Relationship Advice Thread

[dasox24]

Ugh, my apologies for my terrible grammer. Too much multi-tasking!

 

I need to take my own advice and focus on only a few things at once!

 

I meant sounds like she needs you to be there for her, not that you need her to be there for her. Ack.

 

Sounds like you should just keep the same approach you have been taking.

Haha, I knew what you meant. No worries...

[G&T]

Hmm I was just checkin in on my thread about the pizza place im opening up and say this soooooooo i figured why not get your opinions on this matter.

 

 

So Im in love with my best friend, shes cool as hell like shes perfect for me, we listen to the same music, she likes watching sports, she likes just going out and playing basketball or just playing catch, when i met her mentally i was weak and shes made me stronger, we.ve been able to hang out damn near every night for the past 3 years and our convos never stop flowin, my family loves her, we used to play board games with my fam, and every night we give each other a hug and a kiss on the cheek and say i love you or ily. In the past 3 years ive not talked, texted, or IMd with her maybe a total of 30 days. She claims looks isnt big with her, and also she claims I am a good looking man, she claims its all about personality but yet she tells me i have a great personality... Problem obviously is shes not with me because i think there is obvious attraction there and yes i try to get with her....I havent been trying to get with anyone because i believe somethings gonna happen and it occured to me the other day that i havent had sex in over 2 years.......theres times where i just wanna be with someone but i almost feel like shes weighing me down BUT at the same time shes easily been the best friend ive ever had....what do i do???

 

I'm about to marry my best friend and I can tell you that there are a LOT of red flags here that tell me this isn't going to work out. Girls don't use the word love with guys unless he has been friend-zoned, or they are actually in love. Also, the first bolded section indicates that you think you "need" her (correct me if i'm wrong on this one). Guess what: you don't. No one needs anyone. That ain't love, and it doesn't make for a healthy relationship.

 

Last, you say you are trying to get with her, but what does that mean?

 

Honestly, I recommend that you just tell her how you feel and see what happens. Understand that it probably won't turn out well, but it's better to deal with it and grow as a person rather than feel dependent on someone emotionally.

 

Of course it could turn out great. What do I know.

[The Beast]

I forget which comedian it was, but he had a routine on something that applies here. He talked about how girls are taught when they're younger how special they are. It was mostly about p****, and how they're taught that it's special and that you can't let anybody touch it. Girls also get treated like daddy's little princess so much that they really do seem to think of themselves as better than others. Of course this isn't true of all women, but I've seen quite a few that would fall into that category.

 

Some more advice for wite, don't talk about your ex with new girls you meet. I've seen people do that a lot, and it only hurts your chances.

I've always thought that if her dad called her princess as a child, that I would never date a girl like that. Because while I will treat a woman with respect and love her, I will not treat her like a princess. I run from girls like that.

 

And I purposely talk about my ex to get rid of the women that I meet that are initially into me but that I find that I'm not fond of.

[Kyyle23]

I've always thought that if her dad called her princess as a child, that I would never date a girl like that. Because while I will treat a woman with respect and love her, I will not treat her like a princess. I run from girls like that.

 

And I purposely talk about my ex to get rid of the women that I meet that are initially into me but that I find that I'm not fond of.

 

Wow Beast, you have a lot of things yet to experience and learn.

[The Beast]

Wow Beast, you have a lot of things yet to experience and learn.

No s***. If you told me two years ago that I was going to be at a different college studying a different subject and trying to complete my degree ASAP, I would have said you're f***ing crazy. Maybe I'll look up this thread in two years and say KyYlE23 was right, and that I'm going out with one of those ugg-booted, spray tanning, daddy's daughter "princesses" that I despised so much when I made this post. Seriously, that fashion trend is disgusting. What happened to the days of women who were naturally beautiful and didn't need all of the bulls*** that some of these clowns wear today at college?

 

 

[Kyyle23]

I am just hoping that one day you look at one of these threads and realize how much you pigeonhole people and judge people by what you see

[The Beast]

I am just hoping that one day you look at one of these threads and realize how much you pigeonhole people and judge people by what you see

Perhaps you are right. This article makes a lot of sense, I believe. What are your thoughts?

