Relationship Advice Thread

[The Beast]

Thanks.

 

It's going to be interesting. She has said she wants to move out to Seattle with no strings attached to South Dakota (other than her parents, of course), but over the past week or so has been talking about how she could see herself marrying me. We have about 4 and a half months left together before that date, so we'll just have to see how it plays out.

Is this the same girl as before? If so, wow, you turned that around nicely. I wish that I had your talent, then I wouldn't be searching at bars and playing the bulls*** game. Meh, doesn't matter to me as long as I graduate soon and GTFO.

[Kyyle23]

Is this the same girl as before? If so, wow, you turned that around nicely. I wish that I had your talent, then I wouldn't be searching at bars and playing the bulls*** game. Meh, doesn't matter to me as long as I graduate soon and GTFO.

 

When you GTFO, you will soon realize that its easier in college.

 

[The Beast]

When you GTFO, you will soon realize that its easier in college.

What is easier? Landing a girl or passing your classes to get a "job?" I guess my issue is this:

 

"Hi, my name is...I can tell you right up front that I don't want to work in sales. I'm a closeted introvert and would hate cold calling, it would probably give me ulcers. I'm doing this major to get a degree in management. I don't know what I want to do other than to be an account executive in health care or sports. I'd like to work in PR but who knows. Here's what I did in school. Here's where I went to school. Here is what I'm capable of. I'm not an idiot. Want to hire me? Great, thanks for your time. It's time to go to grad school, try to get a master's in guidance counseling and help others find the right career or college path. And if I fail at that, then I'll go amongst the happily or unhappily unemployed."

Edited April 4, 2010 by The Beast

[Kyyle23]

What is easier? Landing a girl or passing your classes to get a "job?" If nothing gets easier, how does one find happiness? Seriously, just a hypothetical question here.

 

*sigh*

 

this thread is not about getting a job. This thread is not about finding happiness(at least not in the way you are saying in the above quote, which is something akin to finding inner peace). If you werent in fast forward all the time, we wouldnt be explaining the same small things to you all the time.

 

Just a few years ago you couldnt wait to get out of high school to get into college with more mature people where you can get your degree etc. Now you cant wait to get out of college and get a job and "find happiness". Whats the big hurry? Why do you have to skip straight from meeting someone out, directly to discussing what you want to do with your entire life with the girl you are just meeting out? If you would slow yourself down just a bit an look around, you would realize things arent nearly as bad as you think they are, and you wouldnt want to GTFO so bad.

[The Beast]

Just a few years ago you couldnt wait to get out of high school to get into college with more mature people where you can get your degree etc. Now you cant wait to get out of college and get a job and "find happiness". Whats the big hurry? Why do you have to skip straight from meeting someone out, directly to discussing what you want to do with your entire life with the girl you are just meeting out? If you would slow yourself down just a bit an look around, you would realize things arent nearly as bad as you think they are, and you wouldnt want to GTFO so bad.

I don't believe that I was excited to go to college. I just wanted out of my high school because I didn't have a fun high school career. It has gotten better now but I still have the fear of failure in the back of my mind. Sometimes I wonder if I just love the city too much and just miss that atmosphere, too bad the schools are expensive. I discussed that with that one girl that one evening to get rid of her. I didn't have an interest in the friend I was passed over to.

 

But anyway, go wite, go for it!

[witesoxfan]

You arent considering jumping to Seattle, are you?

 

I am. A lot because of her, but also because it provides an opportunity to go somewhere big and to experience life in a city. I have wanted to do that all my life, but I've never had any reason to go to any city in particular (Chicago made the most sense, but the Sox were the only real reason for going there, and a sports team isn't a great reason), and I've never considered Minneapolis/St. Paul because I can't stand that city. Now I have something pulling me out towards an area.

 

I am crazy, but, like I said, I'm also crazy about this girl.

 

---

 

Ross, just calm down and live in the moment. If you are just meeting a girl, you have no idea what is going to happen between you two. Calm down and enjoy yourself. Quit worrying about the future so much. Employment doesn't bring happiness, forcing yourself into a relationship won't bring happiness, and just following societies expectations of you won't bring happiness either. Do what makes you happy. Smoke a giant metaphorical joint, sit back, and watch the f***ing sunset as you relax. Everything will work itself out in the future (I know it's cliche, and I know you need some type of work, but seriously, you'll be fine).

