Relationship Advice Thread

[witesoxfan]

Wite, did you get a second date with the girl you had mentioned previously? The first date sounded like it went well.

 

She was actually sick with a cold on our first date but still went out anyway. It got worse last night so I made her stay in while we did a corn maze because I didn't want her out in the cold, and I think she was resting instead of coming out for drinks later. I'm gonna go see her in a bit and make her get up out of bed.

 

Or I can climb into bed. Either is honestly good with me.

 

 

[2nd_city_saint787]

Well you must be comparing these girls to some idealized version of your ex because she treated you bad.

 

I can't honestly say I can relate to that but I do want to say that you're allowing that girl to be a reflection of you. In other words, you allowed her to represent something you liked about yourself that you now think is gone. Which, of course, it isn't.

 

Fact is, f*** her. The next person you meet doesn't know about her. The next girl you meet doesn't know about her. Just keep moving forward.

 

And yeah, it's hard.

 

The only time she treated me bad was when she left me, for the 3 years we were together we were perfect.

 

She was literally perfect for me, we did everything I love to do together and now its all kinda tainted.

 

For the past 2 years I've never been in a position to really want to pursuea lady, so my whole "I give up on relationships" will most certainly change when I finally get a job. In those 2 years I've been unemployed for all but 7 months, and those 7 months were spent at a condo building filled with gorgeous women so Id rather check them out and not have to feel guilty about them. As far as being unemployed goes, I don't want a girl while I'm unemployed, I don't wanna be a deadbeat boyfriend. But all that hasn't stopped me from thinking about her constantly.

 

 

[greg775]

The only time she treated me bad was when she left me, for the 3 years we were together we were perfect.

 

She was literally perfect for me, we did everything I love to do together and now its all kinda tainted.

 

For the past 2 years I've never been in a position to really want to pursuea lady, so my whole "I give up on relationships" will most certainly change when I finally get a job. In those 2 years I've been unemployed for all but 7 months, and those 7 months were spent at a condo building filled with gorgeous women so Id rather check them out and not have to feel guilty about them. As far as being unemployed goes, I don't want a girl while I'm unemployed, I don't wanna be a deadbeat boyfriend. But all that hasn't stopped me from thinking about her constantly.

 

Second, I think we've all been there. You said being on soxtalk prevented you from doing something stupid to your life. I hope you weren't planning suicide. I know it sucks to break up but listen, it is true that there are tons of women out there. Some nice ones as well as hot ones. Once you get a job you will have to get out to meet them, however, or do the online dating thing. Good luck, but seriously, f*** that girl that broke up with you. She's not worthy of you. Think of it that way ... seriously. If she dumped you, she is the one not worthy. f*** her. Bye bye.

 

Look at it this way if you had 3 years of bliss and she suddenly drops you, she could do that after you have a child or two after marriage. Just forget about her. If you can't do that, get some help. Best way to forget her is to get some new women.

Edited October 15, 2012 by greg775

[greg775]

Ahhhhh some of you guys need to sack up. The single life is the free life. You can do what you want, when you want, how you want. You can spend your own self-made money wherever you want. Get married, that goes straight down the s***ter! If you're still moping after 2-3 years, you probably should talk to someone. No broad is worth that crap.

 

LOL.

This reminds me of a Three Stooges episode, The Woman Haters Club.

Single life is great, but you can still keep an open mind. If in the process of meeting women in bars or other venues, you come across one who is special, you keep an open mind about maybe marrying her. I'd say best case scenario is get a good job, date around, don't settle and when you find a really special girl get her to marry you. Preferably around the age of 28-29. Get married between 26 and 28.

[RockRaines]

LOL.

This reminds me of a Three Stooges episode, The Woman Haters Club.

Single life is great, but you can still keep an open mind. If in the process of meeting women in bars or other venues, you come across one who is special, you keep an open mind about maybe marrying her. I'd say best case scenario is get a good job, date around, don't settle and when you find a really special girl get her to marry you. Preferably around the age of 28-29. Get married between 26 and 28.

My advice is dont have a target or timeline and dont let someone else tell you what to do. You will know when its right.

[iamshack]

All I know is my best friend's bachelor party is here in Vegas this weekend, so I am happy with his timing

[2nd_city_saint787]

Second, I think we've all been there. You said being on soxtalk prevented you from doing something stupid to your life. I hope you weren't planning suicide. I know it sucks to break up but listen, it is true that there are tons of women out there. Some nice ones as well as hot ones. Once you get a job you will have to get out to meet them, however, or do the online dating thing. Good luck, but seriously, f*** that girl that broke up with you. She's not worthy of you. Think of it that way ... seriously. If she dumped you, she is the one not worthy. f*** her. Bye bye.

 

Look at it this way if you had 3 years of bliss and she suddenly drops you, she could do that after you have a child or two after marriage. Just forget about her. If you can't do that, get some help. Best way to forget her is to get some new women.

