Relationship Advice Thread

[iamshack]

I believe I know what you're getting at. It is a close friend, and she's a 6 or 7. Not worth it

When I was in my early twenties, and I was managing stores for Abercrombie & Fitch, this crap seemed to happen to me all the time. And I'm not trying to sound arrogant, it's just that I was managing 100 college-age kids who were for the most part, very attractive, sex-starved, and prone to drinking in their free time. As you might imagine, there was plenty of drama and plenty of fighting over guys and girls.

 

My advice would be to continue what you're doing - it's not worth all the trouble - even if she was a 9 or a 10. Even if you were to never get caught, the guilt and awkwardness alone is enough to make it not worth it.

 

A friend of mine, not my best friend, but more than an acquaintance, started dating a really hot girl a few years younger than the two of us. He introduced me to her. Then, I just happened to get transferred to the store she worked at as her manager. I think she spent the next two months flirting with me, being blatantly suggestive, while she was still dating my friend. I tried and tried to resist her, but we worked so much together, and often times had to go on recruiting trips together to universities (and the bars at the universities), that eventually she broke me down one night and I caved. The next several months were awful as the drama played out. We continued sleeping together, she was breaking up and getting back together with my friend every other day, he eventually found out, etc.

 

Well, that was 10 years ago now. The girl is one of my best friends. The guy has never forgiven me. I guess it turned out ok. But I learned to never, ever do that again. The amount of grief it caused outweighed the sex (even though that was outstanding) by far.

[iamshack]

Seen it in person as well buddy. I just dont understand why they go through with it. The one girl said "because I was mad at breaking up with you" WTF? You are clearly one crazy b**** then.

The wild thing is this guy's family is supposedly billionaires. Made her sign a prenup. However (and I did not know this when her and I dated), her father is a multi-millionaire, and she has a lot of money herself. She basically implied that she would never have to work again if she didn't want to, and if she were to get divorced, and we were to get married, neither would I.

 

It was a pretty crazy talk we had...

[Chisoxfn]

I believe I know what you're getting at. It is a close friend, and she's a 6 or 7. Not worth it

I was in that situation before. I told my friend, he denied it and was pretty upset for a while. I told her I wasn't interested. Finally one of my other friends who was very aware of the situation spoke with my friend (who at the time thought I was making stuff up and was not happy with my what-so-ever. I finally got a text message from her that point blank asked if I wanted to hook up and I showed it to my friend and it was hard for him at first but he finally came around.

 

He said at the time he really liked the girl and she was hot (very hot) so I don't think he wanted to give it up. He came around into telling me how he appreciated my honesty about the situation but when I first told him things got really really ugly.

 

And I would never, in no way shape or form, ever do anything to a friend of mine's girl.

[Chisoxfn]

Haha yeah I'm the other Chiefs fan. That's ironic. Finally I think this girl and I are done talking. Which is probably a good thing. She's been wanting to stop talking and on Saturday our convo didn't end well. But she showed her true immaturity when I was trying to have a good convo because I like to try to end things on a good note, but not this time.

 

It's looking like her friend likes me but I'm done with teenagers for good hopefully. Although her friend loves the Chiefs, so that's something we have in common. Her friend is a red head and I've never been into them but she is really cool and pretty cute, but once again I don't feel like getting into that young drama.

Let me say this as delicately as possible, 24 and 18 or so doesn't go well together. Yes, it is legal, but if you are expecting anything worthwhile out of it, you should pass. Most likely you will have zero things in common with each other.

[WilliamTell]

Let me say this as delicately as possible, 24 and 18 or so doesn't go well together. Yes, it is legal, but if you are expecting anything worthwhile out of it, you should pass. Most likely you will have zero things in common with each other.

 

Yeah we don't have a lot in common, but she does like the White Sox so that was a plus, haha. I knew what I was getting into and I've gotten what I deserved in essence. What sucks is that it feels like I'm a complete loser if I can't get a girl who just turned 19 to like me. Even though I know I have no control of who she likes. Like I said earlier, I've learned a great lesson. So I can move on and remember this and hopefully turn it into a positive as far as a learning experience.

[SoxAce]

And I would never, in no way shape or form, ever do anything to a friend of mine's girl.

 

It's one of my personal never do's. My personal bro code (one of many). I don't do anything if they are together or even broken up no matter how hot the chick is. I've even had females who would have been very tight lipped about it all along (together or not with my guy), and still never did it. Weirdest one though was something involving one of my best friend's mother, but that's another story.

