Relationship Advice Thread

[Reddy]

Reading these comments above, it's no wonder you guys all are losing your girls...you're trying too damn hard to be likable and too busy trying to buy her affection like little boys.

 

I completely agree.

[Steve9347]

Reading these comments above, it's no wonder you guys all are losing your girls...you're trying too damn hard to be likable and too busy trying to buy her affection like little boys.

 

I'll give you my relationship advice cheat sheet...

 

Let me begin by saying, women like nice...they just don't like too nice. Women like sweet, they just don't like too sweet...etc. Anything that you do that they like, there is a point in which they will say, "it's just too much"...and the second they say that, you've lost her. I know, I know...so how do you know when too much is too much? When she leaves you...you'll know it was too much.

 

When it comes to these quirky romantic comedy moments/routines, take my word for it...slow it down. S L O W. D O W N. The idea is to set the bar low but do a few unexpected things from time to time, that takes these small unexpected moments and makes them massive galaxy sized moments in her minds eye. If you use up all of your romantic ammunition in the first year of the relationship, she's going to get bored, trust me. I have a friend that's famous for this...he pulls out all the stops every relationship he's in, does ALL the romantic things you can think of, from weekend getaways, to romantic B&B's, walks in the park, fancy vacations, etc...then, after a single year, he's done everything there is to do with the girl and she gets bored, or conversely, she feels smothered. Either way, it's the same outcome...she leaves.

 

First and foremost, disavow holidays you can get away with disavowing...things like Sweetest Day, disparage it's existence so she knows how you feel early, and don't worry, she'll dismiss it as a 'man's man' thing if you're legit. Don't try to do this if you actually like lame holidays like Sweetest day, either, she'll see through your lie. Believe me, children, she wants you to be a man in her mind...not a boy. Boys follow girls like puppy's and shower them with items, affection, etc., men don't do this often, and while she'll enjoy it for a little while, she'll get bored. Don't attempt this with major holidays like Valentines Day until you hit expert level, either...and you'll know when you arrive at that level because you won't be here looking for relationship advice. Using this tactic requires you to celebrate her existence on a day that's NOT sweetest day and explain to her that you don't need Hallmark to tell you when you should show appreciation for your girl. Trust me...as lame as this sounds, she will love it, AND, she will henceforth allow you to ignore things like Sweetest Day...which leaves you an opening to surprise on on Sweetest Day at some point in the future, which she won't see coming. However much ammunition you think you have in the war chest of romance...you can empty it out quickly, which leads to boredom. The reason this happens is because you set the bar of expectations too high too fast...and run out of bullets.

 

If you do this and lose her, trust me...when you do catch up and get an update on her, you'll find her with the guy I just described...which will be the exact guy she told you she'd never be with when you were busy showing her with affection like a puppy dog.

win

[flippedoutpunk]

I always just set my expectations to zero and act like an asshole that way the girl has no preconceived notions about the type of guy I am. That way when she actually becomes my gf shes not expecting a romantic Fabio type, and I can easily surprise her by doing simple things like actually wearing jeans instead of sweat pants with mustard stains every night. Its worked every single time since I was about 20 years old.

[Reddy]

I always just set my expectations to zero and act like an asshole that way the girl has no preconceived notions about the type of guy I am. That way when she actually becomes my gf shes not expecting a romantic Fabio type, and I can easily surprise her by doing simple things like actually wearing jeans instead of sweat pants with mustard stains every night. Its worked every single time since I was about 20 years old.

lol and we get the other end of the spectrum

 

 

happy medium guys.

[Y2HH]

lol and we get the other end of the spectrum

 

 

happy medium guys.

 

Yes, but he has a point. It's somewhat of a cerebral game where the woman wants to feel like a sculptor...

 

The problem with most guys is when you set the bar too high to start, that is to say you enter the relationship as "the ideal guy", there is nothing for you to strive to become in her mind. For a few months this will be amazing to her...there will be a sure spark between you and she will be nearly infatuated with how nice you are. That new car relationship smell wears off fast. Since you started off as that ideal guy, her image of the ideal guy will surely change when she grows bored of you...and trust me, she will. At that point, there is no where for you to go but down. She will see something someone else does that's romantic, something you wouldn't have done even though you were always doing romantic things for her...and this is how the conversation will go with her friend(s):

 

Your soon to be Ex-GF: "Now you see, THAT'S what I want..."

