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knightni

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My college withdrawals are at an all-time high. It took about 10 months for me to hit the bottom. I miss my friends so much. I'm struggling bad right now.

 

I'm not sure if this was a solicitation for advice, but here it is anyway:

 

Try to become part of some kind of group. For me, it was finding a church that I liked that also had several people my age. If you aren't religious, then some kind of common interest. If you play poker join or form a weekly home game. Maybe there is a local Sox hangout where you can meet other Sox fans.

 

Making friends takes more effort when you aren't surrounded by hundreds (or thousands) of other single people your age on a 24/7 basis.

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QUOTE (HickoryHuskers @ Sep 11, 2012 -> 07:52 AM)
I'm not sure if this was a solicitation for advice, but here it is anyway:

 

Try to become part of some kind of group. For me, it was finding a church that I liked that also had several people my age. If you aren't religious, then some kind of common interest. If you play poker join or form a weekly home game. Maybe there is a local Sox hangout where you can meet other Sox fans.

 

Making friends takes more effort when you aren't surrounded by hundreds (or thousands) of other single people your age on a 24/7 basis.

 

I've found that it's incredibly rare and slightly awkward to make new friends as a adult. Especially after you have kids.

 

With Facebook and email it's easy to sort of keep in touch with old friends from high school and such but I really only have 2 or 3 people that I still know well enough to actually hang out with on a day-to-day basis.

 

It was so much easier as a kid. You'd see someone everyday at school, have them come over and check out your GI Joe collection and maybe play catch outside, then suddenly you're friends.

 

Honestly my wife and I met more people in this past year because we've become permanent campers at a campground. We typically only see them on weekends but we've gotten to know them well enough to exchange cell #'s and they even gave us a spare key to their camper for emergencies. They also have kids around the same age as our kids, so it works out pretty well.

 

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QUOTE (SoxFan1 @ Sep 11, 2012 -> 02:25 AM)
My college withdrawals are at an all-time high. It took about 10 months for me to hit the bottom. I miss my friends so much. I'm struggling bad right now.

 

If you're coming to Rockford, check out Forest Hills Lanes. They have sand volleyball leagues, softball leagues, kickball leagues in addition to the aforementioned bowling.

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QUOTE (Iwritecode @ Sep 11, 2012 -> 04:08 PM)
I've found that it's incredibly rare and slightly awkward to make new friends as a adult. Especially after you have kids.

 

With Facebook and email it's easy to sort of keep in touch with old friends from high school and such but I really only have 2 or 3 people that I still know well enough to actually hang out with on a day-to-day basis.

 

It was so much easier as a kid. You'd see someone everyday at school, have them come over and check out your GI Joe collection and maybe play catch outside, then suddenly you're friends.

 

Honestly my wife and I met more people in this past year because we've become permanent campers at a campground. We typically only see them on weekends but we've gotten to know them well enough to exchange cell #'s and they even gave us a spare key to their camper for emergencies. They also have kids around the same age as our kids, so it works out pretty well.

Good point. I feel that as I get older, I'm not really looking for a lot of new friends, I'm looking to strengthen relationships with existing friends - and spend the time available with them. I don't have kids like you but I can only imagine your time is very limited for spending with people outside your family anyway.

 

It's easier to have a lot of acquaintances with email et al like you said, and then just a smaller group of friends.

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QUOTE (Iwritecode @ Sep 11, 2012 -> 04:11 PM)
If you're coming to Rockford, check out Forest Hills Lanes. They have sand volleyball leagues, softball leagues, kickball leagues in addition to the aforementioned bowling.

I'll definitely have to check this out. Thanks for the heads up.

 

QUOTE (IlliniKrush @ Sep 11, 2012 -> 04:41 PM)
Good point. I feel that as I get older, I'm not really looking for a lot of new friends, I'm looking to strengthen relationships with existing friends - and spend the time available with them. I don't have kids like you but I can only imagine your time is very limited for spending with people outside your family anyway.

 

It's easier to have a lot of acquaintances with email et al like you said, and then just a smaller group of friends.

Yeah, I'm not sure yet how I'll react when I get to Rockford. I'll have a lot of co-workers who are in the same boat as me, so I'll try to build on that. But I agree with you, I have a great core of friends, the problem is that they are so spread out since we left college. I'm in Illinois, some are in Michigan, Arizona, Arkansas, Georgia, all over. It's frustrating.

