Relationship Advice Thread

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

So I've recently been hanging out with this girl and have started to get to really like her, only problem is she is the little sister of one of my good friends. Her and I are the same age so it's not weird that I would be going after her in that sense, but she and I have both decided that I should talk to him before we actually go on a date or anything. He is very protective of her and I am not looking forward to having this conversation at all.

 

Convince your friend that he should be happy that he knows and can trust the guy his sister is dating. He should take comfort in the fact that he knows you won't do anything wrong and will take care of her well. I'd work that angle with him if I were you.

[southsider2k5]

I have to initially agree with your friend. But even if she's seriously into you, just remember that if she would cheat on her boyfriend with you, she'll cheat on you at some point as well.

 

Not to mention she is pretty much already cheating on her boyfriend with you.

[flippedoutpunk]

I have to initially agree with your friend. But even if she's seriously into you, just remember that if she would cheat on her boyfriend with you, she'll cheat on you at some point as well.

 

this..

[Y2HH]

this..

 

That depends on if he cares...or just wants some fun time. Though, reading his posts, he seems to care...which is a red flag to me considering all the "issues" she seems to have...

 

I wouldn't get involved in this...at all.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Not to mention she is pretty much already cheating on her boyfriend with you.

 

Not really. We have never done anything, and we have only seen each other outside of work 1 time (mainly because he doesn't allow her to hang out w/ boys). All we do is talk non-stop.

[southsider2k5]

Not really. We have never done anything, and we have only seen each other outside of work 1 time (mainly because he doesn't allow her to hang out w/ boys). All we do is talk non-stop.

 

My POV is that if she isn't telling the BF about the conversations you guys are having, especially the stuff like the dream, there is a reason for it. She knows it is wrong.

[BigSqwert]

My POV is that if she isn't telling the BF about the conversations you guys are having, especially the stuff like the dream, there is a reason for it. She knows it is wrong.

Agreed

[southsider2k5]

And honestly judging by your description of this girls history, she is probably massively insecure (as happens to many abuse victims) and needs the attention to make her feel better about herself.

[RockRaines]

Yep. Put yourself in the boyfriend's shoes (minus the "not allowing her to talk to other guys" crazy s***). You wouldn't feel completely betrayed if your girlfriend were talking to some other guy in the same fashion as you two are, and then keeping it from you?

A girl that can lie to her guy like that will lie again. She probably needs constant attention and has cheated before which is why her guy is jealous in the first place.

[The Beast]

The girl I posted about in early June is on my mind to post something about again. We continued texting/talking/skyping each other over this time and it has been interesting. Some parts have been tough in keeping communication flowing but there have been times where it has gone smoothly and has been fun. I went home last weekend and took her out to dinner for her birthday, had drinks with her since it was her 21st and the next day, went to her sister's wedding as her date. It was a real nice time, so nice I ended up staying at her place.

 

The problem that I am having is that I don't know how interested she is, that she tells me she misses me/wants to work with what we have and do the distance. She's had bad relationships before and a distance relationship that failed. I suggested taking it slow and just keep it kind of loose when she's at school, but she hasn't responded to that yet since we have been writing letters (old school and gay I know) so we'll see what she says about that. And really the other issue is that I haven't been able to have her be open with me about what she thinks since she's quiet or we're with her family (though when we were together alone, she opened up at dinner last Saturday). So I would hope the issue is that there isn't enough time with just her and I (although her mother adores me) and not that we have nothing in common (which we do).

 

I'll edit this later to fill in missing blanks...I'm on my lunch hour.

[kjshoe04]

One of my personal rules. Never go out or have sex with one of your good/best friend's sister(s). Always leads to trouble/awkwardness down the road. Now, if that said friend isn't as protective as he lends on, that is different (my good friend is currently been with my sister for 4 years, but I'm not that protective of her as I know she is very smart and makes the right decisions) but I've personally seen too many friendships end because of a family member's conflict. (sister) Keep it on the down low in benefits (and I mean serious hush hush), or don't do it is the best way IMO (unless like I said.. the dude is a good dude and isn't as protective of her as you thought, and the trust is there). Just my two cents.

