Simpsons thread!

[Guest wsc425]

Hey all! lets all share simpsons stuff!!!

"Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss?" | "Hey, I'm looking for Amanda |

| | Huggenkiss! |

| | Ah, why can't I find Amanda |

| | Huggenkiss? |

| | |

| | Barney: "Maybe your standards |

| | are too high!" |

| | |

| | "You little S.O.B.! |

| | Why, when I find out who you |

| | are, |

| | I'm going to shove a sausage |

| | down your throat |

| | and stick starving dogs in |

| | your butt!" |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

| "Uh, is I.P. Freely here?" | "Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely! |

| | Wait a minute... |

| | Listen to me you lousy bum. |

| | When I get a hold of you, |

| | you're dead. |

| | I swear I'm gonna slice your |

| | heart in half!" |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

| "Uh, Jacques Strap!" | "Hey guys, I'm looking for a |

| | Jacques Strap! |

| | Oh, wait a minute...Jacques |

| | Strap? |

| | It's you isn't it ya cowardly |

| | little runt? |

| | When I get a hold of you, |

| | I'm gonna gut you like a fish |

| | and drink your blood!" |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

| "Hey, is there a Seymour Butz | "Seymour Butz? |

| here? " | Hey, everybody, I wanna |

| | Seymour Butz! |

| | Oh, wait a minute... |

| | Listen, you little |

| | scum-sucking pus-bucket! |

| | When I get my hands on you, |

| | I'm gonna put out your |

| | eyeballs with a corkscrew!" |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

| "Mike Rotch!" | "Mike Rotch! |

| | Hey, has anybody seen Mike |

| | Rotch lately? |

| | Listen to me, you little puke. |

| | One of these days, |

| | I'm going to catch you, |

| | and I'm going to carve my name |

| | on your back with an ice pick!" |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

| "Ivana Tinkle?" | "Ivana Tankle? |

| | All right, everybody, |

| | put down your glasses, |

| | Ivana Tinkle!" |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

| "Oliver Clothesoff!" | "Call for Oliver Clothesoff! |

| | Listen, you lousy bum, |

| | if I ever get a hold of you, |

| | I swear I'll cut your belly |

| | open!" |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

| | "Oh, so, you're looking for a |

| | Mr. Smithers, eh? |

| | First name Wayland, is it? |

| | Listen to me, you; |

| | when I catch you, I'm gonna |

| | pull out your eyes |

| | and stick 'em down your pants, |

| | so you can watch me kick the |

| | crap outta you, okay? |

| | Then I'm gonna use your tongue |

| | to paint my boat!" |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

| "Eura Snotball?" | "What? How dare you! |

| | If I find out who this is, |

| | I'll staple a flag to your |

| | butt and mail you to Iran!" |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

| | "Uh, hey, everybody! |

| | I'm a stupid moron with an |

| | ugly face and big butt |

| | and my butt smells and I like |

| | to kiss my own butt! |

| | Oh, wait a minute..." |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

| "Bea O'Problem!" | " Bea O'Problem! |

| | Come on, guys, do I have a Bea |

| | O'Problem here? |

| | Oh...it's you, isn't it? |

| | Listen, you. When I get a hold |

| | of you, |

| | I'm going to use your head for |

| | a bucket |

| | and paint my house with your |

| | brains!" |

+----------------------------------+---------------------------------+

 

 

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Bart's Blackboard Quotes

Here are all of Bart's Blackboard quotations that appear in the beginning of show when Bart is writing on the board at school. Episode numbers indicate the blackboard scene used when the episode was shown for the first time; in some cases, the one used in Canada is listed where it was "original" and the USA one was repeated.

Note that all quotes were originally in all capital letters, but any punctuation appears as it did in the original quotes. Openings are listed in the order in which they were first shown. If an episode is not listed, either it did not have a blackboard quote the first time it was shown, or it used a repeated opening.

"x" after an episode number indicates it took place during the episode.

