Relationship Advice Thread

[HuskyCaucasian]

That exact situation essentially ruined one of my good friend's relationship with his then girlfriend. They started, she got weirded out and left, and he and the other girl kept having fun. She didn't know why he didn't stop, he didn't know why she left, and sex itself actually lost its intimacy at that point in time.

Well, that's a fail on so many levels there. I mean, seriously, how does someone keep going after their GF walks out???

[elamins]

So the gf of 3 yrs just left me saying she needed space. She also said she needed to make herself happy again cuz she wasnt anymore. I asked if this was for good or is there a chance of getting back together and she says that I needed to prove myself to her that I could be better at the things she needed me to be better at which is goin to more of her family dinners, being more romantic. Only problem is how can I prove myself if we arent gonna be seeing each other. Do you think this is just a way to get rid of me. I mean I was seriously just getting ready to start looking at rings.

[greg775]

That exact situation essentially ruined one of my good friend's relationship with his then girlfriend. They started, she got weirded out and left, and he and the other girl kept having fun. She didn't know why he didn't stop, he didn't know why she left, and sex itself actually lost its intimacy at that point in time.

 

In my opinion, threesomes are for single people who have no intentions of having strings attached of any sort. That kind of thing can even hurt friendships or anything else you may consider. I can see situations where it might work, but they're few and far in between.

I think if you are going to have a threesome, the two girls need to be drunk or semi drunk. Am I wrong?

 

So the gf of 3 yrs just left me saying she needed space. She also said she needed to make herself happy again cuz she wasnt anymore. I asked if this was for good or is there a chance of getting back together and she says that I needed to prove myself to her that I could be better at the things she needed me to be better at which is goin to more of her family dinners, being more romantic. Only problem is how can I prove myself if we arent gonna be seeing each other. Do you think this is just a way to get rid of me. I mean I was seriously just getting ready to start looking at rings.

 

Well did she leave you or not? She said you needed to prove yourself. So does that mean you get a chance to prove yourself? Your situation is interesting. What was she like the last year of the relationship? It's been 3 years. Is she generally passive or bossy? I would either a.) tell her you'll be willing to go more family dinners or b.) take the other route and don't call her at all and see if she calls you begging for you to come back. Depends how hooked you are on her. If she is sweet and loving and you want to spend the rest of your life with her maybe you should work with her on her demands. if she is a b**** and you are better off without her, play her bluff. If you are taking this hard, hang in there. Don't worry.

Edited November 28, 2012 by greg775

[elamins]

Thats the thing she left so I have no way to prove myself. I guess at times she can be bossy but its not like she is telling me what to do all the time so I guess she is kinda in the middle. Im gonna give it a few days I think and see what happens cant get much worse hopefully

[justBLAZE]

Thats the thing she left so I have no way to prove myself. I guess at times she can be bossy but its not like she is telling me what to do all the time so I guess she is kinda in the middle. Im gonna give it a few days I think and see what happens cant get much worse hopefully

 

It's dunzo boss. Sorry, go out and have fun .

[southsider2k5]

Thats the thing she left so I have no way to prove myself. I guess at times she can be bossy but its not like she is telling me what to do all the time so I guess she is kinda in the middle. Im gonna give it a few days I think and see what happens cant get much worse hopefully

 

I would bet there is something that has been bothering her for a long time that either she didn't talk about and let it build up, or told you and you didn't hear it. Either way, it sounds like things are bad in her eyes.

[Reddy]

I would bet there is something that has been bothering her for a long time that either she didn't talk about and let it build up, or told you and you didn't hear it. Either way, it sounds like things are bad in her eyes.

this.

 

having just gone through a breakup of my own that "blindsided me", it's never actually out of the blue. these things build up, and there are always signs, you just ignore them until it's too late. in a perfect world our significant other would tell us the moment they're second guessing or having doubts, and we'd be able to work through them. Unfortunately, they think that by NOT telling you they're sparing your feelings, when in reality it's just making everything worse in the long run.

