Relationship Advice Thread

[Brian]

So has anyone ever had a girl break up with their boyfriend FOR you? Cuz i'm pretty sure that just happened last night and I'm not quite sure how to handle that. Kinda intimidating and a lot of pressure to be honest.

 

No, but I have been on the other end of that. I should punch you. jk

[dyuen]

So has anyone ever had a girl break up with their boyfriend FOR you? Cuz i'm pretty sure that just happened last night and I'm not quite sure how to handle that. Kinda intimidating and a lot of pressure to be honest.

I had a girl get divorced for me and I never asked for it. It was great when it was forbidden, once she did that things went downhill.

[The Beast]

So has anyone ever had a girl break up with their boyfriend FOR you? Cuz i'm pretty sure that just happened last night and I'm not quite sure how to handle that. Kinda intimidating and a lot of pressure to be honest.

No, I have been on the other end of that situation. I really want to cut that kid's ponytail off and beat his fat ass.

[ChiSox_Sonix]

No, but I have been on the other end of that. I should punch you. jk

 

 

No, I have been on the other end of that situation. I really want to cut that kid's ponytail off and beat his fat ass.

 

Well let me just say from all accounts the guy was a pretty crappy person. And i dont know if that is the reason but her friend and my friend seem to think it might have been. And I didn't mean to come across as an ass. I'm sure it sucks being on the other side. This wasn't something I was "working on" or anything like that. I was being extremely respectful and aloof to the situation prior to this. We'll see what happens.

[The Beast]

Well let me just say from all accounts the guy was a pretty crappy person. And i dont know if that is the reason but her friend and my friend seem to think it might have been. And I didn't mean to come across as an ass. I'm sure it sucks being on the other side. This wasn't something I was "working on" or anything like that. I was being extremely respectful and aloof to the situation prior to this. We'll see what happens.

I'll admit that I was in pretty lousy shape towards the end of my old relationship, but by no means was I a "bad person." I've changed a lot since then and I never had my say towards that guy since I never even got to meet him. Though she never seemed to want to work things out, so it really doesn't matter. Just enjoy your time with her and be prepared for the consequences you inherit from the old relationship.

 

You didn't come across as an ass. I just had been on the other end and it sucks. Then again, this was only a meaningless college relationship, as in there was no commitment on both ends. Good luck with your new relationship.

 

Wait, you have a ponytail?

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Edited December 13, 2010 by MuckFinnesota

[nitetrain8601]

So has anyone ever had a girl break up with their boyfriend FOR you? Cuz i'm pretty sure that just happened last night and I'm not quite sure how to handle that. Kinda intimidating and a lot of pressure to be honest.

 

Yes, but I think for myself, I put pressure on myself to be everything she wants when in reality, that backfires. At least that was the 2nd time. If I had just been myself it would've worked out. The first time, it was good, but I was myself too much, but I was young. I didn't care, I was very insensitive.

[Brian]

Well let me just say from all accounts the guy was a pretty crappy person. And i dont know if that is the reason but her friend and my friend seem to think it might have been. And I didn't mean to come across as an ass. I'm sure it sucks being on the other side. This wasn't something I was "working on" or anything like that. I was being extremely respectful and aloof to the situation prior to this. We'll see what happens.

 

When it happened to me, like 7 years ago, I was hurt but as I got older I could see why it happened. I was not a bad guy. Just insecure and lazy. Could see why she was not happy with me anymore. I learned from it. And boned her best friend. Jk

[BrenBlackwood]

I want to see what the consensus is with this.

 

Last night I met a chick. She showed interest (caught her looking at me a few times before we talked, smiling at me frequently, when we actually met she asked me a bunch of questions, etc). We talked for a little while. Then she kinda just leaves and we only talk a little bit after that. I took that as her interest in me went down and that was that. I didn't ask her for her number.