Your soon to be Ex-GF's friend: "But I thought you said your guy was always romantic like that?!"

Your soon to be Ex-GF: "Well, he is...but not like THAT...he's a different kinda romantic...I don't know, it's not the same..."

Your soon to be Ex-GF's friend: "Tell me about it...you should totally break up with him."

 

Shortly after that conversation you'll be single and she'll be with a guy that's the exact opposite of you...a guy with a 'low bar', that she feels she can mold into her new ideal guy. And every time he does something unexpected...she will get a whiff of that 'new car relationship smell', and feel a sense of accomplishment. See the above: Going from wearing sweats to a nice pair of jeans...

 

I'm not making up these rules, so don't shoot the messenger...I'm just deciphering the gospel of womanhood...

[knightni]

Forget the games; just communicate with each other. You're not mind-readers.

[Y2HH]

Also, if you're that nice ideal guy...you've probably heard this (or you will hear it) at some point in your life from the hot girl you've secretly been salivating over for years...

 

Hot girl you've secretly been salivating over for years: "Gawd...my boyfriend is such an asshole...why can't I just end up with a nice guy like you?! Why do I always pick the wrong guy?!"

 

You (feeling all compassionate): "We all make mistakes...but sometimes what we really want is right in front of us..."

 

Hot girl you've secretly been salivating over for years: "You're totally right...OMG BBL, I'm going to go f*** my boyfriend now, thanks for listening to me...you're such a great listener!!!"

 

Edited December 4, 2012 by Y2HH

[greg775]

Reading these comments above, it's no wonder you guys all are losing your girls...you're trying too damn hard to be likable and too busy trying to buy her affection like little boys.

 

I'll give you my relationship advice cheat sheet...

 

Let me begin by saying, women like nice...they just don't like too nice. Women like sweet, they just don't like too sweet...etc. Anything that you do that they like, there is a point in which they will say, "it's just too much"...and the second they say that, you've lost her. I know, I know...so how do you know when too much is too much? When she leaves you...you'll know it was too much.

 

When it comes to these quirky romantic comedy moments/routines, take my word for it...slow it down. S L O W. D O W N. The idea is to set the bar low but do a few unexpected things from time to time, that takes these small unexpected moments and makes them massive galaxy sized moments in her minds eye. If you use up all of your romantic ammunition in the first year of the relationship, she's going to get bored, trust me. I have a friend that's famous for this...he pulls out all the stops every relationship he's in, does ALL the romantic things you can think of, from weekend getaways, to romantic B&B's, walks in the park, fancy vacations, etc...then, after a single year, he's done everything there is to do with the girl and she gets bored, or conversely, she feels smothered. Either way, it's the same outcome...she leaves.

 

First and foremost, disavow holidays you can get away with disavowing...things like Sweetest Day, disparage it's existence so she knows how you feel early, and don't worry, she'll dismiss it as a 'man's man' thing if you're legit. Don't try to do this if you actually like lame holidays like Sweetest day, either, she'll see through your lie. Believe me, children, she wants you to be a man in her mind...not a boy. Boys follow girls like puppy's and shower them with items, affection, etc., men don't do this often, and while she'll enjoy it for a little while, she'll get bored. Don't attempt this with major holidays like Valentines Day until you hit expert level, either...and you'll know when you arrive at that level because you won't be here looking for relationship advice. Using this tactic requires you to celebrate her existence on a day that's NOT sweetest day and explain to her that you don't need Hallmark to tell you when you should show appreciation for your girl. Trust me...as lame as this sounds, she will love it, AND, she will henceforth allow you to ignore things like Sweetest Day...which leaves you an opening to surprise on a Sweetest Day at some point in the future, which she won't see coming. However much ammunition you think you have in the war chest of romance...you can empty it out quickly, which leads to boredom. The reason this happens is because you set the bar of expectations too high too fast...and run out of bullets.