 

Go out and have fun and don't worry about dating girls. And honestly, if you get a little shy or scared or over-the-top affectionate because a girl is too hot, go for a 7 out of 10 rather than a 9 or 10 out of 10. I never had the self-confidence to approach a great looking girl when I was getting into the game, and I would make an ass out of myself somehow or another (I have a famous quote in freshman year when I was drunk...I was talking to a hot girl at a party, and she mentioned that she was single, and I said something along the lines of "oh you're single? Wanna date?" and I was dead serious). I always had a little crush on my current one, but how I actually met her was getting drunk and talking to her...we did that for like 2-3 straight weekends, and we eventually started hanging out sober, and then she gave me a massage, and then I told her I liked her and she told me she liked me, and then we kissed, and then we partied together, and we went on a walk and started making out, and we went back to my room and clothes started to come off...it goes on and on from there, but I eventually lose my virginity and get to the point I'm at.

 

Just go out, have a good time, go to an afterbar with some friends, chill, relax, and be yourself. Have a good time, relax, be yourself, and live in the moment.

[The Beast]

Ross, just calm down and live in the moment. If you are just meeting a girl, you have no idea what is going to happen between you two. Calm down and enjoy yourself. Quit worrying about the future so much. Employment doesn't bring happiness, forcing yourself into a relationship won't bring happiness, and just following societies expectations of you won't bring happiness either. Do what makes you happy. Smoke a giant metaphorical joint, sit back, and watch the f***ing sunset as you relax. Everything will work itself out in the future (I know it's cliche, and I know you need some type of work, but seriously, you'll be fine).

 

Go out and have fun and don't worry about dating girls. And honestly, if you get a little shy or scared or over-the-top affectionate because a girl is too hot, go for a 7 out of 10 rather than a 9 or 10 out of 10. I never had the self-confidence to approach a great looking girl when I was getting into the game, and I would make an ass out of myself somehow or another (I have a famous quote in freshman year when I was drunk...I was talking to a hot girl at a party, and she mentioned that she was single, and I said something along the lines of "oh you're single? Wanna date?" and I was dead serious). I always had a little crush on my current one, but how I actually met her was getting drunk and talking to her...we did that for like 2-3 straight weekends, and we eventually started hanging out sober, and then she gave me a massage, and then I told her I liked her and she told me she liked me, and then we kissed, and then we partied together, and we went on a walk and started making out, and we went back to my room and clothes started to come off...it goes on and on from there, but I eventually lose my virginity and get to the point I'm at.

 

Just go out, have a good time, go to an afterbar with some friends, chill, relax, and be yourself. Have a good time, relax, be yourself, and live in the moment.

What brings happiness? "Do what makes you happy." Too bad no major or career has made me happy. Ever since life has changed significantly, I have kind of just felt like something is missing. When I found out that my initial majors weren't what I expected, I really got worried and felt like I had no purpose in life. That all I had worked for wasn't for anything. And now I'm trying to use my gifts of being compassionate towards others or follow my passion of baseball and football by obtaining that degree towards business. If it doesn't work, then I want to help high school juniors and seniors make the right choices while they still have time to make the right decision. I love helping people, so that's my next plan, a Master's in School Psychology/Counseling Education.

 

I think what would is to be able to live the life that I want, which is to come back to Chicago and be employed or live down there so that I can soak up the city and sports teams that I love while meeting someone and settling down there when the time comes. That is what I'm working towards because THAT is what will make me happy. Sure I go to school in the quad cities but I have a desire to come back home and work my way toward Chicago after graduation.

 

I have gone out and "had fun" and absolutely can't stand the bars and I find that the things I do like going out to include sports. Maybe that will change when I have another semester at SAU under my belt and I can concentrate less on studies and more on the people there. At the moment, I'm working on a few, one that goes to Lewis and the other one that is down in Peoria. We'll see what happens. Once I find what "is a good time" to me and not just a blanket statement that applies to everyone, then I'll live in the moment. Till then, I think it is important to keep searching, keep searching and FIND IT.

 

EDIT: Thoughts on "living in the moment."

 

Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. (I'm getting there, not sure if the feeling is mutual all of the time.)

Keep your eye on the prize – visualize the kind of life you want and never lose sight of it. (Yep, check, want to come back to the city.)

Laugh every chance you possibly can – even if you have to fake it at first, until you remember

how great it can feel. (I'm trying, it isn't always easy.)

