Parents Stuck With Their Kids

[StrangeSox]

I hear stuff on the radio (haven't watched much TV the last year or so except sports) in the car and it intrigues me. Heard the item about all those kids living at home and it strikes me as very interesting. So I post bout it. It's life, not trolling.

Don't you listen to right wing talk radio like Limbaugh? Not exactly a reliable source of accurate information.

[LittleHurt05]

That shocks me. Mom and dad just sent you packing to a good college and said, "Deal with the costs?" For me, growing up in Chicago, later suburbia, any of my friends whose parents had a lot of cold, hard, cash definitely paid for their kids' college. In my case I had summer jobs and stuff and paid for all my incidentals, but yes I was spoiled by daddy in that regard. Free room, board, tuition, books and even made sure I had some money in the bank.Like chisox said I think he felt it was his responsibility to get me through and yes hoped I could pass it down.

Now being a successful businessman and kind of a mean guy, not a patsy, he monitored what was going on with my grades, etc. And he made it clear no five year plan for me. Four years baby. I think as long as he felt he wasn't taken advantage of, five, six year plan, he'd dish out the costs of college.

 

If you look up hypocrisy in the dictionary. ..

 

[Steve9347]

The people that tend to scream at how hard they work tend to be those incredibly out of touch with the efforts of those around them. Not surprised you are drawn to that.

I never said I was anything special. I get tired of the loudest voices coming from those who expect to have things handed to them. I don't think studying for interviews is a unique or novel idea. I feel like it's a requirement. I am shocked at how many people don't do that.

 

My point also remains that these kids just keep staying in college longer with no real purpose and act like the people graduating the last 15 years didn't also have student loan debt. It's very confusing.

[dasox24]

That shocks me. Mom and dad just sent you packing to a good college and said, "Deal with the costs?" For me, growing up in Chicago, later suburbia, any of my friends whose parents had a lot of cold, hard, cash definitely paid for their kids' college. In my case I had summer jobs and stuff and paid for all my incidentals, but yes I was spoiled by daddy in that regard. Free room, board, tuition, books and even made sure I had some money in the bank.Like chisox said I think he felt it was his responsibility to get me through and yes hoped I could pass it down.

Now being a successful businessman and kind of a mean guy, not a patsy, he monitored what was going on with my grades, etc. And he made it clear no five year plan for me. Four years baby. I think as long as he felt he wasn't taken advantage of, five, six year plan, he'd dish out the costs of college.

This more or less happened to me. My parents helped pay for some costs my first semester of college to get things going, and then after that, they didn't pay a dime for my school or living expenses. Between loans, scholarships, and working, I was able to afford the rest and give them a break to spend money on themselves. I felt like once I had the means to cover my own expenses, I didn't want them doing it for me anymore. There were two exceptions for this: they did pay for my cell phone bill (family plan) and my car insurance (again, bundled with their's). I paid for my actual car, though, and any of the maintenance costs associated with it.

 

With all that said, I'm incredibly grateful for the life my parents gave me growing up. I still didn't understand how much money my parents spent on me (and my siblings) until I got into the real world and had to pay all of my own expenses. I don't have any kids, but I can tell they are expensive as hell.

[dasox24]

Yeah but my thread was about the parents. Not many on here are thinking maybe ol mom and pop want a break from the $$$ it takes to raise kids and Johnny and Julie are letting them down moving in.

Fair point. But I don't think these parents would be allowing it if they truly didn't want to. I know for a fact my parents would be cool with it if I moved home. I was thinking about going back to school and my mom was giving me the hard-sell on going to school in Houston so that I could be close to them, but also live with them if I wanted to.

 

Sure, there is probably a small percentage of parents that feel obligated to allow their kids to move back home and let them live there for free, even if they really didn't want to. But I do think that most parents would put their foot down if they really didn't want their kids "freeloading."

Edited May 27, 2016 by dasox24

[The Beast]

This is definitely an interesting thread. Let me start out by saying that I moved out when I was 24 to be close to my job downtown and rent an apartment in Chicago, like most other suburban kids do. I am one of five kids and am the longest tenured kid living on their own in Chicago.