Edited October 22, 2010 by J.Reedfan8

[ChiSox_Sonix]

It's one of my personal never do's. My personal bro code (one of many). I don't do anything if they are together or even broken up no matter how hot the chick is. I've even had females who would have been very tight lipped about it all along (together or not with my guy), and still never did it. Weirdest one though was something involving one of my best friend's mother, but that's another story.

 

Which you now have to say!

 

 

As for the other part, I'm the same. I did break that rule one time though with one of my friend's exes but I knew her before they got together and he cheated on her multiple times, hence why they broke up, so I didn't feel bad about it.

[clyons]

Imo, there is no clear cut rule with respect to a friend's ex. Things vary depending upon how tight you are with the bud, how long you've known the girl, how much time has passed since their break-up, and whether you're a lead guitarist for a major English rock band.

[witesoxfan]

Imo, there is no clear cut rule with respect to a friend's ex. Things vary depending upon how tight you are with the bud, how long you've known the girl, how much time has passed since their break-up, and whether you're a lead guitarist for a major English rock band.

 

Thankfully I am, so there's never any hard feelings.

 

In my fraternity, if there was ever a guy who wanted to go after an ex, all you have to do is talk to him and ask if it's cool. Usually they were, but there were a couple different times that the guy just said "No, I really don't want you to." And, out of respect, those guys stopped pursuing them.

[WilliamTell]

This girl I've talked about the last couple of weeks ended contact with me like I said she was going to do. She did it because her boyfriend didn't want her talking to me anymore. Dumb reason but whatever. Anyway she texted me today saying a guy she sits next to in class is left handed and she thought of me since I'm left handed. I didn't want to respond back but after a while decided to respond with a "that's cool". She sent me other texts and I was just responding with yeah's, ok's, not much's, just single phrases and stuff. Finally she said she had to leave and talk to you later. This really bugged me because she told me she was done talking to me and I'm in the process of getting her out of my life and she texts me. I'm going to tell her if there is a next time she texts me that she can't have it both ways where she says she doesn't want anything to do with me, then texts me randomly. Haha I just had to vent.

[Jordan4life_2007]

I've had enough. I want Miranda Cosgrove! I don't care that I'm 10 years older. Lock me up and throw away the key.

[iamshack]

I've had enough. I want Miranda Cosgrove! I don't care that I'm 10 years older. Lock me up and throw away the key.

Is she a prospect in the Rockies system?

[Whitewashed in '05]

I want to see what the consensus is with this.

 

Last night I met a chick. She showed interest (caught her looking at me a few times before we talked, smiling at me frequently, when we actually met she asked me a bunch of questions, etc). We talked for a little while. Then she kinda just leaves and we only talk a little bit after that. I took that as her interest in me went down and that was that. I didn't ask her for her number.

 

I thought I did the right thing by not pursuing her further and didn’t really second guess myself after because of the way she left, but a friend told me I should've asked for her number because she was interested and that guys have to make the move. I didn't because lately I've been thinking if a girl wants to see me again she will continue talking to me and give me some sort of an opening to ask her for her number. Her leaving sort of abruptly made me think she didn’t want to see me again so I didn't ask. So, was I right for not pursuing her or do you think my friend was right and I should’ve? I’ll keep the responses in mind for future reference…

[bigruss]

I want to see what the consensus is with this.

 

Last night I met a chick. She showed interest (caught her looking at me a few times before we talked, smiling at me frequently, when we actually met she asked me a bunch of questions, etc). We talked for a little while. Then she kinda just leaves and we only talk a little bit after that. I took that as her interest in me went down and that was that. I didn't ask her for her number.

 

I thought I did the right thing by not pursuing her further and didn’t really second guess myself after because of the way she left, but a friend told me I should've asked for her number because she was interested and that guys have to make the move. I didn't because lately I've been thinking if a girl wants to see me again she will continue talking to me and give me some sort of an opening to ask her for her number. Her leaving sort of abruptly made me think she didn’t want to see me again so I didn't ask. So, was I right for not pursuing her or do you think my friend was right and I should’ve? I’ll keep the responses in mind for future reference…

I personally hate that guys have to make the first move, so I really like it when girls do. So Ill stand by your decision.

[kjshoe04]

I want to see what the consensus is with this.