Edited April 5, 2010 by The Beast

[The Beast]

I always heard it was a terrible idea to move because of a girl (or guy, I imagine).

Worst decision that I have ever made. I'm sure the sex was better with the girls I missed out on my freshman year.

[nitetrain8601]

I am. A lot because of her, but also because it provides an opportunity to go somewhere big and to experience life in a city. I have wanted to do that all my life, but I've never had any reason to go to any city in particular (Chicago made the most sense, but the Sox were the only real reason for going there, and a sports team isn't a great reason), and I've never considered Minneapolis/St. Paul because I can't stand that city. Now I have something pulling me out towards an area.

 

I am crazy, but, like I said, I'm also crazy about this girl.

 

---

 

Ross, just calm down and live in the moment. If you are just meeting a girl, you have no idea what is going to happen between you two. Calm down and enjoy yourself. Quit worrying about the future so much. Employment doesn't bring happiness, forcing yourself into a relationship won't bring happiness, and just following societies expectations of you won't bring happiness either. Do what makes you happy. Smoke a giant metaphorical joint, sit back, and watch the f***ing sunset as you relax. Everything will work itself out in the future (I know it's cliche, and I know you need some type of work, but seriously, you'll be fine).

 

Go out and have fun and don't worry about dating girls. And honestly, if you get a little shy or scared or over-the-top affectionate because a girl is too hot, go for a 7 out of 10 rather than a 9 or 10 out of 10. I never had the self-confidence to approach a great looking girl when I was getting into the game, and I would make an ass out of myself somehow or another (I have a famous quote in freshman year when I was drunk...I was talking to a hot girl at a party, and she mentioned that she was single, and I said something along the lines of "oh you're single? Wanna date?" and I was dead serious). I always had a little crush on my current one, but how I actually met her was getting drunk and talking to her...we did that for like 2-3 straight weekends, and we eventually started hanging out sober, and then she gave me a massage, and then I told her I liked her and she told me she liked me, and then we kissed, and then we partied together, and we went on a walk and started making out, and we went back to my room and clothes started to come off...it goes on and on from there, but I eventually lose my virginity and get to the point I'm at.

 

Just go out, have a good time, go to an afterbar with some friends, chill, relax, and be yourself. Have a good time, relax, be yourself, and live in the moment.

 

That changes things big time. In my experiences and others who I have consulted on such a topic, the person you lose your virginity clouds your mind into thinking that's your first love. Have you been with anyone else in terms of a relationship? If you have or haven't, could you explain why or why not? Honestly, I'd slow it down with this girl wite. Just a month ago, she broke up with you to go after some dude she had a crush on. She got rejected more than likely, and now is talking about moving to Seattle away from others. That smells like issues to me.

[witesoxfan]

I always heard it was a terrible idea to move because of a girl (or guy, I imagine).

 

What do I have to lose? I don't have any real strong connections to the Dakotas (I love living here, but it's going to be hard to do great things while living here), and I get the opportunity to explore and experience a big city. I might love it, I might hate it, but I know I'm going to hate myself 20 years down the line if the opportunity arises and I don't take it. I want to live a little and earn my independence, and I'm not going to do that living in South or North Dakota where I can just feed off of my parents if I really wanted to until I got something I can count on. I'm, in essence, throwing myself to the wolves. If I live, I'll be a better and stronger person because of it. And if I end up happily married in the process, more kudos to me.

 

That changes things big time. In my experiences and others who I have consulted on such a topic, the person you lose your virginity clouds your mind into thinking that's your first love. Have you been with anyone else in terms of a relationship? If you have or haven't, could you explain why or why not? Honestly, I'd slow it down with this girl wite. Just a month ago, she broke up with you to go after some dude she had a crush on. She got rejected more than likely, and now is talking about moving to Seattle away from others. That smells like issues to me.

 

A month ago, she "broke" up with me, if you want to term it that, because I hooked up with a girl that I normally would have nothing to do with (I don't regret the hook up, but it was a mistake). We haven't actually been "dating" since like early December. We've been hanging out on a pretty regular basis, but nothing serious. Throughout this semester, it has largely been me working on improving myself...because of her, but I'm doing it for myself...while she tries to sort through her life. She's graduating in May, living in town during the summer, and then moving to Seattle in August...not because she is trying to move away from others, but because both of her siblings live out there and she's extremely close with them. She did have a crush on this guy, and rather than jumping to conclusions and freaking out (other than the hook-up, which, as I said, was a mistake), I showed patience and let her have her "fling" with this guy. The worst that happens is she ends up with him and we still end up broken up, and it's no big deal, but if nothing comes of it, we can get back together.

