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Relationship Advice Thread


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QUOTE (Controlled Chaos @ Feb 4, 2010 -> 12:34 PM)
You tell a girl you like her, she doesn't like you - MOVE ON. Don't look back.

You're friends with a girl, you decide you want more, she doesn't like you 'that way' - MOVE ON. Friendship is over for a bit.

You're dating a girl, she breaks up with you - MOVE ON. Don't look back. Obviously some of this depends on the seriousness and length of relationship, but Don't talk to her, talk about her, or ask to hear about her. If you see her...say Hi...don't be an ass, be civil, but be short and move on. Forget the lets be friends and talk all the time thing. Be friendly when you see each other, but find someone else to hang out with. You really can't get over someone if you're always seeing them.

 

Look gentlemen it isn't that difficult. You shouldn't have to 'convince' a girl to like you. This isn't the movies....where the girl says NO and the guy chases and chases the girl and she finally falls madly in love with him. If she likes you, the interest is there from the beginning. She may be unsure about being in a relationship or afraid of getting hurt or whatever...but as far as 'liking' you....if she has to think about that??? GTFO!

 

Tell her you like her, let her marinate the thought for a few days or a week, if she comes back and isn't interested...then take her at her word and move on.

 

Not to call out iamshack at all, but this "The stories are quite often about a guy who kept pursuing a woman until he ultimately convinced her to marry him. And those are some of the strongest couples around" I just don't see as the case.

 

All I can say is, seek out some very happily married couples, and ask them how they met, how their first few dates went.

 

Just as you are saying this isn't the movies where a guy chases a woman for months and months, I can counter with the same thing.

 

This isn't the movies where everyone falls in love at "first sight." People simply aren't always that good at understanding what qualities will attract them to someone else. People fall in love after knowing eachother for a time, or after struggling through a few dates....it happens in all different manner of ways.

 

Just ask an older married couple....I guarantee you that you will hear some doozies...

 

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Anybody do the long distance thing? Ive been with my girlfriend for over two years, from senior year in high school to present and about a hear and half of that has been long distance. Ive been at UIllinois and she went to GVSU her freshman year and is now at Purdue. I still have feelings for her (which astounds me still) but this whole long distance thing is really getting to me. There are some periods where I cant stand it and other times I dont mind it. Im back in that I cant stand it stage though.

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QUOTE (bigruss22 @ Feb 5, 2010 -> 03:41 AM)
Anybody do the long distance thing? Ive been with my girlfriend for over two years, from senior year in high school to present and about a hear and half of that has been long distance. Ive been at UIllinois and she went to GVSU her freshman year and is now at Purdue. I still have feelings for her (which astounds me still) but this whole long distance thing is really getting to me. There are some periods where I cant stand it and other times I dont mind it. Im back in that I cant stand it stage though.

 

In my experience, only the strongest couples seem to last through the long distanced dating. You had better been dating for a looooooonng time before the distance occurs, or neither party really has any other offers. Otherwise, it's simply not a good idea. The college years are too great for people to be hamstrung by the sort of rigid behavior required by long distance dating.

 

I would think looong and hard about whether you think it's worth it to continue.

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QUOTE (bigruss22 @ Feb 5, 2010 -> 02:41 AM)
Anybody do the long distance thing? Ive been with my girlfriend for over two years, from senior year in high school to present and about a hear and half of that has been long distance. Ive been at UIllinois and she went to GVSU her freshman year and is now at Purdue. I still have feelings for her (which astounds me still) but this whole long distance thing is really getting to me. There are some periods where I cant stand it and other times I dont mind it. Im back in that I cant stand it stage though.

 

I did it for several years while in college, its literally the worst idea ever. Talk about jealously, fights, etc. I would have broken up with her if I could do it ever again. And this was someone that I was crazy about. Move on for the time being, if its meant to be, you'll hook up when you are local some day.

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QUOTE (bigruss22 @ Feb 5, 2010 -> 02:41 AM)
Anybody do the long distance thing? Ive been with my girlfriend for over two years, from senior year in high school to present and about a hear and half of that has been long distance. Ive been at UIllinois and she went to GVSU her freshman year and is now at Purdue. I still have feelings for her (which astounds me still) but this whole long distance thing is really getting to me. There are some periods where I cant stand it and other times I dont mind it. Im back in that I cant stand it stage though.

Here's what happened in my experience. I go to explore colleges and not really knowing what it is that I want. I search out schools close to home like UIC or NIU to be close to her, and then I find one that is close to UIllinois in EIU. Other than that, I had no clue of where to go but I chose Eastern for several different reasons at the time. I made a huge mistake and if I had just broken up with her then, I could have gone elsewhere to school or started out at a community college for a year while I found out what I really wanted out of a college. Had I done things better, I likely would have gone to NIU or UIC which are the more ideal of campuses for me.

 

There is only so much you can talk about on the phone before there's dead air between you and the girl. I thought at 2 years of dating at the time that it'd last and it did, for another year and a half. That year and a half wasn't the greatest. You live and learn I guess.

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QUOTE (bigruss22 @ Feb 5, 2010 -> 02:41 AM)
Anybody do the long distance thing? Ive been with my girlfriend for over two years, from senior year in high school to present and about a hear and half of that has been long distance. Ive been at UIllinois and she went to GVSU her freshman year and is now at Purdue. I still have feelings for her (which astounds me still) but this whole long distance thing is really getting to me. There are some periods where I cant stand it and other times I dont mind it. Im back in that I cant stand it stage though.

