Asking her Father/Popping the Question

[pettie4sox]

Oh, I completely get it. I just find it shallow and nothing more than a dog and pony show.

 

And since you love tradition so much, if you do this, I sure hope you waited until you were married to have sex for the first time, too. Oh, wait, you like one tradition but not the other? I forgot...it's all about respect.

 

This does not bode well.

[witesoxfan]

Oh, I completely get it. I just find it shallow and nothing more than a dog and pony show.

 

And since you love tradition so much, if you do this, I sure hope you waited until you were married to have sex for the first time, too. Oh, wait, you like one tradition but not the other? I forgot...it's all about respect.

 

Some girls really like that and, in a lot of cases, I think it serves as a confidence booster too. If you've asked the father for his blessing, and he's given it to you (begrudingly or otherwise), you'll go into the proposal itself with a full head of steam.

 

It really is to each their own. If you do it, great; if you don't do it, great - just make sure you're happy.

[Steve9347]

Both my father in law and my wife found it very respectful. Maybe it's not for everyone, but some people really appreciate it.

This.

[pettie4sox]

Some girls really like that and, in a lot of cases, I think it serves as a confidence booster too. If you've asked the father for his blessing, and he's given it to you (begrudingly or otherwise), you'll go into the proposal itself with a full head of steam.

 

It really is to each their own. If you do it, great; if you don't do it, great - just make sure you're happy.

 

I already said that you thief.

[Jenksismyhero]

It's not about "asking."

 

It's more a matter of telling her father you care enough about his daughter that you want to marry her and basically replace him as her chief male caretaker...I believe it is respectful to do so, even if he doesn't particularly care for you.

 

Many fathers begrudgingly respect their son-in-laws because of the way the son-in-laws care for and treat their daughter.

 

I think that is what it is about, more so than a permission concept.

 

SEXIST!

[IlliniKrush]

Like I said, fake respect.

 

Basically, you're saying unless you know for sure he's going to say yes, to not bother asking. That, once again, goes back to my original point. Are you going to break up with this girl because you know the father doesn't approve? No, you aren't. IMO, it's "respect" in the lightest, shallowest meaning of the word.

 

You only asked because you knew the answer was yes. This is a dog and pony show of respect as far as I'm concerned.

 

Had his answer been no, are you telling me you wouldn't have married her anyway? If you claim you would have broken things off right there, I don't believe you for a second.

No, I'm saying that if her father doesn't approve of you, you have a bigger issue at hand.

 

I didn't have to worry about it, it was 0% chance he said no. It was more of what shack said above.

[Y2HH]

No, I'm saying that if her father doesn't approve of you, you have a bigger issue at hand.

 

I didn't have to worry about it, it was 0% chance he said no. It was more of what shack said above.

 

I don't think fathers ever truly approve of the guys "doing" their daughters. They just accept it, with great reluctance. As I will be forced to do. I think they chose to ignore that reality, even when grandkids are produced, they convince themselves a stork brought them, versus this creep violating their innocent daughters.

[Leonard Zelig]

I don't think fathers ever truly approve of the guys "doing" their daughters. They just accept it, with great reluctance. As I will be forced to do. I think they chose to ignore that reality, even when grandkids are produced, they convince themselves a stork brought them, versus this creep violating their innocent daughters.

 

Tell us about your relationship with your father in law.

[IlliniKrush]

I don't think fathers ever truly approve of the guys "doing" their daughters. They just accept it, with great reluctance. As I will be forced to do. I think they chose to ignore that reality, even when grandkids are produced, they convince themselves a stork brought them, versus this creep violating their innocent daughters.

I wouldn't call it "violating" if you're married and it's wanted, and you're producing a baby too, but that's just me. I'm not a father yet, but I feel I'd rather have a daughter married to someone I approve of and getting "violated" rather than the guy of the month she brings over every holiday. The quicker that happens, the better for all of us.

[Y2HH]

I wouldn't call it "violating" if you're married and it's wanted, and you're producing a baby too, but that's just me. I'm not a father yet, but I feel I'd rather have a daughter married to someone I approve of and getting "violated" rather than the guy of the month she brings over every holiday. The quicker that happens, the better for all of us.

