. Leave a voicemail and wait for a call back. I eventually hear back about a day and a half later. She invites me to join her friends and her out that coming Friday. I agree to join them. That Friday I join them and it is a group of people I don't know and her. I do my best to have fun, talk to her friends, have a good time. She spends a majority of the time talking to one of her girlfriends.

 

Confused by this, I text her friend Kristen who introduced us. I ask her what this girls feelings are on me and whats up with her. She shows interest sometimes, other times she doesn't return a call or text. Kristen tells me the girl has pretty much dated seriously with people since 8th grade (she is 25 now) and just got out of a bad long term relationship. She thinks she is trying to figure out what she wants, enjoying herself etc.

 

I end up seeing this girl again the next night with a group of mutual friends. She seems to show some interest, wanting to talk to me, asking me to join her to come outside to get her jacket, talk to her while she smokes, etc. I end up calling her last night to just see how the rest of her weekend was. Again, no answer, no reply to my voicemail, no text. Just nothing.

 

My question is, is this girl uninterested? Playing games? Hard to get? Lost interest? What do you folks think I should do with this one? I'm attracted to her and have fun when I do hear from her and spend time with her. It just seems like she is keeping me at arms length.

 

 

Sounds like your friend is right. She's looking to have fun. Which means she isn't looking to be tied down, but she still seems to like spending time with you so that's a big plus - right? But this isn't going to be serious with her until she wants it to be serious. If you're still interested when that time comes, you'll know. Otherwise, just have fun. Sounds like a cool girl to chill with occasionally.

[iamshack]

You're with someone for years and it ends. Not with screaming and shouting necessarily but it ends, just the same.

 

Question: can you be friends with your ex?

You definitely can. The way I always look at it is "If I thought enough to date this woman, why would I not want to be friends with her?"

 

It's definitely an adjustment to make, and there will probably be some awkward moments from time to time, but if you allow an appropriate time to pass and try to allow yourself to have the correct mindset, I think it can definitely be done.

 

The key is to not be trying to trick yourself into thinking it's just because you want to be "friends" when in reality it is because you want the relationship back. I think that is where most people get themselves into trouble.

[iamshack]

I'd keep in semi-regular contact with her, but through texts. A text, to me, shows that you're interested but you aren't that interested. She might eventually go for you that way, but you won't be pushing it too hard.

I agree.

She sounds like she is just looking for a cool guy to hang with when she is out and about but with no real structure or strings.

 

If you keep it casual though, my guess is it will turn into what you want it to be eventually. Just be patient. People who often date seriously do so for a reason, just as those who do not do so for a reason.

[FlaSoxxJim]

You definitely can. The way I always look at it is "If I thought enough to date this woman, why would I not want to be friends with her?"

 

I think that's it in a nutshell for me. Barring breakups where there was total betrayal of trust involved, I think it's a poor reflection on your original decision to devote time to a relationship if you don't see enough worth in someone on the far side of the relationship to want to remain friends where possible.

 

[SoxFanForever]

Thanks for all of the feedback guys, much appreciated.

 

Also, agreed on being friends. I have an ex I don't see very often anymore. However, we remain friends and can talk in a friendly manner when it arises.

[FlaSoxxJim]

Thanks for all of the feedback guys, much appreciated.

 

Also, agreed on being friends. I have an ex I don't see very often anymore. However, we remain friends and can talk in a friendly manner when it arises.

Is she still willing to take care of that for you when it happens?

 

[iamshack]

Is she still willing to take care of that for you when it happens?

Nicely played.

[southsideirish71]

New ad for the Diamond makers featuring Hillary Duff and her new fiancee hockey player Mike Comrie.

 

http://chapeltech.net/diamonds.jpg

 

[SoxFanForever]

Is she still willing to take care of that for you when it happens?