Women are targets, not actually people

[bigruss]

Here is the link.

 

This email was sent by a USC Kappa Sigma member to his fraternity:

 

To the Distinguished Gentlemen of the Kappa Sigma Fraternity:

 

As I have mentioned I will be starting a weekly Gullet Report. In response to the Soft Report, I felt it necessary to offer a contrasting and more uplifting telegram. My theories and practices are elaborated in more detail in the body of this email.

 

Please send me all of your hook-ups in Tucker Max format (for those unfamiliar with this legend, google will suffice). These renditions should be elaborate and interesting. I want raw data on who f***s and who doesn't. In conclusion the gullet report will strengthen brotherhood and help pin-point sorostitiutes more inclined to put-out. From my experience when a female goes Ksig shes typically repeats.

 

For your entertainment read on and pause for note taking. My hope is that ALL of our brothers will follow this creed with pride and distinction.

 

I have come to write this memo to you today to educate on the only life worth living, that of a Cocksman. A Cocksman is taught to live by the two most applicable principles I know: The Pie and the Gullet. You may already be lost in trying to comprehend this logic. Do not worry this is completely understandable. By the end of this memo, you will not only gain a greater understanding of what it means to live, but you will have embraced a lifestyle. However, in order for this to happen you first must know a couple key terms.

 

Note: I will refer to females as "targets". They aren't actual people like us men. Consequently, giving them a certain name or distinction is pointless.

 

Pie: A target's vagina. Some of you may have heard phrases such as, twat, cooter, muff, snatch, poontang, cock pocket, DNA dumpster, fun hatch, cock sock, the fish flap, spunk-pot, whisker biscuit, or the rarely used, wizard's sleeve. All these terms are interchangeable and fine to use. However, for the purpose of this memo, I will refer to a target's vagina as pie.

 

Gullet: Usually refers to a target's mouth and throat. Most often pertains to a target's throat capacity and it's ability to gobble cock. If a target is known to have a good gullet, it can deep-throat dick extremely well. My advice is to seek out this target early in the night. Good Gullet Girls (GGG) are always scooped up well before last call.

 

Grip: Refers to the tightness of a target's pie. If a target is said to have good grip, your cock probably feels like it's in a vice when you are deep inside it. If a target is said to have great grip, your cock probably feels like it got caught in a Chinese finger trap. Gentlemen, don't let a target like that get away from you. Avoid the pie's that are extremely meaty and resemble a cold cut combo from Subway. More often then not, if a target's pie looks like a bag of roast beef on the outside, it's probably a Cleveland Sideslapper.

 

Cleveland Sideslapper: An extremely loose pie. The target's pie has become so loose because of overusage, the lips of the pie flap and slap it's inner thigh as it walks.

 

Pie-Getters: A man that is possessed with getting his nut off. He exists solely to spread his seed in any pie that will have him.

 

R.D.A (Raw Dog Assassin): A man that refuses to wear condoms because no feeling on earth can compare to a warm piece of pie coming in contact with your cock. Let's be honest, if it isn't raw it isn't real. Drawbacks of this philosophy are that you may have to visit the clinic more often than not, but a quick penicillin shot really isn't that bad (trust me).

 

Loop n' Doop: A target that is very easy to take down. All she takes is a good amount of liquor (loop) and she will be good to go for you to f*** her (doop). Be careful with loop n' doops, because too much loop and they will get sick and be useless entities.

 

Guap n' Drop: A target that is extremely difficult to take down. She probably doesn't drink very much and she probably has a high socioeconomic status. Simple tactics wont impress her. It will take a good amount of effort and time to crack these. You are going to have to open up the wallet (guap) and spend (drop) a good amount on her to finally get to the pie. Better hope it has great grip for all your diligent work.

