Relationship Advice Thread

[iamshack]

At my company dating a coworker is pretty common place given the sheer size of the Company and the fact that you wont' work with that person on any projects (firm policy). Met my wife at work and violated my own personal rule. Can't complain.

Yeah, my girlfriend (soon to be my fiancee) works at the same company as I do too.

 

This clearly depends on the size of the company...we have 1700 employees in this building and I almost never see her here...in fact, I don't even eat lunch with her or anything. She may as well work for a different company for all I know.]

 

As for the original question, the last girl I dated was really, really sweet, and at one time, I think we thought we really had something going...but then we ran into the same issue as you are...we just didn't have enough in common. She is a major foodie, lives and dies to eat at amazing restaurants...follows chefs like we follow professional sports teams. She also was big into fashion and art and trendy s*** like that. I, on the other hand, am into sports and being active outdoors and my dogs, etc. We really cared for one another, but at the end of the day, we were just too different, and this caused rifts in our relationship. Enough so, that we eventually broke up amicably.

 

A few months later, I met another girl that had a lot more in common with me...and we have a much easier and low-key relationship.

 

I think you owe it to yourself to let it play out a bit more and make sure this thing with the new girl isn't just a fad or a crush first.

[pettie4sox]

Yeah, my girlfriend (soon to be my fiancee) works at the same company as I do too.

 

This clearly depends on the size of the company...we have 1700 employees in this building and I almost never see her here...in fact, I don't even eat lunch with her or anything. She may as well work for a different company for all I know.]

 

As for the original question, the last girl I dated was really, really sweet, and at one time, I think we thought we really had something going...but then we ran into the same issue as you are...we just didn't have enough in common. She is a major foodie, lives and dies to eat at amazing restaurants...follows chefs like we follow professional sports teams. She also was big into fashion and art and trendy s*** like that. I, on the other hand, am into sports and being active outdoors and my dogs, etc. We really cared for one another, but at the end of the day, we were just too different, and this caused rifts in our relationship. Enough so, that we eventually broke up amicably.

 

A few months later, I met another girl that had a lot more in common with me...and we have a much easier and low-key relationship.

 

I think you owe it to yourself to let it play out a bit more and make sure this thing with the new girl isn't just a fad or a crush first.

 

I'm assuming that your post was geared toward me. It's somewhat dangerous to let it play out because I'm technically still involved with my girlfriend. How on earth do I play it out without being suspicious/shady? Spend time with and her see where it goes? As I said, I won't really know it's a crush/fad unless I continue to talk to her.

[Steve9347]

Say nothing beyond this. Stop. Do not pass go on this one. Don't get involved with people you work with or at the same company as...it's never a good idea.

I disagree - some of the best marriages start as work relationships. This cuts off a huge segment of able-bodied females.

[Y2HH]

I disagree - some of the best marriages start as work relationships. This cuts off a huge segment of able-bodied females.

 

Like others said, and I didn't really get into, it does depend on the size of the company. And by and large, while a few of you here seem to be exceptions to the rule, over my career I've seen this blow up on people 99% of the time, especially at smaller companies.

[Y2HH]

I'm assuming that your post was geared toward me. It's somewhat dangerous to let it play out because I'm technically still involved with my girlfriend. How on earth do I play it out without being suspicious/shady? Spend time with and her see where it goes? As I said, I won't really know it's a crush/fad unless I continue to talk to her.

 

Depends on the kind of relationship you have with both...are you exclusive, or are you supposed to be exclusive? If not, date both...and say nothing to either.

[bigruss]

Depends on the kind of relationship you have with both...are you exclusive, or are you supposed to be exclusive? If not, date both...and say nothing to either.

It sounded like it was exclusive.

 

You are pretty much admitting to us and yourself that a new girl (that you don't even know that well) has shaken what you have with your current girlfriend. That should tell you a few things, such as how strong is that foundation to begin with. Now there's always going to be a few girls that catch your eye if your single, married, or whatever, but at the end of the day, are you happy with your current relationship and where it's going or not.

[iamshack]

I'm assuming that your post was geared toward me. It's somewhat dangerous to let it play out because I'm technically still involved with my girlfriend. How on earth do I play it out without being suspicious/shady? Spend time with and her see where it goes? As I said, I won't really know it's a crush/fad unless I continue to talk to her.

No, what I meant is just keep stay friendly with her, but don't take it any farther...in the meantime, stick with your girlfriend and see if this goes away or if it continues to be something at the front of your mind.

[pettie4sox]

No, what I meant is just keep stay friendly with her, but don't take it any farther...in the meantime, stick with your girlfriend and see if this goes away or if it continues to be something at the front of your mind.

 

Friendly is subjective to some extent. Here's the problem, I have a feeling if I tell her I have girlfriend that will eliminate any chances I have with her. Obviously that would suck but that would be honest. Right now, it hasn't came up yet but if it does I'll pretty much have to start the lies which would be bad news.

 

I can try to keep it friendly but we already text all day. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it, but I have definitely talked to this girl more than my girlfriend the past week and seen her more too.

[iamshack]

Friendly is subjective to some extent. Here's the problem, I have a feeling if I tell her I have girlfriend that will eliminate any chances I have with her. Obviously that would suck but that would be honest. Right now, it hasn't came up yet but if it does I'll pretty much have to start the lies which would be bad news.

