Relationship Advice Thread

[witesoxfan]

Thanks guys. I genuinely do want to move out to Seattle - it's not as if it's small enough that I'd run into her everyday - but my main priority is a good graduate school in a large city. There are hundreds of those, so really it's whichever University accepts me.

 

I'm not really looking to date anybody right now, but perhaps someone comes into my life. That'd be cool, but it's "whatever" at this point. The main 3 things I am concerned with right now are keeping on my workout regimen, getting a job, and getting applications out to grad schools (which first involves taking and studying for the GMAT).

 

I will see her in early May at USD's graduation - probably going to be one of the last times I ever go back - but I won't go out of my way to see her; it's a small enough town that meeting up at some point is inevitable.

 

And if she were to want me back at any point during the next 2-3 months, I'd have to say no, atleast initially. There are too many issues of trust that we would have to deal with first for me to even consider something like that.

 

I feel like I am ready to move on. I mainly just wanted to fill you guys in since I hadn't in a while.

[RockRaines]

Thanks Wite, good luck. Being single is great, you do whatever you want to do, all the time. Work on yourself and everything will be great. The best thing about this is your workout program will probably be stellar.

[The Beast]

Hopefully it is okay that I resurrect this thread.

 

I met a girl through a friend who goes to school with me...she goes to another school and is entering her senior year. I am now a graduate and am going to intern in St. Louis this summer. She and I began talking in early April and then met in May. We met in a variety of settings, with friends, alone and she came to stay with me for a few days for my 3 week summer session. She even went to a Sox game and wore our colors even if she's a Cubs fan at heart. When she came up to visit it was a lot of fun and lately it has been fun, just a bit slow to get to know her because she's slightly less outgoing than I am.

 

The problem lies in that I haven't hung with her extensively, she's still a bit shy around me and I am leaving for St. Louis in a week so I won't see her for the whole summer. During the time I'm away I'm sure she and I will skype and continue texting/facebook chatting. And I might go down to visit her in the fall since I'll probably just be at home working at a part-time gig to make money while I find something full-time.

 

I'd like to see where this goes and maybe make something of this. Someone said I should just keep it fun and not get serious. What would you do, keeping in mind that her college is about 2 1/2 hours away and she has a high interest level? Should I be prioritizing elsewhere and not focus on a relationship given the fact that I'm a recent college graduate looking to work on a career or at the very minimum, put some money in my bank account?

Edited June 3, 2011 by MuckFinnesota

[The Critic]

Don't get serious. It sounds like there are a lot of roadblocks (time apart, distance, etc.). Just play it loose and see what happens, if anything.

[bigruss]

The interns this summer are just flat out amazing, so much better than last years. I honestly can't pay attention in our intern meetings, especially with this one girl who is just really down to earth and intelligent, Im thinking she could be trouble.

[flippedoutpunk]

MuckFinnesota, in my personal experience, Long distance relationships never worked.. And im talking like.. Me living in the North Side of Chicago and her living on the Southside. It doesnt seem like much but it takes a toll after a while and if you have friends that have girls that live locally you see that they spend time with each other at a much greater rate as opposed to me who always had to travel from California and Diversey ALL the way to 131st street just to hang out for a couple hours then head all the way back. I personally would never do the long distance thing ever again. Especially at such a young age where mistrust is everywhere, and each person is wondering what the other is doing in between all that distance.

[southsider2k5]

Hopefully it is okay that I resurrect this thread.

 

I met a girl through a friend who goes to school with me...she goes to another school and is entering her senior year. I am now a graduate and am going to intern in St. Louis this summer. She and I began talking in early April and then met in May. We met in a variety of settings, with friends, alone and she came to stay with me for a few days for my 3 week summer session. She even went to a Sox game and wore our colors even if she's a Cubs fan at heart. When she came up to visit it was a lot of fun and lately it has been fun, just a bit slow to get to know her because she's slightly less outgoing than I am.

 

The problem lies in that I haven't hung with her extensively, she's still a bit shy around me and I am leaving for St. Louis in a week so I won't see her for the whole summer. During the time I'm away I'm sure she and I will skype and continue texting/facebook chatting. And I might go down to visit her in the fall since I'll probably just be at home working at a part-time gig to make money while I find something full-time.

 

I'd like to see where this goes and maybe make something of this. Someone said I should just keep it fun and not get serious. What would you do, keeping in mind that her college is about 2 1/2 hours away and she has a high interest level? Should I be prioritizing elsewhere and not focus on a relationship given the fact that I'm a recent college graduate looking to work on a career or at the very minimum, put some money in my bank account?

 

Don't put any pressure on it. Stay in contact and talk to her, but don't make it exclusive. If it isn't there when you get back, it wasn't meant to be there anyway. Don't worry about finding a relationship. It will find you sooner or later. Forcing it just puts out the wrong signal to the other party.

