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Relationship Advice Thread


witesoxfan

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it was one of those things that was completely amicable, and even worse, i completely understand and AGREE with her reasons. she's an actor too, but since we got together, she ... sort of put her career on hold it seems. she stopped being as driven PERSONALLY and started caring more about the relationship. That led to her becoming kind of co-dependent, and she recently had a huge broadway audition that really re-sparked her passion. the kicker? she only got it because I opened the doors and had my agent submit her for it. So if it weren't for me, she wouldn't have had that opportunity. The way she looked at it was that she wants to know if she has what it takes to do it on her own, without someone else's charity. seems silly since no one in this, or any business, succeeds without help from SOMEBODY, but I also get where she's coming from. She needs to define herself outside the relationship and decide what she really wants out of life.

 

sucks because I can't be mad about it. lol

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QUOTE (2nd_city_saint787 @ Oct 20, 2012 -> 05:35 PM)
Wow how ironic with your words on living up to potential.

 

To add to the irony this thread is bringing, my ex unblocked me on AIM (yes i still rock AOL instant messenger) a few days ago when I first began talking about her.

which is exactly WHY i agree with her decision! lol, it's something that's come up a couple other times over the last year.

 

doesn't make it easier on MY front though. ;)

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QUOTE (Reddy @ Oct 20, 2012 -> 06:38 PM)
which is exactly WHY i agree with her decision! lol, it's something that's come up a couple other times over the last year.

 

doesn't make it easier on MY front though. ;)

 

Whatever happened to helping each other out and taking things as they come together?

 

Just wondering.

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QUOTE (kapkomet @ Oct 20, 2012 -> 05:46 PM)
Whatever happened to helping each other out and taking things as they come together?

 

Just wondering.

yeah i mean that's something i said to her - so she gets back on her own, focuses on her career, starts kicking ass, and then what? what's to stop her from dropping it all again the next time she's in a relationship? if you work on each side individually, you're never working on the balance of having both at the same time - which - theoretically - is the eventual goal right?

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QUOTE (Reddy @ Oct 20, 2012 -> 07:00 PM)
yeah i mean that's something i said to her - so she gets back on her own, focuses on her career, starts kicking ass, and then what? what's to stop her from dropping it all again the next time she's in a relationship? if you work on each side individually, you're never working on the balance of having both at the same time - which - theoretically - is the eventual goal right?

 

 

I guess that's true. The thing is, if she's looking at that and wondering more about herself then you and her, then she's being selfish and not ready to commit and it's better that you know that now. At least that's what it sounds like from afar, but then again, I have no idea if that's true, so don't hold that against me. :)

 

But if you get back together, that's something you will have to work out because otherwise you're always going to wonder.

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QUOTE (kapkomet @ Oct 20, 2012 -> 07:18 PM)
I guess that's true. The thing is, if she's looking at that and wondering more about herself then you and her, then she's being selfish and not ready to commit and it's better that you know that now. At least that's what it sounds like from afar, but then again, I have no idea if that's true, so don't hold that against me. :)

 

But if you get back together, that's something you will have to work out because otherwise you're always going to wonder.

Yep, you're absolutely right. On both counts. I'm really surprised the more time that passes. I didn't see this coming in any way, shape, or form. Like, things were completely fine until she had a convo with her mom on friday. Hell she was still saying she loved me as she was crying, blah blah blah, which I didn't give in to, and told her that wasn't fair. but maybe that proves she needs this for herself.

 

That said, I'm not waiting. She was awesome for me in most regards, but there were things that bugged me too. But of course in these first few days I'm only gonna think of the good. Fortunately I know how I am and deleted her number and blocked her on Facebook. So I can't get in touch even if I lose my willpower and want to.

 

 

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yeah that whole losing my willpower thing? happening in a big way. more time that passes, the less and less sense this all makes and the more i want to talk with her about it.

 

this stuff is so dumb. she's probably not contacting me because i'm not contacting her and we both don't wanna be the first to break. why do we do s*** like that? lol people are stupid. :P

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QUOTE (Rowand44 @ Oct 19, 2012 -> 06:03 PM)
Looks like I'm in the best drinking shape out of all of you! I can still do the week long binger, work a 40 hr week and be fine. Now I hardly ever do that anymore(did the 4th of July week) but I'm still more than capable. That's not something to brag about, is it? Ha

I'm with Row on this one. 26 years old and still going strong.

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QUOTE (RockRaines @ Oct 22, 2012 -> 03:35 PM)
Wait till the switch flips in your body. It's shocking.

I think it's flipped. My hangovers are roughly 20,000 times worse than in college. I'm just irresponsible. I avoid craft beers because they f*** me harder than cheap beer.

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QUOTE (Reddy @ Oct 22, 2012 -> 04:33 PM)
yeah that whole losing my willpower thing? happening in a big way. more time that passes, the less and less sense this all makes and the more i want to talk with her about it.

 

this stuff is so dumb. she's probably not contacting me because i'm not contacting her and we both don't wanna be the first to break. why do we do s*** like that? lol people are stupid. :P

 

I haven't read through all that's gone previously but, judging by your post above the one quoted, the breakup was her call - don't let the tears and declarations of love confuse this. Under no circumstances should you go trying to get in contact with her. It will only push her further away and convince her it was the right thing to do. If she's going to change her mind, she's going to do it without your contacting her.

 

There's no guarantee she'll come back if you don't contact her, but I would almost guarantee she won't if you do.

