GASHWOUND Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 The 50 Worst Artists in Music History Extended drum solos. Prog-rock concept albums. Kenny G. We endured all these — and much worse! — to bring you Blender’s list of the 50 most talentless music acts of all time. 50 IRON BUTTERFLY Everything bad about the ’60s, in one easy-to-avoid package Legend has it that this Los Angeles acid-rock quintet had consumed such massive amounts of marijuana during the 1968 sessions for “In the Garden of Eden” that keyboardist-singer Doug Ingle could only mumble the title. Hence, “In-a-Gadda-da-Vida” was born, and its unexpurgated 17-minute version (including a two-and-a- half-minute drum solo) inaugurated the dubious era of free-form FM radio. Appalling fact In-a-Gadda-da-Vida was the first LP ever to be certified platinum. Worst CD Sun and Steel (MCA, 1975) 49 TOAD THE WET SPROCKET Very poor name. Even poorer band “We were together longer than we ever thought we’d be,” said Toad the Wet Sprocket singer Glenn Phillips when the band gave up in 1998. Longer than the rest of us had hoped, too. But the California four-piece defied the odds for 12 years, even piercing the Top 40 with their R.E.M. readymades. Appalling fact Toad decided to have another go this year, playing dates with Counting Crows. Run. Worst CD Pale (Columbia, 1990) 48 MASTER P The dumbest of the Dirty South In the late ’90s, rapper and label head Percy Miller copycatted G-funk, simplified it and launched a fleet of indistinguishable MCs wrapped in cheap-looking, jewel-riddled artwork. P’s worst offense was his solo work (his obnoxious breakout single, “Make Em Say Ugh,” consisted of little more than a repeated groan). Like a crawfish-suckin’ P. Diddy, he has, shockingly, earned millions from his No Limit imprint, which includes a clothing line, a publishing house — and even a phone company. Appalling fact Master P had a Ferrari custom-painted in a Gucci-logo pattern. Worst CD Only God Can Judge Me (No Limit, 1999) 47 GOO GOO DOLLS Mediocre band, woeful balladeers Buffalo, New York’s Goo Goo Dolls are former garage-rockers who, since their 1995 acoustic hit “Name,” have successfully flogged a pallid brand of Bon Jovi–lite “rock.” “Iris,” their smash 1998 weepie, gives power ballads a bad name. Worst CD Gutterflower (Warner Bros., 2002) 46 THE SPIN DOCTORS Beards. Extended “jams.” Oh dear, oh dear For a brief time (between 1992 and 1996), it seemed that any workaday bar band, if it was willing to gamely trek around the country for at least three years, had a chance at superstardom (cf. Hootie and the Blowfish, Blues Traveler). Blame the Spin Doctors, hairy New Yorkers who — thanks to the supremely annoying “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” and “Two Princes” — momentarily opened a route between dive bars and the Billboard charts. Appalling fact The Doctors got together while they were students at New York’s New School of Jazz. Worst CD Homebelly Groove Live (Epic, 1992) 45 GIPSY KINGS The curse of many a late-’80s dinner party Having grown up on the French-Spanish border, the six cousins who formed Gipsy Kings craftily aspired to sell their mixture of flamenco, Eurotrash pop and questionable hairdos to a world desperate for something seemingly exotic. They seduced the über-rich at St. Tropez before hitching their wagon to the then-huge world-music boom, diluting the flamenco with drums, bass and even synthesizers. Soon, they became the Muzak in every bistro in the free world. Appalling fact Well-known groover George H.W. Bush was so fond of the Gipsy Kings that he asked them to perform at his inaugural presidential ball. For some reason, they declined. Worst CD Este Mundo (Elektra, 1991) 44 MANOWAR None more metal. None more gay An American answer to Judas Priest and Iron Maiden, Rochester, New York’s Manowar embody every conceivable heavy-metal cliché: Bodybuilders all, the four wear leather and animal pelts onstage; singer Eric Adams shrieks only of death, warfare and the glory of metal; Joey DeMaio performs solo bass renditions of “The Flight of the Bumblebee.” They’re quite possibly the most ludicrous people in rock & roll history. Appalling fact In 1993, Russian youth voted Manowar above the Beatles and Michael Jackson as the act they would most like to see perform live. Worst CD Sign of the Hammer (EMI, 1985) 43 MIKE & THE MECHANICS “Every generation blames the one before,” they sang. So we will While Phil Collins was torturing the world with his archetypal ’80s soft-rock, his Genesis colleague Mike Rutherford unwisely decided to join in. Ergo the Mechanics, a trio built around Rutherford, former Squeeze vocalist-keyboardist Paul Carrack and the late Paul Young. As shown by the 1989 number 1 hit “The Living Years,” an unbearably sentimental ode to Rutherford’s deceased father, they made Collins sound like the MC5. Appalling fact Against significant odds, there is a U.K.