Asking her Father/Popping the Question

[Leonard Zelig]

My wife and I had already decided to get married, but she insisted that I tell her dad. He is retired, but is a crossing guard for a school in their town. I went up to his corner and told him that we were going to get married. He was very happy and I think he really appreciated that I did it.

[witesoxfan]

I clobbered my soon-to-be wife over the head with a club. As I dragged her past her families' cave, I nodded and grunted to her father. He nodded and grunted back.

 

This is so awesome

[pettie4sox]

It's a man's daughter! It's just respectful to do because a father wants to know who will be taking care of his little girl the rest of her days (knock on wood). I second what

Illinikrush said.

[greg775]

Yeah, if anything I'd be telling...

 

UNLESS I expected financial contributions for the wedding.

I think this is important as well. If dad has to fork out big bucks for a wedding, it would be nice to ask/tell him. You mentioned golf. If you both like to golf, I'd do it that way. Ask him early in the round. Might be good bonding story later.

 

This is so awesome

 

That really was an awesome, awesome caveman post.

[Joxer_Daly]

Goin to dinner with him, it won't be a big deal, just throwing the question out there!

 

Best of luck with it and everything that follows.

[G&T]

It's a man's daughter! It's just respectful to do because a father wants to know who will be taking care of his little girl the rest of her days (knock on wood). I second what

Illinikrush said.

 

Eh, to me it's more about the daughter. Some women like that you have respect for her parents like that and others will be offended that asking permission is some type of property transaction. So I did it because I figured my wife would want me to. I was right.

[Chi Town Sox]

Best of luck with it and everything that follows.

 

Thanks from across the pond! Was supposed to be there this past weekend for my cousins wedding but couldn't make it..

 

[bmags]

Just to add some more thoughts,

 

I didn't ask for permission, I just went ahead of time to let them know I was about to propose.

[Iwritecode]

My wife has a real tenuous relationship with her parents so neither one of us even thought about asking for permission. Her having a kid 2 months after she graduated HS didn't exactly make me their favorite person either.

 

When we finally did get married we had already bought a house together and had 2 kids. So it was just a formality at that point.

 

[StrangeSox]

"Asking for permission" sounds creepy; it isn't theirs to give.

[Steve9347]

"Asking for permission" sounds creepy; it isn't theirs to give.

I considered it more of a "respectful notification". I didn't ask, I told.

[iamshack]

"Asking for permission" sounds creepy; it isn't theirs to give.

It's not really asking for permission...it is usually considered to be asking for their blessing...meaning if you don't get it, you still do it anyways

[Jenksismyhero]

It's just an outdated tradition. Nowadays you end up dating the same person for a year or seven before proposing (poor college student/poor law student, no money for a ring in my case), you meet the family for holidays and sometimes you even move in with that person beforehand. You become married before getting married so there's no reason to give the family a heads up. Unless you're doing it really early they should expect that to be the logical next step.

 

[iamshack]

It's just an outdated tradition. Nowadays you end up dating the same person for a year or seven before proposing (poor college student/poor law student, no money for a ring in my case), you meet the family for holidays and sometimes you even move in with that person beforehand. You become married before getting married so there's no reason to give the family a heads up. Unless you're doing it really early they should expect that to be the logical next step.

Ahhh luvvv it when you analyze...

[EvilMonkey]

My wife had already been out on her own for about 5 years, and we knew there would be no financial contribution from her father towards the wedding, so I felt no need to ask ahead of time. Besides, the first time I asked was on a whim at a New Years Eve party. She said yes, but I didn't have a ring, so we didn't tell anyone yet and I asked her every day from that point forward until I could afford a ring. Thank god it only took me about 2 months, not sure how much longer she would have kept saying yes.

[Y2HH]

I'm with Sqwert on this one. I didn't ask anyone but my wife to marry me. This is our life.

 

I find the whole asking the father somewhat silly anyway. To me, it's completely shallow/fake "respect", and I say this as a father of two daughters. What are you going to do if he says no? Walk away? Doubtful. Odds are you're going to marry her anyway, showing this to be nothing more than a fake respect thing in the first place. I dislike fake.

[iamshack]

I'm with Sqwert on this one. I didn't ask anyone but my wife to marry me. This is our life.

