Eminor3rd Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 http://www.fangraphs.com/not/that-time-the...price-is-right/ Click the link for the picture. Because it's September 20th and we're 60-92. “Dad, tell me one more.” “No, sweetie. It’s time for bed.” “Just one more! Please! Tell me the one about the White Sox on The Price is Right.” “It’s already past your bed time.” “Plllleeeeeeeease.” “OK. But then it’s lights out.” “I promise.” “A long time ago, back when you were just a baby fresh out of your mommy’s tummy, the White Sox had just won the World Series.” “They beat the Astroturfs!” “Close, Pumpkin. It was the Astros. Anyway, they had just beaten the Astros and won the World Series. Chicago was going crazy. People were yelling and dancing in the streets. Cars were honking their horns all over the place. Remember your uncle Pete? The one Mommy doesn’t let you see anymore? Well, he was so happy that he partied way too long and crashed his truck into an apartment building, and they took his drivers license away. Everybody was having a great time. The White Sox were heroes! So, after the parade, some of the White Sox went to California to relax and celebrate some more. They deserved a vacation. While they were in Los Angeles, they decided to go watch some game shows. Ballplayers love game shows. They watch them in the clubhouse all the time. And they wanted to see one in person. So, on their last day, they stood in line to watch The Price is Right. And wouldn’t you know it? When the show started, the announcer started calling their names. Mark Buehrle, come on down! Paul Konerko, come on down! Jermaine Dye, come on down! Ozzie Guillen, come on down! You’re the next contestants on The Price is Right!” “They must have been so excited!” “They were, Button. They were pumping their fists and high-fiving everyone. And they were even more excited when they won their bids and got on stage. Paul hugged Bob Barker so hard I thought he was gonna suffocate!” “Who’s Bob Barker, dad?” “He was the old host of the show. He was kind of a pervy dude, but he had a nice smile, so people liked him.” “Like Drew Carey!” “Kinda, but he was way older and had this obsession with pets making babies. Anyway, one by one, all the White Sox players got on stage. Mark won his game of Cliffhangers. Paulie lost on Master Key, but Jermaine won his game of Punch a Bunch. He was so strong, he almost broke the board!” “What about Ozzie?” “Well, dear, Ozzie had a bit of trouble with Plinko, and he used so many bad words that they had to cut his segment and played extra commercials. They didn’t even let him spin the wheel.” “Then what happened?” “Well, Jermaine spun 95 cents, so he got to go to the Showcase. He played against some regular person named Carol, I think. But fate was smiling on Jermaine that day, Honey. He guessed a really good price for his showcase. He guessed so well, that he was close enough to win BOTH SHOWCASES!” “How close was he?” “Would you believe it? He only missed the total by $31, the exact number of home runs he hit that year.” “NO WAY!” “WAY! So he won everything. The speed boat, the dining set, the tennis bracelet, and …” “A NEW CAR!” “That’s right, Sweetie. He won a brand new Cadillac. It was a great day.” “Where are all of them now, Dad?” “Well, Jermaine retired. He won’t make the Hall of Fame, but he was a great player. Mark plays in Canada now, and Paul is still playing here in Chicago, of course.” “What about Ozzie?” “Well, Ozzie got in a lot of fights with his boss, so he eventually got fired after a while. Then he got to manage in Florida, but said some things about a leader in another country who was a pretty mean guy. The people in Florida didn’t like it. He didn’t win as much as people expected, either, so he got fired again. He shows up on TV now and then, but he doesn’t manage any more.” “Well, it’s still a great story.” “It sure is. Good night, Sweetie. Oh, and hey — don’t tell your mom I told you about Uncle Pete, OK?” “Sure, Dad. Night. I love you.” “I love you too, Darling.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawkfan Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleHurt05 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I don't get it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsider2k5 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 QUOTE (LittleHurt05 @ Sep 20, 2013 -> 01:25 PM) I don't get it? Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kageman129 Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 Damn it, I thought this was going to be something good. Not a stupid, well, whatever that was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lasttriptotulsa Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 I'm confused. What the hell did I just read? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminor3rd Posted September 20, 2013 Author Share Posted September 20, 2013 Oh. Sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I love helping the youngsters with their homework. Paulie should have underbid, Ozzie should have just kept screaming "I have so much money I don't care if I win or not" and a bewildered Steve Perry keeps showing up but he doesn't know why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigEdWalsh Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Well, reading that beats the hell outta watching the White Sox, I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsider2k5 Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 QUOTE (BigEdWalsh @ Sep 24, 2013 -> 02:47 PM) Well, reading that beats the hell outta watching the White Sox, I guess. But then again, what doesn't... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witesoxfan Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 QUOTE (southsider2k5 @ Sep 24, 2013 -> 02:54 PM) But then again, what doesn't... Apparently, watching the Astros Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 Of the Rangers the past month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightni Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 QUOTE (Tex @ Sep 24, 2013 -> 06:08 PM) Of the Rangers the past month. Alex Rios appears to be some kind of unlucky charm. He succeeds individually while sucking the winning out of the ball club. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminor3rd Posted September 25, 2013 Author Share Posted September 25, 2013 QUOTE (knightni @ Sep 25, 2013 -> 07:28 AM) Alex Rios appears to be some kind of unlucky charm. He succeeds individually while sucking the winning out of the ball club. He's a warlock! His magic is based on absorbing the life force of his teammates! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightni Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 QUOTE (Eminor3rd @ Sep 25, 2013 -> 10:35 AM) He's a warlock! His magic is based on absorbing the life force of his teammates! I wondered... The Sox can't win because I think Dunn is one too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witesoxfan Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 QUOTE (knightni @ Sep 25, 2013 -> 11:00 AM) I wondered... The Sox can't win because I think Dunn is one too. No he is definitely an ogre. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightni Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Sep 25, 2013 -> 12:19 PM) No he is definitely an ogre. Too friendly for an ogre. More like a baseball incubus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminor3rd Posted September 25, 2013 Author Share Posted September 25, 2013 QUOTE (knightni @ Sep 25, 2013 -> 11:30 AM) Too friendly for an ogre. More like a baseball incubus. Incubus should have been his nickname Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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