 

I graduated in 2011 with a BA in Business Administration/Management from a private school in Iowa. I had gone to a public school in Illinois for two years and transferred home after I felt lost in what I wanted to study and do with my life. My grades were fine, but I didn't know what to study. I went from Marketing to Secondary Education in English to Corporate Communications and then decided to study business. I decided that I no longer wanted to be an English teacher (I am not much for literature but am good at writing), didn't want to be a sports journalist or a broadcaster, as I was told I wouldn't be able to make the kind of living I wanted in those professions and really, I couldn't see myself living the life of a reporter.

 

I was fortunate to transfer home and go to one of the best community colleges in Illinois for a semester and take some business courses while I checked into different schools. The private school where my brothers went to in Iowa had offered me a scholarship to go to school and another scholarship to work on campus in the sports information department. I had a better time at that school than I did at the public school in Illinois and aced my grades to the point where I still graduated in 4 years. I landed an internship with the St. Louis Rams that didn't pay (my graduation money paid for a hotel to live in for three months) and determined that working in sports wasn't for me and then decided to go try PR and marketing.

 

I had two internships while living at home, one at a PR agency and the other in marketing for a start up. The PR internship landed me a job at the start up I was doing marketing for and I made a little over minimum wage for a year while living at home. I decided that I didn't want to pitch to the media, write site copy or SEO for a living so I got a job at an EAP company administering FMLA. I worked there for three years and got promoted once, but left after I hit the ceiling and wasn't promoted to an actual client service position. I made about $40K when I left and was able to live downtown in a few different apartments. I had one roommate to start, then three other roommates (one eventually was my fiance) and I now live with my fiance. I am extremely frugal and sometimes I don't go out on the weekends and stay in. We also go to the store weekly and only eat out on a Friday or Saturday. I now work in insurance and make more than before and overall, I am happy with my position (even though I have had thoughts about helping people as opposed to working in a cubicle all day). I am now getting married next July (paying for a lot of it) and am moving to the suburbs while renting an apartment and trying to decide if I need to immediately get a car (we'd live by the train and she has one) and if I want to go back to school.

 

The reason I am telling this story is because this is from the perspective of someone who had their undergraduate degree paid for. I lived with my parents for a little over a year after I graduated and they started charging me rent when I got a full-time job with benefits. My parents were happy that I took charge and moved out because I did what I said I would do - move out by the time I was 25. They have paid for graduate degrees for my siblings (a few who have lived at home) BUT my siblings have to pay them back for that and they pay for their bills, cars and help out at home. The other sibling and I are the only ones who are living on their own, but my sister had lived on her own and is now becoming a teacher and my other brother is doing the same thing. It's just going to take some time because of the amount of full-time teaching jobs there are in Illinois right now...my fiance was lucky to just land a full-time one in the suburbs. My other brother just graduated in a hot medical field and will be able to support himself.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think it's okay to have people from my generation (the "entitled" millenials...not all of us are), live at home as long as they are doing something to better themselves and get a job to move on their own. Illinois' economy is rough for teachers and a lot of people and jobs are leaving. So of course there will be people my age, younger and older living at home. If I did it all over again, I would have gone to the community college for 1-2 years and then went to a better school so that I could find something more career focused. I'd also add that a lot of jobs from trade schools and associate degrees in the medical field allows people to earn more out of their program than some college graduates.

 

Looking back now I guess it was a good idea to get a business degree, but I think it would still have benefitted me to get a degree that enhanced my skills, which I felt something in journalism could do. I'd probably just use those skills towards a different career like marketing since I had no intention to be a reporter. It's also interesting that so many people go and get graduate degrees but they may never pay off, which is why I am not sure if getting an MBA or a Health Administration degree is worth it right now. If anything, I am probably going to take it a course at a time and do my master's slowly, so that I don't have what people call a BA or the new high school diploma.

 

Anyway, sorry for the rambling but I figured I would share this.

Edited May 27, 2016 by SpankyEaton

[greg775]

If they really are that bad, who made them that way?

I thought I made it clear I blame parents. My "participation trophy" rambles are directed at parents. I also despise parents who storm in to see teachers to complain about Johnny's grades. Now if you want to know what Johnny can do to avoid getting a C- or D in the future, fine, but don't blame the teacher if Johnny sucks at Math or can't write a sentence please.

 

Don't you listen to right wing talk radio like Limbaugh? Not exactly a reliable source of accurate information.

And Meghan McCain. I'd watch the cable TV shows but they anger me with what I perceive as bias.

