Parents Stuck With Their Kids

[greg775]

One of my good friends has a son who just finished college. He has no job offers yet and wants to take his time looking. Graduation is over and he's already moved back home.

Coincidentally, today I heard on the radio that kids moving back home is VERY common and getting more common. Something like 50 percent of kids between the ages of 24 and 32 are living with their parents and the survey says they actually like it.

So my couple of questions to you is ...

• Why are parents allowing this? Is this what parents sign up for?

• Is this a byproduct of the pussification of raising kids? Participation trophies? Always making sure your kids were feeling "special" every day of their lives growing up? Is this the curse of that? I mean I would think at some point parents would rather their kids live on their own and the $$$ mill stops churning. Adult kids eat a lot of food and how long should the parents have to pay? Is little Johnny or Julie looking for the perfect job cause of how they were raised again, to feel special every moment of their lives? Sometimes it takes a less than perfect job to get experience and to motivate one to keep applying to land something even better. Life is kind of a process.

• Do any parents you know actually enjoy this? Are they glad adult Johnny and Julie have moved back home so they can continue telling them they are great and don't let anybody else tell them otherwise?

 

After hearing that on the radio I wondered if any of you have adult kids living at home or any of your buddies do?

What is your take on this new aspect of America. When I graduated college it was understood I was to get a job very very soon and indeed I moved out within a month of graduating. My dad never SAID it, but the implication was clear: Son I paid for your college tuition books and room and board and what did you do with that cash? Did you parlay it into a degree that can get you working ... NOW?? He didn't want to kick me out but I think he would have.

It only seems natural: You Live with parents; graduate; get taken off all your parents insurance policies; get a job/move out.

Please comment on this issue. Is it right for adult kids to move back in???? Is it no big deal? Should kids just blame the economy while looking for the perfect first job and continuing to eat Daddy's Doritos?

I actually say NO ... GET A JOB; START YOUR ADULT LIVES.

Edited May 26, 2016 by greg775

[Iwritecode]

My oldest will be 20 in August and she doesn't have plans to move out anytime soon. Mostly because she is working part-time and putting herself through the local community college. We'll see what happens after she actually gets her degree but full-time jobs are nearly non-existent in the low-skill places like fast-food and retail which is really all she is qualified for at the moment.

 

I also know someone who is mid 30's and still lives at home. He ran into some financial troubles a few years back and he's just now digging himself out of that hole and plans on getting a place by the end of the year. Should be interesting to see when it happens because I don't think his parents are going to handle it well.

Edited May 26, 2016 by Iwritecode

[EvilMonkey]

I kicked my oldest out when he was 19, after he dropped out of college and refused to seriously look for a job. The rules were we'll take care of you while you go to school as best we can, but if no school, you need a job or to be actively looking for one. There was also a lot of disrespect and lying going on at the time, so one day he came home, I handed him a suitcase and told him he had 30 minutes to leave. He now has a good job at Grainger and we get along better than any time in our lives, and he all but thanks me for throwing him out and making him wake up. He is now engaged and looking for a house. Younger kid is just ending junior year of high school, we'll see about that one in a year or so.

[GoSox05]

I definitively think it's the Participation trophies these kids get when they are 7. Pretty much ruins the lives of their whole families.

 

Some people will say it's the crippling debt that some college kids face when they are done with school, but I say no way, it's the Participation trophies.

Edited May 26, 2016 by GoSox05

[lostfan]

This is not at all uncommon outside the United States. But this really has more to do with young people being too saddled with student loan payments and the jobs everyone told them would be waiting when they finished college not being there to support themselves in their early 20s. It also seems that people older than, say, 45 have an exceptionally hard time comprehending because that's just not what the world was like when they were 19.

[EvilMonkey]

This is not at all uncommon outside the United States. But this really has more to do with young people being too saddled with student loan payments and the jobs everyone told them would be waiting when they finished college not being there to support themselves in their early 20s. It also seems that people older than, say, 45 have an exceptionally hard time comprehending because that's just not what the world was like when they were 19.

