Relationship Advice Thread

[nitetrain8601]

Thats the thing she left so I have no way to prove myself. I guess at times she can be bossy but its not like she is telling me what to do all the time so I guess she is kinda in the middle. Im gonna give it a few days I think and see what happens cant get much worse hopefully

 

It means she wants you to go ahead and court her again. She's going to leave the door open, but she's not going to push you through it. It's up to you though, to decide whether you want it. It will disappoint her if you don't chase her, but she'll eventually get over it. Most importantly though, if you don't think you'll be happy giving her the attention she wants, then move on as you will cause each other less pain by doing so.

[Reddy]

It means she wants you to go ahead and court her again. She's going to leave the door open, but she's not going to push you through it. It's up to you though, to decide whether you want it. It will disappoint her if you don't chase her, but she'll eventually get over it. Most importantly though, if you don't think you'll be happy giving her the attention she wants, then move on as you will cause each other less pain by doing so.

dis. a. gree.

 

if she says she wants space and you don't give it to her, it's going to crush ANY chance you have at reconciliation. elamins you need to cut ALL contact so she can see what life is like without you.

 

then if she wants you back, you'll know.

[nitetrain8601]

dis. a. gree.

 

if she says she wants space and you don't give it to her, it's going to crush ANY chance you have at reconciliation. elamins you need to cut ALL contact so she can see what life is like without you.

 

then if she wants you back, you'll know.

 

I disagree with your disagree because she wants him to change. Normally, if she's looking to move on, she could care less if you change as a person because she's not planning on dealing with you ever again. I'm not saying he needs to beg her and be at her doorstep all the time. I'm saying, give her space, but also when she's ready to talk, take her out to a nice restaurant. Go for a walk along the lake, hold her hand. Show affection.

[Reddy]

I disagree with your disagree because she wants him to change. Normally, if she's looking to move on, she could care less if you change as a person because she's not planning on dealing with you ever again. I'm not saying he needs to beg her and be at her doorstep all the time. I'm saying, give her space, but also when she's ready to talk, take her out to a nice restaurant. Go for a walk along the lake, hold her hand. Show affection.

 

a girl who wants you to change some thing AND still wants to make it work with you won't dump you in the first place.

 

and a girl who says "unless you change these things, you can't have me" isn't worth having. relationships are a give and take on BOTH sides, not just on hers. Right now she holds ALL the cards. going NC takes them back.

[iamshack]

People say all kinds of BS when they breakup...you guys are assuming she is even telling the truth to him in the first place.

[Reddy]

People say all kinds of BS when they breakup...you guys are assuming she is even telling the truth to him in the first place.

ezzactly.

[nitetrain8601]

a girl who wants you to change some thing AND still wants to make it work with you won't dump you in the first place.

 

and a girl who says "unless you change these things, you can't have me" isn't worth having. relationships are a give and take on BOTH sides, not just on hers. Right now she holds ALL the cards. going NC takes them back.

 

 

People say all kinds of BS when they breakup...you guys are assuming she is even telling the truth to him in the first place.

 

And we're assuming that he has done nothing wrong.

[Reddy]

And we're assuming that he has done nothing wrong.

and you're assuming that SHE hasn't done anything wrong.

[nitetrain8601]

and you're assuming that SHE hasn't done anything wrong.

 

No doubt. But girls will tend to act based on their emotions in time. If they were together for a few years already, she's going to want him to take it serious, or don't bother. Sounds like he pretty much brushed her off, or did as good as he could do, and it wasn't good enough for her needs. So she wants him to change or just end it. But she wants some type of closure to the situation.

[Reddy]

No doubt. But girls will tend to act based on their emotions in time. If they were together for a few years already, she's going to want him to take it serious, or don't bother. Sounds like he pretty much brushed her off, or did as good as he could do, and it wasn't good enough for her needs. So she wants him to change or just end it. But she wants some type of closure to the situation.

i'm pretty sure she already ended it........ and she dumped HIM, why should she expect ANYTHING in return??

[witesoxfan]

It means she wants you to go ahead and court her again. She's going to leave the door open, but she's not going to push you through it. It's up to you though, to decide whether you want it. It will disappoint her if you don't chase her, but she'll eventually get over it. Most importantly though, if you don't think you'll be happy giving her the attention she wants, then move on as you will cause each other less pain by doing so.

 

 

dis. a. gree.

 

if she says she wants space and you don't give it to her, it's going to crush ANY chance you have at reconciliation. elamins you need to cut ALL contact so she can see what life is like without you.

 

then if she wants you back, you'll know.

 

I don't think it's a stretch to say you're both right. Give her the space right away. Let her reach out to make first contact, because she will. And then if he wants to go back after her, do the whole courting process.

