THANK GOD Bill Melton works as a baseball announcer

[The Ultimate Champion]

All this Melty hate has me thinking what a great thing it is that Melty calls Sox webcasts and hosts postgame shows for a living instead of pretty much any other line up work. Because at the end of the day, this is just a game, the results don't really matter, all the fans are going to be drunk and/or are children, and all the players and managers and coaches and owners are making money.

 

But just think of how bad things would be if Melton had just about any another career.

 

Here's an example, Bill Melton the 911 operator.

 

Caller: I think my husband's having another heart attack! Please help!

Melty: What? A hemrrhoid attack? Put some cream on that...

Caller: A heart attack! Send an ambulance!

Melty (calls the fire department, tells them the guy is choking): Go ahead and give him the heimlich manuever.

 

Just one example, but imagine an armed robbery in progress. NO CHANCE Melty gets the house number right, probably not even the street name.

 

Or let's say Melty works as a waste water engineer.

 

Or a pilot.

 

Or s***, even mopping up the floors at YOUR grocery store.

 

Manager: WTF is that smell? What did you put in that bucket?

Melty: Whatever it was you told me to put in there, Chlorex or Cervix or whatever that was.

Manager: Chlorox? That doesn't smell like bleach...

Melty: Ketchup, that's what I put in there, just like you said.

 

Etc.

 

There are a million other things this guy could be doing that could potentially harm you, your family or friends, or any otherwise innocent person or animal. Good God imagine Melty as a veternarian. That would be a pet cemetary. Thankfully he only does baseball. Maybe you guys shouldn't be so hateful and should instead be grateful.

[ScottyDo]

Sounds like you enjoy laughing at Melton's ridiculous incompetence as much as the rest of us do I have no desire to see him replaced on Sox webcasts. He's hilariously terrible, what more could you ask for in a Spring Training game?

[The Ultimate Champion]

Melty the pilot "Goddamnit the goddamn autopilot won't shut off! Gimme a screwdriver!"

 

 

[LittleHurt05]

It's hard to believe one team may have the two worst announcers in all of baseball.

[The Ultimate Champion]

Melty the brain surgeon.

 

Nurse comes in, patient is lying there on the table with half his skull off sitting in an ashtray on the counter, brain is sitting there looking like a canteloupe, nurse's like "Where's the doctor?!"

 

Meanwhile Melty's in the break room kicking the s*** out of the vending machine trying to get his extra quarter back. Little does he know that he didn't put in enough money in the first place, and the object sitting in the dispenser actually isn't a bag of pretzels, it's an empty styrofoam cup which Melty himself placed there for god knows what reason.

[The Ultimate Champion]

It's hard to believe one team may have the two worst announcers in all of baseball.

One is Melty, the other is........?

 

Certainly NOT Hawk.

 

BTW a Melty-DJ tandem might be the funniest s*** to ever exist. No way DJ could go even 3 minutes without saying something.

 

I LUUUUV DJ.

 

Miss you already DJ.

[ILMOU]

Melty is perfect. If it ain't fixed, break it.

[Eminor3rd]

lol, POTY