-based Mike & the Mechanics tribute band, the Living Years. Worst CD Beggar on a Beach of Gold (Virgin, 1995) 42 RICK WAKEMAN Can play two synthesizers at once — but nothing that people want to hear Keyboard “wizard” and professional cape wearer Wakeman’s diabolical taste revealed itself early, when he elected to join prog-rockers Yes instead of David Bowie’s backing band, the Spiders From Mars. Not content with contributing to Yes’s inexcusably pompous albums, he also spent the mid-’70s releasing a series of baroquely awful solo theme records, including The Myths and Legends of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. For reasons that are still unclear, he opted to perform that one on ice. Appalling fact While playing Yes songs live, Wakeman would wolf down curry during sections in which he had little to do. Worst CD Lisztomania (A&M, 1975) 41 WHITESNAKE Dumb and dumberer Led by ex–Deep Purple frontman David Coverdale, Whitesnake’s ’80s success with their karaoke Led Zeppelin routine can be explained only by the public’s enduring love for the double entendre, as exemplified on such songs as “Slide It In,” “Slow Poke Music” and “Spit It Out.” Worst CD Slip of the Tongue (Geffen, 1989) 40: Blind Melon A video made them:heroin undid them 39:Bob Geldof Should have stuck to saving the planet 38:Nelson Not even a traumatic hollywood childhood could make this duo interesting 37:The Doors He was the Lizard King, No really... 36:98 Degress Well, there mothers must love them 35:Paul Oakenfold Hey,Mr. DJ: Keep your day job! 34:Live These U2 sound-alikes never did find what they were looking for 33:Japan An uncontestable argument against the '80's 32:The Hooters The great folk-rock scare 31:Arrested Development Too positive for their own good 30:Richard Marx The devil-king of MOR 29:Skinny Puppy The audience rarely sang along to "dogs***" 28:Crash Test Dummies They said Brad Robert's voice was so deep it could be heard only by whales.Not True, sadly 27:Color Me Badd These Oklahomans sang about sex. But they couldn't keep it up 26:Celion Dion One more reason to hate the french? 25:Jamiroquai The white, talentless Stevie Wonder 24:Bad English With ex-members of Journey! 23:Creed Whoever said the devil has all the best tunes was probably listening to Creed at the time 22:Primus "Care for some prog-rock with cartoon-character vocals on the side?" "No, thanks!" 21:The Alan Parsons Project The sound inside the head of Pink Floyd's engineer. Zzzzzzzzz....... 20:Howard Jones He came from England. Thanks, England 19:Dan Fogelberg Giving male sensitivity a bad name--one song at a time 18:Pat Boone With his clean white bucks, he made rock & roll safe for '50s nerds 17:Benzino He rapped, he co-owned 16:Oingo Boingo Artless art-rock 15:Yanni Fabio meets Tesh! 14:Yngwie Malmsteen Big on solos, short on songs 13:Mick Jagger Even Bill Wyman laughs at Mick's solo records 12:Tin Machine David Bowie's darkest (non-acting) hour 11:Latoya Jackson The least talented Jackson 10:Air Supply The sound of eunuchs sobbing 9:Lee Greenwood Gives patriotism a bad name 8:Vanilla Ice The white boy to end all white boys 7:Asia Ridicules album sleeves, virtuoso playing, souless rock. It can be only one band 6:Kansas Beware all bands named after states or continents! 5:Starship They built this city on rock & roll. And crap! 4:Kenny G This guy really blows! 3:Michael Bolton Otis Redding died for this? 2:Emerson, lake & Palmer Welcome back, my friends, to the second-worst band in history! 1:Insane Clown Posse...... They sound even stupider than they look.... There is a some funny commentary on why they suck and all that in the mag(like 50-41 up there) but I'm not typing all that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bmr31 Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Thats a cool list. The doors should NOT be on that, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Be Good Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Thats a cool list. The doors should NOT be on that, though. YOU tell him , Gashy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Be Good Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 IRON Butterfly.......DID they sing "In the Garden of Eaden" I heard it on the Simpsons once........THE name sounds familiar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GASHWOUND Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 YOU tell him , Gashy Please, don't call me gashy..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GASHWOUND Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 IRON Butterfly.......DID they sing "In the Garden of Eaden" I heard it on the Simpsons once........THE name sounds familiar Of course..I love that song Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bmr31 Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Please, don't call me gashy..... But u seem so "pretty" when we call you gashy...