Relationship Advice Thread

[WilliamTell]

I mentioned to you guys about the girl who broke up with me right after Christmas. We hadn't dated for long, 3 months when she pulled that move on me.

 

I hadn't talked to her for weeks, the last time I heard from her was after I bumped into her mom about a month ago. After her mom told her about our convo, my ex said, "Thanks for making my mom hate me even more, she's really mad I dumped you." I didn't want to deal with her immaturity and game playing so I decided from there on I wasn't going to talk to her. Last week comes and she texts me flipping out about me being a facebook friends with another ex boyfriend. I told her we knew each other from playing softball together, not a big deal. And a few hours later she texts me again asking me if I'm driving by the bar she works at. I was busy doing p90x2 and job searching so I wasn't driving by the bar. I tell her later on no I've been working out and job searching and she responds, "Oh yeah I forgot you're buff now, hahahaha and how's that Northern Iowa degree treating ya?" (She kept insulting me that I went to UNI instead of Iowa). I told her to leave me alone if she's going to try to talk bad about me. Then at like 2 in the morning she responds back to me saying she'll see me Saturday night at a party with her sexy love of her life boyfriend who doesn't need to workout to be gorgeous (who's close to 40 I hear, she's 24) and kept saying she's so happy she's in love. I told her she's not making me jealous at all, she's making me happy she has someone new so she can cut her losses with me. Then she starts calling me all sorts of names like creeper, stalker, loser, pathetic, saying I drive a chick truck, just stupid stuff. I finally asked what she wanted and she said "Hehehehe figure it out ." Then I said I'm done playing your games, it's obvious you want to talk to me but I don't want to talk to you so leave me alone. She started saying the same stuff over again but I didn't respond.

 

I saw her Saturday night with this guy and she kept trying to talk to a few of my friends. I ignored her so who knows what dumb games she was trying to pull with me. At least there were a lot of people around at the party. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday just made me feel terrible. I had been so happy the last few weeks working out, hanging with friends, doing my own thing. I knew I'd see her Saturday so I was kind of dreading it but figured I can't change my plans because she was going to be around. I can't lie, my anger towards her has been my motivation with doing p90x2 and it's gone well. This nonsense she's pulled with me has energized me more.

 

I don't know what she wants from me. She obviously was trying to play a game with me. I don't know if she dispises me, or still likes me somewhat. Or maybe she realized I haven't been trying to talk to her so she wanted to seek attention. Or she just wanted to make me jealous or something entirely different. I'm probably never going to find out and that's ok, this girl has serious issues. I know I need to avoid contact with her because responding to her automatically let's her win any game she's playing.

Edited February 28, 2012 by WilliamTell

[Steve9347]

I mentioned to you guys about the girl who broke up with me right after Christmas. We hadn't dated for long, 3 months when she pulled that move on me.

 

I hadn't talked to her for weeks, the last time I heard from her was after I bumped into her mom about a month ago. After her mom told her about our convo, my ex said, "Thanks for making my mom hate me even more, she's really mad I dumped you." I didn't want to deal with her immaturity and game playing so I decided from there on I wasn't going to talk to her. Last week comes and she texts me flipping out about me being a facebook friends with another ex boyfriend. I told her we knew each other from playing softball together, not a big deal. And a few hours later she texts me again asking me if I'm driving by the bar she works at. I was busy doing p90x2 and job searching so I wasn't driving by the bar. I tell her later on no I've been working out and job searching and she responds, "Oh yeah I forgot you're buff now, hahahaha and how's that Northern Iowa degree treating ya?" I told her to leave me alone if she's going to try to talk bad about me. Then at like 2 in the morning she responds back to me saying she'll see me Saturday night at a party with her sexy love of her life boyfriend who doesn't need to workout to be gorgeous (who's close to 40 I hear, she's 24) and kept saying she's so happy she's in love. I told her she's not making me jealous at all, she's making me happy she has someone new so she can cut her losses with me. Then she starts calling me all sorts of names like creeper, stalker, loser, pathetic, saying I drive a chick truck, just all sorts of stupid stuff. I finally asked what she wanted and she said "Hehehehe figure it out ." Then I said I'm done playing your games, it's obvious you want to talk to me but I don't want to talk to you so leave me alone. She started saying the same stuff over again but I didn't respond.

 

I saw her Saturday night with this guy and she kept trying to talk to a few of my friends. I ignored her so who knows what dumb games she was trying to pull with me. At least there were a lot of people around at the party. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday just made me feel terrible. I had been so happy the last few weeks working out, hanging with friends, doing my own thing. I knew I'd see her Saturday so I was kind of dreading it but figured I can't change my plans because she was going to be around. I can't lie, my anger towards her has been my motivation with doing p90x2 and it's gone well. This nonsense she's pulled with me has energized me more.