It's worse in Europe right now. Greece is pathetic.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2009/de...rental-home-ons

Edited May 26, 2016 by Alpha Dog

[NorthSideSox72]

I moved back home, briefly, when I was 25. I had moved from Colorado back to the Chicago area, didn't have a job or a place yet. Moved back into my parents' place, got a crappy job (but still a job) within 2 days. Then focused on getting a "real" job, which I did about 4 months later. Stayed a total of about 6 months, when I had enough for a deposit on an apartment in Evanston and moved out.

 

I don't think it's the worst thing in the world, and in many places outside the US (as was pointed out) it is quite common. Some people just have a hard time finding a good job, even if they are trying hard to. And yeah, there are also some in the "failure to launch" category that eventually need a kick in the ass. But I don't think that's all of them by any stretch.

 

[RockRaines]

My parents let me stay one year and then I had to go. That was it.

[lostfan]

It's worse in Europe right now. Greece is pathetic.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2009/de...rental-home-ons

I meant that Europeans, Africans, Latin Americans, and Asians live with their parents well into adulthood, sometimes their grandparents in the same household. We were different because our economy was different and there was the suburban expansion that came with it. Europe's in that recession they made worse and Greece is probably the worst off of all of them.

 

I know a few people who are 25, 26 etc. and they have full-time jobs, one is an engaged couple and live with their parents (just bought a house though). Post-high school and college is sooooo different for anybody born after about 1980 than it was for those born before. Some of the job listings are laughable, like "Bachelor's degree required, minimum 3 years experience, $11.25/hr"

 

There was a meme for this a couple years ago. http://www.quickmeme.com/Old-Economy-Steven/

Edited May 26, 2016 by Ezio Auditore

[StrangeSox]

It's worse in Europe right now. Greece is pathetic.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2009/de...rental-home-ons

 

IIRC it's more of a cultural norm in a lot of European countries for adult children to live at home until they're ready to marry and move out.

 

That article is from 2009, fwiw.

[EvilMonkey]

IIRC it's more of a cultural norm in a lot of European countries for adult children to live at home until they're ready to marry and move out.

 

That article is from 2009, fwiw.

Yeah, I know it was 2009, but I couldn't find the one about Greece that I recently read. They have a term of derision they call adults there that won't move out, but it is also in the article that i can't find.

[Texsox]

There are cultural and societal differences. At the other end of the spectrum are older Americans moving in with their kids. http://www.marketwatch.com/story/more-agin...kids-2014-11-18 http://www.aarp.org/money/budgeting-saving...-with-kids.html

 

 

[Kyyle23]

If my kid graduates and moves back in to try and save money for their own place I'm perfectly fine with that. If they don't graduate, come home and we work out a rent agreement, I'm ok with that too. There will be no freeloading, that is not going to be accepted.

[bmags]

Just a reminder that the modern generation has overcome basically every major actual deficient behavior yours did, to the point that you are now complaining that their main problem is they aren't loading up on debt to buy a house sooner:

http://www.vox.com/a/teens

[Texsox]

If my kid graduates and moves back in to try and save money for their own place I'm perfectly fine with that. If they don't graduate, come home and we work out a rent agreement, I'm ok with that too. There will be no freeloading, that is not going to be accepted.

 

So if the have a college degree they can stay rent free, without a college degree, they must pay rent? I like it. It's a nice incentive to finish college.

[Kyyle23]

So if the have a college degree they can stay rent free, without a college degree, they must pay rent? I like it. It's a nice incentive to finish college.

 

Of course there will be rules, but that's the gist, yea.

[Texsox]

What rent my son paid I gave back to him when he moved out. I don't know if he realized the amount of his housewarming gift happened to be just a little more than what he paid.

[illinilaw08]

If my kid graduates and moves back in to try and save money for their own place I'm perfectly fine with that. If they don't graduate, come home and we work out a rent agreement, I'm ok with that too. There will be no freeloading, that is not going to be accepted.

 

Let me preface this by saying I don't have kids, and never lived at home after school - but if I had a hypothetical kid who graduated college and was struggling to find work, I think I'd give them some leash. The amount of leash would depend on the effort and progress I saw on the job front (ie, are they willing to wait tables/bartend while they find something better). I'd also be cool with letting said hypothetical kid live at home to get a jump start on paying down school debt or starting a nice little emergency fund of their own - but that would be a short term (year or two) arrangement.

 

On a different point, my sister lived at home her first year out of school. My Dad took the "rent" money that she paid and put it in an IRA for her. Thought that was a pretty smart way to handle rent while living at home.