 

the really big red flag here is her telling you that YOU need to change in order to be with her. She's taking the power and the control of not just the relationship, but of YOU - and that's a kind of person you don't need to be with. when things aren't good in a relationship, it's rarely one-sided. We all make mistakes and could have handled things better. To pin it all on you is immature, disrespectful, and indicative of the person she is.

 

go no contact dude. you have to.

[witesoxfan]

Yeah, this sounds like two situations I was in with my ex. One time we got back together and everything was rosy for 6 months, the other time was almost 2 years ago and I've only seen her for one stretch of time since then. My point isn't that it'll ultimately end in breaking up - I proved that and we were really happy together for a while. My point is that time apart is a good thing because you then start to remember things that the other did well and then areas where you would like to see the other improve (and this is the hardest part to look at objectively because you've withstood and endured so much to this point that you can no longer tell the difference between personality and what you'd like to see them change).

 

If I could go back, one thing I would have said was that, regardless of how pointless you feel they are, sports are a big deal to me. I will do my best not to obsess and get too upset, but you have to accept that I really enjoy watching and following them and that, if given the opportunity, I would like to watch them as it is an outlet for other frustrating and stressful factors in my life. I never did, and sports actually became a very big dividing point in our relationship.

 

You will get to sit down with her and you can go over these things. It sounds weird and almost patronizing after a 3 year relationship to set boundary lines and stating things you would like to keep and things you can sacrifice, but it's actually the best thing you can do because once a relationship becomes that involved, those once black and white lines become extremely gray and you are no longer getting out of the relationship what you intended - and that can be anything from personal freedoms to things you would like in your life to how often you can generally want and expect to do the deed. An open line of communication is the ultimate key to any relationship. At the end of the day, that open line of communication may ultimately result in one of the two parties realizing that they are and will no longer be happy in the relationship, so you have to prepare yourself for that as well.

 

I have been trying to avoid cliches, but ultimately - if it's meant to be, it will be; if it's not, it's not.

[greg775]

A guy I know was holding back tears the other day.

His GF of 2 years or so who is 23 told him it was over. She had met a guy at the school she works at. The new lover/boyfriend is 35 with 3 kids, one as old as 9. The guy I know is 25 or 26, no kids, nothing like that.

 

What is your take?

Edited November 29, 2012 by greg775

[He_Gawn]

A guy I know was holding back tears the other day.

His GF of 2 years or so who is 23 told him it was over. She had met a guy at the school she works at. The new lover/boyfriend is 35 with 3 kids, one as old as 9. The guy I know is 25 or 26, no kids, nothing like that.

 

What is your take?

 

If shes really that stupid, let her walk. She'll be sorry in a few years when he's on social security and wrinkly.

[Iwritecode]

A guy I know was holding back tears the other day.

His GF of 2 years or so who is 23 told him it was over. She had met a guy at the school she works at. The new lover/boyfriend is 35 with 3 kids, one as old as 9. The guy I know is 25 or 26, no kids, nothing like that.

 

What is your take?

 

At first glance, I give the girl and the new guy 6 months to a year at most. They are at 2 completely different points in their lives.

 

[witesoxfan]

A guy I know was holding back tears the other day.

His GF of 2 years or so who is 23 told him it was over. She had met a guy at the school she works at. The new lover/boyfriend is 35 with 3 kids, one as old as 9. The guy I know is 25 or 26, no kids, nothing like that.

 

What is your take?

 

Don't look back, don't ever take her back.

[Steve9347]

Don't look back, don't ever take her back.

This.

[SnB]

Don't look back, don't ever take her back.

100000% yes.

 

That has "hot mess" written all over it.

[Brian]

A guy I know was holding back tears the other day.

His GF of 2 years or so who is 23 told him it was over. She had met a guy at the school she works at. The new lover/boyfriend is 35 with 3 kids, one as old as 9. The guy I know is 25 or 26, no kids, nothing like that.

 

What is your take?

 

Daddy issues

[HuskyCaucasian]

At first glance, I give the girl and the new guy 6 months to a year at most. They are at 2 completely different points in their lives.