 

If you do this and lose her, trust me...when you do catch up and get an update on her, you'll find her with the guy I just described...which will be the exact guy she told you she'd never be with when you were busy showering her with affection like a puppy dog.

 

Great great post. I've never even heard of Sweetest Day, but if somebody is recognizing that day they deserve to get dumped. Valentines Day is fine cause millions of guys suck it up and play along on that day.

 

I'd say in most cases your post is spot on and girls will dump guys that are too nice. I will say this, though, it's not ironclad. There are some girls that expected to be treated well. A guy I know has spent his whole life trying to keep his wife happy doing all the little things described above. Hey, you can never run out of fancy romantic vacations like the guy above supposedly ran out of. You can never run out of gifts, etc.

 

It's complicated but I don't think you can generalize and say EVERY woman is the same. I'd think there are some that wouldn't dump the guy mentioned above, who pulled out all the stops for a year. I think the women he's dealing with are probably perfect 10 princesses. Princesses can be different.

 

Generally though, I do agree, nice guys finish last with women. It's all physical anyway. If they think a guy is cute or hot and think their friends will think he's cute or hot, the guy generally is in.

 

I tend to agree with Y2HH but I can see where knight is right as well. There are some girls who are not princess b****es and do not play games every minute of their dating/marriage lives.

Edited December 4, 2012 by greg775

[Y2HH]

Great great post. I've never even heard of Sweetest Day, but if somebody is recognizing that day they deserve to get dumped. Valentines Day is fine cause millions of guys suck it up and play along on that day.

 

I'd say in most cases your post is spot on and girls will dump guys that are too nice. I will say this, though, it's not ironclad. There are some girls that expected to be treated well. A guy I know has spent his whole life trying to keep his wife happy doing all the little things described above. Hey, you can never run out of fancy romantic vacations like the guy above supposedly ran out of. You can never run out of gifts, etc.

 

It's complicated but I don't think you can generalize and say EVERY woman is the same. I'd think there are some that wouldn't dump the guy mentioned above, who pulled out all the stops for a year. I think the women he's dealing with are probably perfect 10 princesses. Princesses can be different.

 

Generally though, I do agree, nice guys finish last with women. It's all physical anyway. If they think a guy is cute or hot and think their friends will think he's cute or hot, the guy generally is in.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweetest_Day

 

Also, do note, some of what I'm saying is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, unfortunately, there is a truth to it a lot of guys would rather not admit.

[Reddy]

Forget the games; just communicate with each other. You're not mind-readers.

thank. you.

 

all this talk of game playing is ridiculous and the reason the divorce rate is so high.

 

just be honest. amazing how that works.

[greg775]

thank. you.

 

all this talk of game playing is ridiculous and the reason the divorce rate is so high.

 

just be honest. amazing how that works.

 

There's also a lot of cheating going on leading to divorces. I know so many guys who cheat. I can't believe they get married. I think I told u all before I went to a bachelor party in Vegas and at least 2/3 of the guys there cheated on their wives. Some even with hookers. Geezus. What clowns. You should have heard some of the things they were saying about their lives.

 

I guess the deal is a lot of these guys find a woman they think will be a great mom to their kids and have a couple kids and the family life. Yet they continue to have sex with tons of other women. A lot of guys I know have money and it seems a lot of guys with money think they are hot s*** and get TONS of women to sleep with them. I think it's sad.

If you marry ... then obey your f***ing vows or get a divorce.

[Reddy]

There's also a lot of cheating going on leading to divorces. I know so many guys who cheat. I can't believe they get married. I think I told u all before I went to a bachelor party in Vegas and at least 2/3 of the guys there cheated on their wives. Some even with hookers. Geezus. What clowns. You should have heard some of the things they were saying about their lives.

 

I guess the deal is a lot of these guys find a woman they think will be a great mom to their kids and have a couple kids and the family life. Yet they continue to have sex with tons of other women. A lot of guys I know have money and it seems a lot of guys with money think they are hot s*** and get TONS of women to sleep with them. I think it's sad.