 

This is where your pals are very important - if your feeling low, turn to them rather than trying to get on to her. I'm not trying to come across as some sort of know-it-all here, just giving you my thoughts based on my own experiences.

 

Now! Get out there, get drunk, and pump a fat bird.* You'll be brand new!!! :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Doesn't have to be fat (could be a model) but, whoever it is, get them pumped! :thumbsup:

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QUOTE (Joxer_Daly @ Oct 26, 2012 -> 10:36 AM)
I haven't read through all that's gone previously but, judging by your post above the one quoted, the breakup was her call - don't let the tears and declarations of love confuse this. Under no circumstances should you go trying to get in contact with her. It will only push her further away and convince her it was the right thing to do. If she's going to change her mind, she's going to do it without your contacting her.

 

There's no guarantee she'll come back if you don't contact her, but I would almost guarantee she won't if you do.

 

This is where your pals are very important - if your feeling low, turn to them rather than trying to get on to her. I'm not trying to come across as some sort of know-it-all here, just giving you my thoughts based on my own experiences.

 

Now! Get out there, get drunk, and pump a fat bird.* You'll be brand new!!! :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Doesn't have to be fat (could be a model) but, whoever it is, get them pumped! :thumbsup:

 

I love you if for no other reason than the expressions you use! :)

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QUOTE (farmteam @ Oct 26, 2012 -> 11:54 AM)
"Pump a fat bird" is pretty solid.

haha yes, yes it is. joxer you're awesome.

 

that said, i ignored you. called her earlier about her coming over to grab her stuff. she said she was free tomorrow, but then said "why don't i just come over tonight."

 

not reading into it, but at least she's not trying to put it off. said she's had a rough week, i made some jokes and we laughed, etc, etc. again - doesn't mean anything - but here's what i decided. i wanna talk tonight to air everything out. get all my questions answered, answer hers, etc. if she still feels like she made the right decision, then that'll be it and i'll move on.

 

seems logical/rational right? haha

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QUOTE (Joxer_Daly @ Oct 26, 2012 -> 05:18 PM)
The advice was good as well though, lads, yeah??? :)

absolutely - all good advice - save the fat bird part... my ex is small skinny and hot. not sure i'd feel a whole lot better doing a fat chick. ;)

 

 

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y'all wanna hear something crazy?

 

She came over Friday evening... and left this morning. For good. We had a LOT of time to talk and cry and ... do other things. :headbang And she explained her point of view more thoroughly and where she's coming from, and I agreed with her. She said that prior to moving to NYC she went through a lot of personal crap. She used that as an impetus to take the leap and move all the way across the country on her own to New York. She says she in NO way regrets the relationship we had, but that jumping into it after only being here and on her own for a couple months meant that she didn't give herself the time she needed to learn who SHE was - what SHE wanted, etc. The whole reason she moved here is because she wanted to take her life by the horns and develop the personal strength to succeed in this business (acting) by jumping in feet first. Taste of my own medicine much? HAH! But yeah I became a security blanket, and in time, having that security led her to stop trying.

 

After hearing all of it, I completely agree that she needs to do this. But at least now I also know that this isn't about ANYTHING being wrong in the relationship (how we feel about each other). Also, we got to end it on a really awesome note instead of the awful "out of the blue" note of last weekend. We had an amazing 36 hours together doing all sorts of things we both love, having fun together, and then today she had to go back to work.

 

So it was most definitely the weirdest breakup i've ever gone through or heard of, but I'm glad it happened the way it did - and I feel infinitely better about it all. I sincerely hope she goes out and starts kicking ass again, because she's amazingly talented - she just needs to find her personal strength. Obviously I'll miss her, but if it's meant to be we'll find each other again, and if it's not, then we won't. But either way that means it was the right decision.

 

How bizarre is all that? LOL

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QUOTE (Reddy @ Oct 28, 2012 -> 09:28 PM)
y'all wanna hear something crazy?

 

She came over Friday evening... and left this morning. For good. We had a LOT of time to talk and cry and ... do other things. :headbang And she explained her point of view more thoroughly and where she's coming from, and I agreed with her. She said that prior to moving to NYC she went through a lot of personal crap. She used that as an impetus to take the leap and move all the way across the country on her own to New York. She says she in NO way regrets the relationship we had, but that jumping into it after only being here and on her own for a couple months meant that she didn't give herself the time she needed to learn who SHE was - what SHE wanted, etc. The whole reason she moved here is because she wanted to take her life by the horns and develop the personal strength to succeed in this business (acting) by jumping in feet first. Taste of my own medicine much? HAH! But yeah I became a security blanket, and in time, having that security led her to stop trying.

 

After hearing all of it, I completely agree that she needs to do this. But at least now I also know that this isn't about ANYTHING being wrong in the relationship (how we feel about each other). Also, we got to end it on a really awesome note instead of the awful "out of the blue" note of last weekend. We had an amazing 36 hours together doing all sorts of things we both love, having fun together, and then today she had to go back to work.

 

So it was most definitely the weirdest breakup i've ever gone through or heard of, but I'm glad it happened the way it did - and I feel infinitely better about it all. I sincerely hope she goes out and starts kicking ass again, because she's amazingly talented - she just needs to find her personal strength. Obviously I'll miss her, but if it's meant to be we'll find each other again, and if it's not, then we won't. But either way that means it was the right decision.

 

How bizarre is all that? LOL

 

FFS! You could've checked in over the weekend instead of keeping us waiting like this!!!!! :angry:

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