Relationship Advice Thread

[Whitewashed in '05]

I've been getting tons of advice from you guys and friends. Obviously most say if she's going to do that she's not worth it, which is true. Almost everyone says don't even bother talking to her. Saying don't talk to her is the easiest thing to say, but it's also the hardest thing to do. I feel like I need to talk to her to find out what happened to give me some closure on the situation. But I also think there's a good chance I won't be getting the answers I'm looking for, if any answers at all so it's almost not worth it. Haha I don't know. Can't believe I actually want this 3 day weekend to be over. We had talked about plans for the 4th and now they won't be happening.

Everyone loves to give advice, however since they aren't the ones emotionally invested in it, it's easy for them to say. At the same time, it doesn't make anyone wrong.

 

Chances are if she had something to say to you she would have told you before doing what she did. That alone makes me think it's a mistake to try to approach her trying to get closure. Even if she does talk to you, she mostly likely won't give you anything you're looking for. It's hard, but stop thinking about her. In situations like this its easy to think about the plans you would have had or think back about the good times you had, but that's just going to make it hurt longer. Anytime your mind wanders about her you need to tell yourself to stop and think about something else.

[Jordan4life_2007]

Everyone loves to give advice, however since they aren't the ones emotionally invested in it, it's easy for them to say. At the same time, it doesn't make anyone wrong.

 

Chances are if she had something to say to you she would have told you before doing what she did. That alone makes me think it's a mistake to try to approach her trying to get closure. Even if she does talk to you, she mostly likely won't give you anything you're looking for. It's hard, but stop thinking about her. In situations like this its easy to think about the plans you would have had or think back about the good times you had, but that's just going to make it hurt longer. Anytime your mind wanders about her you need to tell yourself to stop and think about something else.

 

Chronic/Alcohol most definitely does the trick. When that runs out, play violent video games.

[Balta1701]

Chronic/Alcohol most definitely does the trick. When that runs out, play violent video games.

That was going to be my suggestion as well

[WilliamTell]

Everyone loves to give advice, however since they aren't the ones emotionally invested in it, it's easy for them to say. At the same time, it doesn't make anyone wrong.

 

Chances are if she had something to say to you she would have told you before doing what she did. That alone makes me think it's a mistake to try to approach her trying to get closure. Even if she does talk to you, she mostly likely won't give you anything you're looking for. It's hard, but stop thinking about her. In situations like this its easy to think about the plans you would have had or think back about the good times you had, but that's just going to make it hurt longer. Anytime your mind wanders about her you need to tell yourself to stop and think about something else.

 

Definitely not saying anyone is wrong because I love hearing different viewpoints on everything. Sorry if I made it sound that way. It's great knowing I can talk to many about situations like this. And part of it I think goes back to April when we first met. My Godmother passed away on a Tuesday morning in April and I was such a wreck that day. Couldn't believe I could cry that much but she was the most important and influential person in my life. Honestly trusted her more than anyone else and loved her more than my parents and friends. The one thing she always brought up was when I was going to bring a girl over for her to meet. Never got the chance but I went out that Tuesday night with a few friends just to get some normalcy in my life and ended up meeting this girl through a friend and we just hit it off. I'm sure it was just a coincidence but I was wanting to think that maybe this girl and I were brought together for a reason. Anways I know that was a dumb reason to think maybe this girl and I had a great future, but I thought it none the less.

[Jordan4life_2007]

Definitely not saying anyone is wrong because I love hearing different viewpoints on everything. Sorry if I made it sound that way. It's great knowing I can talk to many about situations like this. And part of it I think goes back to April when we first met. My Godmother passed away on a Tuesday morning in April and I was such a wreck that day. Couldn't believe I could cry that much but she was the most important and influential person in my life. Honestly trusted her more than anyone else and loved her more than my parents and friends. The one thing she always brought up was when I was going to bring a girl over for her to meet. Never got the chance but I went out that Tuesday night with a few friends just to get some normalcy in my life and ended up meeting this girl through a friend and we just hit it off. I'm sure it was just a coincidence but I was wanting to think that maybe this girl and I were brought together for a reason. Anways I know that was a dumb reason to think maybe this girl and I had a great future, but I thought it none the less.

 

That's no good, bro. Even if everything had worked out. Never love a female more than your parents. Unless your parents really suck?

[WilliamTell]

That's no good, bro. Even if everything had worked out. Never love a female more than your parents. Unless your parents really suck?