 

I thought I did the right thing by not pursuing her further and didn’t really second guess myself after because of the way she left, but a friend told me I should've asked for her number because she was interested and that guys have to make the move. I didn't because lately I've been thinking if a girl wants to see me again she will continue talking to me and give me some sort of an opening to ask her for her number. Her leaving sort of abruptly made me think she didn’t want to see me again so I didn't ask. So, was I right for not pursuing her or do you think my friend was right and I should’ve? I’ll keep the responses in mind for future reference…

 

 

I wouldn't have asked for her number either. Perhaps if she wanted to see you again she shouldn't have left it all up to you after sending such mixed signals ..I mean, seriously, did she really think that she was that hot that she could engage in conversation with you then just walk away and you would chase after her?! I would have been like, "suck it biotch ..NEEEXXT"!!! ..I will say, though, that if I were a man, I would probably be considered a pig ..sooo, my advice may be worth squat to you! Just putting that out there!! hahaha

Edited December 14, 2010 by IChaseBlackWood

[Soxbadger]

It strangely seems like I may come to face the situations described above. Im kind of on the fence about the situation because I have been on the other side and I never want to be that guy.

 

That being said she is a presumably hot (pretty intoxicated that night so I dont really recall, but I do know that my first impression before I was drunk was that she was good looking) Dr. who allegedly told her best friend that she was shamelessly throwing herself at me. Unfortunately I guess I did not pick up on this, or I was just drunk and focused on trivial pursuit.

 

Regardless all of the reviews on her have been positive, I just wish they would not have told me that she currently has a boyfriend and that she is looking for better.

 

Its nice to be better, but now I feel conflicted.

 

Not that anything may even come out of this, it was a few months ago and I was just told this weekend. Although her friend kept saying that I had a chance, so who knows.

 

And that is my 1 personal comment for the last 10 years.

 

[nitetrain8601]

Badge, I suggest going after it.

[iamshack]

It strangely seems like I may come to face the situations described above. Im kind of on the fence about the situation because I have been on the other side and I never want to be that guy.

 

That being said she is a presumably hot (pretty intoxicated that night so I dont really recall, but I do know that my first impression before I was drunk was that she was good looking) Dr. who allegedly told her best friend that she was shamelessly throwing herself at me. Unfortunately I guess I did not pick up on this, or I was just drunk and focused on trivial pursuit.

 

Regardless all of the reviews on her have been positive, I just wish they would not have told me that she currently has a boyfriend and that she is looking for better.

 

Its nice to be better, but now I feel conflicted.

 

Not that anything may even come out of this, it was a few months ago and I was just told this weekend. Although her friend kept saying that I had a chance, so who knows.

 

And that is my 1 personal comment for the last 10 years.

 

So wait, you don't really know this woman, let alone her boyfriend? You just met her one evening and you are friends with a friend of hers?

 

If she is truly unhappy with her boyfriend, if it's not you, it's going to be someone else.

 

The only thing I think about in situations like this is, if she's capable of doing this to him, she is capable of doing it to me as well. So if the thought of your girlfriend being out on the prowl while your relationship is struggling is something you can deal with, then I say go for it. If that is something that really would frighten you, then she is probably not the woman for you.

 

[BigSqwert]

So wait, you don't really know this woman, let alone her boyfriend? You just met her one evening and you are friends with a friend of hers?

 

If she is truly unhappy with her boyfriend, if it's not you, it's going to be someone else.

The only thing I think about in situations like this is, if she's capable of doing this to him, she is capable of doing it to me as well. So if the thought of your girlfriend being out on the prowl while your relationship is struggling is something you can deal with, then I say go for it. If that is something that really would frighten you, then she is probably not the woman for you.

 

I stress this highly. I wound up getting burned in a similar scenario in the past.

[Soxbadger]

Shack,

 

Your bottom statement is the exact reason why Id rather just not know. I guess I would say its more of a bad omen.

 

Id probably get over it pretty quickly. In theory Im a lot better person than I am in practice, and more than likely this will just become a convenient excuse if things never turn out.

 

More than anything it makes pursuing slightly more complicated because there are more moving pieces in terms of perception. Also impossible to ask any of my friends about it because of the cross-friendships so have to wing it.