 

At the end of the day, she rejected him and he would still like to be with her. I've seen it first hand (I go to a 7,000 person school in a town that has 10,000 people in it...there are like 4 bars that people go to at night...you know what's going on).

 

She's graduating soon, she's starting what essentially amounts to a real job this summer (it's an internship, but it's in the field that she intends on going into), and she's moving out to Seattle at the end of the summer. In the meantime, she is hanging out with her friends as much as she can while also finding time for me too. She's a bit stressed out, so it makes sense that she has some issues at the moment.

 

---

 

The reason I haven't been talking in this thread recently is because of stuff like this. You can poke holes in every single relationship, leaving people confused, insecure, and second-guessing their relationships. People hear statistics and theories about relationships all the time (long distance relationships don't work, first loves are the hardest to get over, losing your virginity leaves you with a jaded view of your relationship), and most of them have a logical basis, but it's not true for everybody. Most relationships can be painted with a broad, generalized brush (and I'm not saying that mine is any different than anybody else's), but it's much harder to give advice when you don't personally know both parties involved. This isn't to say this thread has been useless to me, because I have appreciated the advice I've gotten. I just don't feel as though I need any more, atleast right now.

 

Maybe my mind is cloudy. Right now, I don't care; what I'm doing feels right. She feels like the one. Only time will tell.

[iamshack]

Blake, I say go for it....

 

It's not like you're leaving Seattle to move to South Dakota with her...I agree with you...go and enjoy the big city young man!

[Kyyle23]

The only thing I say about moving away to be with her is this, if it goes bad, then you are all alone in a city with nothing to distract you from the horrible situation, no family or friends right there to fall back on. You are seriously out on an island emotionally and somewhat physically.

 

On the other hand, it is an adventure, one that could lead to much bigger and better things. It is a brave thing to do.

[The Critic]

The only thing I say about moving away to be with her is this, if it goes bad, then you are all alone in a city with nothing to distract you from the horrible situation, no family or friends right there to fall back on. You are seriously out on an island emotionally and somewhat physically.

 

On the other hand, it is an adventure, one that could lead to much bigger and better things. It is a brave thing to do.

Yeah, you kind of almost have to go into it thinking it won't work out with her, and figuring out what you'll do if it doesn't.

That way you're not pinning your existence there on her, and you've got a Plan B in your head in case you two don't last.

 

I also say go for it - this is the time in your life to try new things, new people, new places. I was way too conservative/worried/complacent when I was younger, and I regret it now.

I didn't do enough living when I had no obligations to anyone. I'm going to encourage my daughter to go where her spirit leads her, and not get locked into "normal" life too soon.

[G&T]

What do I have to lose? I don't have any real strong connections to the Dakotas (I love living here, but it's going to be hard to do great things while living here), and I get the opportunity to explore and experience a big city. I might love it, I might hate it, but I know I'm going to hate myself 20 years down the line if the opportunity arises and I don't take it. I want to live a little and earn my independence, and I'm not going to do that living in South or North Dakota where I can just feed off of my parents if I really wanted to until I got something I can count on. I'm, in essence, throwing myself to the wolves. If I live, I'll be a better and stronger person because of it. And if I end up happily married in the process, more kudos to me.

 

Maybe my mind is cloudy. Right now, I don't care; what I'm doing feels right. She feels like the one. Only time will tell.

 

There's nothing wrong with taking a chance. Everyone in my family wondered why I would go to New York, then really wondered why my then girlfriend now fiance would follow me. Now they are all jealous of all the places we've been and experiences we've had. And let's face it, you can never be more than a plane trip home.

[iamshack]

The only thing I say about moving away to be with her is this, if it goes bad, then you are all alone in a city with nothing to distract you from the horrible situation, no family or friends right there to fall back on. You are seriously out on an island emotionally and somewhat physically.

 

On the other hand, it is an adventure, one that could lead to much bigger and better things. It is a brave thing to do.

 

 

Which I can attest is indeed a difficult thing to do.

 

I moved out to Vegas about 21 months ago, not for a girl, but for a job. I knew basically 2 guys that I played fantasy baseball with for a few years, and that's it. I have no roots here, except for the mother of a close friend who lives out here. Other than that, there is not a person within 1000 miles that really gives a s*** about me.