[Tuna]

I've always thought that if her dad called her princess as a child, that I would never date a girl like that. Because while I will treat a woman with respect and love her, I will not treat her like a princess. I run from girls like that.

 

And I purposely talk about my ex to get rid of the women that I meet that are initially into me but that I find that I'm not fond of.

 

 

News Flash Buddy, for the most part, all fathers refer to their daughters as princess. Not all of those same girls are spoiled. It's a term of endearment. Treating her with respect and loving her is exactly what a father does for his daughter and what a father EXPECTS of any man that's serious about being with his daughter. Material things have nothing to do with this at all, that's a different girl you're referring to.

[Kyyle23]

Perhaps you are right. This article makes a lot of sense, I believe. What are your thoughts?

 

My thought is that it deserves its own thread, so that this one isnt derailed

[The Beast]

News Flash Buddy, for the most part, all fathers refer to their daughters as princess. Not all of those same girls are spoiled. It's a term of endearment. Treating her with respect and loving her is exactly what a father does for his daughter and what a father EXPECTS of any man that's serious about being with his daughter. Material things have nothing to do with this at all, that's a different girl you're referring to.

The type of woman that I am referring to is a manipulative and materialistic person. I am going out on a limb here to say that many of the girls I have met share the same characteristics. And you know, that's a shame. Because I agree with you in regards to what a father expects of any man that's serious about being with his daughter.

 

In my past experiences, I have been respectful and loving of my girlfriends. In my only serious relationship, I hope that her father noted all that I did and would speak fondly of me. I know her mother did. The problem that I have right now is that I am having a hard time meeting women who actually know what they want or even have an interest in me. I know what kind of women I like and don't like and what I'm attracted to. Unfortunately I can't seem to find a medium to go meet those kind of women or even people to have as friends in general. I'll admit, I have few friends, but the ones that I do have, I value them a lot. It's just tough when you constantly try to go to bars or parties and still don't feel comfortable in those settings.

 

To summarize, it's a frustrating time trying to get to know yourself when you are trying to meet new people and even find someone to get to know further. Nobody likes being alone, it's a fact of life.

[Tuna]

The type of woman that I am referring to is a manipulative and materialistic person. I am going out on a limb here to say that many of the girls I have met share the same characteristics. And you know, that's a shame. Because I agree with you in regards to what a father expects of any man that's serious about being with his daughter.

 

In my past experiences, I have been respectful and loving of my girlfriends. In my only serious relationship, I hope that her father noted all that I did and would speak fondly of me. I know her mother did. The problem that I have right now is that I am having a hard time meeting women who actually know what they want or even have an interest in me. I know what kind of women I like and don't like and what I'm attracted to. Unfortunately I can't seem to find a medium to go meet those kind of women or even people to have as friends in general. I'll admit, I have few friends, but the ones that I do have, I value them a lot. It's just tough when you constantly try to go to bars or parties and still don't feel comfortable in those settings.

 

To summarize, it's a frustrating time trying to get to know yourself when you are trying to meet new people and even find someone to get to know further. Nobody likes being alone, it's a fact of life.

 

I definately get that. Sorry if I came off harsh, If you couldn't tell, I have a princess at home. With that being said, the problem you have seems like a fairly easy fix. There are certain places where you meet people that COULD tell you a lot about the person before you even meet them. When you go to a club there's a probability of what type of girl you can meet there. That's not to say it's impossible to meet a decent girl at the club, but the probability would suggest that she is into drinking, having a good time in that scene, etc... Switch up where you go. Try Barnes and Noble, the library on a Friday night, church (that one could be decieving), etc...maybe you'll find the type of girl you're looking for there.

[G&T]

No s***. If you told me two years ago that I was going to be at a different college studying a different subject and trying to complete my degree ASAP, I would have said you're f***ing crazy. Maybe I'll look up this thread in two years and say KyYlE23 was right, and that I'm going out with one of those ugg-booted, spray tanning, daddy's daughter "princesses" that I despised so much when I made this post. Seriously, that fashion trend is disgusting. What happened to the days of women who were naturally beautiful and didn't need all of the bulls*** that some of these clowns wear today at college?