 

Last night I met a chick. She showed interest (caught her looking at me a few times before we talked, smiling at me frequently, when we actually met she asked me a bunch of questions, etc). We talked for a little while. Then she kinda just leaves and we only talk a little bit after that. I took that as her interest in me went down and that was that. I didn't ask her for her number.

 

I thought I did the right thing by not pursuing her further and didn’t really second guess myself after because of the way she left, but a friend told me I should've asked for her number because she was interested and that guys have to make the move. I didn't because lately I've been thinking if a girl wants to see me again she will continue talking to me and give me some sort of an opening to ask her for her number. Her leaving sort of abruptly made me think she didn’t want to see me again so I didn't ask. So, was I right for not pursuing her or do you think my friend was right and I should’ve? I’ll keep the responses in mind for future reference…

I'll agree with you as well. I wouldn't expect a girl that just leaves abruptly to be interested. She should have at least opened the door for you to make a move.

[ChiSox_Sonix]

This girl I've talked about the last couple of weeks ended contact with me like I said she was going to do. She did it because her boyfriend didn't want her talking to me anymore. Dumb reason but whatever. Anyway she texted me today saying a guy she sits next to in class is left handed and she thought of me since I'm left handed. I didn't want to respond back but after a while decided to respond with a "that's cool". She sent me other texts and I was just responding with yeah's, ok's, not much's, just single phrases and stuff. Finally she said she had to leave and talk to you later. This really bugged me because she told me she was done talking to me and I'm in the process of getting her out of my life and she texts me. I'm going to tell her if there is a next time she texts me that she can't have it both ways where she says she doesn't want anything to do with me, then texts me randomly. Haha I just had to vent.

 

Again, this is mirroring my situation to a 'T' hahaha. Honestly, it's up to you. I don't initiate contact anymore but I haven't been an ass when she has. She was watching a movie that I had once told her about being one of my favorites so she felt a need to tell me that, along with saying she missed me. It's been 4 or 5 times over a few months now. It's probably not going to cease completely, especially if you humor her when she contacts you. Keep in mind her age. But, don't allow yourself to become the guy she keeps hanging around either "just in case" as a backup. If anything though, this has taught me to pretty much never even begin talking to a girl if she still maintains communication with an ex. Too many times it's all ended the same way.

[Controlled Chaos]

I want to see what the consensus is with this.

 

Last night I met a chick. She showed interest (caught her looking at me a few times before we talked, smiling at me frequently, when we actually met she asked me a bunch of questions, etc). We talked for a little while. Then she kinda just leaves and we only talk a little bit after that. I took that as her interest in me went down and that was that. I didn't ask her for her number.

 

I thought I did the right thing by not pursuing her further and didn’t really second guess myself after because of the way she left, but a friend told me I should've asked for her number because she was interested and that guys have to make the move. I didn't because lately I've been thinking if a girl wants to see me again she will continue talking to me and give me some sort of an opening to ask her for her number. Her leaving sort of abruptly made me think she didn’t want to see me again so I didn't ask. So, was I right for not pursuing her or do you think my friend was right and I should’ve? I’ll keep the responses in mind for future reference…

 

Only you know the vibe you were getting...but I say if you liked her...you should have asked for her number....or went with something like...if I answer all of your questions now, what are we gonna do the next time we see each other? Be confident. Now I don't really know what signs she was giving you or how the convo was going. Hopefully you were asking some stuff too and not just sitting there giving answers. I don't even know where you were or if she had friends there. Maybe she left because she wasn't interested or maybe she was getting back to her friends.

[Steve9347]

I want to see what the consensus is with this.

 

Last night I met a chick. She showed interest (caught her looking at me a few times before we talked, smiling at me frequently, when we actually met she asked me a bunch of questions, etc). We talked for a little while. Then she kinda just leaves and we only talk a little bit after that. I took that as her interest in me went down and that was that. I didn't ask her for her number.

 

I thought I did the right thing by not pursuing her further and didn’t really second guess myself after because of the way she left, but a friend told me I should've asked for her number because she was interested and that guys have to make the move. I didn't because lately I've been thinking if a girl wants to see me again she will continue talking to me and give me some sort of an opening to ask her for her number. Her leaving sort of abruptly made me think she didn’t want to see me again so I didn't ask. So, was I right for not pursuing her or do you think my friend was right and I should’ve? I’ll keep the responses in mind for future reference…

If you like the chick, ask for her number. It's pretty cut and dry. Why should she make the first move? It goes both ways.