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While people have made great points about branching out, etc. I'll add another thing: find a way to really value your alone time. Take up projects of any sort of nature and make it so that when you have nothing to do, you can look forward to a night of doing this thing.

 

Soxtalk is such a thing, even. I also have gotten into fitness and enjoy using a message board to further expand my knowledge in that arena. I have my own blog and I write for Flapship. Knowing/assuming that I will be an academic (and specifically, a Film Studies Ph.D) allows me to build a viewing and reading collection that fulfills me. There are also things that make me feel "fulfilled" that are as basic as organizing and cleaning my living space. I used to not do these things but actually having the time to be neat and proud of my space and some of these semi-frivolous endeavors makes me enjoy my alone time as much as I enjoy being with friends.

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QUOTE (SoxFan1 @ Sep 11, 2012 -> 02:25 AM)
My college withdrawals are at an all-time high. It took about 10 months for me to hit the bottom. I miss my friends so much. I'm struggling bad right now.

The best thing I can say is that you'll get over it. I was in a huge rut when I came home from school, I missed everything about Carbondale but I started to meet a ton of new people and become close again with my high school friends. It's been 2 years since I've been back from school and I'm having a better time now then I ever had down there. You'll be fine.

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QUOTE (Rowand44 @ Sep 13, 2012 -> 03:50 PM)
The best thing I can say is that you'll get over it. I was in a huge rut when I came home from school, I missed everything about Carbondale but I started to meet a ton of new people and become close again with my high school friends. It's been 2 years since I've been back from school and I'm having a better time now then I ever had down there. You'll be fine.

I'll get over it eventually, but I live in a s***ty neighborhood and most of the friends I had from my hood have done nothing with their lives and I don't really have the desire to be around them. Plus, working 14+ hours a day all summer limited any time I had for social gatherings. It's odd, because I was sad when I left school and was in a rut but I got over it after a couple months and started working. Then it turned out that I was miserable at my job in which I worked way too much, so it just piled on top. I move to Rockford tomorrow, so I'm hoping for a fresh start.

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QUOTE (SoxFan1 @ Sep 14, 2012 -> 01:06 AM)
I'll get over it eventually, but I live in a s***ty neighborhood and most of the friends I had from my hood have done nothing with their lives and I don't really have the desire to be around them. Plus, working 14+ hours a day all summer limited any time I had for social gatherings. It's odd, because I was sad when I left school and was in a rut but I got over it after a couple months and started working. Then it turned out that I was miserable at my job in which I worked way too much, so it just piled on top. I move to Rockford tomorrow, so I'm hoping for a fresh start.

I moved out to Vegas 4+ years ago and knew exactly 2 people. And I didn't really know them, I had just played fantasy baseball with them and bulls***ted on the computer with them (not much different than this). When I actually showed up in Vegas, I had never physically met them before, so I guess I didn't really "know" anyone. It took awhile and I definitely took some lumps, but you'll settle in to your new environment eventually.

 

One thing I did was date. I joined match.com and that helped me meet a lot of new women...then I started meeting guys at work and playing hoops or football with them on the weekend, and going out in the evenings. I still don't really know many guys out here that I did not meet through work. But you'll find that when you make friendships with people from work, or even with people through an internet site, such as match or meetup.com or something, that you will then meet some of their friends as well. It sort of branches out and builds from there.

 

The best thing you can do is keep yourself busy...I know you'll be busy with work, and I know you like to workout, so start with those things. Then do like HH or Jake said and find hobbies or activities you enjoy and fall back on those when you have nothing to do.

 

Things will get better. You're at a major transitional point in your life and so of course you are having a bit of a hard time adjusting. But keep busy and reach out to others and you'll be surprised at what you find.

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IMO, one is take home and do naughty things with hot (Upton), the other is take home to meet the parents and make babies with hot (Middleton). Both are amazing.

 

Yes, exactly. If I want to marry one of them, it's Middleton. If I want a one night stand with one or just stare at one naked, it's Upton.

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QUOTE (Jenksismyb**** @ Sep 17, 2012 -> 04:01 PM)
IMO, one is take home and do naughty things with hot (Upton), the other is take home to meet the parents and make babies with hot (Middleton). Both are amazing.

 

I can't disagree there.

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