 

Suicide has been a thought, but nothing more than a silly thought...The stupid things I spoke of are going to to this guys house and beatin some ass (I obviously know where he lives because I dropped her off there everyday) or "stalking" her and making her life hell until she gave me a restraining order or I got thrown in jail. Posting here on soxtalk takes my mind off stupid thoughts like that.

 

It sounds like I'm overblowing this and I probably am, but she ruined a lot of what was good in my life.

 

I was a pretty popular guy and then I met her and we chilled everyday and I ditched all my friends. Pretty much right now the only friends I can go back to are my stoner friends and with me needing a job I've been layin off the trees. Thats the worst part of the whole thing...I'm over her for the most part its the loss of so many friends that f***in blows....I feel like a nobody now....

 

 

But ya actually since I posted that first comment about giving up I decided to hit up a few girls who've showed interest in me in the past and we're staying in touch now...nothins gonna happen till i get a job though.

[RockRaines]

Suicide has been a thought, but nothing more than a silly thought...The stupid things I spoke of are going to to this guys house and beatin some ass (I obviously know where he lives because I dropped her off there everyday) or "stalking" her and making her life hell until she gave me a restraining order or I got thrown in jail. Posting here on soxtalk takes my mind off stupid thoughts like that.

 

It sounds like I'm overblowing this and I probably am, but she ruined a lot of what was good in my life.

 

I was a pretty popular guy and then I met her and we chilled everyday and I ditched all my friends. Pretty much right now the only friends I can go back to are my stoner friends and with me needing a job I've been layin off the trees. Thats the worst part of the whole thing...I'm over her for the most part its the loss of so many friends that f***in blows....I feel like a nobody now....

 

 

But ya actually since I posted that first comment about giving up I decided to hit up a few girls who've showed interest in me in the past and we're staying in touch now...nothins gonna happen till i get a job though.

Which is why a girl should never dictate who you are and what you can do. Ditching your friends for a girl is poison and will only end badly. That is total co-dependance.

[The Beast]

She was actually sick with a cold on our first date but still went out anyway. It got worse last night so I made her stay in while we did a corn maze because I didn't want her out in the cold, and I think she was resting instead of coming out for drinks later. I'm gonna go see her in a bit and make her get up out of bed.

 

Or I can climb into bed. Either is honestly good with me.

So you got her cold from a first date kiss, lost it before the second date and she was still sick? Smooth move ya bastard. I'll drink to your last sentence.

 

In reference to the other poster, I wanted to let you know that I've been there. Dated a girl for 3 1/2 years and felt depressed, had thoughts of what the hell do I do since my first love left me and such...part of why you can't get your mind off her is because you probably have an idle mind. Exercising will help if you need to clear your head. There are plenty of women out there and once you are employed again, you should definitely go after one in your condo complex.

[Reddy]

Suicide has been a thought, but nothing more than a silly thought...The stupid things I spoke of are going to to this guys house and beatin some ass (I obviously know where he lives because I dropped her off there everyday) or "stalking" her and making her life hell until she gave me a restraining order or I got thrown in jail. Posting here on soxtalk takes my mind off stupid thoughts like that.

 

It sounds like I'm overblowing this and I probably am, but she ruined a lot of what was good in my life.

 

I was a pretty popular guy and then I met her and we chilled everyday and I ditched all my friends. Pretty much right now the only friends I can go back to are my stoner friends and with me needing a job I've been layin off the trees. Thats the worst part of the whole thing...I'm over her for the most part its the loss of so many friends that f***in blows....I feel like a nobody now....

 

 

But ya actually since I posted that first comment about giving up I decided to hit up a few girls who've showed interest in me in the past and we're staying in touch now...nothins gonna happen till i get a job though.

 

so make your own life good again. you have that ability, you just have to get off your ass and do it.

[2nd_city_saint787]

Which is why a girl should never dictate who you are and what you can do. Ditching your friends for a girl is poison and will only end badly. That is total co-dependance.

 

Ya in hindsight it was a terrible decision on my part to ditch all my friends. For those 3 years we had a cycle, I wake up around 10 or 11, she calls me around noon, I go to work at 2, get off work at 8, pick her up on the way home, we chill till 12-1, I drop her off at her "friends" (who turned out to be her other man/now husband), then I go home and sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat everyday for 3 years. We spent birthdays and holidays together, I thought it was legit and she was all I needed...I was wrong and I've paid for it ever since.

[2nd_city_saint787]

so make your own life good again. you have that ability, you just have to get off your ass and do it.

 

Ya man I've been getting there. My main problem is we did everything I love to do together...Bowling, batting cages, shootin hoops, playin catch in the backyard, goin to Sox games, playing my favorite non sports video game, and watching our favorite shows...so it's all kind of tainted now and all reminds me of our time together. Once I get my system cleared out of weed (its been 3 weeks since my last hit) and get me a job I'll be back on track and on the prowl for a lady.

[RockRaines]

Ya in hindsight it was a terrible decision on my part to ditch all my friends. For those 3 years we had a cycle, I wake up around 10 or 11, she calls me around noon, I go to work at 2, get off work at 8, pick her up on the way home, we chill till 12-1, I drop her off at her "friends" (who turned out to be her other man/now husband), then I go home and sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat everyday for 3 years. We spent birthdays and holidays together, I thought it was legit and she was all I needed...I was wrong and I've paid for it ever since.