[witesoxfan]

So I'm officially single. Long story short, girlfriend moved out to Seattle at the beginning of the semester, kind of soured on me throughout the semester (it was my fault...I was nodding off in class and not showing the work ethic I needed to), came to visit in December and said she wanted to be single for a while. Upon graduation, we talked some more and we were still fine...just seemed like we needed some space. She registered on okcupid.com (because she wanted to meet more people in the Seattle area...right, OK) and eventually met up with someone on there. About a week after that, she called me and basically professed how she did have an undying love for me and that she would have married me and had kids with me had I showed her a little more - which I have since changed quite a bit, as the real world has delivered me a swift kick in the groin thus far - and she obviously continued hanging out with this guy. Well hanging out turned into "seeing each other" and contact between us grew a little more infrequent, but there still seemed to be signs that she was still interested (a random "I love you," continuing with pet names...she even told me she called the other guy my name when they were kissing for the first time).

 

Just got off the phone with her, and she said that they were together, and this comes just after we exchanged Christmas gifts, in which I got her a book (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People), a photo book of the Bismarck area (with fitting captions), and a very nice necklace. She actually said that they've been together for a little while now, so she got it while she was dating him.

 

I've actually been expecting it for a while, but the waiting was by far the hardest part and there is actually some relief knowing that it's finally official. I'm obviously not over it yet, but I think that will happen in time and a lot of the healing took place when I found out. I do still want to be with her, and I still do actually want to move out to the Seattle area, hopefully to attend graduate school at U of Washington, but in the meantime, I have to start living life assuming it won't be with her. It sucks, but so does life.

[bigruss]

So I'm officially single. Long story short, girlfriend moved out to Seattle at the beginning of the semester, kind of soured on me throughout the semester (it was my fault...I was nodding off in class and not showing the work ethic I needed to), came to visit in December and said she wanted to be single for a while. Upon graduation, we talked some more and we were still fine...just seemed like we needed some space. She registered on okcupid.com (because she wanted to meet more people in the Seattle area...right, OK) and eventually met up with someone on there. About a week after that, she called me and basically professed how she did have an undying love for me and that she would have married me and had kids with me had I showed her a little more - which I have since changed quite a bit, as the real world has delivered me a swift kick in the groin thus far - and she obviously continued hanging out with this guy. Well hanging out turned into "seeing each other" and contact between us grew a little more infrequent, but there still seemed to be signs that she was still interested (a random "I love you," continuing with pet names...she even told me she called the other guy my name when they were kissing for the first time).

 

Just got off the phone with her, and she said that they were together, and this comes just after we exchanged Christmas gifts, in which I got her a book (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People), a photo book of the Bismarck area (with fitting captions), and a very nice necklace. She actually said that they've been together for a little while now, so she got it while she was dating him.

 

I've actually been expecting it for a while, but the waiting was by far the hardest part and there is actually some relief knowing that it's finally official. I'm obviously not over it yet, but I think that will happen in time and a lot of the healing took place when I found out. I do still want to be with her, and I still do actually want to move out to the Seattle area, hopefully to attend graduate school at U of Washington, but in the meantime, I have to start living life assuming it won't be with her. It sucks, but so does life.

Really sucks it turned out that way, she really seemed to be messing with you with all the going out with the guy but still saying she loves you, etc. But at the same time it seems like you know that you didn't put enough effort into what she wanted to see out of yourself.

 

If she really did call out your name when she kissed the guy for the first time, to me that shows she's really into you still (by the way, how is that guy still with her, I would have left right after that). You probably know more than anyone what she expected out of you and you can show her that you can do whatever that is still.

 

[bigruss]

Worst.Idea.Ever.

 

Move on. She clearly dangled you around as long as she could when she knew she wasn't going to stay with you. She wanted you to "better" yourself in her eyes just to meet her standard, and then she still moved 1,000 miles away and joined a dating network. Trying to show her that you can still be whatever it is that she wants would be desperate and kind of pathetic, not to mention futile. It's obvious, and I'm sorry to be so blunt, that she was just keeping wite around as a safety net.

