Relationship Advice Thread

[Controlled Chaos]

My opinion is that if you are immediately attracted to someone, there is something about that person you will always be attracted to. If it is something that grows on you, it will almost certainly dissipate over time.

What if you are attracted to her boobs only to see them sag to her waist 15 years down the road?

 

It's kinda that 'it' quality initially. First time you see her...she has it or she doesn't and most people, including my shallow ass, won't pursue it any further if she doesn't. However, I think even if she doesn't have that 'it' initially, some guys can look past that and still fall totally and madly in love. Take for instance the poor bastards out there that don't have my strikingly handsome physical appearance. Those guys might see that 'it' quality in every unattainable hottie they come across, but they're not picking them up. Now they set their sights a little lower and they may meet a girl that doesn't have that initial 'it'. But once they get to know her and peel back the layers, they find 'it' underneath. Once they're emotionally invested, the physical attraction can progress quickly and I don't think it would be any more likely to dissipate over time then if it was originally there.

 

The initial 'it' is physical, but the most important 'it' is emotional.

 

Physical 'it' and emotional 'it' = Good chance for a successful relationship

Emotional 'it' and no initial Physical 'it' = Possible successful relationship

Physical 'it' and no emotional 'it' = FAILED relationship...but a whole lot of fun

 

 

 

 

[iamshack]

Ok, I'll give you guys the situation so maybe you can understand more where I am coming from.

 

I started going to this chiropractor a few weeks ago. She is a 30 year old woman from New Mexico, practicing in Las Vegas. She and her partner have what I can tell is going to be a very thriving practice. She is very good at what she does.

 

She is also very nice and down to earth.

 

So you see, I met her in a situation which was not a social situation, but in a professional one (well, at least for her). She is very natural..does not wear a lot of makeup, and obviously in her work, she is not exactly getting all dolled up like she might if she is going out.

 

Anyways, at first, I was in so much pain, I was just happy that she was able to help relieve it. However, as I continued to go back for more treatment, we started talking more, telling eachother more about our personal lives, etc. I've also noticed that she seems to be gradually becoming more and more well put together each time I come in for an appointment. She seems to be dressed up nicer, her hair is more done up, a little makeup here or there, etc. It reached the point to where the appt I have yesterday, she was just talking and talking to me for the entire time, and she was sort of absentmindedly treating me, and actually ran over the time in my appointment.

 

So I was thinking about asking her out. But I don't want to ask her out if I am just going to get bored of her after we do the deed. I do like her, and I do love talking to her, and she is a very nice person. So I was just wondering if maybe I have been focusing too much on physical attractiveness and not enough on other forms of attractiveness, such as how much I actually like her as a person, and not just how much I like her boobs or her ass.

 

Maybe that will clear up what I was getting at.

[Balta1701]

Here's the question shack...how often does one find a good chiropractor?

[iamshack]

Here's the question shack...how often does one find a good chiropractor?

I know! Hah...she's awesome too...she works on all these european chicks in the Cirque shows...

[whitesoxfan101]

I would definitely say ask her out.....if you're confident you can find another really good chiropractor (which is the point I assume Balta was getting at).

[MHizzle85]

Well, since everyone is out there dating supermodels, then I guess we all must have much, much different ideas about what is attractive....

 

I didn't mean that I only date supermodels or whatever, I meant that if I don't find the girl physically attractive I'm more likely to go start a conversation with her.

[iamshack]

I would definitely say ask her out.....if you're confident you can find another really good chiropractor (which is the point I assume Balta was getting at).

Well, I have had a few other recommendations given to me, so yeah, I can find another chiropractor.

 

There is also the allure of having free professional "adjustments" if it does work out...

[whitesoxfan101]

Well, I have had a few other recommendations given to me, so yeah, I can find another chiropractor.

 

There is also the allure of having free professional "adjustments" if it does work out...

 

Haha I was thinking that as I read your post, actually.

[Chisoxfn]

Yes.

Give me one other difference between it and long-time couples who aren't married.

I might not be able to specifically state one factual thing about it, but I think it signifies a very special bond between two people (or at least that is what it should signify).

[iamshack]

I might not be able to specifically state one factual thing about it, but I think it signifies a very special bond between two people (or at least that is what it should signify).

Right. It is a symbol...I'm just not sure it's worth all this trouble just to be a symbol...

[Chisoxfn]

Everyone who gets married thinks they are going to spend their life with someone though...the problem is, people are usually wrong...

So what, that doesn't mean if two people want to they shouldn't go get married. Obviously I have my intents and who knows what will happen but I got married because I plan on being with the same person the rest of my life. I know when push comes to shove, she'll be there for me and I'll be there for her.

 

And just because someone made a mistake or stuff happens and some people get divorced doesn't make marriage any less significant to me as an individual. I could care less if someone doesn't want to get married, but to me, marriage means a hell of a lot more than a contract. It means an eternal commitment.

[iamshack]

So what, that doesn't mean if two people want to they shouldn't go get married. Obviously I have my intents and who knows what will happen but I got married because I plan on being with the same person the rest of my life. I know when push comes to shove, she'll be there for me and I'll be there for her.

 

And just because someone made a mistake or stuff happens and some people get divorced doesn't make marriage any less significant to me as an individual. I could care less if someone doesn't want to get married, but to me, marriage means a hell of a lot more than a contract. It means an eternal commitment.

Keep reading Jas...

[Chisoxfn]

There's a whole segment of the population that isn't allowed to but that's another story.