 

I don't know what she wants from me. She's obviously was trying to play a game with me. I don't know if she dispises me, or still likes me somewhat. Or maybe she realized I haven't been trying to talk to her so she wanted to seek attention. Or she just wanted to make me jealous or something entirely different. I'm probably never going to find out and that's ok, this girl has serious issues.

This broad sounds like a cold, hard, mean b****. Just ignore absolutely everything. That'll drive her absolutely nuts. Block her on facebook so she can't see you and she can't see if you are friends with someone. Block her number. Make her not exist.

 

[Steve9347]

But prior to doing all that, send her a text telling her to go straight to hell.

[Balta1701]

But prior to doing all that, send her a text telling her to go straight to hell.

Really, don't bother.

[Soxbadger]

Yeah I have an ex that is somewhat of a mess like that. Long story short, she dumped me, but whenever she has issues, she always wants me to fix them. She also thinks she has the right to tell me how to handle my life etc, when she does decide that she wants to talk with me.

 

The only answer I have, is that she is upset with the decisions she has made, so she finds it necessary to try and boost herself at my expense. The last time I saw her, I basically told her she doesnt have the right to say s*** to me and that she needs to figure out her own nonsense.

 

Girls always want what they cant have, so annoying.

[CrimsonWeltall]

Really, don't bother.

 

Yeah why would you want to stir up or anger the crazy?

[Balta1701]

Yeah why would you want to stir up or anger the crazy?

When I read a list like that, my brain keeps piling up reasons to find ways to "ignore" this person. Facebook removal, blocking whatever you can from them, etc. A taunting is a push in the wrong direction, because now you'll have to deal with a dozen "what do you mean" and "How dare you" posts followed by an equal number of reprisals.

[WilliamTell]

Yeah why would you want to stir up or anger the crazy?

 

lol I definitely don't.

 

This sounds so high schoolish but I made a Pro and Con list of her. 26 con's to 8 pro's. Half the pro's and based on looks so take those out and it's only 4 pro's.

 

When my first 5 cons are: 1. Cheater 2. Liar 3. Alcoholic 4. Suicidal 5. Manipulative I probably didn't have to continue with the list haha.

[scenario]

Met a woman like that in a bar one time. I whispered in her ear... "You know, you'd be really hot if you lost about 20 pounds." Never heard from her again.

 

[Soxbadger]

It depends on how hot.

[Steve9347]

When I read a list like that, my brain keeps piling up reasons to find ways to "ignore" this person. Facebook removal, blocking whatever you can from them, etc. A taunting is a push in the wrong direction, because now you'll have to deal with a dozen "what do you mean" and "How dare you" posts followed by an equal number of reprisals.

But that's the funny part. I'm an agitator at heart, so if you toss them some of their own medicine and then completely lock down all communication, it's the ultimate victory.

 

But either way, block that c*** from everything.

[Steve9347]

It depends on how hot.

[WilliamTell]

Yeah I have an ex that is somewhat of a mess like that. Long story short, she dumped me, but whenever she has issues, she always wants me to fix them. She also thinks she has the right to tell me how to handle my life etc, when she does decide that she wants to talk with me.

 

The only answer I have, is that she is upset with the decisions she has made, so she finds it necessary to try and boost herself at my expense. The last time I saw her, I basically told her she doesnt have the right to say s*** to me and that she needs to figure out her own nonsense.

 

Girls always want what they cant have, so annoying.

 

She was doing that to me in January. She broke a bone in her foot and asked me to help her out, of course I did being the idiot I am, but I was still trying to get back with her which was also a dumb move.

 

My ex also told me she couldn't have sex with me anymore because I was too nice. Are you kidding me? Maybe I'm wrong but that's the most messed up thing I've ever heard.

[WilliamTell]

But that's the funny part. I'm an agitator at heart, so if you toss them some of their own medicine and then completely lock down all communication, it's the ultimate victory.

 

But either way, block that c*** from everything.

 

Yeah definitely will block her from all communication. For one she doesn't deserve my attention and second, it'll bug her so much. She already flipped out about me talking to someone way prettier than her a month ago. So I won't even need to try to get under her skin.

[iamshack]

Ahh....I take the complete opposite approach and it drives them ever-living bonkers.

 

Show absolutely no ill-will towards her no matter what she does. If she texts you with some nonsense about how you suck or your truck sucks or whatever, say yeah, I realized I have things to work on from my experience dating you and I feel like I am making major progress. How is your mother doing?

 

Just keep saying that s*** and eventually they get bored with it or wonder how the hell is it that you never take the bait and fire back?

 

If you block them they just find ways to screw with you more...anything to get your attention.