 

I never said I was anything special. I get tired of the loudest voices coming from those who expect to have things handed to them. I don't think studying for interviews is a unique or novel idea. I feel like it's a requirement. I am shocked at how many people don't do that.

 

My point also remains that these kids just keep staying in college longer with no real purpose and act like the people graduating the last 15 years didn't also have student loan debt. It's very confusing.

Kids that go to college 6 1/2 to 7 years for a degree in English or History or other liberal arts should be criticized fully. Get it done in 4 to 4.5 especially if daddy is paying.

[greg775]

This is definitely an interesting thread.

Thanks. Somebody was accusing Greg of trolling. Just discussing stuff here.

[RockRaines]

You can live with me Greg

[caulfield12]

This thread just went off the rails.

 

Greg, who do you consider "unbiased" sources, because Limbaugh and McCain are definitely not that.

 

However, in fairness, the McCains as a family are seemingly much more progressive than 90-95% of Republicans. She's not in that right-wing inflammatory category with the likes of Laura Ingraham and Ann Coulter.

[Quin]

This thread just went off the rails.

 

Greg, who do you consider "unbiased" sources, because Limbaugh and McCain are definitely not that.

 

However, in fairness, the McCains as a family are seemingly much more progressive than 90-95% of Republicans. She's not in that right-wing inflammatory category with the likes of Laura Ingraham and Ann Coulter.

 

Breibart, The Daily Caller and LawrenceApplebeesPolling.com

[Texsox]

“The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Socrates circa 425 bc

[Iwritecode]

Now if you want to know what Johnny can do to avoid getting a C- or D in the future, fine, but don't blame the teacher if Johnny sucks at Math or can't write a sentence please.

 

I don't completely blame the teachers for a kid failing but I think they do share some responsibility. Not all kids learn the same way. My daughter failed a math class a few years ago. Then when she re-took the class the next year with a different teacher, she passed it.

 

I asked her what the difference was since it was the exact same class and she said the second teacher explained things in a way she understood better.

[Texsox]

I don't completely blame the teachers for a kid failing but I think they do share some responsibility. Not all kids learn the same way. My daughter failed a math class a few years ago. Then when she re-took the class the next year with a different teacher, she passed it.

 

I asked her what the difference was since it was the exact same class and she said the second teacher explained things in a way she understood better.

 

It also helped that she was uncovering the same material for a second time. The reverse order may have also worked. But you did hit the nail on the head that two different approaches is much better and why differentiated instruction is such a huge topic in education today.

[bmags]

I never said I was anything special. I get tired of the loudest voices coming from those who expect to have things handed to them. I don't think studying for interviews is a unique or novel idea. I feel like it's a requirement. I am shocked at how many people don't do that.

 

My point also remains that these kids just keep staying in college longer with no real purpose and act like the people graduating the last 15 years didn't also have student loan debt. It's very confusing.

 

The government only just started tracking time to graduate, but I would bet large sums it has not shifted a significant amount since you went to college. But you know what has? Tuition.

 

A student entering Missouri now, where I went from 05-09, will have an additional 20k in debt than I had. That was probably the entirety of student debt that someone paid from 90-00, and that's just in addition to MY debt (though I had a scholarship).

 

This thread just seems rife with a lot of examples of cognitive biases, like confirmation bias and fundamental attribution error, to anecdotal evidence. Things I learned in my courses without a purpose.

 

We had generation coming into the workforce into largely a middling economy with suppressed wages, more student debt than any previous generation by a lot, high rental costs in the most productive parts of the country, yet smoked less, drink less, have less sex, are better educated than the previous generation...and live at home in larger numbers.

 

And the answer is that they are coddled, and didn't work at mcdonalds to pay off their college (my minimum wage job as a dishwasher could barely pay my rent in a college town with 3 roommates).

 

For the record, I've only interviewed probably 25-30 recent graduates for entry level positions, and my experience has been the opposite. I've been impressed by how many had intern experience in college, participation in professional meetups and events and handled themselves in interviews.

 

I do wonder from my experiences whether the drop in employment for 16-20 year olds in traditional places like restaurants has hurt their customer service abilities. It's a decent hypothesis , I've only worked with 3-4 people who had trouble in those situations, and I'm not going to draw broad conclusions based on those.