 

Defending the Gullet Report:

You may feel this is an unnecessary initiative. Gentlemen, you could not be more wrong. Gullet Reports only exist to help pie-getters get their nut more. It gives them the knowledge so they can operate as an efficient, calculated assassin. It also exists to call out the pie-getters who may fabricate stories sometimes or tend to exaggerate their sexual encounters. You all know who you are, and should be ashamed of your actions. There is nothing wrong with having a fatty on your record.

 

Also, sometimes targets that look like a Mack truck ran over their face have the greatest bodies and some outstanding grip. He who is without sin can cast the first stone, but he does not exist. Having a bad mark on your resume is a slight drawback of being a dedicated nut-getter. s*** happens. But own up to your disgrace, as you will only make the situation worse if you don't take credit for dicking-down scum.

 

By now I assume some of you are wondering what constitutes a bad mark on your resume. To simplify the matter, I have come up with a rating system so strict that most of you will cringe when you actually figure out what your lifetime average really is. This scale was created because a friend of mine went on a spring break trip and came back claiming he f***ed a 9. His defense was "she had to be a 9 man. She was the hottest girl I ever f***ed." That was when my friend and I decided to institute an absolute ranking system that could be universally used and implemented.

 

The scale is a simple 1-10 ranking system, with outliers existing up to a -5. Anything worse than that and I suggest you go find the nearest cliff and end your sorry putz existence. You don't deserve to use your cock anymore and you don't deserve to live your life. Moving on, I am sorry to break it to you but no one in our fraternity has ever f***ed a 10. Probably only a handful have put down a 7. Society has inflated your perception and lowered your standards. My scale is absolute. It takes nothing else into account but pure physical beauty. Anything you can see with your eyes is fair game, however, a target does not get a higher ranking if it has "great grip" or a "great gullet." How many times have you seen some sorry sap trying to justify f***ing a poor piece of pie by saying "dude she gives great head" or "her p**** is so tight!" Many fatties and uglies do have great gullets and are particularly good at sex. They have to be more dedicated to their craft because no one would talk to them otherwise. Likewise, a target does not receive a reduced ranking if you get down to the pie and it resembles a slaughterhouse. It's unfortunate, but poor qualities like that do not lower her physical beauty.

 

I would now like to take the time to explain the rating system in detail. I will not cover negatives because when you are trying to decide whether a target is a -3 or -2 that's just sad for mankind. Moreover, since I do not personally know you I cannot be the judge of what pie you have f***ed. I will offerer my guidance upon request because I consider my self a pie-getting veteran. My judgment is sound and I promise to give you my unbiased opinion. Seek my council in ranking a target, as initially this will be a difficult challenge for you.

 

To accumulate your lifetime average, have all the pies you have f***ed verified by a brother who is also subject to these gullet reporting regulations. Then add up their ranks and divide by how many pies you have f***ed. A good score is right around a 5.

 

To accumulate your "filth rating," add up all the pieces of pie you have f***ed that are a 3 or below and divide by how many pies you have f***ed. Make this a percentage. For example, my filth rating is at 12%, but I have exceeded 50 pieces of pie. Not bad.

 

10- The likes of Marissa Miller and Megan Fox. No one will ever get this.

9- If any of you are lucky to get so close to perfection, feel blessed. If you f*** this up, you should be lynched. This is your ceiling.

8- See #7

7-Wife Status. Be careful not to f*** this up.

6-Date Status. Be careful when you cheat, but still cheat

5-Apply the 5x5 rule. Toot it 5 times, and then boot it. Move onto the next piece of pie.

4-One night stands, but they are fairly attractive. Should not be repeats.

3-The filth cut-off. These are not attractive women, but sadly many of you have f***ed these.

2-Still filth. Still Pathetic.

1-Anything this close to 0 is bad. You better be 3 four lokos deep to justify this abomination

0-Let me just say from experience, when calculating your lifetime pie accumulation, throwing a 0 in the mix really hurts the average.

