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Relationship Advice Thread

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iamshack Grand Master

iamshack

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QUOTE (RockRaines @ Jul 24, 2013 -> 10:47 AM)
For those in their 20's, especially early on, it may seem devastating dealing with your relationshop or lack there of now, and its ok to feel that way. However, it is not the end of the world. You may not know this yet but you are going to change a bunch over the next several years and so will your taste in women. Once you find out who you are, thats about the time when you will find someone who is your match.

 

In the end, work on you. Once you know who you are you can find that "one thing"

Thank you Doctor Rock :)

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The Sir
The Sir

Ok, so can I resubmit my advice politely? You didn’t just take out the mean parts, you took out everything. @SoxAce, don’t abandon your child. Take responsibility for what happened. You might not

ChiliIrishHammock24
ChiliIrishHammock24

Update.  

ChiliIrishHammock24
ChiliIrishHammock24

Well, I'll skip the lecture about the "I'm sure it will be fine, I haven't gotten anyone knocked up yet!" attitude you had and skip straight to the idea of abortion. I think you should absolutely

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ChiliIrishHammock24 Grand Master

ChiliIrishHammock24

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Got to hang with the lady today. We watched most of Fight Club before I had to go to my softball game. She told me to leave the DVD at my house so she can come over this weekend and finish it, then got a kiss goodbye. I think it's working out well, just need to keep this up for 3 more weeks before I go back to school.

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Steve9347 Grand Master

Steve9347

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QUOTE (Chilihead90 @ Jul 25, 2013 -> 10:06 PM)
Got to hang with the lady today. We watched most of Fight Club before I had to go to my softball game. She told me to leave the DVD at my house so she can come over this weekend and finish it, then got a kiss goodbye. I think it's working out well, just need to keep this up for 3 more weeks before I go back to school.

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ChiliIrishHammock24 Grand Master

ChiliIrishHammock24

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QUOTE (greg775 @ Jul 30, 2013 -> 05:50 PM)
What's the update chili? Are u dating happily ever after?

 

Funny you bring this up, today of all days.

 

We are done. At least for now.

 

It's been a very stressful day. She almost randomly in the middle of a text convo sent me a huge long text saying how she can't wait for me while I'm at school, she will be too sad without me, she wants this to end now before she gets too attached. Says it's not fair to her or myself that we are away from each other for so long, says she just wanted to have fun this summer, didn't expect us to get this serious, and isn't going to spend 4 months waiting for a guy she has only been talking to for a month. Blah blah blah.

 

Not that she's wrong about long distance relationships sucking, but at the same time, it bugs me that she won't even try to make it work. She just doesn't trust herself that she won't be depressed about not being able to see me whenever she wanted to. I tried to explain that I will be home every 3 or 4 weeks, and that my buddy offered to drive her to school for a weekend whenever she wants, but she doesn't think her parents will let her travel that far (ugh, 18 year olds), and she just doesn't want to even try.

 

I told her I want to try again in December when I come back for good, and she said "Maybe! A lot can change in 5 months". Which to me sounds like a pessimistic comment, not an optimistic one.

 

Oh well, I am super bummed out and surprisingly shaken up by this sudden and cold ending. I didn't think I liked her THIS much, but it's honestly killing me right now. I'm sure I'll feel better in a couple days, but it's going to be really hard going from what we had just as recent as Sunday, to this sudden end of contact. She says she "just wants to be friends" for now, but would still want to hang out when I come home from school. I'm banking on school being a giant distraction for me and not dwelling on this girl too much while I am enjoying my last semester of college.

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greg775 Grand Master

greg775

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QUOTE (Chilihead90 @ Jul 31, 2013 -> 06:57 AM)
Funny you bring this up, today of all days.

 

We are done. At least for now.

 

It's been a very stressful day. She almost randomly in the middle of a text convo sent me a huge long text saying how she can't wait for me while I'm at school, she will be too sad without me, she wants this to end now before she gets too attached. Says it's not fair to her or myself that we are away from each other for so long, says she just wanted to have fun this summer, didn't expect us to get this serious, and isn't going to spend 4 months waiting for a guy she has only been talking to for a month. Blah blah blah.

 

Not that she's wrong about long distance relationships sucking, but at the same time, it bugs me that she won't even try to make it work. She just doesn't trust herself that she won't be depressed about not being able to see me whenever she wanted to. I tried to explain that I will be home every 3 or 4 weeks, and that my buddy offered to drive her to school for a weekend whenever she wants, but she doesn't think her parents will let her travel that far (ugh, 18 year olds), and she just doesn't want to even try.

 

I told her I want to try again in December when I come back for good, and she said "Maybe! A lot can change in 5 months". Which to me sounds like a pessimistic comment, not an optimistic one.

 

Oh well, I am super bummed out and surprisingly shaken up by this sudden and cold ending. I didn't think I liked her THIS much, but it's honestly killing me right now. I'm sure I'll feel better in a couple days, but it's going to be really hard going from what we had just as recent as Sunday, to this sudden end of contact. She says she "just wants to be friends" for now, but would still want to hang out when I come home from school. I'm banking on school being a giant distraction for me and not dwelling on this girl too much while I am enjoying my last semester of college.

 

Does she watch a lot of movies? Seems like she utters almost every cliche in the book when discussing long term dating with you.