 

 

lol she was my babysitter and basically a grandma to me. I saw her more than any of my grandparents. Just an awesome person, that's what I'm getting at. My parents are pretty good as well haha.

[Jordan4life_2007]

lol she was my babysitter and basically a grandma to me. I saw her more than any of my grandparents. Just an awesome person, that's what I'm getting at. My parents are pretty good as well haha.

 

Your grandma? WTF? lol. So she was a grilf? How old is she?

[WilliamTell]

Your grandma? WTF? lol. So she was a grilf? How old is she?

 

lol no no no. The girl that lied and basically cheated on me is 22. I met the 22 year old the day my godmother died and my godmother who was also my babysitter when I was younger was my favorite person in this world and I loved her more than anyone haha.

[iamshack]

Your grandma? WTF? lol. So she was a grilf? How old is she?

My goodness...put down the Mickey's for a second...

[Jordan4life_2007]

My goodness...put down the Mickey's for a second...

 

What the hell? He said she was like a grandma. I've never viewed a girl in that way. Grandmas do old people s*** for you. Because they're, well, old. I thought maybe she was older. I watched a Law and Order earlier today where a guy (22) was messing with a woman (49).

Edited July 2, 2011 by Jordan4life

[WilliamTell]

What the hell? He said she was like a grandma. I've never looked at a girl and thought that. I thought she was much older.

 

I was talking about my godmother, sorry if I worded it wrong and confused you haha.

 

But that 22 yr old has a White Sox shirt I gave to her. She is undeserving of that!

[Jordan4life_2007]

I was talking about my godmother, sorry if I worded it wrong and confused you haha.

 

But that 22 yr old has a White Sox shirt I gave to her. She is undeserving of that!

 

I edited. No big deal. I thought she might've been older. Shack is the one that makes mountains out of molehills.

[Kyyle23]

I edited. No big deal. I thought she might've been older. Shack is the one that makes mountains out of molehills.

 

so do you. so forget about it and resume the conversation with William

[Jordan4life_2007]

so do you. so forget about it and resume the conversation with William

 

Oh c'mon now. I get silly when it comes to the Sox/Bulls sometimes. But this is the relationship thread. I don't even consider this a real thread. It's like an optical illusion to me.

[The Sir]

So I've been seeing this girl for like a month and a half. Her birthday was 2 weeks ago so I made sure to make it special. But since then things had seemed sort of weird and I could tell something was wrong. I didn't help my cause trying to figure it out and kind of annoying her. But tonight I was riding my bike around since it was a beautiful night out. She told me I could stop by her appartment any time I wanted. I wanted a drink of water since I was thirsty. She's outside the door so I go to talk to her and she's obviously surprised to see me. Then out walks another guy that's half dressed. So to state the obvious she's seeing someone else. She had a phone call and answered it so I started chatting with this guy, they had been seeing each other for about a week now. He had no idea who I was.

 

So I'm asking everyone has anyone ever walked in on another guy like that before?

 

Can't lie, it hurts, but I thought it'd hurt worse than this. I guess I just realize she's somewhat fake and I can do better.

 

Man, I'm sorry you went through this, but trust me, things get better from here. I can promise you that because I was in your shoes at the beginning of the year.

 

I started dating this girl in October. We got serious pretty quick, but things seemed great. We never fought, sex life was solid, we were really talking about a future together. And against my better judgment, I believed it. We trusted each other and supposedly cared about each other and all that. The "perfect" relationship.

 

Now, I must admit, I was ignoring a lot of red flags. She'd slept with a lot of people before me, but I figured, if she's clean and she's loyal, who cares? Silly, I know. She had some shady habits, like being way too protective of her phone and wanting more "alone time" than a serious partner should. And there were some little lies that I noticed but never called her on (such-and-such a guy wasn't at a party of hers while I was out of town, but he shows up in the pictures etc etc). But I'm not a jealous type at all, so I just laughed and carried on with the relationship.

 

Anyhow, I eventually hit a rough spot. I had some serious personal troubles and just hit a low in my life. I worked on getting them sorted out, but she decided to simply abandon me. She told me to leave her alone, and when I drove to her house to confront her about a week later and possibly get my stuff back, she texted me to leave or she'd call the cops. I told her she'd burn in Hell, I forgot about my stuff (a few hygiene items and my favorite book) and I bounced. Never called her again.

