The SoxTalk All-Time Greatest Hits

[Quin]

So, I thought this would be a fun idea. How about a thread where you post your all time favorite posts by other posters?

 

My favorite is still this (for selfish reasons):

 

 

And I did just that. I couldn't in good conscious let this horrendous atrocity continue. I might have kids someday. In fact, I'll provide transcripts of my conversation:

 

DCFS: Department of Children and Family Services, this is Agnus, how may I assist you today?

 

Me: Yes, I would like to report some continuous abuse that I've been observing for the last few weeks.

 

Agnus: Ok, Sir. Can I get your first and last name, please?

 

Me: My name is Jordan4life.

 

Agnus: Jordanforlife?

 

Me: Yes

 

Agnus: OK, sir...can I get your date of birth?

 

Me: 4-1-83

 

Agnus: OK, sir, go right on ahead and tell me what's going on.

 

Me: Yes, there's this gentleman that goes by the name of Quinarvy. And I've observed him repeatedly, I mean at will, abusing another person, I'm assuming a 12-year old child, by the name of VictoryMC98.

 

Agnus: So you say the two parties in question go by the name of Quinarvy and VictoriMC98?

 

Me: That is correct.

 

Agnus: OK, continue.

 

Me: This has been happening every day for weeks now. I don't really know this Quinarvy guy. But this seems to be, like, deliberate and elaborate on his part. Like he's personally picked this child out. You know, like a predator or a big anaconda that stalks its prey? I've never seen anything like it before.

 

Agnus: Wow, this does sound serious.

 

Me: Yes, I know. I'm a hard-working american citizen. I don't smoke or drink. I'm totally against sex before marriage. I go to Church every Monday, Friday and Sunday. I could no longer look at myself in the mirror and no that such domination was talking place in which one human being was, just, I mean, I can't even explain it. Have you ever seen Roots?

 

Agnus: Roots? I don't think I have.

 

Me: Well, in this film, the lead darkie or black guy, gets his foot chopped off when he tries to escape. That's how severe of ownage this is.

 

Agnus: OK, sir. I really appreciate you coming forward. I need you to go a little more into detail now. This might be hard. But I'm going to need some graphic details as I type up this report.

 

Me: That's what I'm here for. OK, there's this message board by the name of Soxtalk.

 

Agnus: Soxtalk?

 

Me: Yes, Soxtalk. Just a bunch of White Sox fans that converge together and discuss the team. And this guy, who I'm assuming is a child, just kinda comes out of nowhere the last month or so and starts postin' jibberish. Like he's trying to impose his will on the board.

 

Agnus: Jibberish?

 

Me: That's basically slang for bulls***.

 

Agnus: I see. Are you sure Victory is a minor?

 

Me: You wouldn't even ask that if you had observed his writings. And quinarvy just abuses him, you know, intellectually. Like you know how they say never bring a knife to a gun fight? Victory apparently doesn't understand that and for some reason tries to challenge Quinarvy even though he's just not equipped.

 

Agnus: Ok, sir. Now when did you observe the physical abuse?

 

Me: Physical? I didn't say that. This is message board abuse. Just one poster clearly getting the best of another. Abuse is abuse, right?

 

Agnus: Wait, you called DCFS up to report message board abuse?

 

Me: I felt it was my duty.

 

Agnus: OK, sir. Can you hold please?

 

Me: No problem

 

***About 5 minutes goes by***

 

***Really loud banging on the door***

 

Inaudible -

 

Inaudible

Police: Open up! You're being charged with filing a fake abuse report!

 

Call abruptly ends

 

[Buehrle>Wood]

Where's our Liriano?

 

 

I don't think a post ruffled up the board quite like that one.

[Swingandalongonetoleft]

I will walk around the stadium tomorrow in my Viciedo shirt yelling "fock this club. I should manayer."

Edited April 23, 2012 by Swingandalongonetoleft