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cali Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Alright, nobody I listen to on that list Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Be Good Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Please, don't call me gashy..... HOW bout if I spell it like: Gashie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GASHWOUND Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 IRON Butterfly.......DID they sing "In the Garden of Eaden" I heard it on the Simpsons once........THE name sounds familiar And it's sang.....In-a--gadda-da-vida Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GASHWOUND Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 Alright, nobody I listen to on that list I like some of the songs some of those bands have done....Doors, I liked a couple of those Creed songs...I liked the IronButterfly song...That one song by LIVE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GASHWOUND Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 HOW bout if I spell it like: Gashie No Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiff Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 I agree with most of that, I was just thinking the other day of how ICP fell off the map. But wtf are the doors doing on that list? Are they f***ing retarded? Light My Fire, Break on Through, The End, Riders on the Storm--just to name a few--are head and shoulders above anything on the list, and most of the crap on the radio today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bmr31 Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 I agree with most of that, I was just thinking the other day of how ICP fell off the map. But wtf are the doors doing on that list? Are they f***ing retarded? Light My Fire, Break on Through, The End, Riders on the Storm--just to name a few--are head and shoulders above anything on the list, and most of the crap on the radio today. One other thing. The doors were YEARS, many years, ahead of their time with their sound and style. They are not one of my favorites of all time, but they were a very good band. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hotsoxchick1 Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 iron butterfly and the doors.... geez gash... i usually agree but with those two on the list i dont think so... those are classics.. the rest of the list is cool though.. not much i like on there... on...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GASHWOUND Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 I agree with most of that, I was just thinking the other day of how ICP fell off the map. But wtf are the doors doing on that list? Are they f***ing retarded? Light My Fire, Break on Through, The End, Riders on the Storm--just to name a few--are head and shoulders above anything on the list, and most of the crap on the radio today. Here's what they said.... "While in college, many young men still choose to immerse themselves in such ill-advised subjects as Nietzsche, black magic and native American folklore. Most get over it; Jim Morrison, unfortunately, inflicted his terminally adolescent views on wider world. The consequences included over blown screeds of nonsense such as "The End" and "The Crystal Ship," plus, effectively, the invention of goth.Then he got fat and dies." Appalling fact: Morrison is widely believed to have suffered his fatal heart attack while masturbating in his bathtub Worst CD: The Soft Parade(Elektra, 1969) If anyone else wants to know what they said about a particular band, just let me know and I'll put it up.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cali Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 I remember back in 8th back in '98, all of the sudden, all these kids in my class started listening to the Doors, Beatles, and Hendrix. I just didn't get it. That's my Mom's music. I could never listen to any of them, I've tried I just don't get it? I guess it's because I didn't live through the 60's or do Drugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GASHWOUND Posted August 13, 2003 Author Share Posted August 13, 2003 iron butterfly and the doors.... geez gash... i usually agree but with those two on the list i dont think so... those are classics.. the rest of the list is cool though.. not much i like on there... on...... Hey, don't blame me..blame Blender mag..they did the list Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiff Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Here's what they said.... "While in college, many young men still choose to immerse themselves in such ill-advised subjects as Nietzsche, black magic and native American folklore. Most get over it; Jim Morrison, unfortunately, inflicted his terminally adolescent views on wider world. The consequences included over blown screeds of nonsense such as "The End" and "The Crystal Ship," plus, effectively, the invention of goth.Then