If you marry ... then obey your f***ing vows or get a divorce.

cheating happens because people aren't HONEST with each other and play games.

[greg775]

cheating happens because people aren't HONEST with each other and play games.

 

Maybe but I think cheating happens cause the cheating partner is a snake and wants sexual gratification with somebody new.

[Reddy]

Maybe but I think cheating happens cause the cheating partner is a snake and wants sexual gratification with somebody new.

lol not necessarily true at all. it can be a breakdown of communication over time and something that just happens. not all cheating is pre-meditated. It doesn't make it more ok - it's not - but i'm just saying that if you pare it all down to the most BASIC LEVEL - all problems in relationships come from not communicating and not being honest.

[Y2HH]

lol not necessarily true at all. it can be a breakdown of communication over time and something that just happens. not all cheating is pre-meditated. It doesn't make it more ok - it's not - but i'm just saying that if you pare it all down to the most BASIC LEVEL - all problems in relationships come from not communicating and not being honest.

 

Cheating has nothing to do with communication or or playing games.

 

It has to do with people having a complete lack of self control over the basic instincts built into their DNA. At it's core, it's what we are, and while we can deny that, it's reality. Just because you get married doesn't mean a switch flips and suddenly other women are no longer sexually attractive. Any married man that claims this is a stone cold liar, and any single guy that thinks this is in for a rude awakening.

 

I'm a happily married man...one thats never cheated despite having multiple chances to do so. Now, did I want too? Yes. The blood flowing in my veins didn't suddenly turned cold and blue after I pronounced 'I do'. Other women still turn me on, possibly more so than any single guy could imagine. But when I look at my life, my family, and everything surrounding it, I know I'd NEVER act on those animalistic feelings/instincts because I exercise human thought/intelligence and self control and weigh it against the sure alternative...losing my family and the way things are out of a choice is something would NEVER do for ANY reason whatsoever.

 

It's about being an evolved civilized person that doesn't cave to basic instincts that drive us at our core.

 

It's about being human and exercising that one thing we have that animals cant come close to touching. Intelligence.

[Reddy]

Cheating has nothing to do with communication or or playing games.

 

lol you don't think that men who are unhappy in their marriages are more likely to cheat? come on, you're not that thick.

[Y2HH]

lol you don't think that men who are unhappy in their marriages are more likely to cheat? come on, you're not that thick.

 

Again, I repeat -- it has nothing to do with communication or playing games, what you just posed above are two entirely different things.

 

A person that's unhappy with their marriage is exactly that, unhappy with their marriage. That's not always for lack of communication (this is usually quite minor when it comes to unhappy marriages), and it has nothing to do with playing games. Divorce is met with a number of excuses, from boredom, to lack of communication...when the obvious reality is much simpler. It's an easy way out for people that put themselves into a situation they weren't ready for, nor did they even understand what it truly was.

 

Marriage is something a lot of people do because it's, well...a thing to do. Actual marriage is an entirely different animal.

Edited December 5, 2012 by Y2HH

[Reddy]

Again, I repeat -- it has nothing to do with communication or playing games, what you just posed above are two entirely different things.

 

A person that's unhappy with their marriage is exactly that, unhappy with their marriage. That's not always for lack of communication, and it has nothing to do with playing games.

 

Don't plant goalposts then move them.

um... i guarantee you 99% of people who are unhappy in relationships are unhappy because they don't communicate well with their significant other. if they were OPEN about their feelings, and then at that point the other person shut them down, didn't care enough to fix the issues, then we're dealing with another problem and you should re-evaluate whether or not you should be in the relationship.

 

i'm baffled that you don't think unhappiness stems from lack of communication about wants and needs. where else does it come from then?

[Y2HH]

um... i guarantee you 99% of people who are unhappy in relationships are unhappy because they don't communicate well with their significant other. if they were OPEN about their feelings, and then at that point the other person shut them down, didn't care enough to fix the issues, then we're dealing with another problem and you should re-evaluate whether or not you should be in the relationship.

 

i'm baffled that you don't think unhappiness stems from lack of communication about wants and needs. where else does it come from then?

 

You guarantee me nothing.