[WilliamTell]

Ahh....I take the complete opposite approach and it drives them ever-living bonkers.

 

Show absolutely no ill-will towards her no matter what she does. If she texts you with some nonsense about how you suck or your truck sucks or whatever, say yeah, I realized I have things to work on from my experience dating you and I feel like I am making major progress. How is your mother doing?

 

Just keep saying that s*** and eventually they get bored with it or wonder how the hell is it that you never take the bait and fire back?

 

If you block them they just find ways to screw with you more...anything to get your attention.

 

Very interesting approach. It's like a double reserve psychology or something haha.

[G&T]

Very interesting approach. It's like a double reserve psychology or something haha.

 

Jesus, don't do what Shack is saying. The reason she wants you around is because she sees you as a pushover that she can get attention from then push away. That's what she means when she says "too nice." She wants to have sex with someone who ignores her because that's how she gets their attention. If you give her attention, then her mission is accomplished without sex. Barney Stinson would prey on her. She's an insecure f***tard.

 

At some point in all of our lives we get stuck in weird situations with girls. I would guess that almost, if not all, happily married guys will tell you to cut off all communication. She has no impact on your life. Whack-jobs can go pull that crap with someone else. If you communicate with her, she gets the attention she wants.

 

/rant

[iamshack]

Jesus, don't do what Shack is saying. The reason she wants you around is because she sees you as a pushover that she can get attention from then push away. That's what she means when she says "too nice." She wants to have sex with someone who ignores her because that's how she gets their attention. If you give her attention, then her mission is accomplished without sex. Barney Stinson would prey on her. She's an insecure f***tard.

 

At some point in all of our lives we get stuck in weird situations with girls. I would guess that almost, if not all, happily married guys will tell you to cut off all communication. She has no impact on your life. Whack-jobs can go pull that crap with someone else. If you communicate with her, she gets the attention she wants.

 

/rant

I think you're misinterpreting what I am telling him to do.

 

This chick is nuts. If he starts blocking her and refusing to answer her texts, she's going to slash his tires and f*** all his best friends. She wants drama, she wants conflict, she wants to rile his ass up.

 

If he just always deflects her insults she'll get tired of playing with him or get frustrated that he won't play along and give up.

 

It's worked with all the crazies I've ever dated, as long as you never actually let them back in the door.

 

Edit: And by the way, the fact that someone is married in no way makes them better at dealing with this sort of thing...if anything, it makes you out of practice, since you haven't been dealing with it like us single guys have...

Edited February 29, 2012 by iamshack

[3E8]

Half the pro's and based on looks so take those out and it's only 4 pro's.

Are those four pros all "she hasn't killed me in my sleep"? Holy hell. Glad you're done with her.

[G&T]

I think you're misinterpreting what I am telling him to do.

 

This chick is nuts. If he starts blocking her and refusing to answer her texts, she's going to slash his tires and f*** all his best friends. She wants drama, she wants conflict, she wants to rile his ass up.

 

If he just always deflects her insults she'll get tired of playing with him or get frustrated that he won't play along and give up.

 

It's worked with all the crazies I've ever dated, as long as you never actually let them back in the door.

 

Edit: And by the way, the fact that someone is married in no way makes them better at dealing with this sort of thing...if anything, it makes you out of practice, since you haven't been dealing with it like us single guys have...

 

Married people usually know what a healthy relationship looks like and what it takes to maintain one. Even non-married people in solid relationships know the difference between a good and bad relationship and, more importantly, the personality traits of healthy, stable people.

 

I really doubt she is going to slash anyone's tires, and if she does, then you call the police. It is far more likely that she will find someone else to annoy.

 

Sorry, it is a pet peeve of mine when good people (assuming WilliamTell is a good person) suffer the nonsense of unstable crazies. It's not just in relationships, it's in the workplace as well. Can't appease the crazy.

 

And...done.

[WilliamTell]

Are those four pros all "she hasn't killed me in my sleep"? Holy hell. Glad you're done with her.

 

lol exactly, she'd probably think she'd get away with it since her dad is a lawyer.

 

 

[southsider2k5]

This broad sounds like a cold, hard, mean b****. Just ignore absolutely everything. That'll drive her absolutely nuts. Block her on facebook so she can't see you and she can't see if you are friends with someone. Block her number. Make her not exist.

 

More than anything she seems super insecure. Cut her off completely, otherwise she will keep trying to drag you down.

[Flash Tizzle]

lol I definitely don't.

 

This sounds so high schoolish but I made a Pro and Con list of her. 26 con's to 8 pro's. Half the pro's and based on looks so take those out and it's only 4 pro's.