 

So, a few weeks later, I'm at work and I'm working with this guy who I knew was a friend of hers. Too nerdy, not her type, just a friend. So I mention her, as sort of "haha small world" kind of thing. He looks at me funny, and I say, "oh, we dated." He goes, "Funny, we did too." They were pretty casual, but they were still doing it while we were dating. She came over to my place after "working a night shift", and it was her birthday. I gave her some $160 earrings. Well, she was at her hospital's formal with the other dude. He didn't know about me at all, and she apparently dumped him entirely a few weeks later for some coworker of hers who she has also cheated on (the Army's a small world). But me and the other dude, we get along fine now. He didn't know so I wasn't gonna hold it against him, and he's a good guy.

 

It hurt when I found out. But it's OK, because I met another girl soon after. She's moving to join me in El P in August, and she's just wonderful. She doesn't raise the same red flags that my ex did. I've gotten through my rough patch, made new friends and found a good new girlfriend who I can really see a future with. And now that I'm a bit more learned on how to see the signs, I can say that with a lot more confidence.

 

My ex, your ex, they will get theirs. My ex had been cheated on before, and I think she was trying to repay the favor by cheating on me and all her new lovers. But I'm not the one who's burning up inside; she is.

 

So keep your head up dude. It gets better from here.

[The Sir]

Another thing I want to point out, WT...

 

Nothing that happened with that girl was your fault. I know how you feel because I wanted to take the blame too and I tried to do that when I went over to her house that day. I wanted to tell her that it was my personal troubles that damaged our relationship and I wanted to take the blame and offer to fix things between us. And for a while, even after it ended, I thought it was my fault.

 

But I was wrong. I didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. Your ex is a whore, and so is mine. They will lead pointless, unhappy lives, and then they will share a special place in Hell together. You might think I'm harsh, but I have zero sympathy for anyone who cheats. The only thing I want with anyone who has no concept of fidelity is to be there the day they get hit by a bus. F*** them.

 

Also, whoever said that the best relationships come when you're not even seeking them was damn right. I've gone out and tried to find them before and it always fails. Always. But when I'm just putzing along, minding my business, the best ones develop. I know that's horrible advice...I mean, how can you act on that? But seriously, that's how it goes.

[flippedoutpunk]

Your ex is a whore, and so is mine. They will lead pointless, unhappy lives, and then they will share a special place in Hell together. You might think I'm harsh, but I have zero sympathy for anyone who cheats. The only thing I want with anyone who has no concept of fidelity is to be there the day they get hit by a bus. F*** them.

 

End of story

[kjshoe04]

So I've recently been hanging out with this girl and have started to get to really like her, only problem is she is the little sister of one of my good friends. Her and I are the same age so it's not weird that I would be going after her in that sense, but she and I have both decided that I should talk to him before we actually go on a date or anything. He is very protective of her and I am not looking forward to having this conversation at all.

[Uman85]

So I've recently been hanging out with this girl and have started to get to really like her, only problem is she is the little sister of one of my good friends. Her and I are the same age so it's not weird that I would be going after her in that sense, but she and I have both decided that I should talk to him before we actually go on a date or anything. He is very protective of her and I am not looking forward to having this conversation at all.

 

I understand that. But I think if he's a good friend he would trust you with his sister. Just my $.02.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

So my "work flirt" and I are going to the Sox game tomorrow (with 2 other co-workers). I'm interested to see how this plays out. She has a boyfriend (I know, I know), but she has already told me she has a "school girl crush" on me, we text each other for 3-5 hours a day, she always says she misses me, and said she has had a "sex dream" about us.

 

I know, the evidence sounds compelling, but the fact of the matter is that she still has a boyfriend, and she doesn't seem to have plans of breaking up w/ him, and she always tells me she would never cheat on him. My good female friend that I've been giving updates to thinks she is just leading me on, and likes having a guy she can talk to all the time through text and whatnot, but she thinks this girl is just being a tease.

 

We have never gotten close to doing anything wrong, but one night after work we got dinner together, and then spontaneously hung out in the parking lot at work until almost 3 AM in the morning. We just stood outside my car, smoking little swisher sweets, listening to music, and talking for hours. Then she kept saying how it is so hard to so goodbye to me, and she didn't want to leave. Then as soon as we left each other, she texted me and said she missed me.