[bigruss]

MuckFinnesota, in my personal experience, Long distance relationships never worked.. And im talking like.. Me living in the North Side of Chicago and her living on the Southside. It doesnt seem like much but it takes a toll after a while and if you have friends that have girls that live locally you see that they spend time with each other at a much greater rate as opposed to me who always had to travel from California and Diversey ALL the way to 131st street just to hang out for a couple hours then head all the way back. I personally would never do the long distance thing ever again. Especially at such a young age where mistrust is everywhere, and each person is wondering what the other is doing in between all that distance.

Yup, never do long distance unless you're for certain she's the one, even then a break may be good to make sure those feelings are mutual on both ends. Even in a relationship where you trust one another completely, there's so much other crap that comes up, like work, friends, money, time, which all comes back to "when are we seeing each other again?" Jealousy of hanging with friends or focusing on work over hanging with the girl come up wayyyy to much.

[RockRaines]

I ran into, or walked by my old ex from HS/College today. I didnt figure out where I knew her until she passed. Very awkward as we both ignored each other.

[Whitewashed in '05]

Hopefully it is okay that I resurrect this thread.

 

I met a girl through a friend who goes to school with me...she goes to another school and is entering her senior year. I am now a graduate and am going to intern in St. Louis this summer. She and I began talking in early April and then met in May. We met in a variety of settings, with friends, alone and she came to stay with me for a few days for my 3 week summer session. She even went to a Sox game and wore our colors even if she's a Cubs fan at heart. When she came up to visit it was a lot of fun and lately it has been fun, just a bit slow to get to know her because she's slightly less outgoing than I am.

 

The problem lies in that I haven't hung with her extensively, she's still a bit shy around me and I am leaving for St. Louis in a week so I won't see her for the whole summer. During the time I'm away I'm sure she and I will skype and continue texting/facebook chatting. And I might go down to visit her in the fall since I'll probably just be at home working at a part-time gig to make money while I find something full-time.

 

I'd like to see where this goes and maybe make something of this. Someone said I should just keep it fun and not get serious. What would you do, keeping in mind that her college is about 2 1/2 hours away and she has a high interest level? Should I be prioritizing elsewhere and not focus on a relationship given the fact that I'm a recent college graduate looking to work on a career or at the very minimum, put some money in my bank account?

 

 

Aside from the long-distance thing, another problem that you might encounter is that you guys will be apart for about a year. Seeing as how you two just met, that's a long time for a new relationship, chances aren't great for it to get through the full year. However, if you guys do stay in contact and see each other on the weekends, there's a possibility you two will get close and develop something, then you two can address it and go from there.

 

It's best to keep things casual in the beginning and see where it goes.

[Kyyle23]

The interns this summer are just flat out amazing, so much better than last years. I honestly can't pay attention in our intern meetings, especially with this one girl who is just really down to earth and intelligent is has a really nice ass, Im thinking she could be trouble.

 

this is what I read

[IlliniKrush]

Should I be prioritizing elsewhere and not focus on a relationship given the fact that I'm a recent college graduate looking to work on a career or at the very minimum, put some money in my bank account?

Do what you want, but I would stay in contact and see what happens. However, the above troubled me...you don't have to prioritize elsewhere. Just because you are interning and want money doesn't mean this girl isn't awesome, or even "the one." I mean who knows when/where you'll meet her. I wouldn't count her out just because of what other things you have going on right now. She doesn't have to be THE focus.

[Balta1701]

[bigruss]

this is what I read

Hahaha well that too, she is stunning.

[WilliamTell]

So I've been seeing this girl for like a month and a half. Her birthday was 2 weeks ago so I made sure to make it special. But since then things had seemed sort of weird and I could tell something was wrong. I didn't help my cause trying to figure it out and kind of annoying her. But tonight I was riding my bike around since it was a beautiful night out. She told me I could stop by her appartment any time I wanted. I wanted a drink of water since I was thirsty. She's outside the door so I go to talk to her and she's obviously surprised to see me. Then out walks another guy that's half dressed. So to state the obvious she's seeing someone else. She had a phone call and answered it so I started chatting with this guy, they had been seeing each other for about a week now. He had no idea who I was.

 

So I'm asking everyone has anyone ever walked in on another guy like that before?

 

Can't lie, it hurts, but I thought it'd hurt worse than this. I guess I just realize she's somewhat fake and I can do better.

[knightni]

She'll get hers some day. Someone else will do her like she did you.