 

Additional Rules for a Cocksman

 

1.) Non-consent and rape are two different things. There is a fine line, so make sure not to cross it.

2.) A target should maintain the hair around her pie. It's a matter of respect. Maintenance is preferred (I prefer pie that has been lasered increasing the aesthetics and feel).

3.) Do your research and find out what is a loop n' doop target and what is a guap n' drop target. Keep yourself busy by f***ing loop n' doops while working on a guap n' drop on the side. It only makes perfect sense.

4.) When utilizing the loop power of 4 Lokos, be careful. A target on one 4 Loko is putting the odds in your favor of getting some pie. A target on two 4 Lokos is going to get sick and pass out. A target on three 4 Lokos leads to instances of litigation and lawsuits. Terms like "sexual assault" seem to be used in this case.

 

Pie Code

 

A pie code is essential to have so pie-getters can have a conversation in front of targets while talking about them and deciding which one to make a move on. The following references:

 

Blackberry: A black target

Blueberry Pie: half-black/half-white

Pumpkin Pie: A latin/mexican target

Pecan Pie: half-white/half-latin

Strawberry Pie: white target

Cherry pie: A young white target

Lemon Meringue: Asian target

 

Note: If you are so lucky to encounter a perfect piece of pie. I mean the grip is out of this world, it doesn't look like hair ever existed in the region, and it tastes like strawberry shortcake, then you are allowed to refer to the pie as crème brulee. It must hit the tri-fecta to be considered for this great and honorable distinction.

 

*Don't f*** middle-eastern targets. Exhibit some patriotism and have some pride. You want your cock smelling like falafel? Filth.

 

Do not recreate this email. This is for Kappa Sigmas. I will track you down and take your soul if you transmit this email to anyone outside our brotherhood.

 

- [NAME/RIDICULOUS NICKNAMES REDACTED]

 

I was told of this email after an Irish exchange student here in Holland showed it to all the USC exchange students, only to find out that one of the girls is an ex of the president of the chapter.

[witesoxfan]

There's guys being guys, and then there is this, which is just offensive, over the top, and sickening. I hope the USC IFC comes/came down hard on them.

[bigruss]

There's guys being guys, and then there is this, which is just offensive, over the top, and sickening. I hope the USC IFC comes/came down hard on them.

Agreed, it's one thing to joke about urban dictionary type sex moves, but it's another thing to do this.

[Soxbadger]

I hate to say it, but that seems like an email written by some one else to try and screw Kappa Sigma.

[witesoxfan]

I didn't take the quality of the gentlemen into context, so that is wrong, and it may not be the Kappa Sigmas that wrote it. Regardless, it's still quite heinous and anybody who even thought of it was in a pretty terrible state of mind.

[chw42]

They sure took a hell of a long time thinking all of this out...

[G&T]

As a Kappa Sigma member I can say that the national organization takes this stuff very seriously. This could cost them their charter. Unless the chapter has enough alumni to donate and change their mind, which is an unfortunate reality. But seeing as how this is public, I think that I the email is real, that chapter will be gone.

[clyons]

As a Kappa Sigma member I can say that the national organization takes this stuff very seriously. This could cost them their charter. Unless the chapter has enough alumni to donate and change their mind, which is an unfortunate reality. But seeing as how this is public, I think that I the email is real, that chapter will be gone.

 

Even if real, its possible that this is the just the boasting of one, misogynistic guy. Unless there are facts showing that the chapter followed the author's lead and that there was, in fact, a ratings "book" compiled by the house on campus women, I think a revocation of the entire charter might be extreme. If everything was done via private computers and personal email accounts, I wonder how the national fraternity could prove it without someone 'fessing up.

[Milkman delivers]

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a terrible liar. The kind of guy who wrote this letter is one of them, a person who can't see the difference between telling a believable lie and an outrageous one. This guy claims to have had sex with 50 women. That is damn near impossible, especially for someone who is still in college. Instead of picking a reasonably high number, he chooses an absurd amount and then writes a detailed essay on it, further proving how big of a liar he is.