Another one of his friends and his roommate at the time dated her when he was in college and they are still good friends even though it obviously didn't work out. Hopefully he will be ok with me going out with her as well. Her and I have done nothing but discuss that we would like to start dating and decided to not do anything more without me having a chat with him. I'm pretty confident he will be ok with it, but I am nervous. The last relationship she was in she got engaged to some guy he absolutely hated after dating for three months, so maybe he would feel better with me?

[SoxAce]

That's probably the worst advice. If I found out one of my friends was nailing my sister and didn't even have the balls to tell me (and it will come out eventually), I'd be really angry. And I'm talking about violent angry.

 

That is why I put in parenthesis "and I mean serious hush hush." Obviously it is extremely risky, but it can be done if the girl is game. Hell, I've seen cases which the friend never found out or even cared later on. Depends on the person too, but it is risky.

 

Another one of his friends and his roommate at the time dated her when he was in college and they are still good friends even though it obviously didn't work out. Hopefully he will be ok with me going out with her as well. Her and I have done nothing but discuss that we would like to start dating and decided to not do anything more without me having a chat with him. I'm pretty confident he will be ok with it, but I am nervous. The last relationship she was in she got engaged to some guy he absolutely hated after dating for three months, so maybe he would feel better with me?

 

If it's been done before, then your in very good shape. Let him know (kind of pick his brain a bit) and you will be fine. That certainly helps.

Edited July 6, 2011 by SoxAce

[kjshoe04]

If it's been done before, then your in very good shape. Let him know (kind of pick his brain a bit) and you will be fine. That certainly helps.

Yeah, I'm going over to his place tonight to talk to him, so wish me luck.

[nitetrain8601]

A girl that can lie to her guy like that will lie again. She probably needs constant attention and has cheated before which is why her guy is jealous in the first place.

 

I agree. I was with a girl who is as exactly as described and gave her my all. I always tried to make her happy. It was a mission for me. Same type of background and abuse. And I mean all of it matches up 100%. She broke up with her "abusive" bf, and started going out with me. Then she'd just use me up to talk to me because I could make her feel good, especially emotionally. She would always still find a reason to talk to her ex bf though. And the alarming thing that I should've saw was that she always remained friends with her ex bf's no matter what.

 

In the end, she supposedly asked for money from the ex, went to his place to get it, then had relations and tried to claim it wasn't her fault and she wasn't in control. Now keep in mind, she never mentioned money problems, nor should she have had money problems considering she still lived with her parents and did not pay a bill. All she did was pay for her gas and insurance. I ended contact with her. This all happened when she said she needed a break as she wasn't ready for a relationship.

 

After that, she would attempt to contact me and sometimes I would randomly reply. She found out where I lived which was waaaaaay far from her after she saw me come home at 11pm at night on a weeknight. She supposedly wanted to say hi, but didn't because her "ex-bf" was with her. She would always say I shouldn't be jealous of him as he was jealous of me because she was only happy with me. I'm like, "whatever" and asked her not to follow me home. I thought it was done with until she contacted me around my birthday. Mine and hers were a week apart from each other and she wanted me to take her out for her birthday and she would bake me a cake and take me out for mine. She stood me up, and then I told her to end herself. And that was the end.

 

PS, she ended up in an accident that took her away about 3 months later. And no, I didn't have anything to do with it, nor did I even know until a friend of mine told me about it when it happened. As bad as it sounds, I couldn't care less.

 

PPS, she would always make up some story about her being depressed, but wouldn't want me to do anything about it, she wanted to go to the woods in the middle of the night alone, cried about a miscarriage(that I believe she was lying about) and would basically drive anyone sane, batty.

 

Long story short...RUN!

[kjshoe04]

Went better than I could have imagined. He told me to go for it. Called her and got a yes for the date.

[IlliniKrush]

She stood me up, and then I told her to end herself. And that was the end.

 

PS, she ended up in an accident that took her away about 3 months later. And no, I didn't have anything to do with it, nor did I even know until a friend of mine told me about it when it happened. As bad as it sounds, I couldn't care less.

What the f***?

[The Sir]

Yep. Put yourself in the boyfriend's shoes (minus the "not allowing her to talk to other guys" crazy s***). You wouldn't feel completely betrayed if your girlfriend were talking to some other guy in the same fashion as you two are, and then keeping it from you?