 

Most of the time, I love living out here. I don't really get too homesick as I can call, text, email my friends and family. Sure I miss not seeing them, but most of my friends are at the stage in life where they are recently married and starting families, so you don't really see much of them anyways.

 

When it does really suck is when something crappy happens, like you break up with a girl. I recently did that and it was hard without that support from your friends and family. You basically have to deal with it alone, which makes you more prone to handling it poorly. This is not to say I have no friends out here; I do. But they are not the kind of close, deep-rooted friends that you really want to talk to when the s*** hits the fan.

 

So Wite, that is just my experience with it.

[Chisoxfn]

What do I have to lose? I don't have any real strong connections to the Dakotas (I love living here, but it's going to be hard to do great things while living here), and I get the opportunity to explore and experience a big city. I might love it, I might hate it, but I know I'm going to hate myself 20 years down the line if the opportunity arises and I don't take it. I want to live a little and earn my independence, and I'm not going to do that living in South or North Dakota where I can just feed off of my parents if I really wanted to until I got something I can count on. I'm, in essence, throwing myself to the wolves. If I live, I'll be a better and stronger person because of it. And if I end up happily married in the process, more kudos to me.

 

 

 

A month ago, she "broke" up with me, if you want to term it that, because I hooked up with a girl that I normally would have nothing to do with (I don't regret the hook up, but it was a mistake). We haven't actually been "dating" since like early December. We've been hanging out on a pretty regular basis, but nothing serious. Throughout this semester, it has largely been me working on improving myself...because of her, but I'm doing it for myself...while she tries to sort through her life. She's graduating in May, living in town during the summer, and then moving to Seattle in August...not because she is trying to move away from others, but because both of her siblings live out there and she's extremely close with them. She did have a crush on this guy, and rather than jumping to conclusions and freaking out (other than the hook-up, which, as I said, was a mistake), I showed patience and let her have her "fling" with this guy. The worst that happens is she ends up with him and we still end up broken up, and it's no big deal, but if nothing comes of it, we can get back together.

 

At the end of the day, she rejected him and he would still like to be with her. I've seen it first hand (I go to a 7,000 person school in a town that has 10,000 people in it...there are like 4 bars that people go to at night...you know what's going on).

 

She's graduating soon, she's starting what essentially amounts to a real job this summer (it's an internship, but it's in the field that she intends on going into), and she's moving out to Seattle at the end of the summer. In the meantime, she is hanging out with her friends as much as she can while also finding time for me too. She's a bit stressed out, so it makes sense that she has some issues at the moment.

 

---

 

The reason I haven't been talking in this thread recently is because of stuff like this. You can poke holes in every single relationship, leaving people confused, insecure, and second-guessing their relationships. People hear statistics and theories about relationships all the time (long distance relationships don't work, first loves are the hardest to get over, losing your virginity leaves you with a jaded view of your relationship), and most of them have a logical basis, but it's not true for everybody. Most relationships can be painted with a broad, generalized brush (and I'm not saying that mine is any different than anybody else's), but it's much harder to give advice when you don't personally know both parties involved. This isn't to say this thread has been useless to me, because I have appreciated the advice I've gotten. I just don't feel as though I need any more, atleast right now.

 

Maybe my mind is cloudy. Right now, I don't care; what I'm doing feels right. She feels like the one. Only time will tell.

Blake, it sounds to me like you've thought everything over and have made up your mind. You got to follow your instincts buddy!! Worse case it doesn't work out, which isn't the end of the world. But there is obviously a chance it all works out and for that chance what you are doing is totally worth it.

[nitetrain8601]

What do I have to lose? I don't have any real strong connections to the Dakotas (I love living here, but it's going to be hard to do great things while living here), and I get the opportunity to explore and experience a big city. I might love it, I might hate it, but I know I'm going to hate myself 20 years down the line if the opportunity arises and I don't take it. I want to live a little and earn my independence, and I'm not going to do that living in South or North Dakota where I can just feed off of my parents if I really wanted to until I got something I can count on. I'm, in essence, throwing myself to the wolves. If I live, I'll be a better and stronger person because of it. And if I end up happily married in the process, more kudos to me.