Hey, everyone has made a mistake like that where a girl forces you to only be about her. Its terrible and total poison, I have a tatto to remind me of this poor decision every day. My changes after the fact led me to find a relationship that is completely healthy and makes me happy.

[2nd_city_saint787]

Hey, everyone has made a mistake like that where a girl forces you to only be about her. Its terrible and total poison, I have a tatto to remind me of this poor decision every day. My changes after the fact led me to find a relationship that is completely healthy and makes me happy.

 

Out of curiosity, whats the tattoo? I've thought about getting the Thrice lyrics "No Regrets, just rebirth, move forward, and ignite" on my wrists.

[RockRaines]

Out of curiosity, whats the tattoo? I've thought about getting the Thrice lyrics "No Regrets, just rebirth, move forward, and ignite" on my wrists.

Mine is a latin phrase that kind of translates into "remember where you came from".

[Soxbadger]

It always sucks to go through something bad. I was with someone for almost 5 years, lived with them for 3. At first I could never imagine a day when I wouldnt want to talk to her or see her etc.

 

That was over 5 years ago, we barely speak now. As bad as it was then, just one day you wake up and it isnt so bad anymore.

[2nd_city_saint787]

Ya man I'll get over it, right now I just think about her from time to time. Once I get my s*** together and find a job then a lady to fill that hole I'll be fine. I fancy myself a great guy, and there's a lot of girls I know that know that and respect that about me who I believe I can start something with once I get back on track.

[witesoxfan]

It always sucks to go through something bad. I was with someone for almost 5 years, lived with them for 3. At first I could never imagine a day when I wouldnt want to talk to her or see her etc.

 

That was over 5 years ago, we barely speak now. As bad as it was then, just one day you wake up and it isnt so bad anymore.

 

This x100

 

I'm still on good terms with my ex, and one day, I was no longer bitter that she was with another guy but instead was actually happy for her. In the grand scheme of things we were never going to be happy together because I would have been a million miles from home with no family or friends around, and there was a matter of trust that had deteriorated in our relationship beyond repair. We still talk now and then, but not nearly as much as we did even 6 months ago.

 

It took me almost 2 years to go on another date. That's not because I was busy getting over her - I was completely over the relationship more than a year ago (and I dwelled on it way, way longer than I should have) - but rather because I was simply waiting for the right opportunity. I had multiple chances and never felt the girl was worth it, so I didn't do it. This one felt right, so I did it. It's gone OK so far.

[Reddy]

Ya man I've been getting there. My main problem is we did everything I love to do together...Bowling, batting cages, shootin hoops, playin catch in the backyard, goin to Sox games, playing my favorite non sports video game, and watching our favorite shows...so it's all kind of tainted now and all reminds me of our time together. Once I get my system cleared out of weed (its been 3 weeks since my last hit) and get me a job I'll be back on track and on the prowl for a lady.

dude if YOU like doing these things, KEEP DOING THEM. Do them with other people. The more you do them, the less and less they'll remind you of her and they'll become your things again.

 

i'm all about doing things that scare you. because the more you do them, the less scary they are. stop making excuses and just live YOUR friggin life!

[2nd_city_saint787]

Lol theres not much life I can live right now with no job....Having weed in my system is a legit, albeit a dumb, excuse I have right now as far as a job goes and me going out and living life.

[Reddy]

Lol theres not much life I can live right now with no job....Having weed in my system is a legit, albeit a dumb, excuse I have right now as far as a job goes and me going out and living life.

i've never had a job in my life that required a drug test - so get one of those.

[RockRaines]

i've never had a job in my life that required a drug test - so get one of those.

LOL, I had 2 but passed both tests.

[2nd_city_saint787]

i've never had a job in my life that required a drug test - so get one of those.

 

Well I dropped 90 dollars on getting my IL PERC card to become a security guard, so I'm shooting for that. I'm not one to settle (which can also relate to why I've been single for the last 2 years)

 

Like I said I've been clean for 3 weeks, and I've been drinking a gallon of water a day in that span so in a week or 2 I should be able to pass a test no questions asked ( as long as its a piss test anyway)

Edited October 15, 2012 by 2nd_city_saint787

[The Beast]

Lol theres not much life I can live right now with no job....Having weed in my system is a legit, albeit a dumb, excuse I have right now as far as a job goes and me going out and living life.

Do you have a pair of running shoes? If you want to get in shape, I suggest running and walking if you can't run. I found running to be extremely therapeutic after my breakup. I also wrote in a journal that helped me get feelings out without telling everyone them. If you find a local free running club then you might be able to meet new people for free and have a little more social life. Just a suggestion if you can run pain free.

 

I surprisingly did not have to pee in a cup at my new job. At my old job half the staff would not pass the drug test since they were all happy to be on pot.

[Reddy]

and what happened with Rugby? P90X? all these things you set out to do? go DO something!!