 

This. What you and this girl are doing, JoeCool, is emotional infidelity. You really need to follow the Milkman's advice and put yourself in the boyfriend's shoes so you can realize how hurt you would be if the situation were reversed. You need to get away from this chick quick, both because it's the moral thing to do and because you're going to get hurt.

 

Also, my girlfriend says this girl you know is just fiending for attention. She theorizes that this girl likely believes her boyfriend is a really good guy and doesn't want to hurt him by crossing that physical barrier. However, the fact that she's brought up the sex dream shows that she's contemplated it but she's not brave enough to make the first move (because she's afraid of change). For now though, she's just basking in the fleeting sense of sweetness and caring that you provide her.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. So I am not going to go in to details about what happened today, because I am far too hungry and tired right now to type out the multi-paragraph story I have to tell, but long-story short version until I come back tomorrow is that this chick absolutely flipped out tonight (She was hammered drunk), and I REALLY need to avoid this situation any further. Easier said than done, because I know I will end up thinking about her again, but I wish I didn't give a s*** because this girl showed me a very, very bad side of her tonight. Long story short, a lot of crying, rage, and half-naked.

 

Feel free to speculate, lol, but I will explain more tomorrow.

[The Sir]

Long story short, a lot of crying, rage, and half-naked.

 

Feel free to speculate, lol, but I will explain more tomorrow.

 

Man, I haven't been this excited about a message board post in forever.

 

On another note, I could have called this one. I'm not trying to brag; I'm just saying this was never headed to good places. Don't worry about it, Joe...in the end you'll be better off for it.

[bigruss]

Man, I haven't been this excited about a message board post in forever.

 

On another note, I could have called this one. I'm not trying to brag; I'm just saying this was never headed to good places. Don't worry about it, Joe...in the end you'll be better off for it.

As soon as he said she was wasted it was pretty easy to read into what was going to happen next lol.

[Chisoxfn]

Joe, I also echo the sentiments of the posters above. She has "trouble" written all over her. If you are looking for a relationship (and judging by your posts, you were) than you never want to start you relationship with someone when they are already in a relationship. She has been cheating on her boyfriend for a while with you (maybe not physically cheating, but emotionally).

[RockRaines]

Joe, I also echo the sentiments of the posters above. She has "trouble" written all over her. If you are looking for a relationship (and judging by your posts, you were) than you never want to start you relationship with someone when they are already in a relationship. She has been cheating on her boyfriend for a while with you (maybe not physically cheating, but emotionally).

She'll eventually do the same to her next boyfriend as well. Those b****es are crazy. My ex is like that. She cheated on me with her now 50 year old husband (shes 27) and immediately cheated on him after they got married. Word is she is pregnant now with another guy's kid. b****es be crazy.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Ok, so here it goes. I'll try to sum things up so it's not tooooo long of a read.....

 

So the day started with her coming over to my house at like 11:30 for some frozen pizza and a little pre-game drinking. It was a little awkward being alone in my house with her, but it was fine. I then drove us over to my buddies house to meet up with 2 other people that were coming to the game with us. We had a good time in the car jamming out to some music and laughing, so I was in a pretty good mood. We all left together for the game, and we sat next to eachother in the back seat. We got to the game and went to our seats WAYYY in the upper deck (free tix).

 

We were flirting and joking around a lot in our seats. Lots of jokes about her "grabbing my nuts" and me "nutting on her" with the bag of peanuts that I brought. Just typical young-adult type humor. Also, sidenote, this girl had the TINIEST bladder in the world. I had to take her to the bathroom 4-5 times during the game. It was like every other inning. They were feeding her a bunch of beer (she isn't 21), so I guess that's why she had to piss a lot, that and she only weighs 100 pounds, maybe. So anyway, we had a good time at the game, took a bunch of pictures together, flirted a lot, blah blah blah. One thing that kind of pissed me off was how she told me (while she was texting her boyfriend) that she thinks he knows she secretly hates him. I said "Why would you secretly hate him" and she says "Because he is too nice to me and so sweet. I don't deserve him. It's probably why I usually go for guys who treat me like s*** and hit me". Trying to avoid the whole "abusive" comment, I said "So you don't like sweet guys? Then do you secretly hate me too? Because you always tell me I am the sweetest guy you know." Then she responds, "No, I don't hate you JoeJoe, because you aren't a boyfriend to me." or something along those lines.