 

It's a bunch of bulls***, and just another excuse for people that entered into a marriage that were't ready for a marriage. Lack of communication is just another in a LONNNNG line of excuses you'll hear at divorce proceedings.

[Y2HH]

It comes from people wanting what they can't have.

 

You can communicate all day long to a person...if they want to have sex with other women, they're going to have sex with other women, because they don't care about the consequences, nor do they think they'll get caught.

 

Keep leaning on the communication bulls***, though. It's just an excuse people love to use.

[Reddy]

Again, I repeat -- it has nothing to do with communication or playing games, what you just posed above are two entirely different things.

 

A person that's unhappy with their marriage is exactly that, unhappy with their marriage. That's not always for lack of communication (this is usually quite minor when it comes to unhappy marriages), and it has nothing to do with playing games. Divorce is met with a number of excuses, from boredom, to lack of communication...when the obvious reality is much simpler. It's an easy way out for people that put themselves into a situation they weren't ready for, nor did they even understand what it truly was.

 

Marriage is something a lot of people do because it's, well...a thing to do. Actual marriage is an entirely different animal.

 

lol nobody is ready for marriage when they get married. nobody knows what it is ahead of time. everyone figures it out AS they're going through it. and the best way to work your way through something like that? Have an open and honest line of communication at all times. end of story.

[Reddy]

It comes from people wanting what they can't have.

 

You can communicate all day long to a person...if they want to have sex with other women, they're going to have sex with other women, because they don't care about the consequences, nor do they think they'll get caught.

 

Keep leaning on the communication bulls***, though. It's just an excuse people love to use.

haha you're ridiculous right now.

[Y2HH]

lol nobody is ready for marriage when they get married. nobody knows what it is ahead of time. everyone figures it out AS they're going through it. and the best way to work your way through something like that? Have an open and honest line of communication at all times. end of story.

 

More bulls*** from a person with zero experience.

 

I WAS ready for a marriage when I got married...hence why I got married. Sorry to bust your bubble on that, though.

 

Again, this open and honest line of communication bulls*** is just another talking point. If you aren't ready to be open and honest, you aren't ready to be married in the first place. Also, 100% openness and honesty is a f***ing pipe dream...get over it now. Before and after marriage, there are things you'll think to yourself that your wife never needs to know...and it has nothing to do with being open an honest.

[Y2HH]

haha you're ridiculous right now.

 

Right, coming from the young kid in this 20's that has zero experience with a family or a marriage. Hell, you've never even had a successful relationship yet based on your recent comments and you're going to preach to everyone about marriage and openness and honesty?

 

Give it up, you're out of your jurisdiction now.

 

You sound like a true pro that just took a few college courses in the social arts and now you're going to tell everyone what's what by regurgitating a few simplistic talking points you probably heard from an episode of Dr. f*** Phil.

 

The biggest lie people love to repeat is that marriage/relationships is/are hard. No they aren't. They're easy if you're with the right person. EASY. If you have to "try" to be in a relationship or marriage, you shouldn't be in it.

Edited December 5, 2012 by Y2HH

[Reddy]

Right, coming from the young kid in this 20's that has zero experience with a family or a marriage. Hell, you've never even had a successful relationship yet based on your recent comments and you're going to preach to everyone about marriage and openness and honesty?

 

Give it up, you're out of your jurisdiction now.

 

You sound like a true pro that just took a few college courses in the social arts and now you're going to tell everyone what's what.

 

depends on how you qualify "successful". I'd say all my relationships have been successful to a point, because I've learned a hell of a lot from each of them. Moreover I'm not a typical hit it and quit it guy. I've only been in two serious relationships in my adult years, both lasting a couple years. I'm a serial monogamist, so while no, I have not been married, I DO understand - at least a little bit - about what it takes to have a happy and healthy relationship. Am I still learning? Hell yes. Is everyone constantly learning, even someone who's been in a 25 year marriage, another hell yes. I understand that it's not all rainbows and unicorns. I understand how much WORK a good partnership takes. And I also understand that unless you're completely honest with that partner, that already rough road gets even rockier.

 

where am i off base?