One isnt ready to be a parent and the there is looking for nice tatas and a warm nether region.

[greg775]

At first glance, I give the girl and the new guy 6 months to a year at most. They are at 2 completely different points in their lives.

Yeah I'd agree. The question is, is she going to try to get the original boyfriend back at some point?

 

One isnt ready to be a parent and the there is looking for nice tatas and a warm nether region.

Yeah, that does describe her pretty well. She does have quite the body. I can't believe she'd date a guy with 3 kids. My gosh.

[Reddy]

Yeah I'd agree. The question is, is she going to try to get the original boyfriend back at some point?

 

maybe, maybe not, but dude has to move on. that's advice i need to follow myself right now, but the ONLY way she'd ever come back is if he no longer cares whether or not she comes back. Ironic, but reality.

 

but with this girl, i'm thinking he dodged a bullet...

[witesoxfan]

Seriously. He shouldn't even care if she wants to come back. Maybe if they're single and drunk at some point in the future they can hook up again, but I would never, ever, ever date her ever again.

[greg775]

maybe, maybe not, but dude has to move on. that's advice i need to follow myself right now, but the ONLY way she'd ever come back is if he no longer cares whether or not she comes back. Ironic, but reality.

 

but with this girl, i'm thinking he dodged a bullet...

 

I agree with your statement in the first paragraph. Are there any storybook marriages anymore? Where neither side plays games and the man and woman are best friends and enter into a life of bliss? Or is it constantly trying to play "the game" like what you described where the girl will only come back if the guy no longer cares whether she does or not?

[Reddy]

I agree with your statement in the first paragraph. Are there any storybook marriages anymore? Where neither side plays games and the man and woman are best friends and enter into a life of bliss? Or is it constantly trying to play "the game" like what you described where the girl will only come back if the guy no longer cares whether she does or not?

there never WERE storybook marriages... except in stories...

 

there's no such thing as a life of bliss. life is hard work, and so are relationships. all you can do is the very best you can to enjoy it as much as possible. even THAT takes a lot of work.

[Rowand44]

Seriously. He shouldn't even care if she wants to come back. Maybe if they're single and drunk at some point in the future they can hook up again, but I would never, ever, ever date her ever again.

Like ever?

[G&T]

I agree with your statement in the first paragraph. Are there any storybook marriages anymore? Where neither side plays games and the man and woman are best friends and enter into a life of bliss? Or is it constantly trying to play "the game" like what you described where the girl will only come back if the guy no longer cares whether she does or not?

 

Um... My marriage has never been about playing games. And yes we were and are best friends. That doesn't mean it's always blissful. Life is hard man.

[nitetrain8601]

At first glance, I give the girl and the new guy 6 months to a year at most. They are at 2 completely different points in their lives.

 

She probably has daddy issues. So with that said, I'm thinking she actually is in it for the long term. There's no way she would enter the relationship, knowing this information, and not be in it for the long haul. She won't admit what it is about him, she'll say it's just a fling, and after 6 months, she'll say it's almost been a year, even when the problems of this newfound relationship present themselves. And once she says that it's over. I have a theory, once you get to an annual anniversary number with a girl, they're going to look for more and more reasons to stay, even if they know it's not a good fit. The most common thing they latch onto is that "Well, we've been together for almost a year(6 months is not almost a year), or we've been together for almost two years(well 1 year and 1 month doesn't make almost two years) Especially girls with daddy issues.

 

Trust me, I have met the types, and I also have dated them before. greg's friend needs to bounce and stay away because she will come back and try to be friends with the occasional hookup. It'll be way too much trouble though when she throws her problems on him.

[LittleHurt05]

I agree with your statement in the first paragraph. Are there any storybook marriages anymore? Where neither side plays games and the man and woman are best friends and enter into a life of bliss? Or is it constantly trying to play "the game" like what you described where the girl will only come back if the guy no longer cares whether she does or not?

 

My wife & I have been married for 3.5 years and are best friends and neither of us are playing "the game". But it's never a storybook marriage, there's always gonna be issues you have to work out, but you just deal with it like the grown-ups you are.