[Reddy]

I don't think it's a stretch to say you're both right. Give her the space right away. Let her reach out to make first contact, because she will. And then if he wants to go back after her, do the whole courting process.

agreed.

[Reddy]

so i know this is stupid, but I've been No Contact w/ my ex for almost two weeks, but got an email tonight that I'd earned a reward on my AMC Stubs Card (movie card), meaning she used it tonight. it really made my stomach knot up and i kinda freaked for no reason. Not because I worry about her being with a guy (she saw Rise of the Guardians AND paid for both tickets, meaning probably her roomie and she was trying to rack up reward points) but because it was ODD to know exactly where she was and what she was doing - especially when it was something that we did together and loved doing together. I mean, obviously she's not gonna stop watching movies, but movie dates were like... our thing. haha i know that's lame and unexciting but we loved it.

 

so now I'm like... what do I do? Ask her to get her own card instead of benefiting from the money i'd spent to rack up points, let it go and unsubscribe from the notifications, OR do I use the reward first? Mostly kidding on that last option.

 

Mostly.

[SleepyWhiteSox]

Any good friendly first date ideas in downtown? Thanks

[Joxer_Daly]

so i know this is stupid, but I've been No Contact w/ my ex for almost two weeks, but got an email tonight that I'd earned a reward on my AMC Stubs Card (movie card), meaning she used it tonight. it really made my stomach knot up and i kinda freaked for no reason. Not because I worry about her being with a guy (she saw Rise of the Guardians AND paid for both tickets, meaning probably her roomie and she was trying to rack up reward points) but because it was ODD to know exactly where she was and what she was doing - especially when it was something that we did together and loved doing together. I mean, obviously she's not gonna stop watching movies, but movie dates were like... our thing. haha i know that's lame and unexciting but we loved it.

 

so now I'm like... what do I do? Ask her to get her own card instead of benefiting from the money i'd spent to rack up points, let it go and unsubscribe from the notifications, OR do I use the reward first? Mostly kidding on that last option.

 

Mostly.

 

This is no joking matter.

Use the reward!!!

[greg775]

so i know this is stupid, but I've been No Contact w/ my ex for almost two weeks, but got an email tonight that I'd earned a reward on my AMC Stubs Card (movie card), meaning she used it tonight. it really made my stomach knot up and i kinda freaked for no reason. Not because I worry about her being with a guy (she saw Rise of the Guardians AND paid for both tickets, meaning probably her roomie and she was trying to rack up reward points) but because it was ODD to know exactly where she was and what she was doing - especially when it was something that we did together and loved doing together. I mean, obviously she's not gonna stop watching movies, but movie dates were like... our thing. haha i know that's lame and unexciting but we loved it.

 

so now I'm like... what do I do? Ask her to get her own card instead of benefiting from the money i'd spent to rack up points, let it go and unsubscribe from the notifications, OR do I use the reward first? Mostly kidding on that last option.

 

Mostly.

 

Have her get her own card.

[Kyyle23]

I would tell her straight up "Please get your own card. Everytime you go to the movies, I get an email telling me you did. And that bothers me"

 

She has to understand that

[nitetrain8601]

I would tell her straight up "Please get your own card. Everytime you go to the movies, I get an email telling me you did. And that bothers me"

 

She has to understand that

 

Eh, then it sounds like he's trying to contact her and is using this lame excuse to do so. He's better off getting his own card or using the reward, wait until she calls and says "What the hell?", and then tell her to kick rocks.

[Reddy]

well i talked to her last night oddly enough. i'd sent her an email. earlier in the day saying I need to ignore a couple dates we'd set up down the road to "check in" because they aren't going to let me heal properly. I'm going to keep looking forward to those dates and hoping instead of just focusing on where I am NOW and what I need to do NOW. And I felt like she deserved to know how I felt about that.

 

later we talked on the phone for an hour - probably the best conversation we've ever had. but I brought up the movie card, and she laughed and told me that she swiped the card without really thinking about it - just on autopilot - but when the thing printed out that she had a reward, she realized what she'd done and she started crying and then couldn't use the reward. so i'm actually not sure what's gonna happen on that front because we pretty much moved on from there and forgot about it. regardless, we both decided on a 'no rules' way of proceeding. if you feel you need no contact, then do it. if you feel you want to contact the other person do it. we've always been 100% honest with each other and we don't play games, so that's the way we'll continue. as long as we're honest with ourselves and each other we'll be fine, and whatever will be will be.

 

fortunately neither of us is crazy and we both see the value in taking time for ourselves right now. even i'm on board with it at this point, because i've been doing a lot of good soul searching and making awesome progress on a lot of things in my life, and I feel that if we're GOING to be together in the long run, it has to happen from a completely fresh start - and that means no lingering feelings or emotions from the last relationship.

 

Yeah I know. Weirdest. Breakup. Ever.

