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Relationship Advice Thread


witesoxfan

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QUOTE (Chilihead90 @ Aug 27, 2013 -> 09:01 PM)
He's not a nice guy. He is cheating on his wife. He is a scumbag.

He claims he's an addict and knows he needs help. I meant the way he treats girls he's a nice guy. Pretend he has no wife. I'm referring to how he is treating this one, nice dinners, giving her emotional support during her custody cases for her kids etc. Lots of guys cheat. Does that make them scum if they treat their wives and kids well? I would never cheat. Can't do it. But many can and do.

 

QUOTE (whitesoxfan99 @ Aug 27, 2013 -> 09:08 PM)
I actually agree with you here. Despite my complaints about this girl I've actually already gotten into touch with another girl I know has interest and am in the process of setting up a date with her and if the girl I have sort of been seeing does surface then great.

Perfect way to approach life.

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He claims he's an addict and knows he needs help. I meant the way he treats girls he's a nice guy. Pretend he has no wife. I'm referring to how he is treating this one, nice dinners, giving her emotional support during her custody cases for her kids etc. Lots of guys cheat. Does that make them scum if they treat their wives and kids well? I would never cheat. Can't do it. But many can and do.

 

Yes, it does make them scum. Not scum to the level of men who abuse their wives physically and/or emotionally, but still scum. Cheating inevitably leads to divorce, and divorce is hell for the kids. He's intentionally choosing a course of action that is going to make his kids suffer in the long run.

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QUOTE (HickoryHuskers @ Aug 27, 2013 -> 01:15 PM)
Yes, it does make them scum. Not scum to the level of men who abuse their wives physically and/or emotionally, but still scum. Cheating inevitably leads to divorce, and divorce is hell for the kids. He's intentionally choosing a course of action that is going to make his kids suffer in the long run.

So let me ask this question, what about if he had never gotten married...say he just had kids with this woman...would his actions still be "hell" for them?

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So let me ask this question, what about if he had never gotten married...say he just had kids with this woman...would his actions still be "hell" for them?

 

If he just got her pregnant and they were never really a couple, then the damage is already done. At that point banging lots of women doesn't really make things any worse.

 

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QUOTE (greg775 @ Aug 27, 2013 -> 02:53 PM)
Then there's that married guy I know who cheats on his wife.

We go to a Hooters type place one day to eat lunch (I know, pretty lame considering the food sucks) because he goes there to drink once a week and wants me to go with him for lunch. We go there and the owner comes out to talk to us and he introduces us to some employees including a waitress who is a 10. He also introduces us to a set of gorgeous twins, but anyway, my friend goes back to the place one night and the 10 talks to him and they go to another bar when she gets off work.

So he takes her out twice to great restaurants, she's all into him texting all the time. He helps her move one day. Finally they have sex. He said it was great, no hiccups there. Great sex.

Now she's not texting him at all. When she does text, the tone is not sexual like it was before. He's ready to give up on her. Now is this because he's married and she sees no future in it? They've finally had sex and that's it? Or is it because he's been very nice to her with the nice restaurants, etc? She is 25 with 2 kids and her exes treat her s***ty. He's treated her so nice, is he getting the nice-guy dump?

you f*ckin' serious with this?

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QUOTE (iamshack @ Aug 27, 2013 -> 04:17 PM)
So let me ask this question, what about if he had never gotten married...say he just had kids with this woman...would his actions still be "hell" for them?

In a lot of ways, yeah. Some ways maybe worse, since the legal process for divorce and splitting up assets is often clearer than how to deal with kids if marriage isn't involved. Either way, tearing a parent out of a kid's life is pretty darn hard on the kid.

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QUOTE (HickoryHuskers @ Aug 27, 2013 -> 01:20 PM)
If he just got her pregnant and they were never really a couple, then the damage is already done. At that point banging lots of women doesn't really make things any worse.

No, let's assume he "dated her" but they didn't get married...

 

Peoples' incredibly strong reactions to divorce and infidelity fascinate me sometimes. Not because I don't understand the disappointment or heartbreak, but (and I have mentioned this a few other times) because it's still somewhat unclear whether we have evolved to become monogamous.

 

Some recent studies suggest primates became monogamous for a few reasons, to protect infant offspring, and because the female would often attempt to keep any other females from entering upon her turf.

 

I think both of those examples apply today...;)

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QUOTE (whitesoxfan99 @ Aug 27, 2013 -> 03:30 PM)
So the update I'm sure you were all really waiting for is that she just texted me back saying she would love to hang out this weekend.

 

Did you send another text or did she reply late from the Sunday one?

 

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No, let's assume he "dated her" but they didn't get married...

 

Peoples' incredibly strong reactions to divorce and infidelity fascinate me sometimes. Not because I don't understand the disappointment or heartbreak, but (and I have mentioned this a few other times) because it's still somewhat unclear whether we have evolved to become monogamous.

 

Some recent studies suggest primates became monogamous for a few reasons, to protect infant offspring, and because the female would often attempt to keep any other females from entering upon her turf.

 

I think both of those examples apply today...;)

 

Yeah, I don't care so much about the morality of infidelity or divorce, especially when there aren't kids involved. Once you have kids, it's overwhelmingly in the best interest of the kids (assuming one parent is not abusive or a criminal) for the parents to stay together. Making choices that lead away from that path are incredibly selfish.

 

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QUOTE (whitesoxfan99 @ Aug 27, 2013 -> 03:39 PM)
Of course. Which is why I'm glad I posted about it on a message board.

 

This is how I feel too (about myself, not about you).

 

I don't judge though - you were just looking for a place to vent regarding a situation you thought you had a grip on, and for all you know you very well might and she may be playing those games, but in the end it IS nothing more than petty games and they aren't going to stop you from meeting up with her in the long run. You handled everything perfectly, so there's your self-verificiation if you need it.

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Try to be best

‘Cause you’re only a man

And a man’s gotta learn to take it

 

Try to believe

Though the going gets rough

That you gotta hang tough to make it

 

History repeats itself

Try and you’ll succeed

 

Never doubt that you’re the one

And you can have your dreams!

 

You’re the best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down

You’re the Best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down

You’re the Best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own

 

Fight ‘til the end

Cause your life will depend

On the strength that you have inside you

 

Ah you gotta be proud

starin’ out in the cloud

When the odds in the game defy you

 

Try your best to win them all

and one day time will tell

when you’re the one that’s standing there

you’ll reach the final bell!

 

You’re the best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down

You’re the Best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down

You’re the Best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ho-how-ho-own

 

INSPIRING GUITAR SOLO

 

You’re the best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down

You’re the Best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down

You’re the Best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own

 

Fight ‘til you drop

never stop

can’t give up

Til you reach the top (FIGHT!)

you’re the best in town (FIGHT!)

Listen to that sound

A little bit of all you got

Can never bring you down

 

You’re the best!

Around!

Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down

You’re the Best!

Around!

Edited by iamshack
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Sometimes when I read your posts I think you need an opinion column where you can give other tips on being a man.

 

Something like:

 

"If you are trying to bring a girl home from a bar, but you think you drank to much. You should throw up at the bar not at your place. Because if you throw up at home and she hears it your chances of scoring have dramatically reduced."

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