 

One day, you are going to be very sorry that you don't have college eye-candy to look at every day.

[2nd_city_saint787]

When your business opens.. tell her to stop by, then I'll go over there and straighten her out. Funny thing is.. I might know her if shes a Hammond/Heggy/ES girl.

 

 

 

Shes def a hammond and a ES girl, moved to hammond from the ES her freshman year to go to gavit, still parties on the ES. I wouldnt doubt you know her and i wouldnt doubt you have a crush on her/messed around with her, seems like everyone but me has

[Controlled Chaos]

You tell a girl you like her, she doesn't like you - MOVE ON. Don't look back.

You're friends with a girl, you decide you want more, she doesn't like you 'that way' - MOVE ON. Friendship is over for a bit.

You're dating a girl, she breaks up with you - MOVE ON. Don't look back. Obviously some of this depends on the seriousness and length of relationship, but Don't talk to her, talk about her, or ask to hear about her. If you see her...say Hi...don't be an ass, be civil, but be short and move on. Forget the lets be friends and talk all the time thing. Be friendly when you see each other, but find someone else to hang out with. You really can't get over someone if you're always seeing them.

 

Look gentlemen it isn't that difficult. You shouldn't have to 'convince' a girl to like you. This isn't the movies....where the girl says NO and the guy chases and chases the girl and she finally falls madly in love with him. If she likes you, the interest is there from the beginning. She may be unsure about being in a relationship or afraid of getting hurt or whatever...but as far as 'liking' you....if she has to think about that??? GTFO!

 

Tell her you like her, let her marinate the thought for a few days or a week, if she comes back and isn't interested...then take her at her word and move on.

 

Not to call out iamshack at all, but this "The stories are quite often about a guy who kept pursuing a woman until he ultimately convinced her to marry him. And those are some of the strongest couples around" I just don't see as the case.

Edited February 4, 2010 by Controlled Chaos

[witesoxfan]

I forget which comedian it was, but he had a routine on something that applies here. He talked about how girls are taught when they're younger how special they are. It was mostly about p****, and how they're taught that it's special and that you can't let anybody touch it. Girls also get treated like daddy's little princess so much that they really do seem to think of themselves as better than others. Of course this isn't true of all women, but I've seen quite a few that would fall into that category.

 

Some more advice for wite, don't talk about your ex with new girls you meet. I've seen people do that a lot, and it only hurts your chances.

 

I haven't planned on it. If she were to ever ask, I would say I've talked to some girls but that's all the more I'd do. I wouldn't mention names, where I was, what the extent of the conversations were, what we did, or anything. Just that we talked.

[Kyyle23]

I haven't planned on it. If she were to ever ask, I would say I've talked to some girls but that's all the more I'd do. I wouldn't mention names, where I was, what the extent of the conversations were, what we did, or anything. Just that we talked.

 

 

I think you mixed that up. He said dont talk about your ex with the new girls, not dont talk about the new girls with your ex

 

 

maybe i am just reading your response wrong

[iamshack]

I've always thought that if her dad called her princess as a child, that I would never date a girl like that. Because while I will treat a woman with respect and love her, I will not treat her like a princess. I run from girls like that.

 

And I purposely talk about my ex to get rid of the women that I meet that are initially into me but that I find that I'm not fond of.

 

I always thought one of my better qualities was knowing that I didn't know everything, even when I felt strongly about something.

 

Seeing how much you have changed as a person over the past year or so, I think you might benefit from realizing you don't know everything as well.

[The Beast]

I always thought one of my better qualities was knowing that I didn't know everything, even when I felt strongly about something.

 

Seeing how much you have changed as a person over the past year or so, I think you might benefit from realizing you don't know everything as well.