 

So then I got kind of pissed and basically stopped flirting with her and just watched the game. After she noticed this and asked why I looked sad, I just told her it was because the Sox were losing, and she probably bought it. So then on the way home from the game she was looking through my texts (she always does that. Not sure if she is looking for anything in particular). Now, she doesn't sneak my phone and try to look, she always asks me if she can, and I never am afraid of what she would find. So then I took her phone in return, and looked through her texts. I saw the texts from her boyfriend, and it seemed to be an argument about how he is the only person she loves, and he is her everything and she loves him more than anything in the world and blah blah blah. So then I once again got discouraged a little, and stopped flirting again. This basically lasted for a few hours too. We went to get some food, and then came back to my place to watch a movie. Now mind you, my buddy was there with us the whole day too. I didn't want to put her in a situation with it being just me, and make her feel uncomfortable, so I told him to hang out with us as well.

 

So we went to my house, and the 3 of us watched a movie. She sat in between me and my buddy on the couch, and the began to drink beers and drinking a handle of UV Blue together. I don't drink much in the first place, and since I have been feeling sick, I didn't drink hardly anything the whole day. None at the game, and only had the little sips of UV Blue she would pressure me in to taking. But what was starting to piss me off during the movie was my buddy flirting with her the whole time. Like tickling her, poking her, making little jokes, and then her flirting back with him. She has a thing about play-biting, and so she was biting his arms and giving her marks. So I was on the other end of the couch basically pissed off that he was getting so cozy with her and flirting when he knows we have a thing together. When she got up to take her 13th bathroom break of the day (seriously, it got really f***ing annoying), he asked why I was pissed off. I told him partly because of her continuing to mention I am a non-sexual entity to her (she said a few times that she doesn't picture me as having a dick, or at least not a functional one. She says "You are just JoeJoe, you can't do that stuff!"). So then I also told him I was a little pissed he was flirting with her so much and touching her. He was drinking a lot that day, so I think that was sort of a product of the alcohol, and not him trying to be an asshole to me.

 

So then she decided she wanted to go night swimming in my pool. Now, my pool was 92 degrees yesterday, so we were all pretty pumped to get in. She, of course, didn't have a bathing suit with her, so I went and got her a dark t-shirt of mine to wear. She she swam in her panties and my t-shirt, no bra. So after she starting pounding the UV at this point, she was getting pretty damn drunk. She eventually got the shirt to where she still had her head in the neck-hole, but the rest of the shirt just hung in front of her chest. Needless today, there were many, many slips were my buddy and I completely saw her chest, especially when she would get out of the pool to check her phone or use the bathroom. She would check her phone every 3-4 minutes to see the time (she has a curfew) and see if her boyfriend texted her. Well, my buddy was getting VERY handsy at this point. Oh yeah, and I should mention he was just swimming in his boxers, boxers without a button in the front, so his junk was coming out every once and while. So anyway, he would like wrap his legs around her waist, pull her towards him, grab her legs, and so all this other "creepy" stuff IN MY MIND. I felt bad that he was doing all this with her so drunk, so I just kind of hung out on the side and awkwardly watched. She didn't seem to really enjoy all that, but she was certainly flirting back, and her "go-to-move" to get out of his grasp was to grab his junk. So needless to say, she had her hands on his dick and balls multiple times, one time even PULLING his dick to get him to let go of her. Yeah, so I was feeling really awkward now and semi-jealous of him that she was giving him so much attention and playfullness.

 

So when she took yet ANOTHER bathroom break, I told him that he needs to lay off her a little because she is clearly drunk and he is taking advantage of her and being half-naked. He disagreed and said he was not being creepy or doing anything weird, but again, he was drunk too. So then at some point she even completely took her shirt off (after my friend told her to, basically), but then quickly put it back on when she realized what she is doing in a pool with two guys while she has a boyfriend. So then the tears started to flow.....