 

 

I've done it but I was in prison at the time so I didn't have much of a choice...

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QUOTE (bigruss22 @ Feb 5, 2010 -> 03:41 AM)
Anybody do the long distance thing? Ive been with my girlfriend for over two years, from senior year in high school to present and about a hear and half of that has been long distance. Ive been at UIllinois and she went to GVSU her freshman year and is now at Purdue. I still have feelings for her (which astounds me still) but this whole long distance thing is really getting to me. There are some periods where I cant stand it and other times I dont mind it. Im back in that I cant stand it stage though.

 

For most of the first 2 years of our relationship we lived an hour apart. Then I moved to New York and she was in Chicago for about a year. We went from that distance to living together and never skipped a beat.

 

It's a choice. If you have doubts, you are in trouble. If you want to make it, you'll be fine.

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QUOTE (iamshack @ Feb 5, 2010 -> 02:40 AM)
All I can say is, seek out some very happily married couples, and ask them how they met, how their first few dates went.

 

Just as you are saying this isn't the movies where a guy chases a woman for months and months, I can counter with the same thing.

 

This isn't the movies where everyone falls in love at "first sight." People simply aren't always that good at understanding what qualities will attract them to someone else. People fall in love after knowing eachother for a time, or after struggling through a few dates....it happens in all different manner of ways.

 

Just ask an older married couple....I guarantee you that you will hear some doozies...

Who's talking about love?? I agree love happens over time and I don't believe in love at first site either. It's lust at first site...to fully love someone you need to know them. I'm talking about liking someone or them liking you 'that way'. I'm talking about asking a girl out or expressing you're feelings. If a girl is into you...you will know. If she has an excuse, e.g., not ready, don't want to ruin our friendship, I need time to think...etc...MOVE ON. It really is that simple. Guys get this thing in their head...she is the only one...I can get her. Forget it....she doesn't want to be 'got' by you, if she did...you'd be together. So you can go on pursuing...and she may even like that a lil bit, but she's still searching for the "one" and you're second fiddle. She may even give you some play after her search hits a dry spell...but is that what you're waiting for??? Her to finally give in and give you a chance due to a lack of options??? The fact is, she still wants that guy that makes her giddy. That guy, that she doesn't have to think for more than one second...'I like him' You weren't that guy...you'll never be that guy...so don't waste your time. Forget about trying to convince her to like you, even if you finally succeed, it will be because she is settling for you. Forget the line..."I'll be here whenever you're ready" MOVE ON. Have some self respect...There is a girl out there for you and she won't have to weigh her options before liking you.

 

Now I'm not talking about a girl playing hard to get....although I would stay away from those games, but even that girl...you'll know if she likes you or not and if you should bother with it.

 

 

 

 

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QUOTE (SHIPPS @ Feb 5, 2010 -> 09:23 AM)
All I gotta say is my relationship advice would be worth s*** right now cause I am crazy in love with my head in the clouds and everything is candy gum drops. Who would have ever thunk. :huh

 

this dovetails nicely with your girl car thread

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QUOTE (2nd_city_saint787 @ Feb 4, 2010 -> 10:16 AM)
Shes def a hammond and a ES girl, moved to hammond from the ES her freshman year to go to gavit, still parties on the ES. I wouldnt doubt you know her and i wouldnt doubt you have a crush on her/messed around with her, seems like everyone but me has

So are you saying she's a bit of a "slut"?

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QUOTE (iamshack @ Feb 4, 2010 -> 11:40 PM)
All I can say is, seek out some very happily married couples, and ask them how they met, how their first few dates went.

 

Just as you are saying this isn't the movies where a guy chases a woman for months and months, I can counter with the same thing.

 

This isn't the movies where everyone falls in love at "first sight." People simply aren't always that good at understanding what qualities will attract them to someone else. People fall in love after knowing eachother for a time, or after struggling through a few dates....it happens in all different manner of ways.

 

Just ask an older married couple....I guarantee you that you will hear some doozies...

I think you guys are both right.

 

Love at first site doesn't happen, but I think if you pursue them it is just more getting them in line with dating you. They already know they like you, it is more a matter if they want to get in a relationship with you, see you long-term, etc, etc.

 

And of course that is just one situation and every situation is different. If you meet the chick at the bar and ask her out it is different than you knowing a girl for 2 years and asking her out.

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QUOTE (KyYlE23 @ Feb 5, 2010 -> 04:16 PM)
That must of been a s***ty night

 

dude, you have no idea. I'm just thankful that it happened while I was young enough to turn my life around. If I didn't get popped who knows what my life would be like today...

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QUOTE (chwhtsox @ Feb 5, 2010 -> 03:02 PM)
dude, you have no idea. I'm just thankful that it happened while I was young enough to turn my life around. If I didn't get popped who knows what my life would be like today...

Glad to see the event, despite how s***ty it was at the time, turned into a blessing in disguise, and ultimately helped you become a better man!!!!

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QUOTE (The Beast @ Feb 8, 2010 -> 11:16 AM)
Is the taste of p**** better when you are hooking up or with someone you genuinely like and are with? That's the question I'm proposing.

 

 

no. it doesn't taste good under any circumstances.

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