 

 

[flippedoutpunk]

Ive never walked in on a situation like that.. But my last catastrophic relationship ended in a sort of similar manner. I was dating my ex for over 2 years and i started to notice her acting a bit strange and not really wanting to hang out as much, claiming she wanted to spend more time with family so of course i fell for it. One fateful morning i drove her to work and she had forgotten her cell phone at my place so when i got home i grabbed it and was about to return it but my curiosity got the best of me.. I ended up finding texts from 5 different guys, exchanging not only flirts but also requests for MORE dates with each other. Also photos of her newly implanted chest with nothing on. It hurt bad because of the fairly long length of the relationship. I still to this moment cannot explain where i had the guts to keep myself classy and not explode. I returned her the phone, told her what i found and ended it. She of course tried to explain but when you get caught red handed like that with that many guys, theres just no turning back.. From my experience, once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

You're fortunate that the relationship was short. Its a bit easier to move on but no one ever likes to get cheated on. Its probably the most damaging thing to ones pride and the pain can linger for ages if you sit there and let it get the better of you. Im sorry to hear about that though, guys like us try to do the right thing and get screwed over massively 9 times out of 10.

[WilliamTell]

Thanks for the post. I also kept it really civil because I figured there was nothing I could do. And it's not the guy's fault at all. It's my fault for starting to be too clingly and wanting something serious, and her fault for not telling me how she really felt. I truly believe I'd be the best guy for her, but I also now think that I'm not the most compatible guy for her. All I did was tell this other guy that she's an amazing girl, and I wish the best for him, and don't make my mistakes.

[flippedoutpunk]

You didnt make any mistakes man. No one deserves to get done in like that regardless of what you did. Just relax, be yourself and keep having fun. Relationships seem to fall into your lap when you're not actually looking for them. One day you'll get that girl that wants someone to be clingy with and everything else thats happened in past relationships will be in your rear-view mirror. Personally ive dealt with my personal catastrophe by having some of the best months in my life. Its literally been like that scene in the Wedding Crashers where its basically a montage of falling in bed with random women, and I love it. I spent 2 years of my life being faithful and doing the right thing because i thought my partner had my back, now its my turn to be bad

[ChiSox_Sonix]

Thanks for the post. I also kept it really civil because I figured there was nothing I could do. And it's not the guy's fault at all. It's my fault for starting to be too clingly and wanting something serious, and her fault for not telling me how she really felt. I truly believe I'd be the best guy for her, but I also now think that I'm not the most compatible guy for her. All I did was tell this other guy that she's an amazing girl, and I wish the best for him, and don't make my mistakes.

 

No, it's not at all your fault. And that really sucks you had to find out like that but better now than further down the road. I've never had that exact experience but last summer there's was a girl I'd been hanging out with for about the same amount of time and ended up running into her at a bar with her ex on a night we were supposed to have dinner but she cancelled cuz something came up. So I kinda know how you feel. Good for you to take the high road on that.

[WilliamTell]

No, it's not at all your fault. And that really sucks you had to find out like that but better now than further down the road. I've never had that exact experience but last summer there's was a girl I'd been hanging out with for about the same amount of time and ended up running into her at a bar with her ex on a night we were supposed to have dinner but she cancelled cuz something came up. So I kinda know how you feel. Good for you to take the high road on that.

 

 

It might not be my fault but I'm just so embarrassed about it. Honestly haven't felt like this since middle school. Just feel like such a fool. Can't help it that I thought this one could have a good future with me.

[RockRaines]

It might not be my fault but I'm just so embarrassed about it. Honestly haven't felt like this since middle school. Just feel like such a fool. Can't help it that I thought this one could have a good future with me.

There's a million more out there bro, you'll find one better.

[witesoxfan]

There's a million more out there bro, you'll find one better.

 

There are actually quite a few more than a million.

[Y2HH]

There are actually quite a few more than a million.

 

Reality Bomb Incoming: That doesn't mean any of them will be as good or even interested or interesting.

 

Relationships are about timing. This has to do with age/maturity and chance...on both ends (both parties).

 

For example, there are a few girlfriends from my past, that if I had met later in life, we probably (most likely) would have ended up together. It didn't work out that way...they met a different me, and I met a different them. Things will fall into place, as they always do, though, but with someone you don't even know exists yet.

Edited July 1, 2011 by Y2HH

[WilliamTell]

I've been getting tons of advice from you guys and friends. Obviously most say if she's going to do that she's not worth it, which is true. Almost everyone says don't even bother talking to her. Saying don't talk to her is the easiest thing to say, but it's also the hardest thing to do. I feel like I need to talk to her to find out what happened to give me some closure on the situation. But I also think there's a good chance I won't be getting the answers I'm looking for, if any answers at all so it's almost not worth it. Haha I don't know. Can't believe I actually want this 3 day weekend to be over. We had talked about plans for the 4th and now they won't be happening.