he got fat and dies. Appalling fact: Morrison is widely believed to have suffered his fatal heart attack while masturbating in his bathtub Worst CD: The Soft Parade(Elektra, 1969) If anyone else wants to know what they said about a particular band, just let me know and I'll put it up.. ah that makes no sense at all. even if you didn't agree with what he was saying, the music was still good. no way they're in the worst 50 of all-time, but who am i to argue with blender magazine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hotsoxchick1 Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 I remember back in 8th back in '98, all of the sudden, all these kids in my class started listening to the Doors, Beatles, and Hendrix. I just didn't get it. That's my Mom's music. I could never listen to any of them, I've tried I just don't get it? I guess it's because I didn't live through the 60's or do Drugs you dont have to do drugs to get it...just listen......youll catch on ......ill bet your mom says some of the same things about your music but gives it a try anyhow........i listen to my kids music and they listen to mine..... its a trade off..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hotsoxchick1 Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Hey, don't blame me..blame Blender mag..they did the list well :fyou them.. they have no clue on those two...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bmr31 Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 I remember back in 8th back in '98, all of the sudden, all these kids in my class started listening to the Doors, Beatles, and Hendrix. I just didn't get it. That's my Mom's music. I could never listen to any of them, I've tried I just don't get it? I guess it's because I didn't live through the 60's or do Drugs How could you POSSIBLY be into music and not get it? I personally dont LOVE any of those bands, but they were Pioneers to Rock n roll. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cali Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 you dont have to do drugs to get it...just listen......youll catch on ......ill bet your mom says some of the same things about your music but gives it a try anyhow........i listen to my kids music and they listen to mine..... its a trade off..... Nope, not at all. She thought the Doors sucked, and we're never cool. But she did like Jim Morrison, the personality. And thought it was wierd that my peers listened to that music, because, my older sister(23) and Mom listened to the same stuff, but definately not my generation. Also I would never subject my Mom to listening to my music. She stays away from my music, I stay away from hers. My opinion is that I understand and respect what those bands did to pop culture, and how they influenced so many band, and probably some that I listen to, but that doesn't mean I have to like them, or get accosted by people(not you guys) for not liking them. It'll be weird if my kids we're listening to Alice in Chains, or Soundgarden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cali Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 How could you POSSIBLY be into music and not get it? I personally dont LOVE any of those bands, but they were Pioneers to Rock n roll. Ha, that's funny, I was writing my responce for a while, and actually answered you question without even knowing it. Must be psychic. Anyways, I meant I didn't get why they we're listening to them. It didn't last long I'll tell you that, by the time 9th grade rolled around they weren't listening anymore. Now that I think about it, a lot of those kids that we're into them didn't make it throught High School Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hotsoxchick1 Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 Nope, not at all. She thought the Doors sucked, and we're never cool. But she did like Jim Morrison, the personality. And thought it was wierd that my peers listened to that music, because, my older sister(23) and Mom listened to the same stuff, but definately not my generation. Also I would never subject my Mom to listening to my music. She stays away from my music, I stay away from hers. My opinion is that I understand and respect what those bands did to pop culture, and how they influenced so many band, and probably some that I listen to, but that doesn't mean I have to like them, or get accosted by people(not you guys) for not liking them. It'll be weird if my kids we're listening to Alice in Chains, or Soundgarden. whats so weird about it .. my kids listen to alice in chains and i did too before i let them buy it... i try to understand their tastes and likes .. its our way of bonding i guess........we swap music all the time... and i really dont mind it........gives me variety .......to each their own i guess....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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