 

In general, this generation checks all the boxes of success. High labor participation, well-educated, lowest rate of teen pregnancy, drugs, and is getting married later to start their careers.

 

SO I have a hard time believing that they are a bunch of coddled babies who can't do anything for themselves. It's equally likely that you are just older and crankier, or run into terrible people at a higher rate.

 

Our company is having a more difficult time finding great candidates. It's because we are at full employment in our demo, not because the generation involved.

[southsider2k5]

Socrates circa 425 bc

 

Damned lazy Generation BCers. :shakesfist

[hogan873]

Our oldest is just finishing her freshman year of high school. Our son is two years behind her, and our youngest is two years behind him. We know that there will be a lot of tuition to be paid coming up. Our daughters play the violin, and the boy plays the French horn and trumpet. We've told them over and over that these are the kind of things, along with good grades, that can lead to scholarships. They will need them because it's either that and some loans or a huge amount of loans. We're not in a position to pay their way through college, and I know very few people that can afford to do that.

 

We're also encouraging the kids to go to junior college for a year or two, and we have no problem with them living at home while they're doing that. Needless to say they won't be lying around not contributing, but we would never kick them out.

 

After college, if they need to live at home while looking for a solid job, that's fine. I hope that we've raised our kids right so that they wouldn't be sitting around the house pretending to look for a job, freeloading off us. Honestly, the thought of my kids not living at home bothers me. It's a real thing now with our oldest only a few years away from college. I'm pretty sure that they would get sick of us quicker than we'd get sick of them at home.

[bmags]

I should add that what makes me upset about the attitude of "I just worked hard to compensate so you should work hard to compensate" is the things we are talking about (tuition, housing costs) are affected by policy. And if people view any attempts to improve them as just accommodating whiners, things are only going to get worse, and the amount of money being sucked up into unproductive places like land and administrative university costs, will affect growth in your industries.

[pettie4sox]

Yeah if you don't get a scholarship, paying for two years of CC isn't terrible but the kids need to bust their asses so they can get scholarships. I had a scholarship and still had to take out loans. My sister got a scholarship and still had to take out loans. College is just too damn expensive these days. It's a big business now.

Edited May 27, 2016 by pettie4sox

[Quin]

I should add that what makes me upset about the attitude of "I just worked hard to compensate so you should work hard to compensate" is the things we are talking about (tuition, housing costs) are affected by policy. And if people view any attempts to improve them as just accommodating whiners, things are only going to get worse, and the amount of money being sucked up into unproductive places like land and administrative university costs, will affect growth in your industries.

 

I'm getting my masters in 5.5 years of college and currently interning at the fastest growing industry newsroom. Right now things are positive, but with just my undergrad it was looking like a nightmare job market.

[Texsox]

Damned lazy Generation BCers. :shakesfist

:lol:

[Texsox]

I was listening to the amount of scholarships that some of our better students are receiving. One relived over $1,200,000. At least five others were greater than $500,000.

 

What is shocking to me is they need that amount to get through the cost of attendance. I lost track of the $50,000 to $499,999 that were announced.

[lostfan]

I have a confession.

 

One time when I was 11 years old I was offered, and accepted, a participation trophy for playing Little League that year. My team was in second place and I didn't really do anything special to stand out. As a result, my entire life from that point forward (high school achievements, my internship, being a manager at Blockbuster, my military career, college, my current job) has been a fraud.

 

I would like to apologize to my teammates (even though they, too, accepted the same trophies), my parents, James Harrison, and Donald Trump. I let you all down.

[Iwritecode]

I have a confession.

 

One time when I was 11 years old I was offered, and accepted, a participation trophy for playing Little League that year. My team was in second place and I didn't really do anything special to stand out. As a result, my entire life from that point forward (high school achievements, my internship, being a manager at Blockbuster, my military career, college, my current job) has been a fraud.

 

I would like to apologize to my teammates (even though they, too, accepted the same trophies), my parents, James Harrison, and Donald Trump. I let you all down.

 

[Chisoxfn]

I was listening to the amount of scholarships that some of our better students are receiving. One relived over $1,200,000. At least five others were greater than $500,000.

 

What is shocking to me is they need that amount to get through the cost of attendance. I lost track of the $50,000 to $499,999 that were announced.

Is that from like all the schools they applied to? That seems absurdly high.