Tuna Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 QUOTE (CrimsonWeltall @ Feb 23, 2012 -> 07:40 AM) I'd rather not get into details.. just wondering if others have similar experiences and want to know if/how they got through it Papa Moe said it best, "I'd rather be shot in the stomach than have a b***** break my heart". It doesn't feel like you'll ever get over it, but you will. Everyone has gone through this and it's not easy. I think I'd rather have it happen the way you did (rip it off like a band aid) rather than a woman just deciding she doesn't want to be with you. There's no wondering (or trying) if you can change her mind. You have no choice but to move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 QUOTE (CrimsonWeltall @ Feb 23, 2012 -> 07:40 AM) I'd rather not get into details.. just wondering if others have similar experiences and want to know if/how they got through it When I was 23, I was dating a girl I was in love with. We had only been dating for a year but we had known each other since grade school and was a situation that I didn't realize how strongly I cared about her until I was away at college. I honestly wanted to marry her but I was a year out of college and wasn't making much money while she was still in school. Long story short, she broke up with me by telling me she had been seeing someone else the past few months. Not only that but he proposed to her and she accepted. Granted, not a 3.5 year type deal but I was crushed and confused. I'm curious if the guy knew about me. It took me awhile to get over that and also took me awhile to get the courage to put myself back out there. That was 9 years ago and I still have walls. Looking back, I should of spoken to a psychologist or something. If you find yourself depressed in a few months still, I would see someone. It doesn't hurt. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JPN366 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 For the married guys with kids, I've discovered a secret... Doing more or as many chores around the house is beneficial if you catch my drift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2nd_city_saint787 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 QUOTE (CrimsonWeltall @ Feb 23, 2012 -> 08:32 AM) ...just ended my (engaged) relationship of 3.5 years. This was my first relationship, so I have no experience with breakup Someone tell me this gets better... You'll get through it man, like another poster said pick up a hobby, start workin out, hang out with some buddies, or what i did listen to all your favorite music. I was dating a girl for 3 years, she was everything I wanted in a girl, beautiful puerto rican, was in a band, loved music like i do, she loved going to the batting cages, shootin hoops, bowling, and just going in the backyard and playing catch, she loved going to my rugby games, loved to sit home and watch the game, she was legit my perfect girl. Then out of nowhere i get a call FROM HER BEST FRIEND saying its over, never got a chance to talk to her or anything, dont know what it was about nothing...2 months later i make a new facebook and she pops up in my people i might now list(she previously had me block) only to find out shes engaged. The heart ache I was going through for the first week or so was turrable but then i would just lose myself in music and just zone her out. you gotta lose yourself into something, dont think about her, dont stress over her or itll only make matters worse! Cheers buddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kjshoe04 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Working out a lot helped me to be honest. That and drinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nitetrain8601 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Workout, spend time with your buddies and jam to music in your alone time. It's going to be hard, but the biggest thing is coming to a realization, now you have a bunch of free time that you didn't have. So try stuff you always wanted to, but couldn't. And never let them see you sweat. Don't have contact with her, not even a simple "Hi" text message. You'll fall ten steps back and will make it worse. Cut contact, and live your life to the fullest. Maybe take a trip to somewhere you haven't had a chance to. CDub, it'll get better, trust me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dyuen Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 QUOTE (CrimsonWeltall @ Feb 23, 2012 -> 07:32 AM) ...just ended my (engaged) relationship of 3.5 years. This was my first relationship, so I have no experience with breakup Someone tell me this gets better... My first serious relationship I was dating a girl for 4 years. Went to her company Christmas party and basically figured out she was sleeping with her boss. I confronted her and she admitted it. It will get better for sure, but it takes time. The way to deal with it I think is to try and hang out with friends more to occupy your free time. Talking to friends and just having fun will hopefully get your mind of it somewhat. Hanging out with people will make you feel that people like being around you and should help your self esteem. Eventually the time will pass and you will feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonWeltall Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I moved cross-county...I have no friends to hang out with here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddy Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 QUOTE (CrimsonWeltall @ Feb 24, 2012 -> 11:46 AM) I moved cross-county...I have no friends to hang out with here So go get some! Join a gym, do that thing you've always wanted to try/do but were too lazy/busy/etc. Go out with co-workers. Where do you live now? I had the same thing happen (not 3.5 years but a significantly long relationship) and it straight up SUCKED for a few months. I actually did go see a therapist and it helped a ton. Having a non-biased person to just VENT to was the best. And they'll really get your head put back on straight. At least consider it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3E8 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I don't even think friends are the answer. The quickest way to get over a heartbreak (though I've never experienced anything close to this level) is to be with a new woman. And I echo what nite said about cutting all ties. No texting, no keeping tabs on facebook, any of that will just delay a recovery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve9347 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 QUOTE (CrimsonWeltall @ Feb 24, 2012 -> 10:46 AM) I moved cross-county...I have no friends to hang out with here Join a gym, play some basketball (great way to make friends), lift some weights. Find healthy ways to take out your anger and emotions, because they will be there. Remember, there's always plenty of fish in the sea. This chick was cheating on you... better to have found out now than to have found out after you got hitched. That's a get out of jail free card. Call your family. Talk to them. Hell, skype with them. Get connected with those closest to you by the many different options laid forth in the year 2012. Order a pizza and f***ing devour it. Rent some movies. Go buy the Star Wars collection and spend 15 hours watching intergalactic war. In other words, keep yourself occupied. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reddy Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 QUOTE (3E8 @ Feb 24, 2012 -> 12:00 PM) I don't even think friends are the answer. The quickest way to get over a heartbreak (though I've never experienced anything close to this level) is to be with a new woman. And I echo what nite said about cutting all ties. No texting, no keeping tabs on facebook, any of that will just delay a recovery. COMPLETELY you need ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT with her. It's essential. Because if you're friends on facebook you're GOING to try and find pictures of her and the guy. If you have her number you're GOING to drunk dial her. And all of those things just make you feel like complete s***. the best thing you can do is just delete her from your life. In a few years when you don't have feelings for her anymore you can totally become friends again if thats the way things work out - I'm good friends with the girl I mentioned in my last post - but that didn't happen for a while. So the moral is, you CAN be friends again eventually, but sure as s*** not NOW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jordan4life_2007 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Go to a strip club or a whore house. They'll make you forget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonWeltall Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I have no desire to find someone else. The cheating was early in our relationship; I just didn't know until recently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonWeltall Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 My current plan is to get out of here and stay with my parents for a while and get some counseling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clyons Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Be good to yourself. Do something, buy something, go somewhere you would never have done if she was still in your life. I also completely endorse working out; that goes along with being good to yourself. Excessive drinking does not, so don't overdue it. And I'm a hyprocrite for saying it, because I've failed to do it myself, but cutting off all contact is absolutely for the best. Another problem with drinking is that it lowers the resolve as far as that is concerned. In the end, there's no substitute for time, which its going to take, no matter what you do or don't do. All the best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonWeltall Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) There's a general consensus (understandable) of leave leave leave. I'm curious if anyone who's been through this has attempted to save a relationship which was damaged by cheating through couples therapy or other methods. I wouldn't make such a decision until I've done the things I need to do (leave, get personal therapy) and get myself in a sound mental/emotional state again, but I'm interested to know others' experiences. Edited February 24, 2012 by CrimsonWeltall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve9347 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 QUOTE (CrimsonWeltall @ Feb 24, 2012 -> 01:24 PM) There's a general consensus (understandable) of leave leave leave. I'm curious if anyone who's been through this has attempted to save a relationship which was damaged by cheating through couples therapy or other methods. I wouldn't make such a decision until I've done the things I need to do (leave, get personal therapy) and get myself in a sound mental/emotional state again, but I'm interested to know others' experiences. I love my wife. She's absolutely perfect for me and we couldn't be happier together. If she ever cheated on me, that'd be it. There'd be no forgiving. Some men might be able to do that, but I'd rather live life alone than try to "repair" a relationship with someone who could do that to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenksismyhero Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 QUOTE (Steve9347 @ Feb 24, 2012 -> 01:28 PM) I love my wife. She's absolutely perfect for me and we couldn't be happier together. If she ever cheated on me, that'd be it. There'd be no forgiving. Some men might be able to do that, but I'd rather live life alone than try to "repair" a relationship with someone who could do that to me. +1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonWeltall Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I always said the same thing until it happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenksismyhero Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 But how can you honestly ever trust her again? Despite where you're at right now, remember two important things: (1) you deserve better than that, (2) there are a bazillion other women out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soxbadger Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I went through a similar experience, lived with a girl for about 3 years, in total was with her about 4-5. Anyway, as others have mentioned, I went to the gym, did other things, but none of that really worked for me because Im a compulsive thinker, so I over analyze everything and anything. For a while I wanted it to work out again, we werent even engaged or married and honestly I thought maybe some time apart could be helpful. That was like 5 years ago. Eventually it became apparent that no matter what could or would ever happen, I just would never be okay with it again. I could have probably worked something out, but it would have been for all the wrong reasons. The hardest part I found was trying to figure out who I was alone. I had changed so much for "our life" that I forgot what "my life" used to be like. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3E8 Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 I hearken back to a young 3E8 getting dumped because his girl liked someone else. I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself, saying "but I'll never find someone else as good as her", and doing embarrassing things to try and win her back. I want to go back in time and never stop punching that 3E8 in the face. CW is in shock still. Because this is his first relationship, I think he is finding it especially hard to trust us over his feelings right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tuna Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 QUOTE (3E8 @ Feb 24, 2012 -> 02:25 PM) CW is in shock still. Because this is his first relationship, I think he is finding it especially hard to trust us over his feelings right now. and that's completely normal. I know I thought nobody has ever felt the way I did about Katharine, so nobody could possibly understand. I almost went out and tattooed her name on me to prove how much I loved her after she broke up with me. I was off the reservation. I haven't even talked about this in 15 years, the stories are still embarrassing after all this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamshack Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) So let me get this straight CW...she cheated on you a long time ago? You've been dating for a while and you found out somehow that she cheated on you a long time ago? Things were fine since she stopped until you accidentally found out? I'm not a huge fan of marriage or the modern idea of how couples "should" be together. I'm also not into open relationships, but I question whether humans have evolved enough to where being with one other person your entire life is healthy... Edited February 24, 2012 by iamshack Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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