"*" indicates a note:

 

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I will not waste chalk

 

I will not skateboard in the halls

 

I will not burp in class

 

I will not instigate revolution

 

I will not draw naked ladies in class

 

I did not see Elvis

 

I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"

 

Garlic gum is not funny

 

They are laughing at me, not with me

 

I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom

 

I will not encourage others to fly

 

I will not fake my way through life [x]

 

Tar is not a plaything

 

I will not Xerox my butt

 

It's potato, not potatoe (This was used for the second airing, a

reference to Dan Quayle's gaff while visiting a school) [*]

 

I will not trade pants with others

 

I am not a 32 year old woman (To put it another way, Nancy Cartwright

is not a 10-year-old boy) [*]

 

I will not do that thing with my tongue

 

I will not drive the principal's car

 

I will not pledge allegiance to Bart

 

I will not sell school property (Also used in 7F14 - the only episode

so far to use a "repeated" blackboard opening in its first showing) [*]

 

I will not cut corners (It actually looks like this:

I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS

" " " " " "

" " " " " " )

 

I will not get very far with this attitude

 

I will not make flatulent noises in class

 

I will not belch the National Anthem

 

I will not sell land in Florida

 

I will not grease the monkey bars

 

I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment

 

I will not do anything bad ever again

 

I will not show off (This was written in an "Olde English"-style font)

[*]

 

I will not sleep through my education

 

I am not a dentist

 

Spitwads are not free speech

 

Nobody likes sunburn slappers

 

High explosives and school don't mix

 

I will not bribe Principal Skinner [x]

 

I will not squeak chalk (Bart squeaks the chalk while writing this) [*]

 

I will finish what I start (This appears on one line; the rest is blank)

[*]

 

"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender

 

Underwear should be worn on the inside

 

The Christmas Pageant does not stink

 

I will not torment the emotionally frail

 

I will not carve gods

 

I will not spank others

 

I will not aim for the head

 

I will not barf unless I'm sick (Lisa has a blackboard punishment of

sorts during the episode; she has to clap erasers) [*]

 

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty [x]

 

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge

 

I will not conduct my own fire drills

 

Funny noises are not funny

 

I will not snap bras

 

I will not fake seizures

 

This punishment is not boring and pointless

 

My name is not Dr. Death

 

I will not defame New Orleans (New Orleans complained about the

opening song in "Oh, Streetcar!") [*]

 

I will not prescribe medication

 

I will not bury the new kid (During the episode, Marge wrote "I will

try to raise a better child") [*]

 

I will not teach others to fly

 

I will not bring sheep to class

 

A burp is not an answer

 

Teacher is not a leper

 

Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less and less legible; the

last line is a scrawl) [*]

 

I will not eat things for money

 

I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call

 

The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee

 

I will not call the principal "spud head"

 

Goldfish don't bounce

 

Mud is not one of the 4 food groups

 

No one is interested in my underpants

 

I will not sell miracle cures

 

I will return the seeing-eye dog

 

I do not have diplomatic immunity

 

I will not charge admission to the bathroom

 

I will never win an Emmy (This was the first episode after 1992-93

Emmy nominations were announced, the first time the show was eligible for "Best

Comedy Series", but it wasn't nominated (the show has won "Best Animated Show"

Emmys in the past) [*]

 

The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy

 

All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy (This was not written

"line by line" like the others) [*]

 

I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause

 

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers

 

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man (A reference to "The

Fugitive") [*]

 

I will not go near the kindergarten turtle

 

I am not deliciously saucy

 

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals

 

The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan

 

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (This was first used for

the 100th new episode) [*]

 

There are plenty of businesses like show business

 

I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major

League Baseball

 

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

 

Beans are neither fruit nor musical

[Chisoxfn]

Simpsons, now thats a classic cartoon.

 

I forget which one was on last night, but it was hillarious.

 

Wait, I remember, it was the one where Homer and Mr. Burns flea to Cuba with the trillion dollar bill.

 

Ahh, true classics.

[Cali]

can top this

 

"Greatest page of quotes EVER":D

[Cerbaho-WG]

Prison Rodeo!!!! ........................ Today!!!!

[CubsSuck1]

[Chisoxfn]

The Colors...Look at the Colors Children

[CubsSuck1]

Originally posted by Chisoxfn

The Colors...Look at the Colors Children

[doubleM23]

Little Kid: Can I play with it?

Frink: No! You wouldn't enjoy it on as many levels as I am.

 

Originally posted by Chisoxfn

The Colors...Look at the Colors Children

[doubleM23]

Though, if ya dig crazy Simpsons s***, www.snpp.com is the place.