 

I find the whole asking the father somewhat silly anyway. To me, it's completely shallow/fake "respect", and I say this as a father of two daughters. What are you going to do if he says no? Walk away? Doubtful. Odds are you're going to marry her anyway, showing this to be nothing more than a fake respect thing in the first place. I dislike fake.

Let's revisit this in about 20 years...

[Y2HH]

Let's revisit this in about 20 years...

 

We don't have to revisit in 20 years. I already believe it's "fake", so why would it matter to me? If I say no, they're not going to just break up...so it's all fake.

 

Oh, and for the record, the answer is no. No asshat guy is good enough for my daughters, not now, not in 20 years. So when they ask, and I say no, and they still get married, it'll show exactly how much it the fathers blessing doesn't mean.

[IlliniKrush]

I'm with Sqwert on this one. I didn't ask anyone but my wife to marry me. This is our life.

 

I find the whole asking the father somewhat silly anyway. To me, it's completely shallow/fake "respect", and I say this as a father of two daughters. What are you going to do if he says no? Walk away? Doubtful. Odds are you're going to marry her anyway, showing this to be nothing more than a fake respect thing in the first place. I dislike fake.

First of all, if you have any doubt in his answer, you probably shouldn't be asking in the first place, for one reason or another.

 

Both my father in law and my wife found it very respectful. Maybe it's not for everyone, but some people really appreciate it.

[Y2HH]

First of all, if you have any doubt in his answer, you probably shouldn't be asking in the first place, for one reason or another.

 

Both my father in law and my wife found it very respectful. Maybe it's not for everyone, but some people really appreciate it.

 

Like I said, fake respect.

 

Basically, you're saying unless you know for sure he's going to say yes, to not bother asking. That, once again, goes back to my original point. Are you going to break up with this girl because you know the father doesn't approve? No, you aren't. IMO, it's "respect" in the lightest, shallowest meaning of the word.

 

You only asked because you knew the answer was yes. This is a dog and pony show of respect as far as I'm concerned.

 

Had his answer been no, are you telling me you wouldn't have married her anyway? If you claim you would have broken things off right there, I don't believe you for a second.

Edited April 11, 2013 by Y2HH

[pettie4sox]

People probably know what the father's going to say before hand but it's all subjective. If both parties are satisfied with whatever they decide, that's the more important aspect.

[iamshack]

Like I said, fake respect.

 

Basically, you're saying unless you know for sure he's going to say yes, to not bother asking. That, once again, goes back to my original point. Are you going to break up with this girl because you know the father doesn't approve? No, you aren't. IMO, it's "respect" in the lightest, shallowest meaning of the word.

 

You only asked because you knew the answer was yes. This is a dog and pony show of respect as far as I'm concerned.

 

Had his answer been no, are you telling me you wouldn't have married her anyway? If you claim you would have broken things off right there, I don't believe you for a second.

It's not about "asking."

 

It's more a matter of telling her father you care enough about his daughter that you want to marry her and basically replace him as her chief male caretaker...I believe it is respectful to do so, even if he doesn't particularly care for you.

 

Many fathers begrudgingly respect their son-in-laws because of the way the son-in-laws care for and treat their daughter.

 

I think that is what it is about, more so than a permission concept.

[Y2HH]

It's not about "asking."

 

It's more a matter of telling her father you care enough about his daughter that you want to marry her and basically replace him as her chief male caretaker...I believe it is respectful to do so, even if he doesn't particularly care for you.

 

Many fathers begrudgingly respect their son-in-laws because of the way the son-in-laws care for and treat their daughter.

 

I think that is what it is about, more so than a permission concept.

 

Oh, I completely get it. I just find it shallow and nothing more than a dog and pony show.

 

And since you love tradition so much, if you do this, I sure hope you waited until you were married to have sex for the first time, too. Oh, wait, you like one tradition but not the other? I forgot...it's all about respect.

Edited April 11, 2013 by Y2HH

[bmags]

Oh, I completely get it. I just find it shallow and nothing more than a dog and pony show.

 

I understand your viewpoint, but dog and pony show and weddings go hand in hand.

[Y2HH]

I understand your viewpoint, but dog and pony show and weddings go hand in hand.

 

I can only take so much pomp and circumstance. I'll concede the wedding scam. But don't pretend to give a crap about my blessing, that's all I ask.