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ChiliIrishHammock24 Grand Master

ChiliIrishHammock24

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QUOTE (greg775 @ Jul 31, 2013 -> 04:52 AM)
Damn, crazy stuff. Hang in there.

Did it progress the past few weeks since you last posted? In terms of bf/gf status?

 

We seemed pretty damn close I thought. She would cuddle up on me when we watched movies, we'd make out, she set a new daily alarm to start taking birth control, and she did that right in front of my face, all the signs were looking very good as of just Sunday. Then Monday we tried to hang out, last minute she says her parents won't let her, we get in to a small argument about how it's like the 5th time she has flaked out on plans, then the next day at work (Tuesday) we are fine until she all the sudden blew up randomly over text. It's not that I think she is insane of her to not want to get too close and attached right before I leave for school, but the insane part is that it was a complete 180 from where we were 2 days prior. There was no slow deterioration of talking, no ignoring each other, no signs that she felt this way, then BOOM, I get hit by a truck when she all the sudden say "Yeah, we're done now. I don't want anything else but friendship". I got completely blindsided.

 

 

QUOTE (pettie4sox @ Jul 31, 2013 -> 01:55 PM)
Did you atleast get it in?

 

Oooooh, of course not. I should have just been a real jerk and banged her that night of the party a few weeks ago when she said she wanted our first time to be sober. But no, I'm a nice guy and didn't want to force the issue. But my big question here is, last night she said "I just wanted to have fun this summer, I wasn't trying to have a serious relationship". Then WHY THE f*** would you say you want our first time to be sober and special? If you just want to have fun with me for the summer, then WHO THE f*** CARES? And I don't think it was an excuse, because we were groping each other pretty good, and she kept saying he wanted to f***, but then she stopped it before we went at it any further. Just seems like she must have changed her mind at some point, and in the meantime, I got pretty much 0 physical play out of this 1 month fling.

 

Really hoping come December we can try this again, but it's really hard for me to keep talking to her right now. I'm too pissed to be her friend about this, even though it's probably an awful way to go if I want to try again in December.

 

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Y2HH Grand Master

Y2HH

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QUOTE (Chilihead90 @ Jul 31, 2013 -> 05:49 PM)
We seemed pretty damn close I thought. She would cuddle up on me when we watched movies, we'd make out, she set a new daily alarm to start taking birth control, and she did that right in front of my face, all the signs were looking very good as of just Sunday. Then Monday we tried to hang out, last minute she says her parents won't let her, we get in to a small argument about how it's like the 5th time she has flaked out on plans, then the next day at work (Tuesday) we are fine until she all the sudden blew up randomly over text. It's not that I think she is insane of her to not want to get too close and attached right before I leave for school, but the insane part is that it was a complete 180 from where we were 2 days prior. There was no slow deterioration of talking, no ignoring each other, no signs that she felt this way, then BOOM, I get hit by a truck when she all the sudden say "Yeah, we're done now. I don't want anything else but friendship". I got completely blindsided.

 

 

 

 

Oooooh, of course not. I should have just been a real jerk and banged her that night of the party a few weeks ago when she said she wanted our first time to be sober. But no, I'm a nice guy and didn't want to force the issue. But my big question here is, last night she said "I just wanted to have fun this summer, I wasn't trying to have a serious relationship". Then WHY THE f*** would you say you want our first time to be sober and special? If you just want to have fun with me for the summer, then WHO THE f*** CARES? And I don't think it was an excuse, because we were groping each other pretty good, and she kept saying he wanted to f***, but then she stopped it before we went at it any further. Just seems like she must have changed her mind at some point, and in the meantime, I got pretty much 0 physical play out of this 1 month fling.

 

Really hoping come December we can try this again, but it's really hard for me to keep talking to her right now. I'm too pissed to be her friend about this, even though it's probably an awful way to go if I want to try again in December.

 

Because girls of this mindset say things to sound proper, but often don't mean them.

 

Like I've said a million times, girls in this mindset are often young(er), and those in that mindset love to tell the "friendzoned" one thing, and then do the exact opposite with the "jerk" she then complains about to that same friend.

 

So in this series, I see you as the good guy.

 

...and then she met a jerkface.

 

Stop being the movie quality "good guy", you do realize you could have slept with her and still been respectful of that fact, right? IMO, that still makes you the good guy, only THAT good guy got laid.

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greg775 Grand Master

greg775

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QUOTE (Y2HH @ Aug 1, 2013 -> 12:14 AM)
Because girls of this mindset say things to sound proper, but often don't mean them.

 

Like I've said a million times, girls in this mindset are often young(er), and those in that mindset love to tell the "friendzoned" one thing, and then do the exact opposite with the "jerk" she then complains about to that same friend.

 

So in this series, I see you as the good guy.

 

...and then she met a jerkface.

 

Stop being the movie quality "good guy", you do realize you could have slept with her and still been respectful of that fact, right? IMO, that still makes you the good guy, only THAT good guy got laid.

 

Exactly. I tend to agree with this 100 percent. I know a lot of people do start out as "friends" then end up lovers and married for 40 years. That's great. But when it's going to be a summer fling, you got to complete the deal on the summer fling. Like Y2 said you could sleep with her and still be respectful of that fact later.

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