 

 

[elamins]

Well my ex and I had dinner over the weekend and I guess things are gonna progress slow as friends and build back up to being together. She wants to be together she just wants to know that the small changes she wants to see me make like being more romantic actually happen and that I just dont say it will then never change which I totally understand. So we decided that we will give each other some space but that we will continue to work on us so that sometime we can be back together. So any ideas on how one can be more romantic cuz I am a total bonehead in that area.

[greg775]

Well my ex and I had dinner over the weekend and I guess things are gonna progress slow as friends and build back up to being together. She wants to be together she just wants to know that the small changes she wants to see me make like being more romantic actually happen and that I just dont say it will then never change which I totally understand. So we decided that we will give each other some space but that we will continue to work on us so that sometime we can be back together. So any ideas on how one can be more romantic cuz I am a total bonehead in that area.

 

Next time you go to dinner give her a rose or something. You are gonna have to start giving her small gifts.

[witesoxfan]

Well my ex and I had dinner over the weekend and I guess things are gonna progress slow as friends and build back up to being together. She wants to be together she just wants to know that the small changes she wants to see me make like being more romantic actually happen and that I just dont say it will then never change which I totally understand. So we decided that we will give each other some space but that we will continue to work on us so that sometime we can be back together. So any ideas on how one can be more romantic cuz I am a total bonehead in that area.

 

Every little quirky romantic thing you see in romantic comedies? They go crazy for that kind of stuff. Eventually you'll come up with your own ideas too.

 

That, and what does she like? Say...scrapbooking. If you can just show a small amount of interest in it, she'll love you, and if you just buy her some stuff (or get her a gift card for something like that), she'll appreciate it. Snuggling, making breakfast/dinner, sending gifts to her at work...those all work.

 

Anything that tells her that you care.

 

(it's eery how similar this is/was to my initial situation)

[SleepyWhiteSox]

Any good friendly first date ideas in downtown? Thanks

 

I'm thinking ice skating. Thanks.

[elamins]

Sadly she has no hobbies lol. When she is free she either spent that time with me or with her niece and nephew. I actually ordered her flowers the day before she broke up with me too. Im sure I will figure out something though

[Y2HH]

Reading these comments above, it's no wonder you guys all are losing your girls...you're trying too damn hard to be likable and too busy trying to buy her affection like little boys.

 

I'll give you my relationship advice cheat sheet...

 

Let me begin by saying, women like nice...they just don't like too nice. Women like sweet, they just don't like too sweet...etc. Anything that you do that they like, there is a point in which they will say, "it's just too much"...and the second they say that, you've lost her. I know, I know...so how do you know when too much is too much? When she leaves you...you'll know it was too much.

 

When it comes to these quirky romantic comedy moments/routines, take my word for it...slow it down. S L O W. D O W N. The idea is to set the bar low but do a few unexpected things from time to time, that takes these small unexpected moments and makes them massive galaxy sized moments in her minds eye. If you use up all of your romantic ammunition in the first year of the relationship, she's going to get bored, trust me. I have a friend that's famous for this...he pulls out all the stops every relationship he's in, does ALL the romantic things you can think of, from weekend getaways, to romantic B&B's, walks in the park, fancy vacations, etc...then, after a single year, he's done everything there is to do with the girl and she gets bored, or conversely, she feels smothered. Either way, it's the same outcome...she leaves.

 

First and foremost, disavow holidays you can get away with disavowing...things like Sweetest Day, disparage it's existence so she knows how you feel early, and don't worry, she'll dismiss it as a 'man's man' thing if you're legit. Don't try to do this if you actually like lame holidays like Sweetest day, either, she'll see through your lie. Believe me, children, she wants you to be a man in her mind...not a boy. Boys follow girls like puppy's and shower them with items, affection, etc., men don't do this often, and while she'll enjoy it for a little while, she'll get bored. Don't attempt this with major holidays like Valentines Day until you hit expert level, either...and you'll know when you arrive at that level because you won't be here looking for relationship advice. Using this tactic requires you to celebrate her existence on a day that's NOT sweetest day and explain to her that you don't need Hallmark to tell you when you should show appreciation for your girl. Trust me...as lame as this sounds, she will love it, AND, she will henceforth allow you to ignore things like Sweetest Day...which leaves you an opening to surprise on a Sweetest Day at some point in the future, which she won't see coming. However much ammunition you think you have in the war chest of romance...you can empty it out quickly, which leads to boredom. The reason this happens is because you set the bar of expectations too high too fast...and run out of bullets.

 

If you do this and lose her, trust me...when you do catch up and get an update on her, you'll find her with the guy I just described...which will be the exact guy she told you she'd never be with when you were busy showering her with affection like a puppy dog.

Edited December 4, 2012 by Y2HH