 

 

 

A month ago, she "broke" up with me, if you want to term it that, because I hooked up with a girl that I normally would have nothing to do with (I don't regret the hook up, but it was a mistake). We haven't actually been "dating" since like early December. We've been hanging out on a pretty regular basis, but nothing serious. Throughout this semester, it has largely been me working on improving myself...because of her, but I'm doing it for myself...while she tries to sort through her life. She's graduating in May, living in town during the summer, and then moving to Seattle in August...not because she is trying to move away from others, but because both of her siblings live out there and she's extremely close with them. She did have a crush on this guy, and rather than jumping to conclusions and freaking out (other than the hook-up, which, as I said, was a mistake), I showed patience and let her have her "fling" with this guy. The worst that happens is she ends up with him and we still end up broken up, and it's no big deal, but if nothing comes of it, we can get back together.

 

At the end of the day, she rejected him and he would still like to be with her. I've seen it first hand (I go to a 7,000 person school in a town that has 10,000 people in it...there are like 4 bars that people go to at night...you know what's going on).

 

She's graduating soon, she's starting what essentially amounts to a real job this summer (it's an internship, but it's in the field that she intends on going into), and she's moving out to Seattle at the end of the summer. In the meantime, she is hanging out with her friends as much as she can while also finding time for me too. She's a bit stressed out, so it makes sense that she has some issues at the moment.

 

---

 

The reason I haven't been talking in this thread recently is because of stuff like this. You can poke holes in every single relationship, leaving people confused, insecure, and second-guessing their relationships. People hear statistics and theories about relationships all the time (long distance relationships don't work, first loves are the hardest to get over, losing your virginity leaves you with a jaded view of your relationship), and most of them have a logical basis, but it's not true for everybody. Most relationships can be painted with a broad, generalized brush (and I'm not saying that mine is any different than anybody else's), but it's much harder to give advice when you don't personally know both parties involved. This isn't to say this thread has been useless to me, because I have appreciated the advice I've gotten. I just don't feel as though I need any more, atleast right now.

 

Maybe my mind is cloudy. Right now, I don't care; what I'm doing feels right. She feels like the one. Only time will tell.

 

I didn't mean to offend you and I'm sorry if I did. I honestly, just don't want to see you get hurt and then have nothing or no one to fall back on. If you believe you would be able to make it through, then by all means, don't let me stop you. I know a ton of people who can't handle dealing with strong emotional breakdowns on their own. You're putting your eggs in this one basket, and if the girl never worked out for you, then you're in a big city, all alone. And it would be tons harder. What if you guys breakup and you're living together. All of a sudden, it would either be super duper awkward at the very least, then you would and she would feel heartbreak each time you guys have to look at each other. And you can't move out in one day because you know no one you can stay with. What I'm saying is, just think it out. Have a back up plan so just in case it does fail, you're not in the rain with absolutely nothing.

 

Best of luck, however. I do really hope everything works out.

 

The only thing I say about moving away to be with her is this, if it goes bad, then you are all alone in a city with nothing to distract you from the horrible situation, no family or friends right there to fall back on. You are seriously out on an island emotionally and somewhat physically.

 

On the other hand, it is an adventure, one that could lead to much bigger and better things. It is a brave thing to do.

 

This.

 

Yeah, you kind of almost have to go into it thinking it won't work out with her, and figuring out what you'll do if it doesn't.

That way you're not pinning your existence there on her, and you've got a Plan B in your head in case you two don't last.

 

I also say go for it - this is the time in your life to try new things, new people, new places. I was way too conservative/worried/complacent when I was younger, and I regret it now.

I didn't do enough living when I had no obligations to anyone. I'm going to encourage my daughter to go where her spirit leads her, and not get locked into "normal" life too soon.

 

I'd say go for it if he has a full proof plan and is strong enough to deal with the ups and downs it may lead to.

 

 

There's nothing wrong with taking a chance. Everyone in my family wondered why I would go to New York, then really wondered why my then girlfriend now fiance would follow me. Now they are all jealous of all the places we've been and experiences we've had. And let's face it, you can never be more than a plane trip home.

 

Tell the truth, you wanted New York style pizza.

 

Which I can attest is indeed a difficult thing to do.

 

I moved out to Vegas about 21 months ago, not for a girl, but for a job. I knew basically 2 guys that I played fantasy baseball with for a few years, and that's it. I have no roots here, except for the mother of a close friend who lives out here. Other than that, there is not a person within 1000 miles that really gives a s*** about me.