And they are fighting for there right to be allowed to? I'm pretty sure those people that are fighting for it are doing it because they too would like to marry. It isn't just for a contract. Yes, there are a lot of other reasons it would be beneficial (as some of discussed) but to me, there is something sacred about marriage and special.

 

I am not going to tell someone else if they don't want to that they have to nor should someone come tell me that marriage is a sham.

[BrenBlackwood]

So what, that doesn't mean if two people want to they shouldn't go get married. Obviously I have my intents and who knows what will happen but I got married because I plan on being with the same person the rest of my life. I know when push comes to shove, she'll be there for me and I'll be there for her.

 

And just because someone made a mistake or stuff happens and some people get divorced doesn't make marriage any less significant to me as an individual. I could care less if someone doesn't want to get married, but to me, marriage means a hell of a lot more than a contract. It means an eternal commitment.

 

 

That's the point I was trying to make! That's what it means to me, and was supposed to mean to everyone when they make that commitment, but people have twisted it all up.

[iamshack]

That's the point I was trying to make! That's what it means to me, and was supposed to mean to everyone when they make that commitment, but people have twisted it all up.

I think it's nice to make that commitment...but I think it can be made just as seriously without having some legal construct involved.

[Chisoxfn]

Keep reading Jas...

I have. I don't agree with it. Clearly we have two different opinions. I respect yours and I would never force someone into marriage if they didn't believe in it being something more/special/etc. I happen to and found the person I will spend the rest of my life with and have every intent of staying by her side in good times and bad. We are a team.

 

Is it cliche, sure. Have a million others said it and gotten divorced, absolutely, does that mean I'm not going to try, absolutely not. (albeit I sure as hell don't plan on it and have always said I would wait it out till I found the one and I did).

[iamshack]

I have. I don't agree with it. Clearly we have two different opinions. I respect yours and I would never force someone into marriage if they didn't believe in it being something more/special/etc. I happen to and found the person I will spend the rest of my life with and have every intent of staying by her side in good times and bad. We are a team.

 

Is it cliche, sure. Have a million others said it and gotten divorced, absolutely, does that mean I'm not going to try, absolutely not. (albeit I sure as hell don't plan on it and have always said I would wait it out till I found the one and I did).

Let me make clear that I do not have anything against people who get married.

 

What pisses me off is the married people who look down their nose at unmarried people.

 

And let's make another thing clear, the latter happens a hell of a lot more than the former.

[BrenBlackwood]

Let me make clear that I do not have anything against people who get married.

 

What pisses me off is the married people who look down their nose at unmarried people.

 

And let's make another thing clear, the latter happens a hell of a lot more than the former.

 

 

 

Those people piss me off too ..you know they have more problems than anyone.

[SoxAce]

I have. I don't agree with it. Clearly we have two different opinions. I respect yours and I would never force someone into marriage if they didn't believe in it being something more/special/etc. I happen to and found the person I will spend the rest of my life with and have every intent of staying by her side in good times and bad. We are a team.

 

Is it cliche, sure. Have a million others said it and gotten divorced, absolutely, does that mean I'm not going to try, absolutely not. (albeit I sure as hell don't plan on it and have always said I would wait it out till I found the one and I did).

 

It doesn't hurt that your wife is hot as hell either..

[BrenBlackwood]

Back to the whole attraction thing ..I think it's very important to be attracted to your partner immediately ...other wise when I get bored or they piss me off, if I'm not attracted and their personality was the only thing keeping me around, I'm out! SEE YA!! ...With Chase, he can piss me off and annoy the piss out of me every day of the week if he wanted to ..I would take one look at him and forget all about it ...then I would take advantage of him ..then we wouldn't be arguing anymore and it's all good. If it was someone I wasn't just incredibly attracted to ..I would get annoyed or pissed and one look at them would make me completely disgusted ..I say hurtful things ..and then I tell them to get out of my life and ignore all phone calls and texts and block them on facebook! haha ..yes, being blocked on facebook is like the ultimate "I don't like you, you gross me out" move for me!

[iamshack]

It doesn't hurt that your wife is hot as hell either..

Oooh...pictures pictures!

[iamshack]

Back to the whole attraction thing ..I think it's very important to be attracted to your partner immediately ...other wise when I get bored or they piss me off, if I'm not attracted and their personality was the only thing keeping me around, I'm out! SEE YA!! ...With Chase, he can piss me off and annoy the piss out of me every day of the week if he wanted to ..I would take one look at him and forget all about it ...then I would take advantage of him ..then we wouldn't be arguing anymore and it's all good. If it was someone I wasn't just incredibly attracted to ..I would get annoyed or pissed and one look at them would make me completely disgusted ..I say hurtful things ..and then I tell them to get out of my life and ignore all phone calls and texts and block them on facebook! haha ..yes, being blocked on facebook is like the ultimate "I don't like you, you gross me out" move for me!

Oh Bren...you are something else...

[BrenBlackwood]

Oh Bren...you are something else...

 

 

I can't help it ..I promise my mother did not do drugs while she was pregnant ..or ever for that matter. I really have no excuse, sad to say! hahaha

[Balta1701]

haha ..yes, being blocked on facebook is like the ultimate "I don't like you, you gross me out" move for me!

So that's why you blocked me.

[HuskyCaucasian]

so.... ummm... hmm.... I have something, rather, ummm.... interesting to talk about. not sure I want to though. It involves something my wife said the other night.

Edited August 3, 2010 by Athomeboy_2000