 

So I swam over to her and rubbed her back and tried to help her stop crying. I then started saying something and making this weird bubbling noise in the water to make her laugh. So then it was all good because I had her cracking up and smiling and s***. So I lifted her out of the pool and sat her on the deck. She then laid down flat, and started to shiver and shake pretty violently. It was not a seizure or anything serious, but she was clearly freezing cold (again, she weighs 100 pounds, and went from 92 degree water to like 70 degree air, or whatever it was late last night). So I pulled her over back to the edge of the pool, and pulled her in the water with me to warm her up. She wasn't passed out, but she was clearly out of it. I had my buddy run in the house and grab a bunch of towels for her. So while he was in the house, I was carrying her in my arms in the pool. She was holding me and around the neck and was telling me how sorry she was that she got this drunk and stuff. She was also then running her hands through my hair and hugging me tight, so then I was in a good mood again because it seemed she trusted me and was happy again. Then my buddy comes out with like 5 or 6 towels. By this point I had been holding her for about 5 minutes and calming her down, so she was able to get out of the pool by herself. She got out, we wrapped her in all the towels, and she was fine for a little bit. Then I walked her in to my house, and brought her to the bathroom to try and puke. This is when s*** got a little out of control...........

 

 

So I got her on the floor next to the toilet, and held her hair back and was rubbing her back and all that. She couldn't puke, and never did end up puking, but she started to cry again and said how awful of a girlfriend she is and how she is going to have to tell her boyfriend about everything (She always tells him everything that happens, and always feels so guilty about it). So then she all the sudden flips into a rage and punches the s*** out of the back of the toilet seat top (it was propped up). This is a not a plastic cover, it is a hard porcellun (sp?). So then I grab her arm, but she all the sudden breaks out and punches it again. At this point its about 12:30, and she has to be home by 2 AM. I hold her arms and try to calm her, and then after a few minutes she calms down and starts crying. Then she flips out again and punches the cabinets. It was like this for at least a half hour. She would cry, punch something, then be ok and say how childish she is acting and how embarrassed she was that we saw her like this. Then it would all cycle again. We eventually got her to the point where she would just squeeze our hands very hard instead of punching, but she still punched about 5 or 6 times, and skin was coming off her knuckles. My buddy and I kept looking at eachother and mouthing "WHAT THE f***?". It was so crazy. So then eventually I got her some water, gave her some medicine, put her bra on, her pants on, and gave her a new shirtand I drove her home in her truck, and my buddy followed in his car. Oh yeah, forgot to mention she basically ruined her phone with all the times she got out of the pool to check her phone, so it had water damage. She was very angry about that, so that's probably where some of her rage came from. So I drove her home, and besides crying a little, she was ok. By the time we got to her house, and seemed to be ok again. Wasn't crying or hitting or anything.

 

f***ing nuts. I have never seen her act like this. I know it should be a no-brainer that I never talk to this chick again, especially after episode she had at my house, but we work together, and we text eachother for hours on end each day. So it's going to be hard to just completely cut her off, and with someone who has some many emotional problems, I don't want to make things worse by just ditching her. I don't think I will ever let her drink so much around me again, that's for damn sure. I don't care that I got to see her tits almost the whole night (and they are spectacular B cups by the way, for such a little body), because that was a scary hour or so of her melting down.

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

Oh yeah, and updates from today. She texted me at like 6 AM and thanked me for helping her out last night and she said she was sorry for acting like that and embarrassed we had to see that, and also said he phone is now working, just a little messed up. I told her "You're welcome. I smell like you and UV Blue though" Because she spilled UV all down my shirt when we were watching the movie. Then then said " I'm sorry! My fist really hurts though". Then, trying to sound detached and trying not to act like everything is fine said....

 

Me: "We tried to stop you."

Her: "It's not your fault. I have way too much emotion when I'm drunk. I never wanted you guys to see me like that. Please don't be upset me with."

Me: "It's whatever"

Her: " I'll leave you alone"

 

 

And now I feel bad. But I think pretty soon I am just going to have to lay it all out for her and tell her how I feel and why it's so f***ed up and everything. It will be pretty awkward at work after that, I'm sure, but I only have a little over a month until I go back to school, and we only usually work once, maybe twice a week together, so I will just have to deal with the awkwardness.

Edited July 7, 2011 by JoeCoolMan24

[southsider2k5]

Don't fall for the guilt trip. that is BS.