 

When my first 5 cons are: 1. Cheater 2. Liar 3. Alcoholic 4. Suicidal 5. Manipulative I probably didn't have to continue with the list haha.

Ah, but the crazy ones are so damn irresistible, aren't they? This is the battle between emotions and reason. You know logically she's all those negative traits she wrote down, yet you still have this draw to her.

 

I've been dumped several times, as I have been the dumpee, and it was one girl that unexpectedly broke up after a month of dating that affected my life the most. It came out of nowhere; I didn't have any clue from her behavior that she didn't want to be with me. Of course, I agreed to be her friend afterward in an attempt to weasel my way back in her life. All the while she was moving on, I was there looking pathetic meeting her out for drinks as a platonic friend. During the day I was spending hours browsing Google, online forums, going to bookstores; and of all the material I read none of it did anything to alter my behavior. It was as if I'd throw it all away from my memory when she sent out a feeler text. Well, it took half a year; but eventually, I pulled myself together and moved on. As did she. But I'll tell you this -- until she moves on, or you move on, prepare for this to be dragged out for quite awhile. No one will say the right words that will make it all fit together. You'll do that on your own, eventually.

 

But until then, I'll add onto to the crowd insulting this woman. I'd go a step further than to say she's a b**** or cold; she's evil. Someone that lives off distress and drama will NEVER be content with anything. Just think, how will it be when she's middle aged with children and a boring career. Her personality will not change; it'll just be dormant. She'll be like this one nurse I know of who is in her 40's with a husband and nearly grown children, yet is sending nude pictures to firefighters and going out of her way to f*** them. One she was talking about running away with. When I asked the firefighter after the woman he said she was a wild child, married a nice guy, and now is bored with her life. This is EXACTLY how this woman will be, running around on you making you and your family look foolish for calling such a hag a wife/mother.

Edited March 1, 2012 by Flash Tizzle

[WilliamTell]

Ah, but the crazy ones are so damn irresistible, aren't they? This is the battle between emotions and reason. You know logically she's all those negative traits she wrote down, yet you still have this draw to her.

 

I've been dumped several times, as I have been the dumpee, and it was one girl that unexpectedly broke up after a month of dating that affected my life the most. It came out of nowhere; I didn't have any clue from her behavior that she didn't want to be with me. Of course, I agreed to be her friend afterward in an attempt to weasel my way back in her life. All the while she was moving on, I was there looking pathetic meeting her out for drinks as a platonic friend. During the day I was spending hours browsing Google, online forums, going to bookstores; and of all the material I read none of it did anything to alter my behavior. It was as if I'd throw it all away from my memory when she sent out a feeler text. Well, it took half a year; but eventually, I pulled myself together and moved on. As did she. But I'll tell you this -- until she moves on, or you move on, prepare for this to be dragged out for quite awhile. No one will say the right words that will make it all fit together. You'll do that on your own, eventually.

 

But until then, I'll add onto to the crowd insulting this woman. I'd go a step further than to say she's a b**** or cold; she's evil. Someone that lives off distress and drama will NEVER be content with anything. Just think, how will it be when she's middle aged with children and a boring career. Her personality will not change; it'll just be dormant. She'll be like this one nurse I know of who is in her 40's with a husband and nearly grown children, yet is sending nude pictures to firefighters and going out of her way to f*** them. One she was talking about running away with. When I asked the firefighter after the woman he said she was a wild child, married a nice guy, and now is bored with her life. This is EXACTLY how this woman will be, running around on you making you and your family look foolish for calling such a hag a wife/mother.

 

I know exactly how you feel. All my friends and everyone on here were saying forget about her and move on, but my emotions were out-dualing my logic. I also searched on Google and Yahoo about tips to get your ex back. But I never bought anything even though I considered it. It's amazing how many different products are out there on how to win your ex back. They're probably a scam unless someone has bought it and it worked. Either way I wasn't going to be waste money on someone who I shouldn't have to try to convince to be with me.

 

I completely agree that she's going to end up being like the woman you mentioned. I used to feel sorry for her but I realized she basically brings everything on herself. I'm glad I was only with her a few months, instead of a few years or longer. The crazy ones do seem irresistable, at least for me. I love helping people so I'm not sure if I purposely try to find girls with issues so I can try to help? I can totally relate to everything you're saying.

 

I hope this isn't going to be dragged out but I'm afraid you're right. As long as I don't respond to anything hopefully she'll figure it out. It's been well over a week since she messaged me last so for my sake I'm hoping her relationship with this older man is going great for her.

 

Thanks for the advice!

[MiddleCoastBias]

?

 

I'll go ahead and say with all certainty that they are.

 

I mean, unless it's a bottle a roofies, I don't know what you could buy that could get you back together with someone that doesn't want to be with you.