 

Most of the time, I love living out here. I don't really get too homesick as I can call, text, email my friends and family. Sure I miss not seeing them, but most of my friends are at the stage in life where they are recently married and starting families, so you don't really see much of them anyways.

 

When it does really suck is when something crappy happens, like you break up with a girl. I recently did that and it was hard without that support from your friends and family. You basically have to deal with it alone, which makes you more prone to handling it poorly. This is not to say I have no friends out here; I do. But they are not the kind of close, deep-rooted friends that you really want to talk to when the s*** hits the fan.

 

So Wite, that is just my experience with it.

 

I've found listening to music, for me, gets me through things. Like I'll listen to music for hours upon hours.

 

[G&T]

Tell the truth, you wanted New York style pizza.

 

mmmm, Sbarro...

[FlaSoxxJim]

Yeah, you kind of almost have to go into it thinking it won't work out with her, and figuring out what you'll do if it doesn't.

That way you're not pinning your existence there on her, and you've got a Plan B in your head in case you two don't last.

 

As logical as this advice appears, I don't think you can really approach a decision like this in such a detached and matter-of-fact way. If you're commited to trying to make a go of it with someone you think might be the one, you throw yourself headlong into it and you don't think about it not working out. If you're in the throes of what is supposed to be the fireworks stage of a relationship you're not supposed to have time to regain your balance and think about how and why it's probably not going to work out. If you go all in and move across the country to be with someone and then it doesn't work out, then you pick up the pieces. I did it, and it was devastating when we crashed and burned, but I'm glad we threw ourselves into it and didn't go in hedging our bets.

[witesoxfan]

Thanks for the support guys. I do want to mention that nothing is set in stone, and I still have no idea what I'm doing. Moving to Seattle would be pretty incredible though.

 

As logical as this advice appears, I don't think you can really approach a decision like this in such a detached and matter-of-fact way. If you're commited to trying to make a go of it with someone you think might be the one, you throw yourself headlong into it and you don't think about it not working out. If you're in the throes of what is supposed to be the fireworks stage of a relationship you're not supposed to have time to regain your balance and think about how and why it's probably not going to work out. If you go all in and move across the country to be with someone and then it doesn't work out, then you pick up the pieces. I did it, and it was devastating when we crashed and burned, but I'm glad we threw ourselves into it and didn't go in hedging our bets.

 

This is basically it. I'm experiencing a big city for the first time all by myself this summer when I head to China (completely different culture entirely, but I'll atleast get a feel for a big city in Beijing, Xi'an, and Shanghai), and heading to Seattle will be a mini-culture shock in itself but I plan on going balls out if I do it. The second doubt has crept into my mind at any point during this relationship, it has begun to erode and it would take quite a bit of time and work to put just those small little pieces back together. If I end up out there, and s*** hits the fan, then I deal with it then.

[dasox24]

I've found listening to music, for me, gets me through things. Like I'll listen to music for hours upon hours.

Agreed... I've found this definitely helps me (or makes me more sad if the wrong song comes on, lol).

[The Critic]

As logical as this advice appears, I don't think you can really approach a decision like this in such a detached and matter-of-fact way. If you're committed to trying to make a go of it with someone you think might be the one, you throw yourself headlong into it and you don't think about it not working out. If you're in the throes of what is supposed to be the fireworks stage of a relationship you're not supposed to have time to regain your balance and think about how and why it's probably not going to work out. If you go all in and move across the country to be with someone and then it doesn't work out, then you pick up the pieces. I did it, and it was devastating when we crashed and burned, but I'm glad we threw ourselves into it and didn't go in hedging our bets.

I understand that approach, but the idea of moving to a new city would definitely put me in "What If?" mode immediately.

Maybe that's just me, but I always look at things not working out first, then decide if I'm in or out. Probably too careful for my own good, and it absolutely cost me some fun experiences when I was younger, but that's how I'm wired.

[witesoxfan]

just found out a friend from here is probably going to be moving (back) out to Seattle after he graduates in a year or so. So there'll atleast be one person I know out there.

[Controlled Chaos]

You're going on a first date with a girl. It's either a blind date or a girl you barely know. Where do you go??

[FlaSoxxJim]

You're going on a first date with a girl. It's either a blind date or a girl you barely know. Where do you go??

 

Dinner and a movie or dinner and drinks. Don't drop more than $150-200 on the night but don't come off as cheap either.