 

 

[dasox24]

I meant that Europeans, Africans, Latin Americans, and Asians live with their parents well into adulthood, sometimes their grandparents in the same household. We were different because our economy was different and there was the suburban expansion that came with it. Europe's in that recession they made worse and Greece is probably the worst off of all of them.

 

I know a few people who are 25, 26 etc. and they have full-time jobs, one is an engaged couple and live with their parents (just bought a house though). Post-high school and college is sooooo different for anybody born after about 1980 than it was for those born before. Some of the job listings are laughable, like "Bachelor's degree required, minimum 3 years experience, $11.25/hr"

 

There was a meme for this a couple years ago. http://www.quickmeme.com/Old-Economy-Steven/

Ha, I had never seen this before. Some of those are so true. Thanks for sharing.

 

Personally, I never lived at home after college. I accepted a job during my last semester of college, and then moved to Atlanta about a month after I graduated to start that job. I had no choice but to live on my own (with a roommate). And it was no problem. However, I have no issue with kids who want to move home and save money. One of my good buddies at work lived with his parents that first year, and he saved a boat load of money because of it.

[bmags]

I never lived at home either. But we did have a moment where we considered moving home for a year to save up for our house. And had we ever lost our jobs, we definitely were moving into the house.

[Chisoxfn]

If my kid graduates and moves back in to try and save money for their own place I'm perfectly fine with that. If they don't graduate, come home and we work out a rent agreement, I'm ok with that too. There will be no freeloading, that is not going to be accepted.

You summed up my stance. I lived in at home until I bought my own place...got along great with my parents and never really had any major concerns from a privacy perspective. I'm frugal so I enjoyed saving more money and I obviously cooked dinner during work weeks, etc., bought groceries for my family, cooked for them at times, contributed, etc. My view is, if my kids are saving for their own place, I'm more than happy to help them (while they are working and being productive members of society).

 

If they aren't, than my story would change. And I think a lot of people think it is just easy to find a career because back in there days a college degree meant everything was rosie. Problem is, everyone hears this story that college is going to make there dreams come true (and this has nothing to do with participation trophies) when the reality is the real world isn't easy and a college degree just means you are one of many (it is the high school degree of 30 years ago). I hope to educate my kids on that reality as they grow up, but I certainly want them to know there is no free lunch, things you want don't come easy and you got to work for what you want and that often times the real differentiater is the combination of smarts + work ethic (i.e., working harder than others who want the same thing).

 

That said, I was lucky, I had a full time career lined up a year before I graduated. And in my wife's culture, it is extremely common for the children to live at home.

[Jenksismyhero]

I have several friends that stayed at home into their mid to late 20's, even after they had really good career jobs. Their parents were not only fine with it, they preferred it. Those guys were able to pay off their student loans and save up a ton of money in the process. When they finally married their respective girlfriends and/or decided to move in with them, they were able to do it debt free and with enough cash for a sizeable down payment. I'm jealous they had that option. I never really did since I decided to go to law school and my now-wife and I moved in together so she could start her career.

 

[StrangeSox]

Yeah, I know it was 2009, but I couldn't find the one about Greece that I recently read. They have a term of derision they call adults there that won't move out, but it is also in the article that i can't find.

Greece is still doing pretty terribly economically, youth unemployment is over 30% there.

[Texsox]

I lived at home until I got married. My mom washed my clothes for my honeymoon

[kevo880]

I can totally understand people living with their parents initially after graduating high school or college. I didn't have a job lined up when I graduated college so the plan was to live with my parents until I found something and saved a little money. I'm from a really small town and ended up being bored to death. After about a month I moved to Denver, where my sister lived at the time, and took a sales job at a car dealership to pay for my living. Hated that and ended up leaving about 6 month later. Waited tables at Red Lobster until I finally started using my degree about 2 years after I graduated. If my parents had lived in a more urban area I definitely would have stayed with them so I wasn't constantly struggling to pay my bills. To be honest though, I appreciate what I have so much more now than I'm sure a lot of my friends that lived with their parents throughout most of their 20's. I wouldn't consider myself extremely frugal, but I think it has caused me to spend my money much more wisely than I would have if my 20's wouldn't have been a financial struggle.