 

And for the love of God, wite, do not move to Washington unless that is really what you want for yourself. There are tons of women out there and once you find one that legitimately likes you (and you obviously like), you'll get over this current one quicker than you'd believe.

I can see your point, I dont necessarily agree with it but I can definitely see someone doing that, it really depends on the situation and what standards she wanted from wite. If she was looking for something more mature, or whatever, and he didn't deliver, I don't see a problem with her wanting to break up but still having feelings.

 

The second part I totally agree with, moving to a place with that much commitment just for a girl is a terrible choice, because if it doesn't work out what do you have left. If it's a place you really want to be at, and not just a place you think you want to be at, then by all means go for it.

[kjshoe04]

I'm with Milkman. This whole you not doing good enough for her thing is absolute crap. She should not be so worried about where you career or schooling is going if she truly loved you.

[clyons]

I feel for you, Wite, but Milkman is 100% correct.

[iamshack]

Well, I like Wite as much as the next guy, but we have no idea who has done what in their relationship. There is no need for names or fault...just that Wite needs to move on and do that without her being a part of the picture.

 

The two of you will bump into one another again down the road though, Wite...

 

Get your s*** together for your own sake now though.

[bigruss]

Well, I like Wite as much as the next guy, but we have no idea who has done what in their relationship. There is no need for names or fault...just that Wite needs to move on and do that without her being a part of the picture.

 

The two of you will bump into one another again down the road though, Wite...

 

Get your s*** together for your own sake now though.

That's more of what I meant to say.

[3E8]

So I'm officially single. Long story short, girlfriend moved out to Seattle at the beginning of the semester, kind of soured on me throughout the semester (it was my fault...I was nodding off in class and not showing the work ethic I needed to), came to visit in December and said she wanted to be single for a while. Upon graduation, we talked some more and we were still fine...just seemed like we needed some space. She registered on okcupid.com (because she wanted to meet more people in the Seattle area...right, OK) and eventually met up with someone on there. About a week after that, she called me and basically professed how she did have an undying love for me and that she would have married me and had kids with me had I showed her a little more - which I have since changed quite a bit, as the real world has delivered me a swift kick in the groin thus far - and she obviously continued hanging out with this guy. Well hanging out turned into "seeing each other" and contact between us grew a little more infrequent, but there still seemed to be signs that she was still interested (a random "I love you," continuing with pet names...she even told me she called the other guy my name when they were kissing for the first time).

 

Just got off the phone with her, and she said that they were together, and this comes just after we exchanged Christmas gifts, in which I got her a book (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People), a photo book of the Bismarck area (with fitting captions), and a very nice necklace. She actually said that they've been together for a little while now, so she got it while she was dating him.

 

I've actually been expecting it for a while, but the waiting was by far the hardest part and there is actually some relief knowing that it's finally official. I'm obviously not over it yet, but I think that will happen in time and a lot of the healing took place when I found out. I do still want to be with her, and I still do actually want to move out to the Seattle area, hopefully to attend graduate school at U of Washington, but in the meantime, I have to start living life assuming it won't be with her. It sucks, but so does life.

 

 

Close this chapter and open a new one, you will start feeling much better

[RockRaines]

I second 3E8 here. Every breakup I've had that has taken a toll on me in my past looks completely irrelevant to me now. There are so many more people out there that you can meet that you havent even come into contact with yet. Live your life and the love part will take care of itself.

[iamshack]

I third the notion!

[RockRaines]

I can't agree with this more. It's crazy how you get over those things.

I literally thought life was over for me after one in college, turns out she couldn't hold a candle to my current woman in basically every way possible. Love finds you when you are least looking for it.

[BigSqwert]

I literally thought life was over for me after one in college, turns out she couldn't hold a candle to my current woman in basically every way possible. Love finds you when you are least looking for it.

I completely agree.