 

I have a friend who claimed to have been with 70+ women. Trust me, when you tell a story that's that ridiculous, nobody believes you. NOBODY believes you and while you think you're building yourself up in other people's eyes, they're laughing at you for being so stupid.

 

I just hate terrible liars.

[StrangeSox]

I got to "Tucker Max" and stopped reading. That told me all I needed to know: arrogant, loud-mouthed but insecure douchebag who needs to treat women poorly in order to justify his small dick.

[WilliamTell]

If this is true and if some student wrote all this out, if he was able to put this much effort into creating this, just think if he'd actually do that as a student. I think it's slightly funny to an extent, but mostly just plain offensive. These are the guys you just want to punch in the face if they honestly believe women aren't people and basically just a prop for them to have sex with.

Edited March 17, 2011 by WilliamTell

[RockRaines]

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a terrible liar. The kind of guy who wrote this letter is one of them, a person who can't see the difference between telling a believable lie and an outrageous one. This guy claims to have had sex with 50 women. That is damn near impossible, especially for someone who is still in college. Instead of picking a reasonably high number, he chooses an absurd amount and then writes a detailed essay on it, further proving how big of a liar he is.

 

I have a friend who claimed to have been with 70+ women. Trust me, when you tell a story that's that ridiculous, nobody believes you. NOBODY believes you and while you think you're building yourself up in other people's eyes, they're laughing at you for being so stupid.

 

I just hate terrible liars.

You can easily be with a woman a month in college and hit that number.

[Steve9347]

I figured most fraternities were filled with douches like this... not news.

[RockRaines]

I figured most fraternities were filled with douches like this... not news.

They aren't. It's about the same ratio as people who aren't in one.

[ChiSox_Sonix]

They aren't. It's about the same ratio as people who aren't in one.

 

This.

[Milkman delivers]

You can easily be with a woman a month in college and hit that number.

 

Haha, I knew as I was writing it that, if anyone on the site would refute what I said, it'd be you.

[dasox24]

They aren't. It's about the same ratio as people who aren't in one.

Well said...

[lostfan]

I got to "Tucker Max" and stopped reading. That told me all I needed to know: arrogant, loud-mouthed but insecure douchebag who needs to treat women poorly in order to justify his small dick.

Tucker Max is funny as hell. :shrug:

 

Is he a misogynistic pig, douchebag, and just a bad person in general? Of course he is, that's why it's so funny.

[BrenBlackwood]

You can easily be with a woman a month in college and hit that number.

 

 

I agree with this. I know a few guys that have blown this number out of the water...

[Jenksismyhero]

quality>quantity

[BrenBlackwood]

quality>quantity

 

always

[RockRaines]

Haha, I knew as I was writing it that, if anyone on the site would refute what I said, it'd be you.

Its no unrealistic. Especially if you pull in some hogs on drunken nights. I know there was a year or two in there where my brain literally made itself forget I ever bedded a few of them. 50 is still alot though, you better wrap that s*** up.

[Milkman delivers]

Its no unrealistic. Especially if you pull in some hogs on drunken nights. I know there was a year or two in there where my brain literally made itself forget I ever bedded a few of them. 50 is still alot though, you better wrap that s*** up.

 

No doubt that there'd have to be some gross ones in there. I don't think I've ever been drunk enough to take home some of the girls I've seen taken home by others.

[lostfan]

It's possible I imagine, my "number" is a little higher than I care to admit and I wasn't really trying that hard to inflate it. I would have just had to lower my standards and bag some nasty, nasty skanks, and I would have to be a lying, manipulative, disgusting human being. And having herpes would probably be a foregone conclusion.

[knightni]

That seems way too delusional and copy/paste from Urban Dictionary to be the real thing.

 

It's like something you see in one of those college frat movies, not real life.