BAD but HILARIOUS jokes

[ChiliIrishHammock24]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did.....

 

Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

[hogan873]

A guy is playing golf and gets to the fifth hole where he runs into an attractive woman. They decide to play together to save time. The guy hits from the white tees and the woman hits from the red tees. When they get to the turn, the woman says, "My house is right over there. What do you say we head over there and I give you a blow job." The guy immediately agrees, and they take off to her house.

 

The guy is golfing the next week and runs into the woman again on the fifth hole. They play to the ninth again, he hitting from the white tees, she hitting from the red tees. Again she offers a blow job at the turn. And again he agrees.

 

This goes on for about six weeks until one day the woman says, "I have a confession. I'm actually a man."

 

The guy flies into a rage, throwing clubs and kicking the grass. "You son of a b****! All this time you've been hitting from the women's tees!"

Edited August 2, 2010 by pittshoganerkoff

[Chi Town Sox]

A guy is playing golf and gets to the fifth hole where he runs into an attractive woman. They decide to play together to save time. The guy hits from the white tees and the woman hits from the red tees. When they get to the turn, the woman says, "My house is right over there. What do you say we head over there and I give you a blow job." The guy immediately agrees, and they take off to her house.

 

The guy is golfing the next week and runs into the woman again on the fifth hole. They play to the ninth again, he hitting from the white tees, she hitting from the red tees. Again she offers a blow job at the turn. And again he agrees.

 

This goes on for about six weeks until one day the woman says, "I have a confession. I'm actually a man."

 

The guy flies into a rage, throwing clubs and kicking the grass. "You son of a b****! All this time you've been hitting from the women's tees!"

 

Funny joke, I actually laughed hardest at the bold in the first paragraph hahahahah

 

[zimne piwo]

Did you hear Monica Lewinsky is a candidate to replace Lou Piniella as Cubs manager? They know she'll blow a few but she won't choke on the big ones!

[justBLAZE]

Might as well change the title to Polish Jokes thread.

[LittleHurt05]

Might as well change the title to Polish Jokes thread.

 

Seriously. We may be Polish and dumb, but that doesn't mean we don't have any feelings guys.

[witesoxfan]

A duck walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "You got any gum?" The bartender says, "No, get out of here." The duck comes back the next day and asks the bartender, "You got any gum?" The bartender says, No, and if you come back tomorrow and ask, I'm going to nail your feet to the ground." So the duck comes in again the next day and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "No." So the duck asks, "You got any gum?"

[EvilJester99]

Do you know why rodeo stars don't make good lovers??? Because they think that 8 seconds is a good ride!

[Rowand44]

You hear about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party?

 

He had noBODY to go with.

[knightni]

Dixie Cup/Laffy Taffy jokes...Really?

[Texsox]

The title said BAD, not tasteless. Your perspective usually changes when you have kids. Suddenly Dahl's "Another Kid in the Crawl" parody isn't as funny. Dead baby jokes don't sound so cool. And pedophile jokes just aren't funny. It's probably hardwired into our DNA somewhere.

[Milkman delivers]

The title said BAD, not tasteless. Your perspective usually changes when you have kids. Suddenly Dahl's "Another Kid in the Crawl" parody isn't as funny. Dead baby jokes don't sound so cool. And pedophile jokes just aren't funny. It's probably hardwired into our DNA somewhere.

 

The last post was two weeks ago, and you bumped it for that?

 

Here's one I remember from when I was a kid:

 

Did you hear about the new book "Little Brown Spots on the Wall" by the Chinese author, Hu Flung Pu?

[Texsox]

The last post was two weeks ago, and you bumped it for that?

 

Here's one I remember from when I was a kid:

 

Did you hear about the new book "Little Brown Spots on the Wall" by the Chinese author, Hu Flung Pu?

 

It was on my first page and I hadn't read the thread before.

 

 

lTEACHER: Who is your favorite author?

PUPIL: George Washington.

TEACHER: But George Washington never wrote any books.

PUPIL: You got it.

 

 

[Rooftop Shots]

The last post was two weeks ago, and you bumped it for that?

 

Here's one I remember from when I was a kid:

 

Did you hear about the new book "Little Brown Spots on the Wall" by the Chinese author, Hu Flung Pu?

 

 

Don't know why, but that one got me. So ridiculous, I had to laugh.

[SoxFanForever]

So there was a world space convention that had representatives from many countries. The three biggest representatives for this were the United States, Russia and Poland.

 

During their presentation, the United States made a huge announcement. "We are going to colonize the moon by 2030" they said.

 

Not to be outdone, the Russians said, "Well, WE are going to colonize Mars by 2025"

 

Finally, Poland had their chance. When making their big announcement they said "OH yeah?! Well we are going to land on the Sun next year!"

 

Confused, the Russians and Americans looked at one another. "How are you going to do that? You'll burn up" they said.

 

After a moment of thinking the Polish said, "Well, we will just have to do it at night!"