 

So, what's the deal here? Does she just liking having multiple guys lust over her? Is she just leading me on? Or is she just afraid of change, and doesn't want to end a multi-year relationship with her boyfriend for some guy who is going back to college in a month and a half?

Edited July 6, 2011 by JoeCoolMan24

[Uman85]

So my "work flirt" and I are going to the Sox game tomorrow (with 2 other co-workers). I'm interested to see how this plays out. She has a boyfriend (I know, I know), but she has already told me she has a "school girl crush" on me, we text each other for 3-5 hours a day, she always says she misses me, and said she has had a "sex dream" about us.

 

I know, the evidence sounds compelling, but the fact of the matter is that she still has a boyfriend, and she doesn't seem to have plans of breaking up w/ him, and she always tells me she would never cheat on him. My good female friend that I've been giving updates to thinks she is just leading me on, and likes having a guy she can talk to all the time through text and whatnot, but she thinks this girl is just being a tease.

 

We have never gotten close to doing anything wrong, but one night after work we got dinner together, and then spontaneously hung out in the parking lot at work until almost 3 AM in the morning. We just stood outside my car, smoking little swisher sweets, listening to music, and talking for hours. Then she kept saying how it is so hard to so goodbye to me, and she didn't want to leave. Then as soon as we left each other, she texted me and said she missed me.

 

So, what's the deal here? Does she just liking having multiple guys lust over her? Is she just leading me on? Or is she just afraid of change, and doesn't want to end a multi-year relationship with her boyfriend for some guy who is going back to college in a month and a half?

 

Unfortunately I've been there before and I know exactly what you're talking about. 9 times out of 10 she's either a tease or likes the attention of more than one guy. There's always that one though who finds the guy she's flirting with to be better than her current guy. So you never know with girls. Just be careful I'd say.

[kjshoe04]

More to the point, if KJ is a good friend in his friend's eyes.

I know he does. Still a conversation that I really don't want to have.

[kjshoe04]

Also, JoeCool, I'd have to agree with everyone else. I've known girls like that and they are always trouble. Hopefully this one isn't for you though.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

I have to initially agree with your friend. But even if she's seriously into you, just remember that if she would cheat on her boyfriend with you, she'll cheat on you at some point as well.

 

Yeah, that's what my friend said too. It sucks because this girl is one of the coolest chicks I know. She admittedly is not like a bombshell, or any girl I would double take at, but she is so cool to talk to and hang out with, that if we ever go a whole day without texting eachother (it's happened only a couple times since I came home from school for the summer), that I get pretty anxious to talk to her again or anticipate a reply. It's a really weird feeling for me. With my last girlfriend, I was never this attached to her as this new girl seems to be. I wonder how I am going to feel when I am at school and going multiple months at a time without seeing her. I mean, this girl and I text from about 11 pm to about 3-4 am every night. We text eachother until we are ready to go to sleep, and then say goodnight to eachother. It's really an odd feeling going to sleep and not texting her goodnight. As you can probably guess, we are texting eachother as we speak.

 

One big problem w/ her (personally speaking), and it's kind of a big deal, is that she has had a really bad past. I'm talking sexual abuse as a child, physical abuse by father/ex-boyfriend, her mom left her and moved far away, she used to have problems w/ alcohol, and she has to take anti-depressants. It sucks she is so damaged by her past, but for some reason I really love being able to help her feel better. Like whenever she texts me and says she is sad or feeling depressed or whatever, it bothers the hell out of me until I can get her into a good mood. I almost feel like a need to take care of her of something, I guess.

[SoxAce]

So I've recently been hanging out with this girl and have started to get to really like her, only problem is she is the little sister of one of my good friends. Her and I are the same age so it's not weird that I would be going after her in that sense, but she and I have both decided that I should talk to him before we actually go on a date or anything. He is very protective of her and I am not looking forward to having this conversation at all.

 

One of my personal rules. Never go out or have sex with one of your good/best friend's sister(s). Always leads to trouble/awkwardness down the road. Now, if that said friend isn't as protective as he lends on, that is different (my good friend is currently been with my sister for 4 years, but I'm not that protective of her as I know she is very smart and makes the right decisions) but I've personally seen too many friendships end because of a family member's conflict. (sister) Keep it on the down low in benefits (and I mean serious hush hush), or don't do it is the best way IMO (unless like I said.. the dude is a good dude and isn't as protective of her as you thought, and the trust is there). Just my two cents.