 

I can try to keep it friendly but we already text all day. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it, but I have definitely talked to this girl more than my girlfriend the past week and seen her more too.

Oh...you are texting all day? Yeah...this is definitely something you need to nip in the bud, one way or the other.

[Steve9347]

I'll pretty much have to start the lies which would be bad news.

Actually, you don't ever have to lie.

[pettie4sox]

Actually, you don't ever have to lie.

 

You're right it's a choice but why do people lie? To protect something more or less.

[pettie4sox]

I hit the point of no return last night. She invited me over and made a delicious dinner. We had dessert. We had wine. The rest is pretty self explanatory.

 

I Dunn f***ed up now.

[bigruss]

I hit the point of no return last night. She invited me over and made a delicious dinner. We had dessert. We had wine. The rest is pretty self explanatory.

 

I Dunn f***ed up now.

You're now into territory of messing both up, how are you going to play it out?

[iamshack]

I hit the point of no return last night. She invited me over and made a delicious dinner. We had dessert. We had wine. The rest is pretty self explanatory.

 

I Dunn f***ed up now.

Oh man...you are a dirty bastard

[pettie4sox]

You're now into territory of messing both up, how are you going to play it out?

 

I have no idea at this point but I am starting to believe Y2HH initial assessment was right. Sometimes you got to live and learn to find s*** out though.

[pettie4sox]

Oh man...you are a dirty bastard

 

Don't remind me man.

[witesoxfan]

Honestly, how do you feel? Do you still have those feelings for the other girl or do you feel like you messed up? If it's the former, then you need to end the other relationship f***ing yesterday. If it's the latter, then I'm not sure what to tell you.

[pettie4sox]

Honestly, how do you feel? Do you still have those feelings for the other girl or do you feel like you messed up? If it's the former, then you need to end the other relationship f***ing yesterday. If it's the latter, then I'm not sure what to tell you.

 

Honestly, I feel like I made a grave mistake. I am starting to think it was the sheer infatutation and not genuine. I went to her place and saw she practices the religion of Santeria. She had shrines and rules about what you could or couldn't do in front of the spirits. I don't judge people or their religion by any means but I somewhat avoid people who are heavily involved with anytype of religion.

[Chisoxfn]

Honestly, I feel like I made a grave mistake. I am starting to think it was the sheer infatutation and not genuine. I went to her place and saw she practices the religion of Santeria. She had shrines and rules about what you could or couldn't do in front of the spirits. I don't judge people or their religion by any means but I somewhat avoid people who are heavily involved with anytype of religion.

Well I'm an honest guy so no matter what I think you need to tell your girlfriend what happened. Is that the best way to ensure things continue, probably not, but its the best policy. You f***ed up and need to man up to it. But I flat out don't condone cheating...if you cheat...its sign enough that you shouldn't be with the other person. Either you aren't responsible to be in a monogamous relationship yet or you don't truly care about the person in the way you thought you did.

[3E8]

Honestly, I feel like I made a grave mistake. I am starting to think it was the sheer infatutation and not genuine. I went to her place and saw she practices the religion of Santeria. She had shrines and rules about what you could or couldn't do in front of the spirits. I don't judge people or their religion by any means but I somewhat avoid people who are heavily involved with anytype of religion.

In a year when this broad is nagging you for the 10th time about disrespecting her relics, you'll realize you're in the same spot or worse than you were with the first girl. When a relationship hits that one-year mark, someone new can disrupt it because you don't think about how that excitement will usually wear off quickly. We've all probably been there at least once.

[iamshack]

Honestly, I feel like I made a grave mistake. I am starting to think it was the sheer infatutation and not genuine. I went to her place and saw she practices the religion of Santeria. She had shrines and rules about what you could or couldn't do in front of the spirits. I don't judge people or their religion by any means but I somewhat avoid people who are heavily involved with anytype of religion.

Holy s***

[pettie4sox]

Well I'm an honest guy so no matter what I think you need to tell your girlfriend what happened. Is that the best way to ensure things continue, probably not, but its the best policy. You f***ed up and need to man up to it.

 

She has a zero tolerance policy. So if I come clean, I'm f***ed! You're right though, she deserves to know.

[iamshack]

She has a zero tolerance policy. So if I come clean, I'm f***ed! You're right though, she deserves to know.

Wait, wait, wait...

 

Did you just have dinner and dessert and wine?

 

Did you have any intimate contact, whatsoever?

[pettie4sox]

Wait, wait, wait...

 

Did you just have dinner and dessert and wine?

 

Did you have any intimate contact, whatsoever?

 

Read in between the lines. I said the rest was self explanatory.

[witesoxfan]

Yep, best to come clean and start over. I've talked about it felt like I cheated once upon a time and dated the same girl again, and it happens in other relationships too. It's not a move that comes highly recommended for trust in each other.

 

There's about a 75% chance that you really shot yourself in the foot, a 24% chance that you can still, at the very least, date this Santeria chick for about a year before you get tired of her, and a 1% chance you can get back with your original girl. You still need to come clean nonetheless because living with that amount of guilt will bring unnecessary tension and terrible vibes to the relationship.