 

Oh, I agree. I'm merely pointing out that it's all based on a, "well...she could be with worse", scale. Yes, I'd rather one guy over the next, but the thought of any causes my brain to blue screen and reboot.

[Y2HH]

Tell us about your relationship with your father in law.

 

It's actually quite good. But like I said, I think he ignores most of those aspects. I understand it's a reality, a reality I will deal with myself...but it's not a reality you actually want to think about.

[Texsox]

We decided to go get a certificate of common law marriage so we could have the rights and benefits. No permission necessary. My first wife i followed the asking first route. It seemed cool, I liked the tradition. Although I don't recall if I told him or asked.

[GoodAsGould]

If I end up asking the girl I'm with to ever marry me I think I'd ask her mom over her dad or at least both together. She is the head of the household anyway and much less akward.

[greg775]

This is a great thread. It's actually why I like this message board. You get a true feeling of somebody's personality in a thread like this.

[SoxAce]

I clobbered my soon-to-be wife over the head with a club. As I dragged her past her families' cave, I nodded and grunted to her father. He nodded and grunted back.

 

This post needs more love. It's even funnier since BigEdWalsh is like 60.

 

First of all, if you have any doubt in his answer, you probably shouldn't be asking in the first place, for one reason or another.

 

Both my father in law and my wife found it very respectful. Maybe it's not for everyone, but some people really appreciate it.

 

Exactly. I feel the same way.

[StrangeSox]

SEXIST!

Well yeah the tradition pretty much is, an adult woman's father isn't her primary caretaker and permission isn't the father's to give.

 

Edit sexist isn't the right word, patriarchal would be accurate.

Edited April 12, 2013 by StrangeSox

[LittleHurt05]

My wife's father passed away before I had ever met my wife. I did ask her mom for permission, they are a close family and my wife wanted me to. She is out in CA, so just gave her a quick phone call.

 

As people have said, it's just kind of a respect thing, not actual permission like it may have been 100 years ago. Of course it depends on the family, I know of plenty of cases where the girl would have been upset if the guy DID ask her dad's permission.

[Texsox]

Oh, I completely get it. I just find it shallow and nothing more than a dog and pony show.

 

And since you love tradition so much, if you do this, I sure hope you waited until you were married to have sex for the first time, too. Oh, wait, you like one tradition but not the other? I forgot...it's all about respect.

 

Please, thank you, RSVPs, and most polite social conventions are all shallow, dog and pony shows. It seems however, those dog and pony shows separate our behavior from actual dogs and ponies.

[Texsox]

This post needs more love. It's even funnier since BigEdWalsh is like 60.

 

that is a solid post

[Y2HH]

Please, thank you, RSVPs, and most polite social conventions are all shallow, dog and pony shows. It seems however, those dog and pony shows separate our behavior from actual dogs and ponies.

 

Only on the surface, which is again, the point I'm making in the first place.

 

Separating human behavior from actual dogs/ponies/animals goes far beyond meaningless social conventions as far as I'm concerned. For example, I don't ask people "How you doing?" when I don't actually care how they're doing. I understand it's a social convention and a LOT of people do it, but that's why if you know me and hear me utter a commonly used social convention to you, you'll know I actually mean it.

 

What separates us from an animals is our moral code. We have one, with or without religion. Most of us won't rip your head off for very little reason. Not because you said, "have a good day" to me on an elevator, when you don't really care if I have a good day or not.

Edited April 12, 2013 by Y2HH

[StrangeSox]

some other higher-order animals seem to display concepts of right and wrong and fairness

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/animal...ence-in-animals

[witesoxfan]

I already said that you thief.

 

I have this thing where I take something someone else said, use more words that don't really add anything, and call it my own. I call it Plagiacasso

[Y2HH]

I have this thing where I take something someone else said, use more words that don't really add anything, and call it my own. I call it Plagiacasso

 

So, you're a great artist then?

[witesoxfan]

So, you're a great artist then?

 

You could say that I am a great artist, but perhaps saying that my art defines me and is what makes me great is more accurate.

 

(always be working)