[ChiSox_Sonix]

That's a little extreme, don't you think?

 

I maintain a relationship with a few of my exes, and one of them is still a really good friend. I mean, what kind of person has absolutely no communication with any of their exes? And do you really want to get involved with someone like that?

 

Ehh, I dunno. I guess it's just that I've had a couple bad experiences with girls involving their ex's recently. I'm cordial with all of mine but I don't go out of my way to talk on the phone, meet for drinks etc...I guess it depends on the level of communication that is still present, but you're right that was poorly worded. I probably should have clarified that it's different when the ex is a recent ex.

[WilliamTell]

Again, this is mirroring my situation to a 'T' hahaha. Honestly, it's up to you. I don't initiate contact anymore but I haven't been an ass when she has. She was watching a movie that I had once told her about being one of my favorites so she felt a need to tell me that, along with saying she missed me. It's been 4 or 5 times over a few months now. It's probably not going to cease completely, especially if you humor her when she contacts you. Keep in mind her age. But, don't allow yourself to become the guy she keeps hanging around either "just in case" as a backup. If anything though, this has taught me to pretty much never even begin talking to a girl if she still maintains communication with an ex. Too many times it's all ended the same way.

 

There's no way I'm going to be mean to her. She's a nice girl and she means well. I just want her to make a decision about talking to me or not. If she doesn't want to talk because her boyfriend says so (which is a stupid idea anyway) then don't talk to me. I do want to talk to her and keep something of a friendship going, but I also need to move and and I am moving on, but it doesn't help when she randomly texts me about things that remind her of me. Because then I want to randomly text her about stuff, but I'm going to hold back. But yeah, I definitely won't allow myself to be that backup guy like you're saying. Haha I'm glad someone else has just about the exact same problem as I have.

[ChiSox_Sonix]

There's no way I'm going to be mean to her. She's a nice girl and she means well. I just want her to make a decision about talking to me or not. If she doesn't want to talk because her boyfriend says so (which is a stupid idea anyway) then don't talk to me. I do want to talk to her and keep something of a friendship going, but I also need to move and and I am moving on, but it doesn't help when she randomly texts me about things that remind her of me. Because then I want to randomly text her about stuff, but I'm going to hold back. But yeah, I definitely won't allow myself to be that backup guy like you're saying. Haha I'm glad someone else has just about the exact same problem as I have.

 

Oh it's uncanny how similar it is. And while I agree with you it's nice to hear from her and I like talking to her, at the same time when I do all it does is make me think of her again, so that's why it's also somewhat annoying to get random IMs or texts or facebook comments. So basically you have to also choose one or another. Think about it, do you really want to be friends with her? Because if you act as the friend that's all that you'll ever be. I've chosen to cease contact on my end because I don't want to go down that road and play that role again. You need to figure out whether you're willing to or not or it's just going to make it worse for yourself IMO.

[Controlled Chaos]

There's no way I'm going to be mean to her. She's a nice girl and she means well. I just want her to make a decision about talking to me or not. If she doesn't want to talk because her boyfriend says so (which is a stupid idea anyway) then don't talk to me. I do want to talk to her and keep something of a friendship going, but I also need to move and and I am moving on, but it doesn't help when she randomly texts me about things that remind her of me. Because then I want to randomly text her about stuff, but I'm going to hold back. But yeah, I definitely won't allow myself to be that backup guy like you're saying. Haha I'm glad someone else has just about the exact same problem as I have.

Every time you respond to her texts, you are being that backup guy. She picked him...that should be enough for you to not be interested. If it isn't, picture her choking on his johnson.

 

She made the decision...you just don't want to accept it. I know it sucks and it's hard...but cut the cord. Get back out there and get a girl that doesn't have to ask herself if she wants to talk to you or not. Halloween weekend dude...go get yourself a sexy nurse or something.

[LittleHurt05]

Is she a prospect in the Rockies system?

 

 

 

[ChiSox_Sonix]

I didn't think anyone still used that. I felt like I was one of the last few people on Earth using it when I finally deleted it like two years ago.

 

Facebook IM or facebook chat is what I meant. I havent used AIM in probably 2 years.

[ChiSox_Sonix]

So has anyone ever had a girl break up with their boyfriend FOR you? Cuz i'm pretty sure that just happened last night and I'm not quite sure how to handle that. Kinda intimidating and a lot of pressure to be honest.