The fact of the matter is that I don't know everything. I don't know what I want to do in life, I just am trying to obtain skills for the workplace and studying a more challenging major. I don't know if I'll go into a corporate job or a human services job. I know what kind of woman I'd like, but I don't know where to find her. I want to have a wife and family someday, I just don't know how to support it. I have a lot to say to people in conversation but I don't know how to say it because of where I'm at (what's appropriate at a music blasting bar?). Generally speaking, I don't know anything but what I do know is that I'll walk away from everything trying my best and giving anything I do my best effort with the circumstances and conditions that I'm working under. As a man, at least I have or am learning what my terms are: that I'm hardworking, trying to be a better person (currently reading How to Win Friends and Influence People), and trying to live a more "full" lifestyle than I had been. It may not seem as though that is the case with how I post, but after every single mistake I make or source of failure I have done, I learn something and continue to work toward a common goal of succeeding.

[SoxAce]

Shes def a hammond and a ES girl, moved to hammond from the ES her freshman year to go to gavit, still parties on the ES. I wouldnt doubt you know her and i wouldnt doubt you have a crush on her/messed around with her, seems like everyone but me has

 

PM me bro. Gotta know who she is, cause then I can tell you what I know about her.

[iamshack]

Your opinions are almost on one side of the pendulum or the other...as if everything is always black or white, but never gray.

 

Realize that a LOT of things are gray, especially when it comes to people, relationships, women, feelings, attitudes, etc.

 

How old are you? 22? 23?

 

I thought I knew a LOT when I was that age too...but you have to realize that as you grow as a person, you learn that you really didn't know as much as you thought you did...

 

 

[SoxAce]

Your opinions are almost on one side of the pendulum or the other...as if everything is always black or white, but never gray.

 

Realize that a LOT of things are gray, especially when it comes to people, relationships, women, feelings, attitudes, etc.

How old are you? 22? 23?

 

I thought I knew a LOT when I was that age too...but you have to realize that as you grow as a person, you learn that you really didn't know as much as you thought you did...

 

Ross is younger than that. And you weren't around during the glory threads from him (alot about subjects like this years ago). I still love ya Ross.

[Jenksismyhero]

You tell a girl you like her, she doesn't like you - MOVE ON. Don't look back.

You're friends with a girl, you decide you want more, she doesn't like you 'that way' - MOVE ON. Friendship is over for a bit.

You're dating a girl, she breaks up with you - MOVE ON. Don't look back. Obviously some of this depends on the seriousness and length of relationship, but Don't talk to her, talk about her, or ask to hear about her. If you see her...say Hi...don't be an ass, be civil, but be short and move on. Forget the lets be friends and talk all the time thing. Be friendly when you see each other, but find someone else to hang out with. You really can't get over someone if you're always seeing them.

 

Look gentlemen it isn't that difficult. You shouldn't have to 'convince' a girl to like you. This isn't the movies....where the girl says NO and the guy chases and chases the girl and she finally falls madly in love with him. If she likes you, the interest is there from the beginning. She may be unsure about being in a relationship or afraid of getting hurt or whatever...but as far as 'liking' you....if she has to think about that??? GTFO!

 

Tell her you like her, let her marinate the thought for a few days or a week, if she comes back and isn't interested...then take her at her word and move on.

 

Not to call out iamshack at all, but this "The stories are quite often about a guy who kept pursuing a woman until he ultimately convinced her to marry him. And those are some of the strongest couples around" I just don't see as the case.

 

totally agree

 

 

 

 

[The Beast]

Ross is younger than that. And you weren't around during the glory threads from him (alot about subjects like this years ago). I still love ya Ross.

Got to hate those posts. I remember those..."fart thread" to say one of them. I'm 21. And I don't know everything. Some days I feel like I know nothing.

[knightni]

Women are like men but they like to "talk about" stuff more. I'll admit, I am no expert, but I am posting here to revisit a classic story:

 

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

 

The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

 

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

 

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take over thousands of miles! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."

 

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say " nothing!", and how I can make a woman truly happy."

 

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?

[witesoxfan]

I think you mixed that up. He said dont talk about your ex with the new girls, not dont talk about the new girls with your ex

 

 

maybe i am just reading your response wrong

 

 

You're right about what I meant, but I wouldn't do either.

 

Oh well, I wouldn't talk about the ex with new girls.

 

Anyways, I've given her an ultimatum and a little bit of time to think. She still has feelings for me, and that I know, but she's a bit confused about the future. I'll give her the time but the ball is in her court now, so there's not much I can do.